Weird

Today is Thursday, we had a bank holiday on Monday so I have actually only had two work days so far this week, yet I feel as though I have already done a full week's work and need a break!   Since it is currently pouring with rain it looks as though I may get a bit of one too.   It seems a little bazaar how tired I feel until I start to reflect on just how much I have been trying to pack into the last week or so.   Over the last week I have had two performances and four rehearsals on four different instruments, and that is on top of work.

Things got so silly that on Tuesday I had intended going to an orchestral rehearsal after my visit to my osteopath but decided instead that I should sit at home, relax a little and get my invoicing up to date. This also meant that I didn't need to go to the appointment "dressed" however during the session our conversation wandered around and I took advantage of an opportunity to explain about being transgendered. Of course he was aware that I am a cross dresser, my choice in underwear and nail polish on my toes is a bit of a give away!   As expected he was pretty cool with the whole thing and asked intelligent appropriate questions, I suspect that he is actually a little more comfortable now that I have explained.

Anyway the idea of staying at home and catching up with admin took a knock when another friend phoned to tell me that his local Morris Side had arrived and I HAD to come over and see them.   Having no will power what so ever I did.   A very pleasant night in the pub followed.   Watching the guys dance was fun, but after that they all came into the pub and a lot of impromptu singing and accordion playing followed.   Accordions and Concertinas always confuse me, they just seem so alien to the instruments I understand and play, the whole logic of the instruments are just different, how do they know where the notes are?

It had to happen

The local amateur music scene is a little incestuous with many people playing in many different groups, so it was inevitable that once I started to be more "out"  and playing with some ensembles as Paula while still being well known in others as Paul somebody would join the dots and make the connection.   The other day I had a call from one of my friends "warning" me that another of our mutual friends had heard about me from somebody else.   Interestingly somebody else that I don't know!

So at least I now know that I am the subject of some gossip and maybe a little speculation, that is not so surprising, but what was actually encouraging was the reported reaction, that I "must have been very brave" to have admitted to my transgender nature.   Of course from where I'm sitting it would have been much braver not to, to have continued to suppress it, to have continued to play by society's rules, maybe that way I would have saved my marriage and improved my economic situation, I would just have lost my integrity and maybe my sanity.

So now I have one more band that I can play with as Paula (that friend was teh only thing stopping me) I am also left with a decision to make, should I do something dramatic, make a (possibly premature) public announcement to scotch any speculation, or should I just Carry On Regardless and wait until there is a situation that needs to be dealt with.  I think I will adopt the latter, on the basis of the route of least resistance.   In the mean time I am now off to play with the Brass Band, this still means another drab day, but tomorrow I will be with the London Euphonia Orchestra which is a pretty day!  

The only complication I have is that I will have to go to the Orchestra rehearsal straight from the osteopath, so for the first time I will have to go to see him as Paula.   Although it has never been stated he must be aware that I am at least a cross dresser from my choice in underwear and painted toe nails!   However I think I should probably warn him in advance that I will be seeing him fully dressed, since he normally sees me in just my panties this should not be too much of a shock.

Just like riding a bike

After a few hours gardening and breaking another lawn mower (this time the handles on my big mower actually did break) for once I was actually back in good time to get to the osteopath..   This meant I had time to have a wash and get changed before going, something I like to do but not essential, it just feels more friendly to go looking and feeling clean and respectable rather than dirty and in my work clothes.

After only a short wait I went in and enjoyed a good pummelling, I really needed this as I was beginning to get pretty stiff far too much of the time.   I wonder how much of this is down to old injuries and how much to the nature of my work, either way it is something I have to accept and my regular visits to the osteopath mean that I can keep moving and working.   A perfect gentleman he always seems genuinely pleased to see me and has never commented on my coloured toe nails or my taste in underwear.

A little later still I finally managed a concert band rehearsal, it seems like a long time since I have been to one of these since last week's rehearsal was cancelled and the week before I was ill, it was good to get the tuba out and play, even though at times it felt as though I had to relearn the instrument.   I first learnt on the EEb and I can always play that without having to think, then I learnt the Euphonium for a short while and then the Bass Trombone, again with these I need to practise if I haven't played for a while but don't have to think.   I learnt all of these as a teenager both the BBb and the CC I learnt as an adult (in the case of the CC just the last few years) and if I am not playing regularly I have to think about the fingering.   The basic technique is the same for all tubas it is just a question of remembering all the different fingerings.

