Advent Calendar II

Christmas is great fun, and Advent calendars were created to heighten the excitement as we approach the celebration itself. Tiffany's have introduced an Advent calendar costing $112,000 this is the extreme but there are plenty of others that are extraordinarily extravagant, conspicuous consumption at its worst.

Maybe this is a good time to pause and think about Advent and Christmas, use Advent as a period of preparation not just for celebrations but for life, to think about what Christmas means to each of us, and how we can live up to it's message. That message may be different for each one of us ~ for me when asked about the meaning of Christmas I will usual say that "It is when we celebrate the transcendent become manifest" ~ but then I am a poser!

Surely if Christmas has a unifying message then it is very much just that! A message of unity, of giving without expectation of receiving, of (as the angels put it) peace among men!

Somehow at a time like this conspicuous consumption feels particularly gross, so how about instead of the fizz calendar, the jewellery calendar, or even the grown up chocolate calendar, try something different.

How about trying the Food Bank Advent Calendar?

I only heard about this yesterday morning on the radio, each day lists an item of food needed by food banks, instead of consuming it you donate it!

Now I am enraged that here in the UK we need food banks because people in work can't afford food, because of the delays in paying benefits, because successive governments have chosen to victimise people for being poor rather than supporting them ~ but that is the situation we have so this year as well as writing my own advent calendar I will be donating to my local food bank.

For more information look here a good article from last year in the i or go to the Trussle Trust

It's the Law

I have heard a lot this year about celebrating 50 years since the decriminalisation of homosexuality in the UK.  

Unfortunately this is wrong on so many levels, I was always aware that 50 years ago there was only a partition decriminalisation, but this morning I listened to a documentary on BBC Radio 4 where Peter Tatchell debunks the whole thing, giving a much fuller history of the legal situation over the last 50 years.

I learnt a lot, maybe you will too.   I know that a whole hour is quite a long to time to listen, but it is most rewarding, eye opening, and illuminating as to why so many gay men of a certain age can still be pretty cross.

Listen here

Dear Jenny

The last few days there has been a lot of fuss in and around the Transgender world about an article written by Dame Jenni Murray for the Sunday Times, I have just read it and I can understand why some trans people are very upset about it.   However I do suspect that they are a lot more upset than the article really warrants.

Just as Jenny starts her article with a clarification

"Let me make something absolutely clear at the outset. I am not transphobic or anti-trans. Not a Terf in other words. That’s trans-exclusionary radical feminist, to use one of the often-confusing expressions that have entered the language in this age of gender revolution."

Maybe I should make it clear that I am a regular listener to her on Woman's Hour and generally enjoy her broadcasts.

This is an opinion piece and there is some question as to whether since Murray is a presenter of BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour she should not be expressing an opinion on topics that the program will cover, and, where she should show, and represent the BBC's, impartiality. Certainly I would now find it difficult to listen to her host a discussion on Trans matters on Woman's hour without assuming that she favoured one side of any argument.   Given that I am a long standing fan and listener to Woman's Hour this is a substantial realisation.

Dame Jenni Murray

It is a well written, considered piece, and some research has clearly been done, just as I would expect from a journalist of Jenni's stature.   The fuss centers around Jenni's assertion that having lived life as a man, it is impossible to transition to become a "Real Woman", indeed it is with this phrase that I (and oh so many others) take issue.   I will agree that as a trans woman there are many of the formative experiences of most women that I have missed out on, some with regret, and some with glee.   Until relatively recently I have had no direct personal experience of misogyny, I have known of it, and indeed seen it, but it is only since my transition in my 50s that I have experienced it.   I have never known what it is to experience child birth (first hand ~ being there and watching is not the same) or indeed menstruation. Quite clearly I have not been through the process of growing up as a woman, and so do not have those formative, shared experiences that many women my age will have.

Having lived as a man I have known male privilege, more than that I have known white middle class, middle aged straight male privilege, and let me assure you Jenni, nothing makes you understand privilege like giving it up!

