Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Monday, 30 April 2012

How am I doing

Way back in the stone age of December last year I made a few resolutions, or at least voiced some aspirations for 2012, since we are now well of a quarter of the way through the year I thought I would have a check up on how I'm doing.
This was my list
  1. To post frequently and regularly to this blog.
  2. To regularly have 100 plus reader a day.
  3. To go out dressed more often.
  4. Do a stand up routine as Paula.
  5. To take more photos to share with my readers.
And now the biggy - to come out to at least three long standing friends.
So lets see how I'm progressing.
  1. Well I do seem to be getting better with something up most days
  2. And it must be of some interest because for the last month or so I am averaging over 100 page-views each day
  3. Well every chance I get - I also seem to be doing more under dressing and part dressing, wearing women's clothes, trousers, tops and jackets while ostensibly in drab.
  4. No haven't managed this one yet, I did have a date booked a while back but just couldn't get organised, I was going to say get my act together, but I had pretty much worked out my routine, it was getting away for a whole night and finding somebody to go with me that caused the problems in the end.
  5. I still need to get organised in taking more photos, it's just that normal people going out to lunch don't ask the waiters to take thier photos ~ often.
And the biggy ~ well I am now out to six of my friends but two or three of them were last year.   Of those so far only my good GG friend P has actually met Paula.

Sunday, 29 April 2012

Just diving in?

An extra post and two cartoons, yes it's raining again.   I always enjoy Chickweed lane, I feel involved with the lives of the characters, and enjoy the slightly off centre approach, any way how often do we feel like this

Thanks to Meg I now have to read Luann everyday as well, today's has an interesting little insight for us all.


Over on her blog  my friend Meg has a poll about being a bride, this the second poll she has run on what she considers the ultimate female experiences.   The first was about giving birth so both of these are experiences that most of us T girls are never likely to have.   Now when it came to considering giving birth, my reaction was very much NO THANK YOU I was at my daughters birth and saw what my wife went through.    I am eternally glad and rejoice in my daughter, she is wonderful, talented, beautiful, intelligent and the most annoying person in the world ~ but then that's how it's supposed to be.   But the thought of willing going through that level of pain I just don't think I could do it.   I'm not sure what that says about me, either as a person or perhaps more to the point as a woman.   Maybe it is just age and experience, or maybe it's cowardice, either way parenthood was something I really started enjoying about 18 months into it.

Now being a bride is something else I had never actually considered before.   Again I wonder if this is an age thing,   I only began to come to terms with my T status after I had hit middle age, an age when most women who are getting married might not think of themselves as "A Bride" and are unlikely to be doing the whole fairy tale dress thing.   It may also be an association thing, when we got married it was a straight choice between Church or Registry Office, we opted for the Registry Office as at the time neither of us were practising Christians, so we both wore suits (mine with trousers Hers with a skirt!).   My suit still fits, I also suspect that my wife's would fit me as well (or only be a little large) but it would be far too intrusive to try.

Any way enough meandering, the point is that these question Meg has asked has made me think about what sort of a woman I am.   I enjoy my time out as a woman, I love being treated like a lady.   But if I don't want to embrace the full female experience, am I just playing at this?   Using my cross dressing as a holiday from being myself?  or is it more to do with my age and experience, either way I'm not about to stop.

Saturday, 28 April 2012

Purple's not my colour

Yesterday I was working with my friend S, I told her a few weeks ago that I am a cross dresser, and since then although we haven't really talked about it I am sure that she will have noticed some evidence of the fact in the van (like the big bag of clothes in the back and the pack of make up wipes on the dash).  

Well I had been doing a little experimenting with nail polish and on Thursday I tried a new colour ~ purple, I have seen quite a few girls wearing this sort of colour and like it on them, but somehow it is not my colour, I like reds and pinks, or my current favourite a sort of ever so slightly pink pearl.   Anyway the point is I didn't like the purple on me and S is one of the girls I have often seen wearing a dark purple polish.   So I gave her the bottle saying I know she wears it but that it's not my colour.   Out of this sprang a whole conversation first on nail polish and then to one or two other aspects of my "interest" such as lingerie shopping.   I had touched on my adventures buying pants for my wife in the pub after rehearsal on Wednesday night, now I could tell her the whole story.

Generally I am touched by how understanding and accepting the people I have told have been.   I am hopeful that one day S will want to meet Paula, but I don't think I will push too hard on that, after all I don't want to spoil a "beautiful friendship".

On a negative note I got another parking ticket through the post yesterday, this one fro the shopping centre car park I used last time I had lunch with P, that make three in two weeks ~ to say I am a little P%@#ed off would be an understatement.   At least we managed a full day's work yesterday and had two very satisfied customers.

Thursday, 26 April 2012


Yesterday while I was out shopping, I took a short pause and had my eyebrows threaded, I have had this done before, but I had forgotten how much it hurt.   While I was there I couldn't help but notice that the service was offered for other areas including top lip, now that must really hurt, sometimes I wonder at the things we will grow through in the attempt to look good.   I say good, I thought about saying beautiful but it would need more than threading for me to achieve that I will settle for not frightening the children!

To go out as Paula takes me well over an hour over an above getting ready to go out as Him.   I will make sure that I am shaved much better, then there is the selection of clothes, putting on my make up and jewelry, making sure everything works together.   Maybe if I took the same level of care as a bloke I would get more pleasure out of my clothes ~ but these days I find increasingly that many of my 2bloke's2 clothes are in fact women's clothes.   Today I bought a pair of casual trousers that i will wear with my linen jacket if we get a summer this year ~ of course they are women's trousers, well now they are mine!

Big Pants smaller Panties and a variety of Bras

Yesterday (Wednesday) was another wet and miserable day, I think it rained just about all day.   I got up early as I have a regular paryer group I go to at 7:00 a.m. every Wednesday.   It was raining when I got up, it was raining when I went out, and it was raining when I came home about 8:30.   I had no alternative other than to cancel all my day's work.
So I was at a lose end until my wife asked me to buy her some knickers if I was going out, like I need t be asked to go and do some lingerie shopping!     So after a trip to get rid of all my green waste from the little work I have been able to get done this month I got changed (my nice grey and black day dress, grey jacket and because it was windy as well as wet, long Windsmoor coat) and went into Croydon.   I had instructions from "The Boss" to get her a couple of multipacks of pants from Marks and Spencers.   Apart from the obvious pleasure of being instructed to go to a lingerie department I was pleased with my commission since it meant that I could buy my wife something at least a bit prettier an what she would buy herself.   I would stress that my interest in my wife's underwear is that of any other husband, she takes a size 20 I take a size 12 so we could not borrow each others even if we felt the inclination.

