A Dark Day

 

A lot of my friends from the USA are very worried, Stana at Femulate has "Gone Dark" and is shutting the leading cross dressing blog down, as she doesn't want to encourage people into danger, others have adopted the all black square as their profile pictures on social media. I suspect many would now be leaving the Country if they had the option. Many of us feared that the presidential election would go the way it has, but I think few thought that it would be as comprehensive, nor that both Houses would also come under Republican control. Personally I am still reeling, even though this should have little direct impact on my life here in the UK, it may even push us back closer to Europe which I would only view as a positive.

We know that Trump now has power beyond most presidents dreams, we know the contempt he has for women, LGBT+ people, people with disabilities, in short anyone who isn't an able bodied white heterosexual man ~ what we don't know is what he will do about it. I suspect that he himself doesn't yet know and that uncertainty just adds further to the fear.

As an observer this has been a fascinating campaign the Vice President appeared to run an excellent, if short, campaign, the President appeared to make multiple blunders but maintain support and momentum. On Tuesday evening I stayed up with a friend and a bottle of Jack Daniels to watch the TV coverage as results started to come in. It was hard to believe what we were watching, nobody and nothing had prepared us for the scale of the victory, we woke up on Wednesday hung over and a little despondent. I'm still trying to work out what this says about America, but I am sure that it is nothing good. I am also sure that I will not be visiting anytime soon!

Tomorrow is Remembrance Sunday, when we remember all of those, of all nations, who have fallen in war, at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month we remember, we remember in the hope that that if we remember we will not engage again. WW1 was know as the "War to end Wars" at the time nobody could conceive that the World would forget the horrors of war would be inflicted on the World again ~ we were wrong, there has been war somewhere ever since. As we commemorate the fallen tomorrow we have to be aware that we are closer to another World War than we have ever been since 1945

Back to March

Young Hopefuls

OK, so here in England we have entered a second lock down, not as severe as the first one but still enough to stop the music! It's made me think about all sorts of things. Like many people I suppose this year has concentrated my mind and led me to a lot of introspection. A few years ago one of my friends from way back in our youth orchestra days observed that somehow we had gone from being the hope for the future to has-beens without actually achieving anything of substance in between. I know just what he meant and at the time I couldn't help agreeing with him. Now I'm not so sure, I'm getting so much enjoyment/fulfilment from conducting that I have been reassessing my whole musical life. Although playing is great I am slowly coming to the conclusion that I am a better musician than instrumentalist. Technically there is much that I would like to be able to do that is beyond me, but I am finding it so invigorating to be able to help others produce a better performance.

I miss my rehearsals and everything about communal music making, but I think most of all I miss performing. At heart I think I am a bit of a show off, I like to be the centre of attention, I like to be recognised and acknowledged. This is reflected not just in my music making, but in pretty much every other aspect of my life. I will often find that I am the "front" for organisations I work with and I enjoy that!

2014 in Croydon Central Library

Normally by this time of the year I would have played 20 - 30 performances, many of them I should have been conducting, We would have had Croydon Pride, we would have celebrated the Transgender day of Visibility, who knows how often I would have spoken and been photographed. I believe the last two events I spoke at were around the LGBT History Month back in February ~ since then it just feels as though life has been on hold.

In any normal year I would now have been preparing for the Transgender Day Of Remembrance, TDOR, this will be the first year for a long, long time that this will not have been marked with an event in Croydon, as I seem have led every event since 2012 I was planning for 2020 to be my last, but given this years hiatus I suspect that I may well do at least one more. One thing is for sure, for the foreseeable future I am sure that there will be a continued need for the day to be marked and murdered trans people to be remembranced.

Special Days

Yesterday I went to Church in the morning, nothing unusual in that, I do practically every Sunday when I am at home.   I believe in collective worship, and corporate prayer, I also like the structure of a service and community of fellow believers.   Yesterday I did feel a bit conflicted though, it was the International Transgender Day Of Remembrance (as I think I may have mentioned before) I had contacted my Vicar (along with many others in the area) asking that the Trans community be remembered in prayers on this particular day.    Of all the Churches I contacted my own was the only one to reply, with a polite but firm decline.

