Glamour Girl

Over the last year or so I have been privileged to have had three different photo shoots ~ one of them was a "prize" I had the shoot for free, but had to pay for the photos ~ so not exactly a total bargain, but out of that I got some good pictures, including a couple of head shots that I use for both the bands I conduct, the Croydon Brass Band and the Allegra Concert Band .

I am so proud to have written that last sentence, I start as permanent Director of Music with Allegra tomorrow! I did a lot of work with them over the Summer, and was appointed last month, but due to other commitments tomorrow will be the first rehearsal I can attend since then. I am really looking forward to working with them for many years.

But to get back to my theme ~ The other two photo shoots were both paid for leading to specific exhibitions, both of them outdoors exhibitions! The first was for International Women's Day I was selected as one of the Women changing the face of Croydon, I had a very enjoyable time chatting and having my photos taken, then for the month of March we had our photos pasted up on hoardings opposite the Town Hall.

I was a little surprised just how many people noticed it, and then contacted me to comment ~ all positive ~ on my photo and the exhibition. A few of my friends were featured as well, it's things like this that make Croydon a rather wonderful place to live.

Later in the year the people who run the Croydon Town center found they had a couple of empty shop fronts and wanted to cheer up the area. They also wanted to promote a positive image of Croydon ~ all too often it is portrayed as a depressed, oppressed violent place, not the vibrant, multi cultural, community it really is. The idea was to feature photos of Croydon Heroes. Once again I was asked if I would be one!

So along side artists, entrepreneurs, teachers, and local celebrities, there's a poster size photo of yours truly!

This is easily the most vain post I have ever put up, but it is only partly an excuse to show off my photos, it is also my chance to observe that I always used to be a bit uncomfortable having my photo taken. In consequence I looked a bit wooden and characterless ~ that has all changed, each of these three session I really enjoyed, I was relaxed and comfortable, and I think it shows. The big change is of course that I am now being authentically me, I think  my comfort with having my photo taken is a reflection of my comfort being me!

The Camera can Lie!

Way back in July at Croydon Pride I won a makeover and photo shoot with a local studio,  Hello Gorgeous.

I have just had a big birthday, indeed I have just had a very BIG birthday! So as part of my celebrations I took up my prize and had my professional photo shoot, this involved having some make up done and bit of styling to my hair and a lot of photos. I was encouraged to take along a couple of favorite outfits so I set aside something a bit slinky so that maybe we could do a couple of "glamour" shoots. I then studiously left that bag at home, so I just  had the suit I wore.

That suit is of course more than fine, it was chosen for me by my daughter, I am not sure I would have bought it myself but I find a absolutely love it.  I like the length, the tailoring and the combination of fabrics. Somehow it seems to make me look even taller, and (a very good thing) slimmer!

I think I look rather strange without my glasses, but that is just what I am used to. the photographer, a lovely young man called Z, insisted that we try a few shots without my glasses He felt I looked fine without them, and was having some problems with reflections, and in the end I had to agree that a couple of them made it into my final selection.

I quite surprised myself with ho much I enjoyed the experience, in the past when I have done anything like this I felt very self conscious, my movements have been a bit mechanical, I simply could not relax and definitely did not enjoy the experience ~ however nice the photographer! I think my friend Justin almost despaired of getting any sort of shot that would be usable when he tried!

This time I relaxed quite easily, I could follow the photographers instructions, my smiles were genuine, even if some of the poses I had to adopt felt anything but.

Given that my previous phot shoots were in "a previous life", I can only assume that this is a symptom of how much easier I feel with myself, my new found real self confidence (as opposed to the act I used to be pretty good at), and an added contentment with my body and my looks.

This is all quite timely as both the Brass Band and the Croydon Pride websites are about to undergo some updating and it will be nice to have a proper "publicity" head shot for them, and hopefully I will need a good photo for a concert program again at some point.

Pride!

It's nearly a month since I posted, not because I don't care, I have often thought about a post, not because I have nothing to say, I have been very busy with work, with Prides, with Gigs, indeed with life. Making excuses to myself I have been telling myself that I have been living life rather than writing about it, but the two are not mutually exclusive!