As it happens I do consider myself a feminist, I became a feminist not when I transitioned, and not when I started to suspect my true identity, no I truly became a feminist (rather than simply a sympathiser), when my daughter was born.   I wanted to be able to tell her to follow her dream, to assure her that she could be anything she wanted to be and not have to keep my fingers crossed behind my back.  I want to live in a society where when I tell my Daughter to be true to herself it is considered to be good advise.

A real woman

So am I a real woman, well the simple answer is that I am a woman (after all that's what it says on my passport!) and I am real. If I were not real I wouldn't have to pay my credit card bills, so there is a down side.   Does that make me a real woman? well in my book it does, but I think that must depend on the definition of a "real woman".   Jenni worries that a couple of the trans women she has interviewed were not aware of feminist principles or history, she worried that these two were unduly concerned about clothes and make up, and cited the example of one of the very rare people who de-transitioned. Considering this as evidence that we are not real women.

Unfortunately many Cis Women are equally ignorant or unaware of feminist history, the battles that have been fought, won, and lost, many are unduly concerned about their clothes, make up and appearance. that makes them no less real.

As far as clothes and make up go maybe I need to explain that these are even more important to trans women than Cis women, especially for those of us who transition later in life. Not because we are brainless Barbies but because we are aware that like any other woman we will be judged by what we choose to wear, every aspect of our appearance will be analysed and criticised, perhaps even more so than our Cis sisters.   Then add to this minefield the two aspects that we have not had the years of practise, development and learning of our sisters, and that we also have more that we choose to cover up, it is perhaps more important to us that our presentation is appropriate and that we, who are so often considered oddities, will fit in.    I have friends who have been women all their lives and they are also concerned about their appearance, that makes their womanhood or their opinions no less valid.

Perhaps the two trans women Jenni spoke with appeared unaware of, or disagreed with some basic feminist principles, this does not apply to all trans women ~ indeed at last year's Mirth Control at the end of the Women Of the World festival I was in the top ten on the feminist quiz!

I cannot forget, and would not want to, my life prior to transition, I cannot put aside all the experiences and people who have made me who I am today.   But once again I ask does all this mean that I am not a real woman?

I consider myself a real woman, my daughter considers me a real woman, my friends consider me a real woman. Maybe the problem is in the wording, to suggest that I am not a real woman, is to suggest that I am acting, playing dress up, not experiencing the reality of womanhood, indeed invalidating my very essence of self.   Well let me assure you Jenni that what I am experiencing is real, very real, and not always comfortable.   True I have not enjoyed all the aspects of growing up a woman, maybe a less offensive expression might be "Complete Woman".   I am real, but I will admit that lack of experience may make me incomplete.

The sooner we can stop this being a debate, and exclude the extreme activists on both sides then maybe we can make this discussion a constructive one rather than giving and taking offense.   I expect Jenni will be at WOW at the festival hall this weekend, I will be there on Sunday as I will once again be playing in the Women Of the World Festival Orchestra, the World's only orchestra made up entirely of real women, if you would like to talk to me between rehearsals and performance I would be happy to explain further just why I feel real, even if maybe not complete.

Stuff & Nonsence

 Well I finally returned home last night after a few days away, and a protracted struggle with the M4, after settling down I decided that what I really, really needed, was a nice Dry Martini. only to find myself confronted with the results of my own gluttony, I had already eaten all the olives!   Never mind I managed with a little lime instead.

Then this morning I had the pleasure of discovering that BBC Radio 4's Womans Hour was devoting a whole program to trans issues if you didn't hear it it is worth it and you can listen again here.  If there is one thing I will remember from the discussion it was the statistic that nearly twice as many Americans think they have seen a ghost as think they have seen a Trans person.   I am reminded of the stat that says 90% say they don't know a trans person, 100% of them were wrong.