While I was in Marks and Spark I looked at their bra and pantie sets, but I was none too taken with any of them so I then looked in just about every appropriate shop in Croydon including La Senza, I was after something in black, not too naughty but fun,   everything I saw that I liked wasn't in a size that would be anywhere near fitting me, either far too big a cup size or far to small a band size ~ I know I'm a freak but I didn't expect these problems.

Having decided that I wasn't going to find what I wanted I settled down and had a cup of coffee in Costa enjoying watching the world pass by.   Just as I was leaving for the car park I went back into the Allders lingerie department and found that they had a lot of items on some very special offers, I ended up with two bras (one black plain and one lacy white) and matching panties for £12.50 he lot, and I was encouraged to try them on first to make sure that I got the right size.  In this style a least it appears that the right size is 38D that means I now have bras in cup sizes B, C and D. and in White (2), Pink (2), Zebra Print (1) and Black (1) I also have matching panties for one black one and one white one.   Buying boy undies is never this difficult, just pick up a pack of "medium" in Tesco's and who cares what colour they are?

It almost stops me complaining about the rain

Wednesday, 25 April 2012


Sitting here watching the rain fall again this morning it's hard to believe that we are in the middle of the worst draught in over 30 years.   I am now almost up to date with all my admin but have lots and lots of outdoors work to catch up on, none of which can be done in the rain, except for a visit to the green waste site.   Under normal circumstances I might be glad of a day at home en femme, but my daughter has been struck down with the lurgy so is at home from school, and I don't think she is ready to meet Paula yet.

So I will be going out today, and I may be en femme and I will be buying some panties!   However they will not be in my size, my wife has just this moment been commissioned me to get her some new pairs, and she is a much larger size than me, so much so that there will be no way anyone would think they were for me.   I think I may take the opportunity to get her something a bit prettier than she normally buys herself.

Yesterday was a dry day, so I managed to get a full day's work in, and as I had my co-worker with me we did well.   I have a garden I am doing quite a lot of work in at the moment, it is on a very steep slope, last time I was there I cut down a lot of very over grown laurel, this exposed more ground which was pretty inaccessible because of the slope.   Yesterday I put in some "rustic" steps using logs from the laurel as the risers, it looks really good and makes the area accessible, I think we will plant the area up with hellebores.   It is good to get a job done, stand back look at it and think yes "that's good".   I must get into the habit of taking pictures of my work.

Tuesday, 24 April 2012

Bras and coffee

As I write this I am sitting in Costa Coffee shop in Hayes using the old laptop, generally when I am out I like to not make myself any more conspicuous than I need to.   That is not anymore conspicuous than any other 5’ 10” woman with 3 inch heels would be.   Add to that I’m not the only woman here in a dress!   There are quite a few people here, enough to make it hard to find a table free, some sheltering from the continuing rain, some on their way home from picking children up from school, and some just having a break from the day with a coffee, there is one other laptop out, but he got a better table than me.   So you can tell it’s fairly busy, of course that means that they have the most inexperienced member of staff on the till, first I got given a carry out instead of the rather nice tall glass cup I like my latte in, ten in place of that they managed to give me a double espresso, twice I had to complain before they got it right, and the manager brought my latte over to where I was sitting and apologised, so much for being inconspicuous.

The only reason I can be out as Paula at all is that rain people are sheltering from, it may make things a bit miserable for some people, but it means no outdoors work for me today, every job I had booked involved cutting grass or sawing wood, two of the things that just can’t be done properly in the rain.   Once I realised that the rain was in for the day my plan, was to get changed after meeting some friends for lunch, get out and maybe do a bit of admin work in a coffee bar, which is just what I am currently pretending to do, while really typing up this for Paula’s Place.   I’m not sure how long I will stay here as I also have a couple of cheques to pay in, and if I have the time to get to a larger shopping centre I do want to look at some lingerie sets, I definitely fancy getting matching bra, panties and suspender belt, something I have never had.

It’s now early Tuesday morning, I have returned for a rehearsal and am just updating todays post.   After finishing my coffee I decided I just had time to pop into Bromley and inspect a few shops.   First I visited BHS, there I encountered an assistant proudly wearing a sash announcing “ask me about our bra fitting service” or something like that ~ so I did.   I was taken into a changing room to be measured, by two assistants, at first I wondered if they were flocking together for protection but it soon became clear that the first assistant was in training and needed the help (not the protection) of the other.   They measured me while I still had on my dress and told me that I was a 38 or 40 C or DD, I though hum, and went to look at their selection which was rather limited in that sort of size.   I then crossed the road to good old Marks and Sparks, here the range was intimidating but I saw nothing that I had to have.   Part of the problem is that I have rather set my heart on a set and I would prefer black, or at least dark and the only three peace sets seem to be aimed at brides, not their mothers.

After Marks I went to Debenhams, once again I was taken into a changing room to be measured, but this tie I was invited to strip down to my slip before being measured, here they reckoned I was a 38 DD or E!   I did try a couple of 38 DDs but did not feel that I quite “filled the bill”, by this time they were about to close so I left without trying any more.   Primark were still open for another hour so I popped in there and checked out their selection.   Of their sets it seems that the Bras I like either do not come in a size that I could even consider or were accompanied by panties that were highly inappropriate.   All in all a rather entertaining if unproductive afternoon ~ still I’m not complaining.   The staff at Debenhams were very friendly and help full and suggested that I go back when both they and I have more time, late night opening on Thursday looks favorite at the moment.

Monday, 23 April 2012

Red Shoes

Now I don't know what most men would think when they see this mornings Pibgorn, but I expect that it is not "Love the shoes"
If you don't know them Pibgorn and 9 Chickweed Lane are well worth a visit ~ I'm buying the books

Sunday, 22 April 2012


I have just been watching he Bahrain Grand Prix, or at any rate the highlights of it.   This is not the time or place for me to rant against sky sports rapacious absorption of so many major sporting events, no I just want to make a few personal observations on the event.