Simple Pleasures

The other day Joey commented that "The thought of having to go to the hairdressers and the osteopath would be like torture to me!" this made me muse as to just what the attraction is, because I know I do enjoy both of these experiences.   Certainly part of it is the outcome, My hair looks better after I have had it cut and styled, and my whole body feels much better after a good pummelling.   Indeed past experience tells me that if I don't visit the osteopath regularly eventually my back will give out and I will need to take time off work until the pain subsides and I can move again.   So utility is part of it.   But only part.

I now that I like being the centre of attention, and in both of these situations I am the centre of somebodies attention, the hairdresser is totally and solely concerned with my hair, the osteopath with my body, not only that but in both situations I am being pampered, they are quite sensual experiences.   There are other things I do, like having my eyebrows threaded where the experience itself is not pleasant, but I am still the centre of attention and there is a positive outcome, but the overall experience is not a pleasurable one.   So it would seem that for me the combination of the sensual experience, being the centre of attention and of course the outcome.   having said all that believe me, if your legs felt like mine do at the moment you too would be looking forward to a massage.

A couple of days ago our daughter had her nose pierced, against my wishes, but then I'm getting used to that, I am quite sure that it was not a pleasurable experience, I am now considering having my ears pierced, I would not anticipate it being any fun, but it would allow me a much wider choice of earrings, however I do wonder if that might be a step too far, how would my family and friends react, or perhaps more to the point how would my wife react? I'm quite sure that the argument that she didn't worry about what I thought when she took our daughter to have her nose pierced so why should I worry about how they react if I have my ears done will not hold water

A busy day ahead

Looking back at what I planned, or maybe aspired to, this year I have got off to something of a running start.   I have not had a proper Paula day since my wife put her foot down.   We have cleared the air a lot since then, she has given a little leeway and I have restricted my "activities".   So tomorrow I will be having quite a busy day, I will be starting out having a hair cut, it has got quite long and a bit "shaggy" but I am now of the opinion that I can get away without a wig.   I find this a lot more comfortable, after all it is much more natural, nearly all the time I am wearing a wig I am self conscious as to how it is sitting, is any of my own hair showing etc. etc. Anyway I will be going back to Nicola, if she carries on as she started I am sure I will be happy and that it will be money well spent.

Anyway I start with a haircut, the hairdresser has only Paula and that will continue, after that I will be going up to town to the landscape exhibition at the Royal Academy.   It feels like quite a while since I went to an exhibition so I am looking forward to this, it is also a nice chance to spend some time out, look at some of the West End shops and have a nice lunch.   After that I will be dashing back for a visit to the osteopath.

I have still to make the decision about what I will be wearing, I have more or less narrowed my choices down to my nice M & S Trouser suit, a grey panel dress or a slightly shorter mauve panel dress. The final decision will be down to what accessories I can wear, at the moment I limited to trousers or opaque tights.   One of the "activities" I have had to curb is shaving, at this time of the year that should not have too big an impact as long as I wear high necks and trousers or thick tights, it will seem a bit strange stripping off for the Osteopath and being hairy again.   I am sure he is far to nice and polite to comment but I am sure it will not go unnoticed, I have decided however that at the moment I have more than enough to worry about and will therefore choose not to worry about this.   Then at the end of the day I have a band rehearsal, the first since Christmas and it coincides with S's birthday.  

All in all I am packing a lot into a single day, but I feel I am better just taking the one day off work and filling it rather than falling into the trap of tacking several bits, and then finding I have missed a lot more productive hours.   With all that going on I doubt I will have much of a chance to post tomorrow.

Progress with the computer ~ limited I may have lost so much data and what I can access is a newer version of Office arghhh it's just all such a pain!