I now find that BBC2 are showing now showing "Albert Nobbs" tonight as well. Thank you BBC

Angel

I am not a great fan of rap, or hip hop.   This will be no surprise to almost any one who knows me, after all I am a middle aged, white classical musician, and my preferred radio station is BBC Radio Four.   Indeed listening to Radio Four's Woman's Hour the other day I had my first contact with Angel Haze.   I have not had a sudden change of taste I still struggle with the music but I am in open admiration of the woman.   Listen here and see if you don't become a fan as well.

I was impressed by her attitude, her resilience and her honesty, of course her stance on gender and sexuality also strike a chord with me

Looking Back 1

Yes it's that time year, the tie when we look back over the last year and see how we have done, did we live up to our aims, what did we do right and where did we go wrong.   Try to assess the bad as well as the good, and through that try to see where we go next.

Just over a year ago I listed six resolutions so lets see how I did

1. To achieve solvency - Fail, I am slightly less broke than I was a yea ago, but still up to my (very nicely shaven) armpits in it.
2. To take of one day each month solely for my own edification - Fail I have been to some very good and interesting exhibitions, but I have not managed the regularity I had hoped for, I will continue to try to do this as when I do I do find it helps.
3. To spend quality time with my wife, to restore our relationship and to get better at communicating - Fail, big time on every count.   I gave up conducting my local Brass Band to have more time, somehow it was never going to be enough, I think I never really understood what our relationship was actually based on, and the only thing that we have managed to communicate between us is that my wife no longer wants to be with me.   well as they say some you lose, and some you lose.
4. To enjoy Paula, but not let her take over - not sure how I have done here, a year ago I knew Paula was an important part of me, a part I could not suppress but was fearful that she might take over and that somehow I would lose some of what is the essential me.   I was not prepared to kill off Paul to allow Paula to take over.   I have spent a lot more time as Paula, I have enjoyed that time, as always I have felt a sense of loss when I have cleaned off the make up and got changed, I don't think this is about the clothes or the make up, I think it is about me being authentic.   For a long time now I have been saying that this is not something I do, it is something I am.   I am now reassessing what that means, what it means to be trans gendered, and more to the point what it means to me.   I think that I no longer spend time as Paula, I am just as much (or possibly more) Paula as I am Paul it's just that sometimes I wear different clothes.   Now I need to work out what if anything I am going to do about it.
5. To perform as Paula - yeh at last I can put up a big Success! I have played with the LGSO on several occasions, I have played with the LSW band and more recently I have played with the Pelly Orchestra.   In many, many ways these concerts have been the highlights of my year.
6. To play more music - some success, I have been listening more I have managed to retune y radios so that on occassion they will now play Radio 3 and Classic fm, but there is just so much music and so little time.

So some limited success, the previous year I managed to achieve five out of my six resolutions, maybe I set the bar too high.

Shoes

I know, I know, one of my favourite topics I have written lots about shoes, I have put up lots of photos of shoes, but then they are important to me, and I know I am not alone.

I know actors will often say that the key to finding a character is in the shoes, I find that having the right shoes for the job helps put me in the right frame of mind, whether it is steel toe capped work boots, black oxfords with a suit, or high heel sling backs with a LBD for a night out!   The other day as I was driving between jobs I caught a bit of a show on BBC Radio 4 all about shoes.


Foot Notes is a program put together by shoe enthusiast and collector Rowan Pelling who takes us on a journey through her personal shoe collection to tell us the extraordinary story that lies behind footwear.

It will be no surprise to an of us that she discovers that, far from being simple functional objects that we put on our feet, shoes can communicate our sexual desire, aesthetic sense, social status and personality. They not only reflect social history and changing fashions, but are also a personal record of our lives - a touchstone that evokes a time, a place and an emotion.

In language and throughout literature, they can be magical as in The Red Shoes, transform lives as in Cinderella, and used as punishment in the Twelve Dancing Princesses (maybe that's where it started for me at the age of 11 I played the part of the King in a school musical production of this story, it was also the first occasion I wore tights!).

Shoes have been made from jewels, can cost thousands and are often bought in the wrong size - just because we love them.