First I am an F1 fan, my regular readers will know of my enthusiasm, I enjoy all motor sport and F1 is the pinnacle, it is high powered, high speed, international elite sport.   It is a sport watched by millions all over the world, and I can't help thinking that it's presence in a country sends a message.   On that basis I do not think that the Bahrain GP should have gone ahead, however o that basis maybe neither should the Chinese or maybe quite a few others over the years.   So I don't think the race should have gone ahead, but I watched it anyway, and in many ways enjoyed the race.

We are having quite a season with four different teams, and drivers winning the four different races so far, and I think we have now had four different leaders of the Championship.   This week Red Bull have passed McLaren in the constructors championship as McLaren had a dreadful race.   I really feel for Jenson Button whose luck at the moment is terrible, indeed if he didn't have bad luck he would have no luck at all.   I just hope that he has now got rid of all the bad luck in one single race and will be back to winning ways in Spain next time out.
Jenson Button racing in front of the empty stands
Anyway getting back to the point I couldn't help but notice that Force India cars had minimum TV time, I didn't see either car in qualifying and they only showed them in the race when it couldn't really be avoided.   This seems like a very petty form of revenge from the Bahrain producers, after Force India were the only team to publicly offer any criticism of F1s presence there.   I also couldn't help but notice that the TV audience did not see anything of the empty stands, but it seems to me that it will be difficult for the organisers to claim that this event had any sort of popular support on the island.

Saturday night / Sunday Morning

I am actually writing this Sunday morning having not long got in from playing in a concert with a local wind band.   I was very much out of my comfort zone as I was playing second trombone, given that I don't actually play tenor trombone this is a challenge, but more than that I find it harder to "hear" the inside notes of a chord than the top or bottom so in some ways second is harder for me than first, apart from not being able to get the high notes of course.   The concert went down well with the audience and afterwards I was able to enjoy a few drinks and a chat with some friends I haven't seen for a while.

The morning had started a little later than intended, I was just too tired to want to get up, so I went to the opticians in drab, this was my third go at contact lenses.   I did manage to get lens in both eyes and get them out again, but they want me to do one more supervised session before letting me go solo.   At first when I was offered contacts I thought of them purely from a trans point of view, but once having them in and being able to see. everything, I can see the attraction.
The last few concerts I have played I have been wearing a rather nice pair of ladies dress slacks, unless you look closely at the fastening (the "wrong" way round") or notice the lack of pockets they are not obviously female, I wore them again tonight.   I couldn't help notice that they were a bit on the large side (YEA)  this is reflected in the knowledge that I have lost the half stone or so that I put on over Christmas., and while it is a very nice feeling, it also makes me think I really need to think about bum pads.   Penny has some interesting observations on this here.   I also fear that I might have mentioned this before myself.

To find out more about the girls (sorry not me) go here, and then follow the links.

Saturday, 21 April 2012

New Boobs, and trellis

Once her friend had gone P gave me the parcel that had arrived for me and left me while she got ready for lunch.   The parcel was the new boobs I had ordered, at first glance they do look very odd, once I had popped them into my bra they began to feel comfortable, the first definite impression was far more weight, and perhaps a little bit more "jiggle", we then went straight off to lunch.

So it was P's turn to buy lunch (this is a good way of making sure we carry on doing this, taking it in turns to pay) and we went back to the same Italian restaurant we used before, P is beginning to know Paula better, so when we were greeted with a 2ood afternoon Ladies" she whispered to me not to smile too much!   As with the last time we met up we talked and talked, about all sorts of things, families, gardens and only touched on T issues in passing.   We did talk about my bra problem though, and P decided that I did need help!   I can't get over how much fun being a lady who lunches can be, the attention of the staff, and one or two of the other customers, the relaxed friendly environment and some nice food in good company, who could want for more.

After lunch once again a quick (ish) visit to Matalan, since they are just round he corner to the restaurant I have tended to park there, and walk to lunch.   After that it seems only polite to go in and look around.   ow today we had a particular problem to solve, my bras.   P spotted that there was no point in getting me what she referred to as "practical" bras, but also that there was no point in spending too much and then finding that they don't fit.   Even somewhere like Matalan the selection is intimidating, in the end we decided to go for a compromise and bought a pack of two, one pink one white in 38C, that is a size up on what I have been wearing, but with no built in extra padding.   Almost as soon as we got back to P's I had to try at least one of them, and have to vote the purchase a success.   Now I know my size I can get myself a nice black set.   After all my losses that would give me bras in White (1); Pink (2); Zebra Print (1) and Black (1), that should be enough ~ unless I see something I really like of course.
While there I also tried this dress on again, P and the girl at the changing room both said it was nice, I should like to buy it but am just aware of how many clothes I am buying and how little chance I have to wear them.   Although the more I think about it the more I think I will buy it, what do you think?                                                                                    Well, after all that excitement we went back to P's house, I had been to the timber merchant earlier in the morning to pick up some lengths of timber and some trellis for her.   Her husband or step sons are quite happy to put it up but needed the prod of it being there.   First we took in the lengths of 2 x 2 then came back for the trellis, as we were getting it out a council workman who was doing a bit of work on the road called out to us ~ you girls alright or can I give you hand. without looking at me P replied that we were OK, then just told me to stop smirking!   This silly little event has given me a real "glow" and each time I think of I have a little smirk to myself.

Friday, 20 April 2012

Thursday Thrills

Well as my last post should have suggested I had a pretty full day yesterday, enough o need a few posts to cover, I had to make an early start as I wanted to get to the timber merchant before going to the opticians for a 9:30 appointment.   As my wife doesn't leave for work until well after 9:00 my plan was to leave in total drab, get the trellis I wanted and then change my undies and put on some tights while retaining my jeans and shirt in the restrooms at the local Tesco "mega store".   I could then adjust the underpinnings, put on my face and wig before going to the opticians.

Of course as always plans doesn't quite work out, there was a big queue at the timber merchants and a lorry unloading so I ended up too late to do any changing before going to the opticians, never mind they have seen him before as well as Paula.   This was my second session with contact lens and I did manage to get both lenses in and out once, one more session and I should be ready to fly solo.   My first thought about getting contacts was for Paula, but I can see (sorry) real benefits for him as well.   I am not sure I would want to wear them all the time, but certainly I think they could be good for all sorts of things, like concerts and outings, as I said we'll see.