This morning I have been working from home on some Pride stuff, and a bit of admin, and thought, yep it's time for a post!

Over the weekend I saw my friend Jenny another irregular blogger, we met up at Trans Pride Brighton, a fabulous sunny day, lots of friends, lots of interesting people ~ just a shame I had to leave early to get to the Oxted Beer Festival to see "The Sweet" one of my favorite bands from the 70s  I had a great evening with some good, close friends and also bumped into some other friends I wasn't expecting to see. Then on Sunday I was playing with the Lambeth Wind Orchestra at the Lambeth Country Show. ~ All in all a pretty fabulous weekend!

The previous weekend had been Croydon Pride, again a fabulous day, I felt totally vindicated for all the work we put in,, I was found wandering about the field talking to people at around 8:00 O'clock saying "I've found my people"

The turnout for the event and the Parade exceeded our expectations with about 1,000 turning up for the parade alone. As a mark of support for the Trans community after we have experienced so much hate this year my other trustees suggested that TransPALS marched at the front of the parade. It was great to be surrounded by Trans flags, and I was so glad tha this suggestion came from the others and not me.

Proud

For many of us we are now entering the period known as "Pride Month" we have events going on at least every weekend for the next few weeks, between Croydon Pride; Pride London and Trans Pride Brighton I have those three events themselves I also have an LGSO concert next Sunday (which will be absolutely wonderful) a Croydon Pride Mix and Mingle event on Tuesday along with various planning meetings, rehearsals, parties and medical appointments.

The weather looks like it is set to stay warm and sunny but I'm not sure how I'm going to fit in the time to go to work, I really should be at work as I write this, but after a busy weekend I'm having a late start today.

But I digress, what I am feeling proud about is Croydon! I know a lot of people never think about Croydon at all, and then others will simply think of it as Chav Central, but for me Croydon is a vibrant multicultural society, it is largely inclusive, mostly friendly and something is always happening.   On Saturday I attended an all day conference on Gender Identities in Children and Young People it was aimed at professionals working in the field, and was largely a signposting event, but also included good information on what is available for young people, an all too short session on ethics, some performances by Gender Non Conforming local young performers and some short case studies. A lot was packed into a single day, but it was so good.

One thing that struck me was the apparent need for events like this, we had counsellors from as far afield as Scotland because they have nothing like it closer.   Last year Croydon led the UK by flying the Trans flag on TDOV, this year the town has lead again with this conference. A I said at the end of the event, I was born and brought up in Croydon nearly sixty years ago, I am now the Chair of Croydon Pride, and I have never been more proud of Croydon than I was on Saturday!

There's Something in the Air

The other day I wrote here about how I felt that Spring had Sprung! Since then the weather has not been great, a bit wet, a bit dull, a bit cold, all in all a bit sh£t! But the coming of spring isn't just about the weather and starting to cut grass.

There is also the impending Pride campaigns!

At the weekend I was part of shooting some publicity for Pride in London it was great fun, if a little surreal, we had a chance to be interviewed and give our opinions as to why we felt Pride is important to us, and had a few photos taken, of course there is an embargo on all the details, but the picture I'm sharing here was tweeted by Pride in London so I am assuming that this one at least is now in the public domain.

Indeed for me being in the public domain is very much what Pride is about, certainly that's why it's important to me. It's important to me as a Trans woman that all the time there are people who feel that our identity is a suitable subject for debate; all the time we don't get equal access to health care; all the time that we don't get equal access to employment, and housing then it is important that we have a public, joyful celebration of who and what we are, coupled with a protest that we are still not being treated equally.

The Chair of Croydon Pride at the

LGBT+ History month launch

That's why I am involved in Croydon Pride, we had our first Trustees meeting of the year last night, we reaffirmed that although Pride Fest on the 14th July will still be our biggest event of the year, we will be working for LGBT+ people in Croydon and the surrounding area all year round. We will be holding additional events, we will be facilitating other groups, we will be visible ~ so just like a dog's not just for Christmas, we're not just for one party in the summer.