Fancy shoes, comfy shoes, old shoes, new shoes - they can change an attitude and define a generation and mean something different to us all.   This is an interesting and fun program, follow the link and listen.

Some are more equal than others

Spending a lot of time driving recently I have been listening to a lot of radio, and not aways my choice of station, one thing that has struck me is the number of phone-ins on air.   These vary from the BBC Radio 4's "Any Answers" to LBCs cheap time fillers, the thing that all phone ins have in common is the obvious, any one can phone in and express their opinions.   Sometimes they will not only give their opinions but also express their impressions as facts.   The rise of the phone in has been mirrored in News reporting with the ever more prevalent "vox pop" it almost seems obligatory that every item is accompanied by the opinions of some member of the public.

Now I suppose that it is good for democracy that popular opinions are expressed in public, but are the opinions we hear being expressed either popular or informed.   Over the last few days I have heard opinions that are both illogical and ill informed, every now and then a subject will be discussed that I actually do know smething about, yet so often the people who are discussing it don't seem to.   So the question I ask myself is why are these peoples opinions important.   I want to hear the opinions of informed people, experts on the subject, decision makers who will influence policy, not a Taxi driver who hasn't bothered to research the subject before haing an opinion.

In a democratic system we each have a vote which counts the same, but surely the views that influence how we use our votes are not the same.   I was listening to a debate on LBC about night flights from Heathrow, now we mostly heard from people living under the flight paths who will be effected, their opinions are valid, we heard from a taxi driver who although he conducts business from the airport just did not understand that what he thought were facts about the current situation were simply wrong, so his opinion was not valid as it was based on misinformation.   We did not hear from any of the airlines or passengers who could be effected, so we had a very unbalanced set of views.   I want to hear opinions for all sides of the argument, balance the quality of life of those who live near Heathrow against the commercial interests of London and the Country as a whole, before I make up my mind or in extreme cases cast my vote.

Now many of us are getting more and more of our news and opinions from web based resources, including blogs like this one, I like to think that I am a well informed, sensible balanced individual whose opinions are valid, but there are a lot of things I don't know that much about, so if you want to know about gardens, transgender issues, music then listen to me, take my political opinions seriously but don't accept them as gospel, and when (like most bloggers do) I start to spout opinionated rubbish ~ err let me know.

Warning ~ Don't get caught

There are a lot of pop up ads on the Internet at the moment for "Beauty Products" like Dead Sea Beauty Kits where free samples are being offered on trial, or even more insidious "Testers wanted".   Don't be tempted, after you go through the process you will be asked for credit or debit card details so that you can be charged for post and Packaging.   At first you will be charged an item of around £3:99 or some other small and apparently reasonable amount, then a month or so later you will start getting larger amounts up to £90 debited to your account, and it is apparently very difficult to get them stopped.

I understand that it is possible to get the payments stopped, but it is a lot of hastle and getting refunds is even harder, so be warned, don't be fooled.   It is a shame that this sort of scam always preys on those who are most vulnerable and often can least afford the loss, the temptation to get something for nothing is even stronger when you ave very little.   Remember if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Every Silver linning has a cloud

Grayson Perry: all dressed up for a proper

north-east night out with the girls

There have been a few strikes by the Nation Union of Journalists effecting some BBC programmes, amongst other things this meant that on Monday rather than a new edition of start the Week we had a recording of an old programme.   The joy of this is that it was one featuring Grayson Perry, talking about his series for Channel 4, "In the Best Possible Taste"; if you haven't seen this it is well worth a look, anyway, my point is that as part of the series at various points he was dressed up by his hosts in the taste of that "class" for an appropriate event, on one of these occasions was he was dressed by new middle class 30 somethings in designer menswear, clearly Perry was not comfortable with this, but said with great glee "and I think I passed" I could clearly hear the laughter in his voice, even though I was laughing out loud myself; there was some polite amusement shown by the other guests, I think they just didn't understand.