Now of course I wanted to get changed before making my way down to see my GG friend P, I had some time to spare where I had parked the van so I headed down the high street planing to get my undies changed and put om tights in the restroom of one of the coffee shops that are proliferating everywhere.  Passing the "Sense" Charity shop I decided to pop and did see a nice floaty summer dress that I decided to try on.   I then used  the opportunity to get fully changed, it must have looked a bit like Clark Kent turning int Super Girl as I when into the changing room as him and came out as Paula (less make up and wig) just to check the fit of the dress in a larger mirror.   I did buy the dress although it is a little short, no it's quite a lot short I think I may have to wear it over skinny jeans or leggings.

Back to the van and then make my way down the Motorway to P's.   When I arrived I had n the lovely grey and black dress I bought last time I visited her.   She actually had a very friendly neighbour visiting her, and we chatted together for a while, before she left and we headed off for our lunch..........To Be Continued

Thursday, 19 April 2012


While I was getting some groceries for Mum in Tesco’s on Saturday I couldn't help noticing that they had a special offer on panties, three for £6 as they were £3 or £4 each this seemed a pretty good deal so I thought I would take advantage.   I am intrigued that on the receipt each individual item is shown as lingerie, yet the discount is for knickers.
There is an awful lot of other news I need to be writing about, but for now suffice to say that my van passed it's MOT yesterday without too many problems, I had no work booked today (it was raining anyway), and since a parcel had arrived for me at P's I spent a good part of the day with her, and once again we were ladies who lunch.   I will tell more later

Looking forward, down, and to the side

I have been having a bit of a rough time recently as I type this on Wednesday morning my Van is at the garage having it's MOT done, I am sure that it will not pass straight off, it's just a question of how badly it will fail and how much it will cost me.   This is of course all expense I could well do without having just paid out for my daughter to go on a trip to Italy, new glasses for me, repairs on the van and on my wife's car.   It is not just the money but also the inconvenience, but at least I am forced to spend a couple of days in the office catching up on some of my paperwork.

I am slowly getting used to my new glasses although I have found that it is simply impossible to conduct the band wearing them, to look down at the score I need to look through the part that is for close work, but the score is too far away so out of focus, I can't bring the score closer as that would block the view of the musicians, I shall just have too use my old ones for concerts and rehearsals, unless the contacts work out.

Well that's the looking down and sideways but looking forward ~ I think I will have to do some shopping.   I have just heard from my GG friend P that a package has arrived for me, this will be my new boobs.   After my van was broken into I decided I would get some better / proper forms, I am of course looking forward to trying them out (on?).   Furthermore I am now a bit short on bras I seem to just have the two that I took to Cardiff with me, (so no black and white, the two basic essential colours,) and more to the point I simply don't know what size I am.   Up till now I have just bought the most padded ones I could find in a 38 inch band.   I know that in theory a lot of places will do a fitting, but I fear that they might be a bit out of my price range.   Then of course there are all the different types, not wired, under wired, balcony, full-cup, plunge, push up, tee shirt multi-way..... and that's before we start n the different materials cotton, lace, satin etc. etc. and then off course it might be nice to have to have matching sets and I like hi leg panties.
I think the best plan might be to wait until I get to see P next time and be guided by her experience.

Wednesday, 18 April 2012

Views news and coffee

Views across Surrey
For many, many years I have been driving along the A31 just South of Guildford, this is known locally as the Hogs back.   The Hogs Back is a ridge of high ground with panoramic views across Surrey and Hampshire, it is quite difficult to drive along without getting distracted by the wonderful views.   At the Farnham end there is a Hotel that I have always fancied, it used to be called the "Hogs Back Hotel" as with everything else it has gone global and is now the Ramada Farnham, I preferred the old name.   For the 20 odd years my parents lived in Hampshire I would pass this hotel once or twice every month, before that and since then it is less often that I get down that way.

The Hogs Back Hotel
On Monday morning as I was coming back from Cardiff the M4 got really snarled up, so I pulled off around Reading and headed across country aiming for the M3, as I approached Basingstoke I changed my mind and decided to stay on the A and B roads, much more fun.   I had got up early and had been on the road for a few hours, so I was beginning to want a coffee, and need a pee.   I knew there were some basic services just at the beginning of the Hogs Back so pulled off the main road to make use of them, realising that this was really just a petrol station with a coffee machine I made a quick decision to pass it by and go into the hotel.  

I was welcomed with friendly courtesy, directed to a lounge where I was served a pretty good latte.   So the coffee was nice, the environment smart, comfortable and clean, and the loos a pleasure to use.   It may have helped that I was dressed appropriately for that sort of envirionment with a smart grey pin stripe skirt suit (I took the photo on the left when I got home in my messy bedroom & yes those are my teddy bears) Everyone I encountered here was polite and charming, I would have liked to stay a bit longer.   I had a book with me that I am reading, but it would have been so much nicer to have shared the experience with someone else.

I will be adding this hotel to my (vertual) list of trans friendly, friendly places to visit

Tuesday, 17 April 2012


I had an interesting little experience today, I travelled back from Cardiff en femme wearing my grey pinstripe skirt suit and a light mauve blouse.   When I got home I didn't want to end the experience so after unpacking checking my e-mails and having some lunch I decided to pop into West Wickham, I had some cheques to pay in and one or two things to sort out. 

I parked up and started out for the bank, when I realised that I was walking past my opticians, I was waiting to hear from them about my contact lenses and they only had the mobile number that was for the phone I had lost.   So I popped in to explain about the phone.   Of course they had only seen me before in drab so there was a little confusion which was soon resolved.   As it happened although the lenses that had been ordered had not come in I still had the initial trial, this resulted in me getting a lens in, but it going behind my eye, as the only optician on site was with another patient I had to wait.