More Black dresses

Yesterday was a good day, it feels to strange to start like that when the weather so bad that I had to cancel all my arranged work, which has, of course put me further behind, as I had planned to have S working with me I am now three days on this week alone.   Anyway once I had made my decision about work I could make my phone calls and plan my day.   Since P was available I arranged to meet  her for lunch.

I took my time getting ready and had an uneventful trip down to Crawley, as P is moving on Friday this will be the last time we do this.   We had a pleasant lunch a bit jewelry shopping for P and a look around the shoe stores for me.   I still couldn't find anything that I like at a price I am prepared to pay ~ I may well have to compromise soon.   We also popped into Matalan, I wanted to try these dresses on in a size 16, I had tried the long one on in a different store, but the largest size they had was a 14, and I wanted a second opinion, i.e is the split in the long dress too high, and likewise is the hemline of the skater dress too high.   The store we went to had neither dress in stock in any sizes at all, this is probably a good thing as I could well have ended up buying at least one of them, when I really do have no use for yet another black dress.

I stopped of on the way home for a glass of wine (or two) and started reading a book P had recommended and lent to me "This Charming Man" by Marian Keyes, it's a bit early to tell yet but is quite fun so far.   Then home, to be greeted by the "cold shoulder" I had left out my nail polish quick dry spray and my wife was in a sulk about it, knowing what I do is hard enough for her t accept, she really does not want to see any evidence of it.   I shall have to find a way of making up for this a bit, I don't think flowers are going to cut it, and I am out tonight, she is out tomorrow, then I am out again Saturday night and my daughter and I are both out on Sunday, could be a tough few days now.

At least I will get my physical aches sorted out today when I visit the Osteopath.

This is life, not a rehearsal

This evenings rehearsal went better than I expected, well it went better than I expected for me.   Fortunately all the music is well within my register, with nothing too challenging technically, the same can't be said for my colleagues on tenor and alto trombone, and even after a few rehearsals some of the strings are still uncertain in places.   Of course I am assured that it will be "alright on the night", and strangely it usually is.   As the trombones are not in the concerto we were released early, I had a few things with me so I managed my quick change act and Paula drove back towards home.

As I was approaching the Grape and Grain for a swift half before home, I noticed a friend's car parked outside so diverted myself to another establishment in the area, The Alma.   This is another very nice pub, quieter than the G & G with real (looking) fires and a decent menu, it was nice to be accepted while I enjoyed a quiet couple of halves, and tried to sort out my diary.

I was trying to sort out my diary as at the moment I seem to have five days work and only three days to do it in.   I will have to concentrate on office work tomorrow before going up to town for my concert.   Then on Wednesday morning I have made an appointment for a hair cut.   This is something I haven't done since the seventies, I finally got fed up with bad hair cuts from barbers and made an appointment with a so called unisex hairdresser.    I plan to make it clear that I came to a unisex hairdresser because I want a unisex hair cut.   I long for a style that I can wear both as a man and as a woman rather than having to rely on a wig, failing that I will settle for a decent hair cut.   I am contemplating turning up for the appointment as Paula, but fear that might confuse the issue too much, I may just provide a few pointers, e.g. nail polish, a (girls) ring, maybe even a trouser suit.   Whatever this should set me up well for a meeting I have in the afternoon with a local authority before dashing back for an appointment with my osteopath.   The rehearsal in the evening should be a doddle after that lot.

I haven't worked out my timings for Thursday, but I may have time to meet up with my friend B after the funeral.   He had an interview today, while I value his help I do hope he manages to get a "proper job" soon, what I can give him is nowhere near enough to live on.   I haven't seen him since I got back from holiday so maybe we can have dinner together since my wife will be out, I'll have to see when I get back from Oxfordshire.

Difficult times

I have a bit of a stressful week ahead of me, over and above my normal work load, this evening I have a rehearsal up in town, for the concert on Tuesday evening.   This is quite a big concert at St John's Smith Sq, in aid of the Charlie Waller trust, I understand a lot of tickets have been sold, and that it will be a bit of a gala affair.   I will admit that I am worried as I have done virtually no practise on the trombone for the last couple of months as I have been focusing much more on the tuba, conducting and of course learning the electric bass, I just hope I am up to it.

