Advent Calendar IXX

 

It's all getting pretty close now! Only six sleeps left till Christmas, one more performance, one more flight!

This evening was my penultimate performance with Croydon Brass, we were booked for an hour to play carols and Christmas tunes for a Pub in the posh rural part of the Borough. To be honest I really didn't know what to expect of the evening, but it far exceeded any of my expectations, the band played well, very together and a nicely balanced sound. There was very a good audience who joined in with enthusiasm, and I was able to strike up a rapport with them quite easily; what more could I have asked for!

I like to consider myself something of a connoisseur of a good pub, and our Host had a lot to offer, a really nice location, cosy atmosphere, an excellent menu and a choice of live beers. I was driving and had my dinner prepared for when I got home, so I couldn't indulge myself too much. Maybe another day?

The friends I'm going on holiday with both appear to be much more prepared than I am, indeed I think they have both already packed, while some of the clothes I am planning on taking are still drying! At least I have the relevant Christmas present bought and wrapped ~ I delivered the others today ~ I hope my choices are approved of, I'm certainly not going to buy anything else now. We fly out on Saturday morning, while I still have my final gig tomorrow evening, and still have to pack, find my passport etc.

I may not be very well prepared for my holiday yet, but I am as prepared as possible for tomorrow evenings performance, but am I prepared for Christmas yet? Yes I've got the presents ready, and my little "travel decorations" but am I ready for the arrival of Christ? are any of us ever ready? maybe we just have to accept him when he choices to come.

Not a Lot

Well as I suggested in yesterday's post I decided that it was just not fare on the rest of society to keep so much gorgeousness hidden at home, so after a light lunch I popped up the road to visit my favorite hostelry.   Sunday afternoons at the Grape and Grain are graced with some pretty cool Jazz, and it is always popular, what I had forgotten is that is also often graced with the presence of my brother and his friend having a Sunday Lunchtime pint or six.

To their credit after a small sign of initial surprise both of them behaved immaculately, and I had very pleasant hour or two.   And, this seems to be a bit of theme that is developing.   For me going out is now normal behaviour, and for just about everybody I come into contact with it is also just normal.   Putting on a dress and going to the pub, or shopping, a rehearsal or whatever is now just how I am living my life.   In a way I miss the excitement, the feeling of risk when going out, but on the other hand I am so much more content with my life now, authentically expressing how I feel.   Interestingly I find that I am beginning to feel more uncomfortable on the odd occasions when I butch up and present exclusively male.

I was meant to be doing this the other evening when I went to meet a friend for a couple of pints and then dinner.   As his son had friends round he did ask that I went as "him", it was a hot night so this still meant jeans and a tee shirt (as that is virtually all I have they were fem ones) indeed it was so hot that I had also abandoned the very idea of socks.   It was only when I arrived that I realised I still had my pink nail polish on.   It was too late to worry about that so I went into the Pub.

My friend was already there with a couple of his neighbours I had met before, the wife is also a gardener so we always have a lot to talk about, at one point I heard her husband say to my friend, "oh come on we'll just leave the girls talking about their dahlias"   In just the same way that one of my old friends now always calls me Paula, even on the phone, I find people are beginning to think of me as female.   All this before I start any treatment at all.

More showing off

A bit of a Bear Garden

Yesterday I wrote a bit about the Hampton Court Show the flowers and the gardens, but if you really want to know more about it there are plenty of much  more qualified commentators than me, so today I just want to say a little about the experience.   I suppose the first thing to say is that my friend S is has known me for many years, and we work together in gardening, she is quite comfortable with Paula, and although I don't think I ever warned her that it would be Paula going she fully expected her.

The trip started well when I was called "Young Lady", I'm not sure which pleased me the most "Young" or "Lady" throughout the day I engaged with several people, not just exhibitors or people trying to sell me stuff but other visitors as well, and throughout the whole time I was not missgendered once, indeed I am not aware of receiving any more or any less attention than any other middle aged woman in the same situation.   As a general principle I would say that gardeners are nice people, and are generally friendly, especially with other gardeners, so at a number of stands and show gardens I found myself in conversation with other visitors, swapping opinions, growing tips and information.   This is one of the things I like about this show, but this time it was all the more special.