During this wait I took the opportunity to explain to  the other staff that when I was dressed I should not be referred to as Mister, as this was just inappropriate, one girl in particular was most apologetic explaining that she just didn't know how she should refer to me, or anyone else like me. ~ A very real opportunity for some education ~ I tried to simply and quickly explain that whatever gender someone is presenting as they should use the appropriate pronoun.   Whilst waiting for the optician to remove the wayward contact I was engaged in conversation by an older lady sat next to me.   She commented favourably on my hair (wig) colour, and then asked if I worked locally as I looked like an "office girl", I could have hugged her then.   We had quite a chat which was actually fun, and there was no doubt in her mind that I was just the girl I looked like.
I have an appointment to go back on Thursday I am not sure how I will be dressed, but either way it will be interesting to see how the staff react to me.  However more important really I may be able to wear contacts, at least in theory that should make my life a lot easier.

Monday, 16 April 2012

Saturday's hair conundrum

Saturday Morning, I got up early having got myself packed and prepared on Friday night, I just needed to get dressed and on the road.   Once I was dressed and made up I was about to put on my wig, but looking again in the mirror I decided that I would go without.   I stopped off to get some breakfast (just a sandwich to eat on the journey) and to fill up with diesel, I did engage in conversation with a couple of people both of whom were very friendly and chatty, just treating me as any other female customer.
I had to stop for a comfort break so called ahead to the Hospital from the motorway services I found that Mum would not be home till after 2:00 p.m. so didn’t hurry.   Instead stopping of at the Cardiff Matalan, here I did try on a few dresses, I thought I might pick myself up something to replace the departed Roxanne dress, I tried a couple of red dresses and one pink one.   Both of the red dresses were cut in such a way across the neckline that they would very quickly become uncomfortable, the pink one I rather liked, but resisted on the basis of why spend money on something that I don’t know if I will get a chance to wear.   Later I went to Tesco’s primarily to stock up mum’s larder.   For all of this I was dressed, made up and even had pretty pink finger nails, but no wig, I felt more comfortable, and nobody seemed to read me, or if they did notice at least nobody commented or paid me any undue attention.

This now begs the question am I going to persevere with wigs, or shall I just wear my own hair from now on?   This is particularly pertinent as I have just acquired an additional wig, it is a shoulder length straight black one made from human hair, I quite like the style, but am not convinced by the colour, maybe it is just that it is so long since I saw black hair on my head that it is strange.   No photo of the black wig, it is just too scary!

Sunday, 15 April 2012

My Easter Bunny

If any one has actually read my profile they will know that my favorite film is "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"   In all honesty this film has it all, action, romance, sex, violence, corrupt politicians, honest  gumshoe, and some great gags,   Of course we are all Jessica Rabbit fans but every character has been thought out, right down to a cute little lost shoe (ahh).

A while back there was a fancy dress party at our Church, we were invited to come as our favorite film character, I lied and went as Roger Rabbit.

I hope I am enjoying my time in Cardiff, I have prepared this on Friday evening before I leave as I know I don't have a conection when in the Wlesh Capital.   I will let you knw how it goes on my return.

Saturday, 14 April 2012

Friends of the M4

I think I will be starting a new club, the amount of time I seem to be sending on this motorway must entitle me to something and I am sure I should be getting frequent flyer benefits on the Severn Bridge.   You may gather that I am driving down to Cardiff again in the morning.   The Hospital managed to muddle their records and thought that either my sister in law or I would be available to collect my Mother this afternoon, when they had been told that no one would be around, and that hospital transport would be needed, not least since neither of us would even be in the same country!   This means that Mum will not be home until after I have arrived, so I will again be travelling pretty although I don't yet know just how pretty ~ by which I simply mean that I don't know what I will wear, it may well be a rare case of jeans and jumper.

I will be taking everything Paula with me simply for self preservation, just as well I have a van!   I am also hoping that I will get some work done in Mum's garden since not much has been done it at all this year.
Now for your turn, on the left there is another photo from last weekend,I have a question for you, does the jacket work with the dress.   For comparison I published a shot of me wearing this same dress without the jacket yesterday.   Please let me know what you think, it is one of the problems with my situation that there is no one else I can ask these questions.

Friday, 13 April 2012

Still Bitching

No not that BOO
Yesterday I was bitching about my luck, or lack of it whichever way you see such things.   Well I haven't found my phone, and since I have already blocked it and ordered a new sim card it wouldn't do much good if I did.   I have dug out and old phone and charged it up, we had a spare pay as you go sim card so I planned to use that until my new one comes ~ guess what the card doesn't work, so next I have to go and get a fresh card and set up a new account for it, just so I can stay in communication over the weekend.   I am also still struggling to come to terms with my new varifocal glasses.

I still haven't made a decision as to whether I will travel  to Cardiff tonight or first thing tomorrow morning, one thing is for sure though I will be travelling pretty.   I also intend to pin up a sheet of A3 paper in my wardrobe with the word BOO writ large on it.

In the mean time here is another photo from last weekend, This is the dress I bought on my shopping trip with P the other week, I really like this and P's reaction was very positive, I am looking forward to a chance to wear it out.   This will probably form the basis of my outfit next time I go to see P and have lunch.

Same old, same old

Another day of work, not very interesting work today, but one thing about my trade is that there are never two days the same, yesterday I was putting nice edges on lawns, today I was protecting ponds and planting onions.  

My luck continues to hold, today I managed to lose my mobile phone, last season it was observed about Mark Webber that "if it wasn't for bad luck he'd have no luck at all" well that's rather how I feel at the moment.   I spoke to the hospital (well I actually spoke to the nurse in the hospital) in Cardiff today and Mum will be sent home on Friday, so when I go down on Saturday she will already be home.   I am pleased that they think she is ready but a little disappointed that I shall not have any time to myself, and more to the point that no support is being provided for her when she is home.

In the mean time here is another gratuitous photo of me from last weekend in my black and white cocktail dress.

Thursday, 12 April 2012

Cold for the time of year

That is in our household, not in the garden, I had a good day at work yesterday I managed to get a job done at the garden of one of my customers that I have wanted to do since starting there over a year ago.   Nothing major, just putting a nice edge to a border that was barely discernible as a border when I started.   The whole garden looks better for it, I always think that if you can only spend a little time in the garden or are in a rush the biggest impact can be made by tidying up the edges of the lawn.   I also started at a new customer and caught up with my backlog at the Church garden ~ now I am only about three days behind schedule.   I need to make the most of what time I do have as I will be back in Cardiff this weekend to see Mum out of hospital, and the van is booked in for MOT and more repairs next Wednesday.
The Mother of the Bride?