On Wednesday after a visit to my osteopath I am back on tuba for a rehearsal, before a big change of plan on Thursday.   My God Mother died last week, and I have just heard that the funeral will be on Thursday, as I will have to travel up to Oxfordshire I will have to take the whole day off, I think it is important that I am there, especially since my Mother (who was in turn her God Mother) will not be up to attending.  I will be expected home pretty late so may well stop on the way for something to eat, or maybe Paula will stop for something to eat.

It's a job

It is indeed a tough ecconomy just now, as an indication of that today I will have two people working for me, my two good friends B and S both have degrees (I think both actually have Masters) but they will be labouring for a landscape gardener.   Still it's better than working in a call centre.

 

After work today I will be visiting my osteopath before going to a band rehearsal, it just crossed mind that each time I have seem him over the last year or so I have not only been underdressing, complete with a full range of toe nail polish, but have also been as cleanly shaved as I have been able to maintain.   This last week or so since I got home from my weekend away is longest time I have not shaved other than my face for quite some time.   I am sure he will be far to polite to mention it but I am sure he will notice ~ it would be hard not to. 

Obsessed and rambling

Got in a good day's work today, this did mean getting wet a couple of times but that was OK, it was good to get my hands dirty and get some proper solid gardening work done.   Of course the down side of getting my hands dirty is just that.   Now the temperature is falling and the soil is wet my hands really dry out, I seem to need about half a bottle of Vaseline Intensive Care lotion each evening.   The soil gets into the skin and under the nails.   I have allowed my nails to grow a bit more than usual as I would really like them to be nice for my weekend.   I should be able to get my hands clean and a nice nail polish should cover any signs of dirt under the nails, but I will admit to worrying about them.

In fact I am pretty obsessed at the moment with my weekend away.   I have wanted to go to Wells for years, so I am looking forward to seeing the Cathedral and the City, but now I am looking forward to a Paula day as much or even more.   Just the idea of spending a whole day dressed to please no except me, doing things I really enjoy, in nice places, is so exciting.   The Hotel looks as though it will be very nice, with a decent restaurant, spending the night there should be fun, maybe a drink before dinner, possibly even a Grand Marnier with a coffee afterwards, and, the chance to go to bed and wake up Paula as well.   That will be a rare treat, to not have to clean off the nail polish and get back into drab at the end of the day.

In case it isn't obvious I am a little bit obsessed with this trip, I am worrying about what to wear, what to pack, what time to leave home, I am also worrying about getting the "transit of delights" ready for the journey.   It has crossed my mind that since my last van was called Gloria Monday, maybe I should name this one Gloria Tuesday

Please vote for your preferred dress, in the mean time I might relax a little tomorrow as I have an appointment booked with my osteopath.

Beaten to it again

Over the weekend I watched the latest couple of Doctor Who episode, while I would not classify myself as a fan I do enjoy the show.   What struck me though was Karen Gillan's nails, I'm not usually a fan of  "unnatural" nail colours.   Unnatural is totally the wrong word but I can't think of a better one, I love pink, pearl, red, or some of the more earthy colours, but generally blues and greens don't do it for me.   However like so many of my prejudices I may have to re-evaluate.   Karen had blue nails, perfectly done, and perfectly toning with the rest of her outfit.   I was also going to bring to your attention a horse called Susan but Meg has beaten me to it!

After work yesterday I met my friend B for a quick glass of beer and to pick up my birthday gift.   This was the first time he had met Paula although we have been friends for over 40 years now, on balance he was pretty cool with the whole experience and reasonably complimentary about my presentation.   I did make a point of wearing trousers and my lower heels so as not to stand out too much, I didn't want to give the poor boy a heart attack by turning up in a miniskirt and my highest heels, gently does it, next time I shall maybe bring out one of my longer dresses.   It is his birthday next week so maybe I will threaten to take him out to dinner and see what happens.

Today it is back to normal working with lots and lots of gardening work stored up for the rest of the week, and on Wednesday a much needed trip to the osteopath before my rehearsal.   All in all I'm not sure how I am going to fit in much Paula time over the next couple of weeks, but somehow I usually seem to manage a few hours here and there.