Another observation is that since I knew a lot of walking would be involved I wore a pair of flat sandals, and as I walked around I realised that I was by no means as tall I often think I am, several ladies there were much taller than me, so on that count at least I certainly was not outstanding.   We did see people dressed in all levels of formality, from smart suits to jeans and tee shirts, the two of us fell in somewhere in the middle S wearing a very nice blue flowery blouse with a long darker blue skirt, I opted for white linen trouser a white top and pink linen jacket, however I only noticed one scruffy person, but then since that was Monty Don it was only to be expected!   This is a situation where everyone is more interested in the flowers than the people, the attention is quite rightly on the exhibits.

It was a long and tiring day, so on our way home we stopped for some refreshment at the Grape and Grain, only to find that almost as if as a special tribute to our day they had put in a new floral display, featuring S's favorite flowers (nasturtiums) all around their door.   So all in all an excellent, long, tiring, but ultimately very fulfilling day.

Another Grey Day

There may be as many as 50 shades of grey, but the sky here is displaying mostly the darker ones.   I woke up this morning, looked out he window and decided to go back to bed, although not actually raining it is damp and miserable, and my self starter has totally failed.   I did eventually manage to get up and have started on a few chores, but to be honest my heart is just not in this morning.   So here I am at nearly one O'clock in the afternoon, still in my nighty and dressing gown with a cup of coffee and the laptop keeping me warm.

I think part of my down is due to a busy Paula weekend, I have already said a bit about Saturday night, as the group has now set up a Fakebook group I have now got a presence there as Paula Gee, if you are a user I will be posting occasionally I already have found around 20 friends, people I actually know and bloggers and on-line friends.   It will be interesting to see which of my identities is most used / popular.   Since that involved installing a different browser as well as all the rest of the set up I managed to waste a good bit of the morning yesterday setting the whole thing up, leaving just enough time to get up to town for the LGSO rehearsal for next Sunday's concert.

The Britten Young Persons Guide has a narration with it, and our narrator for this concert is Petroc Trelawny, many of us who listen to Radio 3 will be familiar with his dulcet tones, and will have seen him introducing some of the Proms on TV, I can say that in person he is just as, or maybe even more, dishy. tall, slim, clean cut, and quite charming.   And yes Petroc the beard does work.   So there you are yet another reason to come to the concert.

After the rehearsal we made our usual visit to the neighbouring pub, feeling rather tired I was not quite my usual sociable self, but I did get into conversation with a couple of civilian sister there, who admired my bracelet we then went on to discuss the merits and problems with costume jewellery in general.   This was fun, but it ended up being another late night.

Now it is definitely time to go and get dressed and get on with something useful, but no I'm not going to clean behind the fridge.

How Much!

Yesterday was quite a big day, it was the last week day that my friend B will be working with me as he will be starting a "Proper Job" on Monday.   I am so pleased that he has been able to find something even if it is not ideal, it is a lot better than what ever casual work can be picked up.   I will also miss him, we have grow a lot closer again working together, probably closer than we have been since we shared a flat back in the late 80's.

It was also the last time that Will Carslake conducted the London Charity Orchestra as resident MD, so another rather happy/sad event.   The event itself was special, we played at a thanksgiving service in St Paul's Cathedral, including a first performance of a new work for choir and orchestra by Will.   The event was also a little confusing, it was a service but the congregation seemed to want to treat it more as a concert, so there was much applause for the singers and musicians.   I always feel that any music in a service is an offering to God so should not be applauded by people, as this can take the focus away from God and the offering a praise onto the musician who then becomes a performer to the congregation.

But none of this is the point of this post, as it was will's last gig with us after playing we all adjourned to a bar near by for a few drinks together and wish Will well.   These are the times that build relationships within an orchestra so are an important part of the life of any amateur ensemble.   The bar chosen was the bizarrely named Corney and Barrow in Paternoster Square.   As a bar it appears nice enough, reasonably well furnished and designed.   As I rather expect from this sort of bar, they have a variety of lagers from around the world lots of wines and spirits, and few drunks.   There was one live beer (real ale) one of my favourites, Doombar.