We are very keen that we are fully inclusive, that we represent the full diversity of the LGBT+ community here in Croydon, as trustees we represent as much of the LGBT+ alphabet spaghetti as it's possible for four people to do, but we are conscious that we could do better. We are only just starting our third year, so far all our events have been successes, but we are not going to sit back, self satisfied and think we have it cracked. We need help, we need to communicate with the community, it's how to do that which is challenging.

So, can I ask you all please to go visit our website, sign up for our news letter, and tell us what you think, and what you want from us.

Big Numbers

I'm pretty used to seeing big numbers, every time I get in my car or van I see pretty big numbers on the odometer, the car has done over 110,000 miles and the van over 220,000.   But the numbers I have in mind are smaller than those, the other day we had a post Pride meeting to assess how we did, and where we go from here.

The official estimates are that we had over 600 people on the parade and at least 3,000 for the event in the Park.   I suspect that both of these estimates are on the low side, unfortunately some figures that are not on the low side are the costs of running events like these.   We are determined to keep Croydon Pride Fest a free event, celebrating the progress of the LGBT+ community while maintaining an element of protest to keep fighting for equality, for all the community.  

We are thankful for the support from the Council and our sponsors, but for next year we will need to get in an awful lot more money. To maintain the quality of the event while growing the numbers of people who can attend we have had to set a budget very nearly twice the one we had this year.   We will need to get more sponsorship, we will need more commercial stalls at the event, and we will have to get individual donors.   We will have to have fund raising events, in short we will need a team of fundraisers and volunteers, the work for next year has already started!

I can't help but notice one other rather big number, this blog has now passed the 500,000 mark of page views, so if you have been, thank you for reading.

Croydon!

Saturday at Croydon Pride Fest was brilliant. The day started early for me with a visit to our Saffron Garden, a brilliant project focusing on Croydon's origins as centre of saffron production growing lots of crocuses, since it's the wrong time of year for crocuses we had 7 beds planted up in the colours of the rainbow flag, it looked brilliant and I was so happy that it truly was a community project with plants being donated in the colours.

Then it was meet and greet all the stall holders before a quick change and a walk through Croydon town center to lead the Parade.   Being at the front is rather strange, as we are the first thing people see, and in many cases the first time they realise that the event is even  happening. All in all I would say we had a very positive reception, and were shown a lot of love. It was hard to get an idea of how many people joined the march, but looking back I couldn't see the end! I estimate between 600 and 1,000.

The parade finished in Queens Gardens, right in the town center, opposite the Town Hall, as a committee we had taken the decision to
make the stage as professional as possible with a proper stage, back stage and PA, I think this paid off, making the whole event so much better.   I opened proceedings with a short(ish) speech welcoming everybody and pointing out that equality still hasn't been achieved, and although we were there to have fun and celebrate there are still battles to be fought, here and abroad.

After that I could relax a little and have some fun mingling with the crowd, talking to people, having my photo taken and presenting the prize of a pint of cider to one of our completion winners.

It was brilliant to see lots of rainbow flags and garlands, but maybe even better to see lots of Trans Flags, Bisexual banners and tee shirts, some non binary and the odd pansexual, I think we truly managed to be an inclusive event, and I want to make sure we carry on that way.

The only down side was that I could spend less time with friends and family who came to the event, but at least I did manage a quick photo with my friends Callum and Connor

As Chair I had a busy day with lots of duties (all of them pleasurable) meeting lots of people and having lots of conversation, so much so that it took a good few days before my voice had properly recovered.   All in all it was a great day, I'm already looking forward to next year's Pride Fest as I am sure that we can once again improve on this year, while still keeping it very centered on inclusivity and the Croydon community.

All photos by my friend Patricia Curtis, the official Croydon Pride photographer

A mixed Bag

All in all this is turning out to be a very odd week, and I don't expect it to get any easier!   This evening I have been reading through Stonewall's thirty odd page document "A Vision for Change ~ Acceptance without exception for trans people" What I have managed to read so far is pretty much "Motherhood and Apple pie" in that it basically says everyone should be treated equally with dignity and respect.   I will have to go into it in more detail tomorrow as on Friday I will be attending the London consultation meeting on this new Stonewall position and campaign.   I do have some reservations about their attitude to faith organisations, as there seems to be a fundamental lack of understanding that these organisations are based on articles and principles of faith, often through a holy book.   It is perfectly fair to say that individuals or secular organisations should conform with modern understanding of equality and inclusiveness, but is it fair to ask the same of faith organisations? To an extent I think that as long as they are not damaging other minorities then they should be allowed to maintain their long standing practises, as long as no one else is damaged, diminished or disrespected.