I was left feeling rather conflicted, wondering if this meant that I was tolerated rather than embraced? was it just lip service being paid to inclusion? could it be personal?    Well I decided to go anyway, only to find on my arrival that yesterday was also the International Day of Prayer for Persecuted Christians.   I can see that for a Church this would take precedence, we are all more aware of these special days when they directly bear on a community we feel part of.   If we are not connected then we will be exceedingly unlikely to know of these days.   Given that a large part of the idea is to make those who are not directly affected aware of the problems then somehow we need to do better.   As Rosalind said yesterday we need many, many more people to  be aware of this and want to mourn those who have died/been murdered and support, at least, work to reduce, nay eradicate, hate crime in the future.

After Saturday's event we (that is the members of TransPALS who were part of the organisation) did have a bit of reflection, the main thing we want to change is to increase the general awareness of trans issues, particularly around safety, we aim to do this through increasing the publicity prior to TDOR 2017 and hope that we will see a lot more people at our event then. We cannot help if there are clashes with other notable days or events, we can just work to make sure that ours is as widely known about as possible.

TDOR

Today is the International Transgender Day Of Remembrance (TDOR), in London and around the world there will be memorial events, candle lit vigils and ceremonies this afternoon and tonight.   Yesterday afternoon I led an event in Croydon.   We lit candles for the 87 fatal victims of trans hate crime around the world, the 87 who were recorded and verified through TDOR.info  Of those 87 names 65 (including 12 unnamed women) were from Brazil, 15 from the USA and 1 each from Italy, Mexico, Pakistan, Russia, Thailand and Turkey.  I do not for a moment believe these numbers, there are countries where crimes against Trans people are not recorded, there are many when it is not recorded as hate crime, or that the victim will not be recorded as trans, or indeed under their chosen gender.   Many events will have list running into the hundreds, these will still not be comprehensive.

Not for a moment do I believe these numbers, there are still way, way too many people being killed, raped, beaten up because of their gender identity, we need to note this; morn this; publicise this; and work to reduce this.   I may not be directly under threat but we all (all of society) are reduced by the violence that is offered instead of compassion.

As well as the 87 candles we lit one extra, large candle for all of those victims not recorded on the list.

On a personal level I was gratified by the attendance at our event and the support shown to us by members of the local LGBT community. We also had substantial support from the wider community, with friends, supporters and indeed the Deputy Mayor of Croydon all joining us.

This is an event we do not want to have to hold, but expect to have to for many years yet.   The last couple of years it has been run for and by the Trans community through my local support group TransPALS.    Our next event will be our Christmas dinner, that should be a lot more fun!

It's Coming

It's got to that time of year! Remembrance Sunday has past, Guy Fawkes has passed, and this weekend we have the Transgender Day Of Remembrance.   This latest has been taking up a fair bit of my considerations recently, although maybe not as much as it should have.   With both a Holiday and a close family member in Hospital I will admit to having been distracted.   Add to that this week I have not been feeling too well myself, without wanting to go into details I am a little reluctant to get too far away from my bathroom!

Yet even with all of this the thoughts of Christmas are looming!    Some of my friends will be overjoyed about the impending celebrations, others will be profoundly depressed about the enforced conviviality.   For me it is also about the sheer number of performances that pile up during the month of December.  Yet having said that this year I only have six performances scheduled, a little less than previous years, and none of them paid! While I know that some of this decline is down to a general lack of funds (I had to turn one Orchestra down as they can no longer pay) and some is down to a severe clash of dates ~ I was offered three gigs all in the same Saturday evening ~ I feel it may actually be good for me to step back a bit and try to do a little less.   I might even be able to go to a concert or two.   I certainly want to hear my Wife's choir singing.

Girls Doing for Ourselves

I know a busy weekend is nothing that unusual for me! I am constantly over committing and taking on slightly more than I can manage, you see I'm just a girl who can't say no, and every now and then my worlds collide and I end up running around in ever decreasing circles until I disappear up my own fundamental oraphis! This week end was in danger of being one of those occasions.

On Friday evening after an extensive day's work  I met up with some good friends for the London TDOR event, this was a very moving occasion, organised and presented by and for the Trans community. On these occasions it not only strikes me how cruel the world can be but also just how many of us, in our diverse expressions of gender, there are.   There were many there who I already knew, but even more I have yet to meet.   Afterwards we followed the traditional routine and adjourned to an adjacent hostelry. Several bottles of wine later I managed to remember that I had to get home, a journey involving two walks and two trains, in the end by the time I managed to get home it was the wee small hours of the morning, so I had all too few hours sleep before getting up and starting to prepare for our own TDOR event in Croydon.