Like I said this is a live beer, a living organism it needs to be treated with respect and like the rest of us requires care to be presented at it's best.   Unfortunately the staff at the Corney and Barrow seem unable to tell the difference between a live beer and water from the village pump.   Rather than pouring with care and presenting a cherished product they felt the need to torture the poor beer.   Then it got worse not only did they want £4:60 per pint they also failed, every time, to fill the glass.   If each time I bought a pint I had not insisted on them actually giving me a full pint I would have paid for an extra full pint the money going straight into the owners pocket without the need to provide any beer in exchange.   In any other environment this would be called theft.

I would not recommend this establishment, I understand that costs in central London are high, but the standard of service, the presentation of the beer and the lack of skill from the staff are all unexcusable.

On a lighter note (Bb) please don't forget next week's LGSO concert, if you are in London please come.

Buy tickets here.

All Welcome

At last nights rehearsal it was revealed that ticket sales for the next LGSO concert are not going well, so get over to this site and grab your tickets.   It will be a very good concert, and as an added incentive for some of my readers it is also a "safe" opportunity to go out.   By the very nature of the orchestra both we and our audience are open minded and accepting, so go on have yourself a night out.

After the rehearsal many of us are in the habit of popping into a local hostelry for a small libation, this des mean spending a couple of hours in a pub, surrounded by men, but somehow I put up with it, I did manage to show a little restraint and get home before the witching hour, and got to bed in sensible time.   I removed my rings etc. and cleaned off my makeup, but for some reason decided to leave my forms on (I had applied a little craft glue to keep them in place).   It was rather odd, and rather nice, to wake up this morning in my nice black satin nightie, with my boobs in place and feeling very natural, still with nail polish on and for some reason my watch and a bracelet, but with all my make up and other jewellery off.

What I would like now is a day off to just relax and enjoy being me, instead it's back to work, and firstjoba  visit to the builders merchant s I think I had better get rid of the nail polish as well.

Under the wing of the Eagle

I was very pleased to have reason (and support) to go to the Spread Eagle last night, I have often walked past and thought that it looked like a decent place, but it also seemed to have almost exclusively male customers.   In many, many ways I am pleased that women now have equal rights and status here, but somehow going into a pub alone as a woman is quite hard.   I know I will attract attention, and I always fear that some of it may be unwelcome.   Most people are friendly, accepting and just too concerned with their own problems to want to be a problem for anyone else, but there are sufficient exceptions to want to make sure that I avoid them.

It is difficult to tell the character of a pub without going in, and of course by the time you are in it could be too late, still, know that CAGS were meeting there it was never going to be too bad.   I had a very nice evening, as I said yesterday it was a good interesting meeting, but on a lower level the staff were all very friendly, and the ladies loo is exceptionally nice!   Although the bolt was broken on one door of one of the stalls, it was very clean, smelt nice and had a bunch of fresh flowers.   I find that all very encouraging and I think I may well go back.

When I got home I found I was out of bread so popped next door to Tesco's to get some, the cashier recognised me and we had quite a nice little chat.   It quite made my evening, and I hope that a friendly exchange made her shift drag a little less.   The more I go out the friendlier and more accepting I find people to be, maybe this is a factor of my fear level lowering, or maybe people really are nice.

Tomorrow (Wednesday) morning I have meeting with a local Council when I shall have to put on a suit and tie, I am considering wearing my new trouser suit.

The jacket is a little longer than is usual, but I think with a collar and ties and the right shoes I may just "get away with it"

The Only One

Yesterday ended up being a frantic ~ so no real change there then.   I had hoped to get a bit of remunerative work done in the morning, but by the time I had visited the dump with all the waste from the roof we've been working on and sorted the van out it was time to go and measure up for a deck.   Of course the customer did not really know what they want so it ended up more as a design consultancy session, by the time I got home it was too late to go to a customer so I did a little work in my own garden!   Not much just a little weeding planted out my celery and fed the tomatoes, beans and other veg.   There is still lots to do, but it is beginning to look a little more like my garden again now.

My time management being what it is I spent too much time in the garden and cleaning the van and had no time to eat before having a quick shower and getting changed for the evening performance.   Somehow I managed to get my hands clean and got changed.   After my shower I was feeling quite fem, so remembering that I was meant to wear all black, rather than just an ordinary black shirt I wore a nice satin shirt blouse I have, the buttons are concealed (same as on a dress shirt) with long cuffs with three satin covered buttons on each along with my black moleskin side fastening trousers, I felt good and think I looked good.