This same week I have been asked to be a Trustee of a new charity to run Pride events in Croydon, we will also co-ordinate and promote LGBT events, equality, and, inclusion in the area.   this all happens the same week that my beloved Church of England is debating, and rejecting the Bishops report " A culture of welcome and support" The Bishops embraced inclusion but could not go as far accepting same sex marriage or the blessing of same sex relationships, the laity agreed with them, but the clergy did not, and with our rather arcane system there has to be agreement amongst all three.  

Justin Welby, our very impressive Arch Bishop of Canterbury has now called for "Radical new Christian inclusion"   I'm not sure what all this will mean in the parish church, I know that my own church has been quite radical and very welcoming and inclusive in my case.

Indeed I am rather upset that my stupid lifestyle and over active musical life means that I will be missing them this Sunday again.   I think this will be the second Sunday in a row I have missed, but it seems like more.   I try not to go to Church religiously, but when I miss, I really do miss it.   I am still worshipping at the Church I moved to about two years ago, before moving home, I often think that I should move again to one of the Churches in the community I now find myself; then I will go to a service or event at Christ Church Beckenham, and everybody is so loving, and accepting that I just can't bring myself to move away.

Get with the Program!

It's a while back now but I have finally got around to telling a bit about an event I attended last week.   It was Friday night and I had got myself double booked, a rehearsal with my Jazz/Blues band and a reunion of the schools wind band and youth orchestra I played with.   The reunion was mostly concentrated on players from the 80s and 90s and I was very much a 70s player, but was determined to be there anyway.

As I expected apart from a tutor who conducted the band from around 1975 on I think was the eldest there, however there were a few who I overlapped with.   I was very fortunate that in the 1970s music was a priority in Croydon, so I received first class teaching and an instrument on loan, all without any cost to my parents.   I was also fortunate in my choice of instrument as when I started learning there was only one other tuba player in Croydon schools and he was about to leave.   This meant that I had the opportunity to play at a higher standard than I really had any right to quite early.

As there was a bit of interest I have scanned my copy of the program from the inaugural concert of the Croydon Youth Philharmonic Orchestra.   The front cover is notable for things, the autograph there is that of Sir Arthur Bliss the composer of"Things to Come" and the Master of the Queen's Musick.  He and his wife happened to be sitting directly in front of my parents so Mum grabbed the chance and got him to sign her program.

The other notable thing is the price ~ 10p these day a program like this ( heavy bound quality print A4 ) would cost more like £2:00 -£3:00.   But then only a couple of years earlier and that would have been 2 shillings!

There were of course several interesting things that came up at the reunion, not least that I have changed rather a lot since I was playing in CYPO, yet nobody made anything of my transition.   Indeed it was with a great deal of (I hope well hidden) glee that I heard my self referred to simply as a "tall blond"

If you click and enlarge this picture you can see me behind my tuba, but you would be hard pressed to recognise me from the woman I have grown up to become.

I am sure that these old programs are fascinating to anyone who was there, but to others may seem a little "dry" so a little context might help.   The Fairfield Hall itself is the concert hall part of the Fairfield Halls, and complex including galleries and the Ashcroft theater in central Croydon.   Opened in 1962 it still felt very new in 1973 and with a sell out audience of around 1,800 it can have a great atmosphere.   Even now it is recognised as a prestigious venue with a good acoustic.

Arthur Davison lived locally and was a recognised working conductor, although he never hit the big time with any major professional orchestras he regularly worked with the RPO, and made several quite successful recordings. A few years later he was to be awarded the CBE for his services to youth music.  Lady Evelyn Barbirolli was the widow of Sir John Barbirolli they were one of the leading couples in English music and at this time she was very much a "Grande Dame", we were very privileged to have a soloist of this quality and reputation work with us.