Freddy Bassett's

Joe makes a very good point, I do wonder whether my cross dressing is the problem, or a symptom of other problems in our lives, in our marriage.   Some of the questions I was asked on Tuesday at our first session made me wonder, "what triggers the urge to dress?" "Why have you not sought help to stop before?" "Are there not other ways you can feel feminine without the clothes?" however I also wonder if they are the right questions at all.

I am very confused at the moment, but I do know that I want to do whatever I can to make our marriage "work" at the moment I have trust that my wife shares this determination, I think there are areas where we both need to change.   I think that there are often times when my status within the family is undermined (I won't go into details) following these occasions I will often find I am dressing, or at least thinking about it more.   It seems strange that maybe I react to having my masculinity undermined by boosting my femininity, or maybe this is just another source of stress...... too many questions not enough answers.

Feeling pretty grotty this morning, and seeing the snow fall I decided on a day at home, I have some data entry work to catch up on so it won't be a wasted day, but started off with a long soak in the bath, while I was soaking there was yet another piece on Woman's Hour about prostitution, one of the interviewees made the unchallenged assertion that no one had the right to make a moral judgement about what other people do, well maybe - to a certain extent.   I don't want anyone making a moral judgement about my clothing choices, but much of our legal infrastructure is based on moral judgements, this is why we have laws against rape, child abuse, violent crimes etc. etc. to a great extent the basis of society is the consensus of moral judgement, it is just that the centre of that judgement changes.   In the 60's much was illegal that is now an accepted part of everyday life, there is still a mutual moral judgement, it is just that our collective view used to be that homosexual acts should not be allowed, now the view has changed so that any discrimination on the basis of sexual preferences is anathema to most of us.   We not only have the right to make a moral judgement, we have an obligation to, it's just that most of us only have an opportunity to act on those judgements once every five years or so.   I do think that we need to address the legal situation of people working in the sex trade (it is not an industry!) and I am glad that BBC is grasping this thorny issue, this is just the sort of thing the BBC is good at and should be encouraged to continue to do.

Just for Juliet, from Chambers (1993 edition) " Minutia mi-nū shi-∂ a minute particular or detail:- usu in pl minutiae (-ĕ) " There I knew it must be in there somewhere

Boxing

BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour seems to be going through a strange patch, Yesterday (Tuesday) they had a discussion on men wearing pink, and came o the conclusion that as long as it is tasteful it's OK so n pink golf trousers but shirts are fine, one of the ladies commented my husband wears pink shirts, and hes a real "Rugger Bugger" well I used to play Rugby (and in the front row at that!) and I have a pink shirt so that's pretty re-assuring, they didn't say anything about slips, camisoles or panties though.   The over all discussion was on wearing this season popular pastel colours, I was tempted to let them know I have a nice pastel green dress as well as my pink shirt but thought better of it.
Then today (Wednesday)  they had a peace on boxers wearing skirts this is the blurb from their web site; "As women's boxing makes its Olympic debut, is the Amateur International Boxing Association (AIBA)wrong to suggest women boxers wear a skirt? An online petition opposing the move has collected nearly 50,000 signatures. The AIBA say it will allow spectators to distinguish female competitors from their male counterparts. As the Committee prepares to meet in Bangkok this week to finalise the changes, Jenni speaks to the BBC's Olympic Sport Reporter, Jessic Creighton; and is joined by professional boxer and trainer, Marianne Marston, and Laura Sapperstein who is a boxer and also designs kit, to examine whether wearing a skirt undermines the status of women boxers." It seems to me to be bazaar to make competitors in a activity like boxing to wear a skirt of all things, I think there should be some serious questioning of the motivations here.   I am no fan of boxing I would certainly not be lured into watching women's boxing just because they were wearing skirts.   However what was interesting was when one of the guests revealed that a lot of male boxers are wearing skirts, she then stressed that they were "Gladiator" style but I think I did hear her say that they were pretty, and feminine.   I may have miss heard so check it out, I think you may only be able to listen if you are in the UK.