When I got to the concert all the men were wearing dinner jackets with white shirts and all but two of the ladies were wearing black bottoms and white tops ~ ARGHHHH.   I'm, glad I had the conductors text with me to show why I was wearing all black.   Of course this also drew more attention to what I was wearing than would normally happen, but if anyone noticed anything I only had one comment;
"That's a girls blouse"
"Yes"
"But it's a girls blouse"
"Yes, but it is black"

After the concert we went for a couple of pints at "The Grape" where they had a good little band playing as part of the Crystal Palace Festival.   I always seem to miss this and be playing somewhere else when this is happening right on my doorstep.

When I got home I found my wife in bed and my daughter asleep on the sofa, so a quick sausage sandwich in the kitchen and bed. ~ Now to start getting ready for today's concert.

Beans, Beer and the Doctor

Like most people I have good days and I have bad days, sometimes it is very difficult to tell in advance what a day is going to be like.   I can look in my diary to see what I should be doing, but that is only a clue, so much depends on the customer, the traffic, what actually needs doing and how long it takes.   Yesterday was good day.   Although I started a little shakily with some rain which meant I had to go and bring in some washing, it soon dried up and I could get off to work.   First visit to this customer, a friend from Church who broke his leg in February and still can't dig or do any heavy work in his garden.   So I made a start on clearing his veg patch, potted up some strawberry runners and dug out his bean trench.   All very satisfying work and all done in the sunshine.

When I got home I actually had a spare half hour so I could fix my favourite lawn mower.    An old Hayter Harrier 16 inch push mower this machine is ideal for my work, robust enough to survive, light enough to lift in and out of the van, easy to use, and cuts very nicely (with stripes).    The only trouble is that because all my mowers are old and get worked pretty hard I find it difficult to keep up with maintenance.   Now I have the Hayter sorted I need to clean out the carb on my little Mountfield and check the drive one the big beast.   It is nice to have my favourite back in working order.


After that it was down to the band room to pick up the gear for today's gig and then up to the Grape & Grain to meet a friend for a quick pint.    This friend used to live nearby but has had to move back to the Kent Coast to be with his Mother so I don't get to see him very often, it was nice to relax over a leisurely pint and catch up before he had to go back to Margate.

All that and a good Doctor Who, definitely a Good Day

A Good day part 3

Well, after the concert there was a choice of go home on my own, or pop over the road to the pub with the rest of the band, and some of the audience, what my American friends would probably call a "no brainer".

Whilst I was gobsmacked at the prices in the bar I did stay for a few, and enjoyed the company of the band.   Although many were there with partners and most seemed to be old friends, while I was the new girl I was not left on my own at all, and had several enjoyable conversations with several interesting people (including a very nice man from Boston).   I could not let myself go too much though as I had taken the option to drive, while it was a bit of a pain to not be able to drink, it was nice to be able to just drive home and not worry about public transport at all.

The final icing on the cake was that as it was pretty late by the time I got home and the rest of the family were asleep in bed, so I could get indoors and then get changed just the once before going to bed.   It is one of the frustrations of my situation that I have to clean off my makeup and nail polish, and get changed into drab before coming home, often only to get changed again and go pretty much straight to bed. It was so nice to be able to sit down for a moment with a cup of decaff before cleaning off my nails and face.   Sometimes it is the simple pleasures that can mean the most.

In the mean time life has been carrying on, as it has a tendency to, so far I have been able to work every day this week, and have a full diary for next week, something of a relieve after the recent weather.   I have also picked up an old bass guitar for renovation, I soon got it working and it looks like all it needed was a good clean, renewing a few connections and some new strings.   As soon as I have picked up a set of strings and restrung it I shall be auctioning it off on e-bay.   I always keep my eyes open for instruments that I think I can do something with, and hopefully make a small profit, but this will be the first time I will have done it with something that's not brass!  