Interestingly one of our oboe players at that concert Paul Goodwin, later went on to be a world recognised soloist and a leading light of early music in his own right.

Most if the players in that inaugural concert went on to work in music, some with greater success than others.   Certainly amongst our number there are conductors, soloists, chamber musicians, publishers,members of leading international orchestras, teachers and even the odd gigging tuba player.

It was only about eighteen months after this concert that we made our first broadcast, as the Youth Orchestra in BBC Radio Three's series "Great Orchestras of the World".

Looking at these old programs has brought back so many memories, and there are many stories from that time that I could relate, but I will try to resist that temptation.   However I do rather hope that somebody will step up and organise another reunion, only this time include all us old folks as well.

Everyone Needs a Little Fun Sometimes

Sometimes life can be a funny old thing.   Earlier in the week I was struggling with depression, I would wake up in the morning and have to force myself to get out of bed, starting work would be a real battle of will.   Once I would get started I was fine, but getting to that starting point..... Then I would get home, wash and change and even knowing I needed to go shopping I just couldn't be bothered to do it.

Then I just sort of felt a bit better, no idea why as Thursday evening I went out to a meeting about organising ext year's IDAHO event in Croydon.   The weather had been inclement so I was at home anyway, I wore a nice grey M & S knitted dress with moderate heels and a classic Windsmore overcoat.   A very classic elegant slightly informal outfit for a middle aged woman going to a meeting.   The meeting went, we did manage a couple of decisions and agreed t put off some others until nearer the date.   I have to say that it is nice to be involved in this, party because Paula needs have a complete life, not just fun, and part because it is always good to include the T in LGBT.

Feeling better I popped into a hostelry on my way to the bus stop for a quick half, only to be addressed as Sir by the manager.   Once again feeling a bit deflated I was home before nine.   This was the night of Halloween I think I saw two people in costume and no trick or treaters.   But then neither have I seen anyone doing penny for the Guy.   Since then I have been very busy sorting out fences and feeling much better, so note to self keep busy, go out, have fun.

Concert

Did I mention that I was playing a concert last night?   Although I did have one or two problems relating to concentration I think it went pretty well.  It was very nice of the conductor to come up and congratulate me afterwards, altough I may have had the biggest toy I was a very small part of a quite a big band, all of us working for a good performance.

We played a very entertaining  programme, but one that was technically very difficult as well, this meant that the band and the audience were all on the edge of their seats with excitement for much of the time.   Most of the second half was taken up with an arrangement of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana all 16 movements of it, in many ways this was one of the hardest peaces we have yet performed, a few years ago we looked at it and decided that we were only capable of playing a couple of the movements, now we have performed the whole thing to a high standard at the main Fairfield Concert hall.

The biggest toy

This was not an occasion for any obvious cross dressing, as we were all very much in the public eye, myself especially since I was on the end of the back row nearest the audience.   A bit of a shame really as this is also an occasion when the ladies in the band like to dress up in their glam rags, well most of them anyway.   Many variations on the theme of the Little Black Dress were in evidence along with some quite cute shoes.   I did try to concentrate on playing the music rather than any unfairness that kept me in trousers and plane oxfords.   Of course there are always one or two who just won't play the glam game, my friend S in one of them, just wearing plain black trousers and a shirt blouse, she did go as far as to buy some "Girly" shoes specially for the occasion, ballet style pumps with a very slight wedge heel, quite nice but not exactly dramatic.  I couldn't help noticing that they came straight off when we had finished playing to be replaced by the ubiquitous trainers.

That is quite an old photo if me, dating back a couple of years to my more hirsute days, the beard is now just a memory, but I thin I may grow my hair a bit longer again.......

Last night

I think last night's meeting was the best attended I have been to, there was only one girl I had not met before, but not all at the same time.   I managed to spend a bit of time with my friends and a least a quick chat with the others.   It was very pleasant to be out without worrying about being spotted, or condemned in anyway, to just enjoy being Paula.   Like so often last night there was nothing particularly spectacular about the evening (apart from my red dress ) but it was just ~ well ~ nice.   At the end of evening I never want to it to finish, I want to carry on enjoying my femininity of course it has to and there is such a feeling of disappointment as I clean of the nail polish and make up, I long for an occassion where I can go to bed as Paula and wake up in the morning with my nail polish still on.