There has been an act of remembrance for many years in Croydon, and this is the second year that I have led the event, last year we had a simple ceremony, but we wanted to build on this.   Previous years' events had been put on by the Excellent Aurora, Croydon's LGBT/Police consultative group, this year we were keen that the Trans community should be much more involved in both the organisation and presentation of the event. We had a wonderful event, suitably solemn, but at the same time celebrating our lives, I think we successfully managed to involve both the local Trans
Community and supporters. I hope to have some photos at some point and will (maybe) write more on this event then.
It was wonderful to have the wonderfully talented Stephanie sing for us and Faye play her Sax, with a mixture of ceremony, music and poetry I feel we struck the right note with our event, and for the first time we did it for ourselves.

I have no wish to belittle the work put into previous year's events, Aurora have done a wonderful job and we would have nothing without them, no, we are standing on the shoulders of giants, yet somehow this year it felt that it was time that we did it for our selves.   That we should make this an event put on by, and for the Trans community.   I am so grateful to all the guys from Aurora and CAGS for all the physical, and financial assistance that they have given us this year and previous years.  I am grateful to Croydon Council for providing us with a space and refreshments, I am grateful to Croydon Library for letting us put up a display there prior to the event (and to Roger for putting it all together), I am grateful to my friends in TransPALS for bringing it all together, despite my own disorganisation.  But most of all I am grateful to those who turned up and made this a valuable event in the life of the community.

This has been an important year in the life of the Trans Community here and around the world. We have witnessed some high profile transitions, and more and more public figures are coming out. I won't go as far as to say that being Trans is now normal in most people's experience, but it is definitely less scary, and more and more people know that they know a trans person.   It is becoming less hard to walk down the road without fear, more and more girls are feeling able to go beyond their own front door, and as more people read about those high profile outings, less feel the need to ask inappropriate questions.

Here in Croydon we have had a year of change, the old Croydon Trans Group as developed into TransPALS, now serving all of South London, we have more members, but have still to reach a lot of people who don't yet know us. We have developed a different management structure and are slowly managing to be more involved in London and National forums and campaigns as well as local and individual issues, yet still want to put on more events.   Maybe we are not quite ready to run yet, but this weekend we walked a lot faster.

So Much to Remember

I feel as though I have been absent from here quite a lot recently.   Between moving home, trying to keep four separate business going and lots of musical engagements, I'm afraid that blogging and social media have rather taken a back seat.

There are positives and negatives about being as busy as I have recently, I am not getting bored, in theory I should be making a living, and my reputation as a musician is once again spreading.   I have also acquired a couple of new customers for my little Avon business!   The down sides are more physical. I am beginning to feel exhausted with all the burning the candles at both ends, there are things I should have done that I have missed and others that I should have done better, but have done little more than go through the motions.

I know that there things I should have done that I have simply forgotten, either to do or to prepare to do. people I need to contact about concerts, and work that are getting forgotten, there is so much to remember.

On Saturday I will be hosting the Croydon event event for Transgender Day of Remembrance, this will be a big event for the trans community in our area. This will be the first year where we have taken the lead in organising this event ourselves, and we are making it a slightly bigger event with readings and songs as well as the act of remembrance itself.   I am sure that it will be a great success, yet I am also feeling considerable guilt that I have not done as much as I should have to ensure that all goes smoothly.   If you do come on Saturday afternoon, please remember that some of us have been going through a lot and have had to concentrate on our own private lives a bit more than anticipated, but also remember those people murdered for nothing more than being themselves.  I thank God that I have no problems that can't be solved with money, I am safe, I have friends, and my local community appears to be accepting.

Remembrance

This morning I broke with my normal Sunday morning habit and rather than attend my usual Church service I went to a local remembrance service, and was a little surprised to find that it was Vicar from my Church who was conducting the service.

There was a good turn out, with members of uniformed groups, cadets, scouts, guides etc. a decent band from one of the local schools, a piper. and of course local dignitaries. I noticed quita a few younger people sporting medals, I don't know whether they themselves recently served, or maybe they were wearing medals won by their parents, something I know happens, but find it difficult to approve of.   The ceremony around the act of remembrance is very much a Christian one, and in my own mind I was quite certain that the majority of attendees probably hadn't been to a church since Easter, or maybe last Christmas.