I realise that I have only just finished writing about last Saturday and we are nearly at the next one, this coming weekend will be one of my Cardiff weekends, which means that yet again I will be missing the Croydon Trans Group meeting, this is a real shame, not just because I miss the girls and want to be part of the support network, but also because this week Helen has arranged a special late night shopping opportunity for us with one of the local charity shops.   This will be a great opportunity for some of the less self confident girls to shop without fear of embarrassment, and try on their choices before buying.   I will be sending a supportive message by e-mail, but it's not the same as being there.

Homewood bound

In the weeks leading up to my little trip I had allowed my finger nails to grow to a nice elegant length, so was rather disappointed when before arriving at Mum's I had to clean the pink polish off them, somehow for me this is one of my major indications of my femininity, so there is almost a feeling of bereavement when I clean them off.   I think this maybe one of the reasons I often wear clear polish / hardener when I am in drab.   

Anyway it was an uneventful Saturday afternoon and Sunday, and a pretty uneventful Grand Prix after the first lap, still I was pleased that Jenson Button had a good race, it may be a good thing for the Championship that Alonzo had another DNF, but I would have preferred Button to finish ahead of the Red Bulls.   After leaving my Mother's I popped into see my Brother, I had only planned on a quick few minutes to say hi, but ended up staying there a couple of hours.

As soon as I left my Brother's I re-did my nails (this time in dark cherry) and at the first opportunity changed into a dress, I hoped to be back in London in time for some of the comedy event at the Grape and Grain.   It was a long and unpleasant drive, as so often happens the M4 on a Sunday evening is very busy and traffic piles up a bit, especially when I'm in a hurry!

I arrived back at Crystal Palace about ten o'clock ad expected the pub to close at 10:30, but as it was a special night (Comedy and beer festival) they stayed open longer so I had time for a couple of glasses of wine.   As I was leaving I got into conversation with the landlady, a chap who was with her, after a few minutes she left us but he continued to engage me conversation, maybe he was just being friendly but  got the definite impression that he was chatting me up a bit.   Very flattering course, but he was a bit young, a bit small and well, lets remember I am married!   I like to wear jewelry, but the wedding ring is the only bit that is real!

It was a great weekend, and I was very sorry that it had to end, but having said that it was good to be home as well.

More of the same

I have had a great weekend, I have just got home (12:05 Monday morning) and I am buzzing. This is in no small thanks to having popped into the Grape and Grain for a quick glass of wine on my way home, where I found myself in the middle of a comedy night, and ended up being chatted up by quite a nice young man.   I cannot believe that he could be in any doubt what kind of girl I am, but I am still very flattered and rather enthralled to find out more.

I know I am treading on dodgy ground here but I may, or may not, pursue this. Anyway back to the weekend ~ I plan to give you a day by day account of my adventure (such as it is) with photos for those of you who like me are into medieval cathedrals.   I think that at the moment all I am in a position to say is.........

TO BE CONTINUED

An Interesting Evening

Last night (Thursday it has taken me this long to try to work out what I am actually going to write) I went and had dinner with my friend B, I have known B since we went to Grammar School way back in the dark ages, for several years we shared a flat, and have been intimate friends sharing holidays and and much else.

Work got in the way of my getting there on time so we more or less went straight in to dinner, drinking beer rather than the wine I took.   B's son lives with him and should have been having dinner with us, but he (the son) was delayed after work as well and he couldn't make it so we were alone.  As I had anticipated the son's presence I had decided to under-dress rather than go "En Femme" so although my shirt was the only male clothing I was wearing this was not obvious, under my jeans I was wearing some nice but practical panties, very sheer black tights with a back seam and a black satin teddy.   My toes nails were still cherry red and my finger nails had a clear polish.   Anyone looking would see but only if they looked.  

Of course having come out to B only a matter of days earlier he had lots of questions for me.   Interestingly not all the usual ones, he was very interested to hear about my "date" on Tuesday night, how I felt about it as well as what happened ~ or rather didn't; do I shave my legs? what do I wear? more that sort of thing, avoiding the are you gay? do you want to be a woman? stuff.   During dinner I made one very interesting discovery, and one I would never have made on my own, creme caramel goes really well with a tawny port.   After dinner, and by the way B is a very good cook, we adjourned to the local pub for more beer.   Conversation continued as it only can between old friends, ranging widely but often coming back to my revelation.