I had an appointment with my opticians for a contact lens trial, but the lenses hadn't arrived, on the other hand my new glasses had arrived.   I now have two nice new pairs of varifocal glasses that I am trying t get used to.   It's not easy but it is also nice to be able too read without a struggle.

As indicated by the heading the situation is still frosty on the home front, to tell the truth I am actually looking forward to not being here over the weekend.    The photo is one I took last weekend while I had Mum's house to myself, this is my "Mother of the Bride" outfit ~ all I need is a hat 

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

What Actually Happened

As I mentioned earlier the last few posts were all prepared in advance as I was anticipating a busy Easter Weekend, it's just as well that I did that since I did end up with a very busy weekend ~ just not how I expected it to be.

On Saturday Morning I got a phone call from my sister in law in Cardiff to tell me that my Mother had had a fall and was being taken to hospital.   As my eldest brother (who lives in Cardiff) is currently on a three week skiing trip in Canada and my other brother working shifts for the next 10 days I got myself down to Cardiff as quick as possible.   As I would be away for an indefinite time I took the van leaving my wife with the car.   It is just co-incidence that much of my girl stuff was in the van.

As soon as I saw Mum I could tell that the situation was not too serious so could relax a little, apart from my visits to the hospital and trying to sort out some support for her when she can go home I was pretty much left to myself for the weekend, so I ended up spending much of the time dressed.

This all meant that I ended up having a reasonable weekend, the relief of Mum being OK and the knowledge that I was of use in her situation counteracting the disappointment of not being able t  do the things I had planned.

However I am now totally fed up, when I got home on Tuesday Morning I found that my Wife had decided to change round all the furniture in our bedroom, and go through my wardrobe and dispose of anything she disapproved of.   I have now lost a favourite slip, a nice black satin blouse, a white blouse with black spots and worst of all Roxanne's dress.   I am really not sure how to deal with this situation, if we do talk about it I am afraid I will lose my temper and say things I will later regret, how ever I am enormously saddened that I have been treated with such contempt and feel that I can no longer trust my wife.   She is on holiday from work this week but I will be working, at the moment I am also anticipating spending most of the evenings in my study, tidying up, doings some admin and sulking.

I don't know where this is going but I have taken off my wedding ring for the first time in 20 years.

I will post more on the weekend later ~ in the mean time today I will be going to the opticians again to be tested for contact lens, I have always resisted contacts as I am sensitive about anything close t my eyes, but I have been a bit better recently and as it's a free offer with my new glasses ( which I can't wait to get) I thought I would give the a try.

Monday, 9 April 2012

Black and White

Is it all her fault?
I have recently noticed a trend that to me is something totally new.   I don't know if it is a factor of the weather we are having in the UK, ~ a bit of a cool snap after an early warm spring, or whether it is just a case of following where  our latest addition to the Royal Family leads.   Either way I am not sure how I feel about it; Yes I am talking about the white dress with black tights.

My first reaction when I saw a girl wearing this combination, was "what was she thinking" it does after all sort of break all the rules.   Now what Kate is wearing in the photo above is  a nice combination, the black detail on the dress and the black jacket make the tights and shoes perfectly matched, I'm not so sure when the only back is the tights and shoes.    Too me the contrast is just too much, in this shot of Zooey Deschanel on the left there is a lady in the background wearing a black top, white skirt and sandals with bare legs or natural tights, sorry Zooey but I think that is actually a better combination.
I think this is a very difficult combination to carry off and maybe toning down the white, or a not too heavy black would make it a bit easier, Either way I am sill not at all sure it is something I will try, I think will leave it to the younger and more glamorous.

Sunday, 8 April 2012

Happy Easter

This morning I will be playing for our Church's morning service, my daughter will be singing and playing as well, in the afternoon we are going to a baptism and then I am on duty again in the evening.   Tomorrow I am playing with a band at Hever Castle in Kent, so I have prepared a couple of posts in advance, if we are at war with Argentina and I don't mention it that is why.

Saturday, 7 April 2012

Still Wednesday

After my trip to the opticians I popped home for some lunch, as you would I had to try on the new suit properly, you know heels, full makeup jewelry and wig.   Then once I was all dressed up I thought, well now I've just got to go out.   So I went over to Banstead to check out the charity shops there.
I picked up a couple of pairs of earrings, a lovely watch with interchangeable straps and trim, and some rather posh seamed stockings, and a nice wrap around grey wool skirt, all for less than £20 in total   I did have a little trouble with some irritating young children but soon managed to get rid of them.   I fear that I was a little obvious being dressed like the mother of the bride while everyone else was looking ready for a hack in the country.   I would have liked o stay out fully dressed like this for longer but I did have another appointment, with my osteopath.

As I mentioned here and here, I have been teasing him a bit with what I am wearing when I go for our sessions, he is far to polite to say anything but I am trying gauge his reactions from the way he carries out the massage.   Well today I upped the anti quite a bit.   I was wearing some nice but basic high leg white panties with butterflies on, a pair of sheer mink trouser socks (pop socks) pale pink pearlescent nail polish on my toes nails, and he pretty pink lacy cami I had on earlier.   I also wore one of my "gold" chains.   There was no way that he didn't notice, it was so obvious what I was wearing.   After I was stripped down to my panties he had to ask me to remove the chain, so I was totally naked apart from my panties.

Laid out on the bench it must have been so obvious that my entire body was shaved clean, and my toe nails polished, there was no comment, but there was time spent on my feet, legs and lower back.   This meant that he had to roll down the top of my panties at one point, and was above the leg line at another.   I have always enjoyed my visits, but think that maybe I should show a little restraint before things get out of hand.

Friday, 6 April 2012

Wild Wednesday

First off, I know I really need to sort out my picture taking, if only so I can illustrate this blog a bit better, I'm sorry but yet again today I failed miserably to take any pictures at all.