The perfect suit

So it is a couple of days since I last posted, this is just another reflection of my current work load. But today I have a day off.   I know it is Saturday and that is a day off for most people, but for me at the recently it hasn't been working out that way.   I will spend much of the morning, now I have managed to get up, on admin before we all go to a friends wedding this afternoon.  Off course if it were Paula going to the wedding I have the perfect thing to wear, my salmon dress suit.   As it is I fear it will just be a grey lounge suit shirt and tie.

Looking at my diary for next week I have some decisions to make I have work for two people scheduled for Tuesday, Wednesday (along with an Oesteopath's appointment) and Friday, but at the moment have nothing at all scheduled for Monday and nothing for Thursday other than taking my daughter to the dentist mid morning.   In the evenings I have rehearsals on Monday and Wednesday.   I want to take a time out as it may be my last chance before going on Holiday at the end of October.   I have support group meeting coming up and various other opportunities, but as I will be spending a fair bit of time in and around the pool I need to be suitably hairy, which means I will need to stop shaving (apart from my face) around the beginning of October.

A change of plan

Eastbourne Bandstand

On Wednesday I had planed a visit to the osteopath, but I have now been asked to play at Eastbourne that evening.   This is a real fun event, with stirring music fireworks and lots of general fun, so I think I will join in the fun and help make a joyful sound.   This does of course mean that I will have to delay my osteopath's appointment, but that's a small price to pay.

I shall of course have to re-arrange and make a few other changes to my schedule, it's just a shame that it wasn't last week when my family were staying in Eastbourne for a late summer break.

By total contrast tomorrow I will be picking up a fresh lawn mower as well as getting rid of vast amounts of green waste, it doesn't look as though this week will be a high earning one, but it should provide a few opportunities for interest and maybe even a bit fun?   There is an outside chance of a little time tomorrow, no promises, but I may be able to give myself a coupe of hours as Paula ~ ah that extra a makes so much difference.

looming, not lurching - the week ahead

I have a ludicrous week looming in front of me, tonight I have a rehearsal, tomorrow night a meeting, Wednesday evening I go to the osteopath (I need to some bits really ache) then on Thursday another meeting in Rochester.   Saturday I have a local concert I am playing in in memory f a friend who died earlier this year,.   Then on Sunday as well as the Italian Grand Prix I will be playing for an evening service up in town.

So no space for Paula? well maybe maybe not, tomorrow I have to pick up a new mower in Essex and will be travelling pretty, I will also have my friend B working with me on Thursday, I am currently trying to work out when I can have a day off to celebrate birthdays (mine and B's are pretty close and we often celebrate together) and more t the pint this month my wife and I hit 20 years.   Given what she has had to put up with I think that is pretty impressive, all I have had to contend with is a little intolerance and a lot of snoring!

Very slick

I have just got back from my appointment with my osteopath, and I am still trying to work out just how to describe the experience.   I have to say that maybe this particular post should have a parental warning attached!   I may have mentioned that he is a tall good looking guy, an artist and Bonsai grower, he is also a married and a father.   We have an easy relationship discussing
family, holidays, the Olympics and whatever else may be current.   I say all this just to set the scene a little.

As I planed I had a shower and got rid of as much surplus hair as I could, I changed into some very nice, but rather too skimpy pink flowery panties, and wore my new black blouse and my M &S trouser suit with sheer trouser socks and ankle boots.   Given that I was also wearing one of my ladies watches, lip gloss and eye makeup and had my toes nails a nice dark cherry colour there could be no mistake about my gender confusion.   As I was waiting to go in I worried that what started as a bit of a tease may be getting out of control, as I was all too aware that the skimpiest of my panties was risking, erm, exposure.   He was running very late and i had the last appointment it must have been over 45 minutes after my appointment that I went in, this just served to give me more time to consider what may happen, had I gone to far?