Eventually of course we had to leave the pub and returned to his flat.   As anticipated I was far to drunk to even think about driving, back at the flat we opened the wine and talked some more.    By now it was pretty late, I had done a day's work and I was pretty relaxed. (as in I only drink to relax, sometimes I am so relaxed I fall over!) so at some point when B left me for a moment I fell asleep, I awoke a little later with a duvet over me.   A little uncomfortable I took off what clothes I still had on (sorry but I can't remember) and slipped into some satin pyjamas I had brought and tried to settle down.   For some reason, or maybe several reasons most of which came in glasses, I couldn't settle down, I picked up my duvet moved into the next room got into bed with B, I woke up later cuddled up close with my arms around him.

I got up after the son had left for work, got dressed (I had brought work cloths with me) and left before B was awake.   He is an impressive sleeper, (and snorer) and I have not heard from him since, so I am not sure where we are now.   I am more than a bit confused as to why I did what I did, was B even aware of my presence, and more to the point what happens next.   Earlier in the evening B (who is not working at the moment) agreed to do some work with me and, more to the point, go out with Paula.   I sent him a text yesterday (Friday) but have yet to have a reply, I think I will have to phone or call round, but just now I don't know what I am going to do or say.

All day Friday I was very tired, and slightly hung over, I couldn't put the night out of my mind, but after a long day I got home to my family who have returned from their break, after dinner I just slept and slept, this morning I didn't get up till gone eleven I feel better for the sleep, but still concerned about what I have done.

A lovely evening

This evening I went out to dinner with my good friend and colleague S.   Regular readers will remember that I came out to her a few months ago, but tonight was the first time she met Paula.   We have been friends for a long time, probably more years than either of us would prefer to admit to, and have been working together for a couple of years now as well, so this was a bit of a risk.   We arranged to meet for dinner before I asked if she would be happy if I came as Paula, and was very pleased when she agreed, her only expressed concern was whether she would recognise me.

I thought it best to not wear anything too outrageous like the leather miniskirt or my purple leopard print tights.   I was sure that my black midi dress with white spots would be perfect.   I added a white leather belt and a white cotton cardigan, I thought I looked pretty good, I worried a little that I was rather overdressed, but then I was going out to dinner.   We met at a pub near the restaurant, and no problem S recognised me straight away, but with some surprise.   Her first comment was "I didn't expect you to be so convincing" YEA, later she modified this to "I didn't expect you to be blond"   I was assured that I looked good and more than that that I passed.   S did say she was surprised how good I looked, which did quite a lot for my ego, certainly rather different to how she sees me at work.   After a couple of drinks we crossed the road to the restaurant, the staff were welcoming and friendly and the other customers ignored us, I think that just like in the pub we were seen as a couple of middle aged women out for the evening.

It was a bit special to just chat with this lovely lady who I have known for so long, but now as another girl; as I observed yesterday the whole dynamic is different.   Somehow I had more freedom to talk about subjects I wouldn't as a man, it was fun to talk about my discoveries of some aspects of being a woman, as well as gossip about work, bands and mutual friends.

Just in Case

Just in case anything happened last night that I was uncomfortable with I made sure that we were meeting somewhere where I am known.   It helps that the Grape and Grain have a range of good beers and wines, some decent food and a nice atmosphere.   Again for my own security I thought important to meet somewhere busy, with plenty of civilians around.   I also thought it best that I drive, that way I knew I had my own independent way f travelling safely home ~ just in case.

Well,, just in case any of you were worried we had a very nice time, just a few drinks and a pleasant chat, a couple of friends getting to know each other a little better.   My new friend is a self admitted admirer and was very complimentary, at all times he treated me like a lady ~ which was nice ~ and behaved impeccably.   I dare say we may meet again when I have a chance but I have to stress that for nothing more than a sociable chat.   The evening was fun, not least because this is the first time I have been out with a man.   I have often been out on my own, with other girls like me and with my friend P, it has to be said that somehow the dynamic of being out with a  man is different still fun, but definitely different.   I worried a lot about what to wear, was this dress too short, would seemed tights be a it of a come on? would jeans be too casual? In the end I decided on my slinky black and white cocktail dress with high heels and sheer black tights, and to stop it looking like I was trying too hard a denim jacket.   I realised that going out with a man I had to be very careful about what signals I was sending with my dress and my body language as well as anything I might say.