So the van is still not functioning, so I reckoned that I would not be doing any gardening today, anyway my first appointment was with the optician, for an eye test and to choose some new frames.   As suspected I will need varifocals now so have had to order some new glasses, I was also told that I have the beginnings of a cataract, like the failing near sight this is age related ~ so that makes me feel so much better not.   I decided early that I would dress in a pretty androgynous manner for this appointment as I wanted to get two pairs (they are running a bogof) one of which would be quite feminine.   I put on some light eye makeup, and lip gloss, a pretty pink Cami I bought a while back, a mauve blouse with some subtle embroidery, jeans, mink sheer tights and some low heel pumps.   Thinking about it more fem than androgynous except no boobs and not much makeup.

The staff at the opticians were far too polite to comment on any of this, but when choosing my new frames I mentioned that I would like one pair that was more feminine, this was greeted wit an "of course, perhaps you would like to choose some from the ladies section" would I? silly question.   The two pairs I choose in the end are both pretty much neither one thing nor the other, but I think will serve my purposes nicely.   These glasses are outrageously expensive but I plan to be wearing them for a while.   Having said that I was talked into a free contact lens trial, I have always been reluctant to try contacts, but since they are free I may as well give them a whirl.

I don't know whether this had put me in the mood for shopping or whether I was need of some retail therapy.   I had a bit of time left at the car park so I popped into the local Mind shop.   Last week I had noticed a nice Marks & Spencer dress and jacket suit in my size, but at that point I had resisted the temptation, today I bought it.   I was not about to buy something like this with trying it on first, so  after checking with the staff I took it into the changing room and tried it on.   The shop was quite busy and I'm sure I was noticed, and when I came out the male assistant commented on what lovely colour it was, and what a nice suit, while still calling me sir.   This felt  a little surreal partly because it was the colour I wasn't sure of, I must say I did wonder if he was a sister ~

Thursday, 5 April 2012

Marks of Femininity V

Walking, I don't know whether you have noticed this but men and women walk differently, part of this is the shoes and part attitude.   A man will fill up space (particularly in South London), there may well be a bit of a swagger, the walk will involve the whole body, the more confident (or aggressive) the more will be used elbows, shoulders the lot.

On the other hand a nice ladylike walk is quite different, the first rule sounds basic but isn't ~ one foot in front of the other.   A man will walk with his feet to the side, a lady will walk with her feet in line, as though walking on a plank of wood.   Steps will be shorter, I won't say dainty, when wearing heels this becomes essential for safety if nothing else.   I can't do better than this article on Couture Allure there we get given the golden rules
"A beautiful walk is the sign of a graceful, poised woman. Start in your good posture stance and follow these steps:
  •  Lift your thigh slightly. Don't lead with your shoulders.
  •  For a feminine walk, the space between your steps should be about the length of your foot. Too long a stride is masculine, too short is mincing.
  • On each step your heel should touch the floor first, then quickly shift the weight forward to the entire foot as you take the next step. Keep your feet close to the ground when you lift them.
  • Arms should hang relaxed at your sides with palms toward the thighs as they swing forward to the front of your body. Shoulders should be relaxed and elbows close to your sides.
  • Keep your toes pointed straight ahead and place your feet directly to the side of an imaginary line running down the centre."
Note the position of the feet of the girl in white, and the position of the head of the guy in blue!

The more I consider it the more I am convinced that whether your aim is to pass or to blend then deportment is at least as important, possibly more important than what you wear or how good your make up is.

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

How do I say this?

In theory it should be quite easy, once I have made the decision to tell somebody, it shouldn't be that difficult to say "I'm a cross dresser" but somehow it still is.   Of course that is partly because as a statement it begs more questions than it answers.   When I told S the other day I was searching my brain for another phrase but failed to come up with one.   When I told P a few months ago I just phoned in advance having already said I wanted to tell her something personal I went on to say that it might be a bit of a shock, but when I'm dressed like this I prefer to be called Paula.

As I say whatever phrase or word is used it begs more questions, like "what is a cross dresser" so "you're a transvestite why not say so?" to most civilians one catch all term is quite sufficient, for us we know we are much more of a spectrum than that.    I have explained that I don't like the T word because of the overtones of sexual fetish, and that trans sexual was different to trans gendered, I don't want to go into the whole sissy thing.   Those of us who spend time and effort thinking, reading and researching these things find it very easy to forget that to most people we are just a bunch of blokes who like to wear dresses.

Update ~ it is now Tuesday evening and I have spent the day working with S, although neither of us spoke directly about our conversation on Sunday afternoon, S did refer to something that is a part of her life which I didn't previously know about, but that she expected me to understand following that conversation.   I also made some comments about my lunch and shopping trip with P without mentioning what was wearing or what I bought, but I think it was understood.   It looks to me as if all is going to be just fine, I'm glad I told her.

Tuesday, 3 April 2012

Next time

When we had finished our little shopping expedition we returned to P's home, I had brought some old pallets and wood off cuts for her to burn in her wood burning stove.   I was not really dressed for unloading a van and managed to get my white jacket quite dirty, I was so pleased when I was instructed to leave it with her to be washed.   In hindsight I should have asked her to throw my white dress in with it as that needs a wash as well.   Of course this also ensures that Paula will have at least one more day out, P has promised that she will buy lunch next time so I am looking forward to that already.

She is also such good and understanding friend that she offered to look after some of my things for me and to accept mail order parcels addressed to Paula.   This means I can order some proper replacements for my boobs, and also look again at some extra padding lower down as well.   I just hope that P won't think that that is cruel of me as she has recently put on a little weight.   As well as the teasing about my being too glam, P was also happy to point out that even having put on a bit she is still a smaller size (14) than me (16).   Maybe by the next time I get down to see her she will be back to a 12, I don't think I will ever be less than a 16 and at least one of my favorite dresses is an 18.

I think it says a lot about this day out and how much I enjoyed it that I have managed to get around 4 posts out of it, and forgot to take any photos.

More trouble

It's great isn't it, just when I thought I was making a bit of progress something had to go wrong.   I had a full week planed this week, with the long bank holiday weekend coming up I wanted to make sure that I was on top of the work load, and of course earning some money.   Unfortunately it seems that it is just not to be.   The van was very reluctant to start this morning (Monday), and then after it did start I had only driven a little way towards my first job when it cut out died and refused to start again.