Well as I stripped down to my panties I was aware that he was watching me, but then he would wouldn't he? you know want to see how I was moving was I stiff anywhere that sort of thing, well as I stripped off and stood up my worst fears as to the skimpiest of the panties was confirmed, I quickly tucked everything back away and hoped that I hadn't embarrassed myself too much

I know the feeling

So laid out on my front on the massage table.my back was gradually eased with teh use of strong fingures and lots of oil, then a lot of attention on my lower back, this meant he had to roll the waist of my panties down a bit, then my legs.   I am sure that more attention than previously was paid to my legs, my feet and toes, calves and all the way up.   Then the same thing on my front, then the back of my legs again, this time with my panties right down to allow free access to what they woudl normally over.   While I have to say that nothing inappropriate happened, I do know that his hands did brush bits, and maybe more to the point I found the whole experience very relaxing, very pleasurable, and yes, more than a little erotic, for this the physical evidence was something he could not have failed to notice. 

I have another appointment in two weeks time, I am looking forward to this, but I must prepare myself..........................

Fasting, opportunities and somethig new to worry about

Firstly may I thank you all for you best wishes for my daughter, I do very much appreciate them.   For obvious reason I can't tell my daughter about them specifically but have been able to say that a lot of people have been praying and have sent their best wishes.   I firmly believe that this helps.   Physically she appears to be in perfect health again, however we are pushing for further investigations and some "talking therapy".   The more we think about her the more certain we are in our own minds that these episodes are panic attacks, but I still want professional reassurance, and some treatment for her.   I had a full day's work lined for both myself and S so I had to be out all day, but my wife has her half day on Tuesdays so could spend most of the day with at home with our daughter.   Tomorrow she will be with friends, and I think it will be good for her to get back into her social swing and activity.   Our Church is having on-going events around the Olympics and she is scheduled to be helping with some of them for the rest of the week.

I have just completed at least my eleventh consecutive day dressed solely in male clothes (I have to exclude jeans from this as I only have female jeans).   This was not some form of challenge or any other sort of exercise, it has just happened that way.   Sometimes our priorities are elsewhere or circumstances coincide so that opportunities do not come up.   Of course there have been decisions involved, I could have underdressed on a number of occasions but have chosen not too.   At the start of the paragraph I said "at least" this is because I cannot precisely date the last occasion I wore an item of female attire.

I can say that tomorrow I will have some time spare, I will be dressing to at least some extent for at least part of the day, and as I will be visiting my osteopath I suspect he would now be disappointed if I turned up in boring drab grey shreddies!   To match my toe nails I have selected a nice pink flowery pair of panties with lace around the legs and waist, I also plan that my entire ensemble will be fem, but not ostentatiously so certainly no makeup wig or boobs, what I actually wear will depend on the weather.   Then on Thursday I have the entire day to myself, no work commitments and no family around, I can do what I like where I like dressed how I like ~ until 7:00 in the evening when I have to see my Doctor. we changed practise a while back and they will not renew my prescription fr an "epipen" without seeing me.   Apparently they have nothing on my file about it, which is rather worrying.

The Big Beasts

Yesterday was another hot day, I had a lot of non work stuff to do so I mostly got on with that, by mid afternoon I was too hot, very dirty and feeling very, very weary, muscles and joints ached and I was covered with sweat and grime sticking to the sweat.  This was every bit as unpleasant as it sounds.   At around five O'clock I stopped, showered, shaved, refreshed my toe nails and got changed.   This was because this was my day to visit the osteopath.   For my visit today I wore some nice white panties with black spots and lace around the legs, a blue strappy camisole with white linen trousers and a white linen tunic shirt with white canvas shoes.   Everything I wore today was fem, but without those certain extras that mean a full fem presentation.   I did try to take some pictures on my phone but they didn't really work, and there was no one around who would have been suitable to ask for help.

Some old friends

I'm not entirely sure why I dress up for these visits, especially since I end up undressing as soon as I get there. What I do know is that he is as good as gold with it never even mentioning my idiosyncratic clothing choices.   I was very much in need of his ministrations having been working hard for the last four weeks since I saw him last.   Afterwards I felt so much better that I took a quick stroll around my local park to look up some old friends.

My Local Park

One of the great things about my local park is of course the wild life, I'm sure that there are lots of parks in London with some interesting fauna, but non that quite match these guys.