A few observations, we all seemed quite confident in our own company, but several of the girls would not be able to go out any other way; all the girls were wearing nail polish of one type or another whether dressed to the nines like me or in relaxed casual wear.   We were all past a certain age; several are or have been married, nearly all were drinking orange juice.

Helen, our wonderful leader has had an article in the local paper, this is very encouraging for all of.   To have some support for, at any level, from our local rag is great.

Last night I was wearing these tights, I love them, the feel, the smoothness, and the look, maybe the backseam is a little slutty, and they sure make me feel good, and just a little sexy, but when I took them off a made a small ladder in the foot, I will try to fix this with a little clear nail polish, but will buy myself a couple of pair next time I see them

Order! Order!

I see that my posts have got out order, but I hope that is not too confusing for you.   When I get a chance I like to try to prepare a few posts in advance and schedule the publication later.

Strange feat

Anyway this one is being written today ~ Saturday ~ and will be posted as soon as I have finished.   I have had a it of a diary malfunction, the meeting I thought I had to attend this evening is actually o the 20th not the 10th this means that I can go to all of the Croydon Trans Group meeting tonight.   As well as the pleasure f meeting other girls like me sharing our situations, problems and triumphs it is a chance to dress up.   As there is no need to try and pass I feel released to glam up more than I would just to go to the pub on a Saturday night.   Tonight that means my new red dress some sheer black tights with a backseem and lots of sparklers.   My toe nails are already a nice bright red "Cherry" which is a pretty good match for the colour of the dress, my fingers will be matching.   I know I shall enjoy the evening, and will try to write a little about it on tomorrow.

100 Today!

This is my 100th post, and I've had a little under 4,400 page views.   On an occasion like this it's nice to have a good positive story to tell.

Last night after my concert (which went well, but not brilliantly) I made a quick change and a dash back to Croydon just in time to join the group for coffee.   I was, I felt, rather glamorous with that very slinky LBD lots of sparklies and my wonderful four inch heel metallic burgundy pumps.   It was a shame that I was late and that the meal was over and the others tired and ready to go home.   We had a chat over coffee and then I was able to give one of the girls a lift home, but I was definitely not ready to go home myself.

Finding myself unexpectedly on my own and dressed up for a night out I decided that I should at least go somewhere for a glass of wine.   I looked at a few places but none seemed appropriate, when I remembered a pub quite close to home, that is quite civilised, catering for a more mature and quiet clientele.   I parked up not too far away and walked past quite a few Saturday night revellers as this is a lively area on a Saturday night.

I enjoyed a couple of glasses of wine at the "Grape & Grain" where I was welcomed by owners, the staff and customers.   Thus I had a very pleasant end to a very good evening; I just wish that I could have extended it further.

Tonight

Tonight it is going to be close, on time, but I am hoping t be able to get to join the girls from the Croydon Trans Group for the end of their Christmas dinner.   I have had a few occasions just lately when I could g out as Paula, but they have all been day time.  In deed nearly all the occasions Paula has had to go out have been day time.   On the whole this is good, safe and fun, but it also means that I don't get to wear the posh frocks.

I have this lovely slinky black sleeveless high necked cocktail dress that has been waiting for over a year too have an outing.   However for me it very much for evening wear, I intend to glam it up with some sparkly earrings, necklace and bracelet, and absolute killer heels.   Again I have had these shoes for a while and have just been waiting for an opportunity (excuse) to wear them out.   If I can get there in time, tonight will be the ideal occasion, since I won't have to wear the shoes very long, and I suspect that the extra height over anything I am used too could be quite taxing.   I am a little undecided what to do about my hair, at the moment my own hair is quite long (longer than in the photo) and I might be able to get away without a wig, but this would also mean I would be much more recognisable, I think I will take my blond(ish) wig with me and make a decision on the hoof.