As I was pretty close to home, I walked down to the garage where I have my servicing and MOTs done they would have to have the van taken in to them, and they couldn't look at it until after Easter.   My mobile mechanic friend (who looks after the car) can't look at it until Thursday and my other friend with a mechanical bent recons it could be too difficult a job for him.   Eventually I called out the AA who diagnosed fuel starvation probably caused by a malfunctioning fuel pump.   I have had the van towed home and just hope that it is something that my friend can fix on Thursday, and that I won't lose too much work, or shell out too much on repairs.   On the other hand I am not hopeful.   It is such a shame that I couldn't keep Gloria, I'm sure that she wouldn't have given me these problems.

In the mean time I shall be using this week to catch up on designs, quotes and data entry jobs.   Tomorrow I shall do what I can cutting back a giant laurel, not least because I want to spend some time with S to see her reaction to the news I gave her on Sunday.   As I will only have the Polo this will very much limit the equipment I can carry and the waste I can take away.

On Wednesday I have scheduled an appointment with the optician for an eye test and to choose some new glasses.   I currently intend to get two pairs one fairly androgynous and one maybe a little more overtly feminine.   I'm not sure yet whether it will be Paula or Paul who will go for the eye test.   Wednesday late afternoon I have a trip to the osteopath.

I have been teasing him (or maybe me) on my last couple of visits with my choice of underwear.   This week I will be upping my game a little, I am remaining nice and cleanly shaved, also I will be wearing an obvious pair of high leg panties, and while I have cleaned off the dark cherry polish from my toe nails, I have replaced it with a nice subtle pearlescent pink.   I wonder if he will notice (I don't see how he could miss it) and what, if anything he will say.

Monday, 2 April 2012

Still Shopping

After leaving Matalan (one of my favorite shops) P pointed out that there was a B & Q almost next door and there were a couple of things she wanted.   We left our purchases in the van and walked over to the B & Q, it's not one of their mega warehouse deals but still a pretty large store.   Within a couple of minutes P had at least five male members of staff trying to help her find a small watering can that was to her taste.   After finding a suitable can we went to look at some trellis - given that I am a gardener, P's brother is a gardener (I worked for him at one point) and two of her step son's are gardeners why P wanted to do this rather than flutter her eyelashes and leave it to one of us escapes me.
Again almost before we had got to the right section of her followers had come along with a "Are you ladies looking for the trellis?"   Once again we got all the help and more that could be asked for, this was entirely down to P, and she is not even aware that the treatment she gets isn't usual.  
Throughout the day I took a deal of good natured ribbing from P for being more glamorous than her, she was just doing jeans a casual top and trainers, whereas I of course had gone the full way with dress high heels and some sparklies.   Even so I am quite sure that if I had been on my own I would not have got anywhere near as much attention. 


On Sunday my community wind band played at the finals of the National Concert Band Festival at the Royal Academy of Music in London.   For us this was relatively local only having to come from Croydon, some bands had travelled from as far as Glasgow to play.   Each band plays a short program, this is then adjudicated against a set of criteria and then given the appropriate award ~ everyone is always at great pains to make it clear that this is a festival not a competition.   We got a gold award, all the other bands received silver awards, but it is a festival not a competition so we cannot say that we won!

Having said that we certainly celebrated a win in the traditional band style, i.e. a fair amount of beer and lots of good natured conversation, if I have to have a day out in drab this is my type of day out.   Of course I know you are all interested in all aspects of my life and unless you were in one of the other bands you will be happy at our success, I also know that you are probably more interested in the trans aspects of my life, how I deal with it and what I wear.   Well Sunday was a big day for Paula as well, firstly I was not totally in drab, as has become my norm of late I was wearing panties and tights under my trousers, and the trousers were not the usual black dress trousers but my new(ish) moleskin trousers with a side zip.   While I don't think anyone noticed the side zip one of my GG friends did comment on the moleskin effect, I'm not really sure if she was aware or not that they were girl's trousers.

Towards the end of the afternoon I found that I was alone with S. the lady who works with me as well playing in a couple of the same bands.   As we spend so much time together we have become quite close (in a purely fraternal way) and I have been thinking of coming out to her for some time.   Since we were alone, in a social environment, feeling relaxed and quite pleased with ourselves I took the plunge.   Actually coming up with the words was as hard as the decision, but I was really pleased that she just took the news in her stride, a little surprised but not judgemental in any way.   We carried on chatting on for a bit longer before leaving for our homes.   Just how well she has taken the news, and if it will effect our relationship in any way will start to show tomorrow when we will next we working together.

Final admission for the record I had drunk maybe a little more beer than was good for me, fell asleep on the train and woke up at a small station the next train back being nearly an hour later.   I was desperate for a pee and there were no facilities available, for the only time so far I was beginning to regret that side zip......

Sunday, 1 April 2012


For someone who claims not to like or "do" shopping P went at it with a vengeance, in a few weeks she is going on holiday and wanted some summer clothes, she strongly resisted my suggestion of some white linen trousers but did decide to try a couple of pairs of beige trouser and few tops.   By the time we got to the changing rooms I had one garment to try on (the grey dress I wanted a second opinion on) and P had five! and it was me that wanted to go shopping.
There was quite a queue for the ladies changing rooms, so P asked if we could use the men's, the woman at the door said no, she couldn't allow any women into the men's changing rooms, on the same basis that she wasn't allowed to let any men into the women's, just in case (the unsaid but muttered by P "just in case you are molested" at which he lady in front of us turned round and said "I should be so lucky") so we had to wait patiently in turn for a space. I let P go first (as she had more try on) and she quipped that for a lady I was a real gentleman, still no one seemed to tweak.
I followed P into a separate changing room after much zip struggling I got on the dress and went outside to show off.   P and another couple of ladies gave their approval, in turn I gave my approval of a couple of the tops P had selected, but not the trousers.   As I came out of the changing room there was a lady standing outside her cubicle wearing just a top and her panties chatting with a sales assistant, she looked directly at me as I came out, then carried on chatting.   P came out a little after with her selection, and we carried on.   when we came to pay again there was quite a lot of banter as I had a loyalty card and P doesn't and her purchases were initially rung up wrong.   I had not briefed P at all on the use of pronouns, but on all occasions she got it right, always referring to me as she or her, we were very much just two girlfriends out shopping together.

Now although P claims not to be a girly girl our little expedition today gave me more of an insight into the female world than dressing up and going out on my own ever could ~ and I have to say I loved every moment of it.