Although I now feel great having had all my joints and muscles suitably stretched and pummeled I am very worried about my daughter, she is still upset after breaking up with her first boyfriend, and now she is eating very little, and my wife is worried that she may be self harming.   I don't seem to be able to talk to her about it, as she will just shun any attempts I make.   We will be together all weekend so maybe I will be able to make some progress then.   At least her special friend is now home from a trip to France hopefully she will cheer her up a bit and bring her back to a more stable place.

All Change

I will be away this coming weekend, and plan to pre prepare enough posts to keep things ticking over.   Of course this does mean that some posts may be less relevant or timely than I would really like, and some could even appear out of sequence.   Please bear with me and I am sure they will all be alright.   I had hoped that I would be able to add an extra day to the weekend and get to see Wells, well that will have to wait for another day.   A job that had been postponed earlier this month as delivery of materials was delayed now has to be done n Monday.

Earlier today I visited my osteopath, I tell myself that this is good business, every six weeks or so I visit the osteopath, get a good pummeling in preparation for the month ahead, and keep working.   One day off with a bad back is worth more than two visits, and if my back goes it normally results in two or three days off as a minimum.   There is also the simple fact that I like it, the massage is very relaxing, and eases my muscles, my joints and my mind.   Today I could have quite happily dosed off on the table as he was working on my back and legs.   One day I may just let myself drift off.   It also has to be said that he is a very nice man (tall dark Australian) who seems quite happy about my choice in underwear and toe nail colour.

So what's the attraction?

Those of us who are cross dressers, as opposed to those who are trans sexual, are often confused as to what is driving the compulsion to dress as the opposite gender.   Jamie has an interesting idea of what part of it could be and starts to explain over on her blog.   I find her blog well written and interesting, not least because her trans life is so different to mine.   I suspect that the only way to find out if she is right would be to change my life so much, that it wouldn't be my life anymore so I couldn't tell anyway......... still as I said interesting.

My current view on why I dress up, simple I like to wear pretty things, - you should see some of my shirts!   I hope to be wearing some pretty things at the weekend, I will be making one of frequent forays down the M4 to Cardiff and should get at least couple of chances to dress over the weekend.   I am also trying to work out if I can afford to take an extra day out and visit Wells on the Monday.

Regular readers will know that I have a bit of a thing for medieval cathedrals, churches and castles.   Wells is a gem of a cathedral and one I have yet to visit.   Ideally I will leave Cardiff on the Sunday night, stay somewhere near Wells and then make a whole day of it until I need to be home for an evening rehearsal.   That's the idea, whether I can manage the time or not I will have to see, like so much in my life it depends on the weather.    In the mean time I have a busy week, with a rehearsal tonight (Monday) home group meeting on Tuesday, Wednesday I will be collecting a friend from hospital following a simple procedure, visiting the osteopath and an evening rehearsal.   Thursday and Friday evening are free at the moment but that can always change.

In the Pink

Yesterday was a bit of a funny old day, the first part was spent clearing out the van s that I could fill it with bedding plants.   I was planning to spend most of the day planting up pots for one of my customers, lots of Geraniums, Cosmos, Begonias, Lobelia, and Petunias.   I didn't get much more than half way through before the heavens opened and prodigious amounts of rain fell.   We must have had about 3 or 4 cm in half an hour, it quite literally thundered down.

These very pretty panties

However it was not much more than a very heavy shower, soon stopping and starting to dry out.   After work I went to the osteopath, this was much needed as I was feeling the strains of amount of physical work I have been doing.   Again there was no mention at all of my bright red toe nails, sheer knee highs and very pretty panties.   He is very friendly and very good, and there is just n way that he doesn't notice.

Today is my day off, I will be visiting the Turner Exhibition at the National Gallery.   I plan to go via a Garden Centre where I need to buy an Acer for one of my customers to give as a present at the weekend.   Then I will get changed and get a train up to town.   The only problem is I am still not sure what I will wear.   I think I have narrowed it down to a choice between this white dress, or my new light weight grey prince of wales check,   I think I will wait and see just how hot it is when I get dressed, either way I am looking forward to the outing and expect to enjoy myself.