I am also hoping to get to the opening of a new boutique in Streatham today.   I have never been into a Trans Boutique so this will be a whole new experience, oh yes and if I do the logistics are just so complicated that I would have to be in drab.

Another Busy Weekend

Well a potentially busy Saturday anyway.   I have a concert in the evening, the band is playing a fund raiser near Crawley in Sussex, at the same time my Support Group is having a Christmas dinner in Croydon.   While I know that I must miss the dinner to play the concert I am hoping to be able to get back to Croydon in time for a coffee with the girls after their meal.
Also on Saturday there is a new T friendly store opening near by in Streatham.   At the moment I have little idea of what this will be like, but since they are planing a "Grand Opening" on Saturday I would like to pop in and see for myself, never know who I might meet, or what I might see.   I am hoping that they might have some hip and bum pads or padded panties so I can fill out those jeans a little better.

On a different note - I have been complaining about my bad back, well earlier today (Wednesday) I bumped into a friend who amongst other things operates a Natural Health Clinic, I went into the clinic with him where he offered to diagnose the source of the problem, excellent.   This involved using a machine that sends pulses of magnetic energy through the body - or something like that - the outcome was that he found I had lots of muscle damage and a sprain, the machine is also the treatment, and I feel a lot better now, and even managed to do some work this afternoon.

Like I said - Obvious

For the machine to work I had wrist bands attached, and had to put my feet on some pads, so I had to take off my shoes.   This was a potential problem, but I decided to go ahead anyway, the problem, once I had taken off my shoes it would be quite obvious that I was wearing tights and that my toe nails had scarlet polish on them.   Of course he noticed and at first didn't say anything, I couldn't believe that I was going to get away it, and I was right.   After making us both a coffee he asked the obvious question, so using Megs "No More Stories" rule I admitted "Yes, I am wearing nail polish and tights", why, "the tights for comfort and warmth the nail polish just for fun" I then went on to admit that I do sometimes cross dress, and ask that for the sake of my wife the information be kept in confidence.   In all he was pretty cool with the whole thing, a little surprised perhaps, but very understanding.

That is now a couple of times I have been r very nearly have been tumbled, I shall either have to come right out or start being a bit more cautious, and since my wife would simply not handle my cross dressing being public knowledge I will have to be more cautious.

Always something New

Yes there is always something new, some new boundary to cross, some new envelope to rip open, some new experience to enjoy.   Well today (Tuesday) I found another new expression of femininity to explore.   As I have said I have been having a bit of back trouble recently (can't get it off the bed in the morning) and in consequence have had a bit more Paula time.
Well this does mean that I have caught up with Paula's laundry, and today allowed Paula an outing.   Nothing that exciting, shoes needing new heels, watch needing new battery and car needed taxing.   This lot equals a trip into Croydon. Well while I was wandering around killing time waiting for my shoes to be heeled (that's a sign of how much I like those shoes comfortable stylish and not very high heels) I noticed that Debenham's had a threading deal on.

I am aware that my eyebrows are a little shaggy and maybe one of my less feminine features, so I dived in and had them done, in public, in a department store.   and you know what? no one cared!  I thought that today was not one of my better presentations;-

Taken later after removal of my make up

I had been a bit flustered and rushed getting ready so as to make sure that I was out before my wife came home for lunch - Tuesday being her half day - my nail polish hadn't gone on quite right, not wrong, but not quite right either.    I got pretty much dressed, I was wearing jeans with a lilac turtle neck and a nice M & S wool jacket with a sparkly salamander brooch; as I was wearing jeans rather than a dress or skirt I though I would leave the makeup until I was safely on my way.   Then as I was walking to the car a friend pulled up beside me and engaged me in conversation. all I could think of was I had on a bra with my forms in, and nail varnish on my fingers, oh yes and some quite nice low heel ballet pumps - They must have noticed I have been outed!.  At least I hadn't got all my make up on.

Maybe with all this going wrong I should have called it a day, gone home and poured myself a Scotch, but no I carried on, put on my make up and jewellery, and then realised that my wigs were both at home in my bedroom.   Maybe I should follow Meg's example and start making lists.  