So Just in Case any of you were worried about me I had a pleasant, safe evening, I am happy to say I remain unmolested, but had a lot of fun.

Tonight I expect more fun, I will be out to dinner with my friend and coleugue S, she has knwn about Paula fr a while now, but tonight will be the first time she will have met her.   I am looking forward to the experience of being out, spending that time in good company and enjoying some good food.  

Quizical

So I am now writing about Thursday evening on Sunday morning, and realise that I never really finished my account of last weekends outings.   Well in many ways they both ended the same way, on both occasions I wanted to extend my time as Paula rather than just returning to what would probably be an empty house, getting changed and going to bed.   So rather than just go home I stopped off at the Grape and Grain this pub is very accepting and welcomes Paula when ever I am there, my only worry is that "He" often goes there on a Monday night and I know my brother uses it on a Sunday lunchtime.   Never the less Sunday I popped in for a couple of glasses of wine, I was joined for a while by the landlady, who not only remembered me (whether as the bloke in a dress or the large lady on her own with a book she was far too polite to mention) but also remembered my name.

We had quite a chat, about the weather and how to dress for it, the book I was reading and a book club they run each month. I would like to join their book club but so far the dates have clashed with other commitments.

Wardrobe note, I was wearing my White linen trousers, a blue singlet style top with spaghetti straps and a white linen tunic unbuttoned.   With my white leather handbag and black and white sandals a nice cool summer outfit.

On Thursday evening I was surprised how busy the pub was, it was hard to find a seat at all, it was only after I had settled in that I realised it was a quiz night, if I had realised sooner I might have tried to join a team, may be another day.   Still I had a pleasant evening the quiz was quite entertaining, the house white wine good, and I enjoyed a fish finger baguette with lime mayonnaise ~ I always like to try something new.

I think that brings me mostly up to date, I have a busy weekend playing at lots of jubilee celebrations and then next week is a busy one with work again, my next planed outing will be on Saturday when the support group meet.   But with the weather looking changeable at best and my wife going back to work on Wednesday who knows what the week might hold.

Last night

I think last night's meeting was the best attended I have been to, there was only one girl I had not met before, but not all at the same time.   I managed to spend a bit of time with my friends and a least a quick chat with the others.   It was very pleasant to be out without worrying about being spotted, or condemned in anyway, to just enjoy being Paula.   Like so often last night there was nothing particularly spectacular about the evening (apart from my red dress ) but it was just ~ well ~ nice.   At the end of evening I never want to it to finish, I want to carry on enjoying my femininity of course it has to and there is such a feeling of disappointment as I clean of the nail polish and make up, I long for an occassion where I can go to bed as Paula and wake up in the morning with my nail polish still on.

A few observations, we all seemed quite confident in our own company, but several of the girls would not be able to go out any other way; all the girls were wearing nail polish of one type or another whether dressed to the nines like me or in relaxed casual wear.   We were all past a certain age; several are or have been married, nearly all were drinking orange juice.

Helen, our wonderful leader has had an article in the local paper, this is very encouraging for all of.   To have some support for, at any level, from our local rag is great.

Last night I was wearing these tights, I love them, the feel, the smoothness, and the look, maybe the backseam is a little slutty, and they sure make me feel good, and just a little sexy, but when I took them off a made a small ladder in the foot, I will try to fix this with a little clear nail polish, but will buy myself a couple of pair next time I see them

It's not fair!

On Saturday night I walked into a pub ~ nothing unusual there ~ the guys I was meant to be meeting had not arrived so I was on my own, no problem I ordered a pint and waited.   I was dressed a little unusually, in as much as having just finished playing in a concert I was still wearing my dinner jacket and black bow tie (I was also wearing pantyhose and ladies dress trousers but that was a lot less obvious).   I did attract a few odd looks but nothing threatening.    After a while the others arrived and we had a nice sociable end to our evening.

I couldn't help but consider what the situation would have been if I had been dressed as Paula.   I am quite sure that although I would probably have been quite safe I would have felt a lot less secure.   I know I would have got even more attention.   Since I have been going out I am so much more aware of what it means to be a lone female, many of the things that as a man I can do without concern or consideration are taboo for me, or any other lone female.   Things as simple as going into a Pub on my own, or walking down the street after dark.