As I wandered around Croydon I was no more aware of any extra attention than usual, my own hair is fairly long at the moment and all that stops me from wearing it "au natural" is that it is receding a bit at the front, I combed it forward so the fringe more or less covered the thinning area.   Well after all this I thought I deserved a treat so I got my eyebrows threaded, it hurt a bit but looks a fair bit tidy-er, not a great big difference but better.   I think that it will help my presentation, and I may well have it done again.

Croydon Remembers

Well after the ceremony, I had a couple of errands I wanted to run, unfortunately I was too late for the first one.   I had a cheque that I wanted to pay int my building society, but y the time I got there they had shut.   Then there were a couple of things I wanted to check out in Allders before going into Debenhams.   I am a bit of a Lancombe fan, but most of their stuff is just a bit too pricey for me, however at the weekend they had a very good special offer running with Debenhams, with a free goody bag as well as money off.   on this occasion I succumbed to temptation.

I allowed myself this little luxury as a special treat, because of the cheque I was trying to pay in.   I won on the premium bonds, yes one of my bonds came up trumps again, a whole £25!   No quite the million I was dreaming of but a lot better than a poke in the eye!

By now I have more clothes, make up and shoes than I can ever claim to need, or indeed have any real use for, so I really must restrain myself and stop shopping, except for the family Christmas presents of course.

Croydon Remembers part II

Yesterday was a bit of a funny day, having got up at an unusually early hour for a Saturday, a quick shower and shave and I was out of the house for a Men's Breakfast at my Church.   There we had lots of talk about how difficult it is to be strong and the man that everyone expects us to be, this before a few hours work trying to sort out a problem with some garden lights.   This would not have been quite so bazaar if I had not known that I was going to spend the afternoon en Femme.   My Church also has a Women's day every year which for reasons I won't go into now I did attend a couple of years ago, on balance I think I preferred the Women's day.   That having been said it was a very good breakfast.   We are very lucky that amongst our membership we do have a professional chief, who just happens to be French.   Despite being French he still managed egg bacon sausages and black pudding; and managed them very well.

I couldn't solve the electrical problem, but I did have the afternoon to look forward to.

My original plan was to get changed at my customers business premises as I was not expecting anyone to be there, but when I got there a couple of staff had come in to see customers and tidy up some paperwork.   I was able to slip on my undergarments in the loo but that was all.   Everything else had t be done in the van.   This is never easy or elegant and it is difficult to emerge cool and presentable.    I think I managed reasonably well, and told myself that since I was going to be publicly declaring myself as a cross dresser by my presence at the ceremony it was more important to present myself well than to blend in.   As I know a couple of the girls are quite tall, and the weather very mild I thought I could "get away" with wearing a pair of my Roland Cartier open toed pumps with three inch heels my new "Next" grey check dress, this is quite short but I think rather elegant, and of course a coat.
So duly dressed and preened I drove into Croydon, there is a car park in Croydon which will allow Gloria in so I parked up and climbed out, and caught me watch strap clasp on my tights!   Regardless I carried on and met up with Helen, and Roger the organisers of the event.   We all met up in the Clock tower Cafe, before going upstairs into the Library for the ceremony

Lighting candles in Remembrance

After the ceremony most of the attendees went on to a local pub, that was hosting a buffet and refreshments and a showing of Jane Anderson's film "Normal" starring Tom Wilkinson and Jessica Lange.   Unfortunately I had more family commitments so couldn't go. 

Croydon Remembers

For those of you who don't know Croydon it is the 10th largest town in the UK, the largest borough in London, and one of the less inspiring places to spend a Saturday afternoon, to Microsoft it is a miss spelling of cruton, but to some of us it's home.

Today we had an event in our Central Library to remember those trans brothers and sisters who were killed over the last 12 months.   In a simple ceremony the names of the 18 identified people were read out, and a candle lit in their memory.   I was impressed by the simple ceremony, the fact that Central Library hosted it, the participation of a local church, and most of all the support of "civilians" several people not obviously effected by trans issues.

 

Here I am with Helen and Debbie from the croydon support group

 During the last week the library has hosted a display commemorating those who have died, small simple and effective, I am so glad to be part of a community which will allow us to participate.

Close up of the notice

The display