This is a shame, personally because it limits what I can do, but more to the point it shows what an unfair, unequal society we still live in.   It is not right that there is so much that is accessible to me as a man that is not available to my wife or daughter, by no means least something as basic as personal security.   I suspect that Girl's like me have a unique perspective on this, so maybe we should speak up about it.

Close Encounters

On Tuesday we had rain here, and I had a drill I had bought through e-bay to pick up, so I took the day off outside work and went out  to collect the drill and do a couple of other chores while I was at it.   Of course being me I took advantage of the opportunity to go out dressed.   I was still pretty smooth and hairless so didn't have to worry about any prep in that department, however as my wife was home I had to get changed and made up in the van.   As this was a last minute decision I had not planed what to wear, but as my legs were still nice and smooth I didn't really want to wear trousers or jeans.
I opted for a double denim look with denim skirt and jacket along with some patterned tights, and mauve shirt blouse and some fairly flat ballet style pumps.   I thought this was a pretty good outfit, but of course under the circumstances I had no mirror to check anything beyond my makeup and hair.    When the rain stopped I pulled into a parking stop in Ashdown Forest and took some photos.

During the day I did have a little interaction with other people, I stopped and bought fuel, I collected my drill, and did some shopping, all as Paula.   On each occasion I was addressed by the correct (female) pronoun, in one place getting a very friendly reception and an almost transatlantic "Ma'am" in another a definitely English "Dear"  With all this I was feeling quite pleased with myself.   On my way home desperate for a pee I stopped at a carvery/pub/lodge bought a glass of wine and used the facilities.   Everyone else there were male workmen (well I suppose if they are workmen then they would be male - but you know what I mean).   I was very aware that I was attracting attention, this made me more aware of the shortness of my skirt and the nature of my femininity.   For once I was beginning to feel quite vulnerable.

Making my way out I decided to use a different entrance and got a bit confused as to where I was, two of the workmen came out to where I was trying to find my way out without going into the Hotel section, the first acknowledged me, rather brusquely, the second  admonished him saying "she thought you were going to attack her" this rather flummoxed me, he then went on to say that he thought I had a lot of courage and that he admired that.   I was so thrown by the whole encounter that I didn't know how to respond other than to say thank you and accept his directions to the exit.

What was apparent was that he knew what I am, he still used the female pronoun and was happy to engage me in conversation.   I am sorry that the circumstance forbade any more conversation I would like to know how he knew so much, also what gave me away.   Although it transpired that I had nothing to be afraid of it was also clear that I had at least one supporter.   This was a rather strange and confusing encounter, but maybe as I go out into the world more I need to expect more of this sort of thing.

I've done my time

Well of course coming home from Cardiff I travelled Pretty, I wanted to wear my new blouse, and felt that to go with it I should have a black bottom (if you know what I mean).   Having worn trousers the previous day and having made my legs all smooth and hairless I opted for a pair of black culottes, black pantyhose and as a concession to the cold weather my knee high boots.   To try to add a little subtlety I had my long overcoat with me, and wore this when not driving.  (although I'm not wearing the coat in the picture as I wanted to show off my new blouse)

I made a couple of stops on the way home, the first for a coffee and comfort break, the second closer to home.   Stopping at a motorway services is always a bit of pot luck, on this occasion the services were not  too busy so I didn't have to queue for the loos, or struggle for a seat to have my coffee.   I was not aware of much attention from any other travellers, other than one man who kept looking my way (and I suspect paying particular attention to my legs, the culottes being on the short side and making for quite a display), I'm not sure whether he was attracted by what he saw, more than normally curious, or simply confused, anyway he didn't act on it so I'll never know.   Just as well maybe.

I had made good time and was earlier than expected so I popped into the Grape & Grain for a glass of wine.   As always I was simply accepted by everyone there.   If anyone might have thought I was anything other than I was presenting as then they didn't mention it to me.   At this Pub I always feel secure, safe and welcomed, on Sunday night the landlady wasn't around, but I was greeted with the correct pronouns and treating with courtesy and friendship.

edited for spelling 26-01-2012