I am all in favour of remembrance, indeed virtually every year of my life I have either attended or played at a remembrance service, however I worry a little that there does seem to be an increasing element of jingoism. A celebration of Victories won, rather than a remembrance of lives lost.   We remember so that we can avoid repeating, remembrance without action is meaningless.

I pray that our leaders will remember the lives lost and concentrate their efforts on ensuring that they were not lost in vain, and that every effort will go into making sure we do not travel the same road again.

I wrote this yesterday, Sunday the 8th November, but technical problems with my computer stopped me posting it then.

Please Remember (to get it right!)

I had a funny old weekend, which involved a very late night on Saturday and what was essentially a duvet day on Sunday as I went into recovery mode.   Having teased you with that I am no going into any details, sufficient is said by "I think I enjoyed myself".

Our local free newspaper the Croydon Guardian did a little piece on our TDOR event in Croydon

It was nice to be noticed, but I would have been so much happier if they had made the effort to check their facts before going into print.   Now I am going to have to write to the editor to try for a correction.  Half of this comes from laziness of thinking, and assuming that because we use the LGBT shorthand it is all about sexual orientation.   The other half comes from lack of concern,, quite clearly insufficient effort was made too understand the press release, and they simply didn't bother to assign a reporter.   We did get a photographer who came along, but had to rush off to a Rugby match before we started the ceremony, but no reporter.   If they had sent a reporter then it would have been obvious why the photo shows Roger and me, Roger did most of the organisation (well pretty much all too be honest) on behalf of Aurora (he is secretary) and I lead the event on behalf of TransPALS.

When I first heard that we had managed to get a follow up piece I was really pleased, but as soon as I read that first paragraph I was deflated.   It is hard enough to get people to understand without these casual mistakes being made by the press.

Croydon Remembers

As seems to be usual for me I have had a very busy weekend.   Sunday was spent between Church and daughter, both of which where very good, but come under the general heading of "another story" but Saturday was the Croydon International Transgender Day of Remembrance, which I was to lead.

Others have written extensively about the desolation of these events, the sadness we all feel as we remember those victims of hate crime.   The shear length of the list of names, which ever list you use, is simply too long.   The individual tragedies each name represents, the youth, hope, and future snatched away ~ as the names were read out on Saturday I realised that every person on the list was younger than me.   I thank God that since he made this way I was born in England in the second half of the twentieth century, I am protected by law and convention, most of the time the worst I have to fear is derision, in Brazil death is an everyday occurrence.

The event in London was much better attended, much more "Complete" with several contributors reading poetry, singing, or making a small speech, yet our event in Croydon was just as poignant, and indeed pertinent, giving local people and those who cannot make a midweek event and opportunity to remember and to show respect.

Thank you to everyone who attended, to those who did all the organisation (all I did was say a few words, and front the event), and an especial thank you to Vanessa from Vanessa Law Photography for the pictures.

St Cecilia

St Cecilia; Guido Reni

Today is St Cecilia's day, now I'm not from a Church Tradition that celebrates Saint's day because we believe in that all believers are saints.   I also believe in the priesthood of all believers so the idea of setting some believers up as being in some way superior to others is anathema to me. Having said all that St Cecilia is the patron Saint of Music, Musicians and vagabonds, so today is a special day.

This afternoon I will be leading the Croydon event for the International Transgender Day of Remembrance at the Croydon Central Library ~ please do join us if you are in the area anytime between 1:00 and 3:00 p.m.

After that I will be heading home for a quick change before playing euphonium with the All Saints Concert Band in Thornton Heath.   So this year I will be celebrating St Cecilia's day by playing music.   I do worry that as music is forced lower and lower down the priorities of our education system this is something that fewer people will be able to do in years to come.   It seems to me that rather than encouraging people to study sciences, mathematics and engineering, the arts are being actively discouraged.   It may be science and engineering that drives our economy and and builds our infrastructure, but it is the arts that make us human.

More to the point arts and science are not in conflict, just as faith and science do not need to be conflict, until very recently they were considered to be different aspects of the same thing, we need an understanding of the science we use to make our art, and scientist need to have an understanding of how art expresses our condition.

Clubbing

First off can I remind all of you that tomorrow is International Transgender Day of Remembrance, I will be going to the event in London, please go to your local event, your support is important and you will be welcome however you dress.   On Saturday TransPALS will be hosting our own event in Croydon Library, we will be meeting at 12:00 for a cup of tea or coffee prior to the Act of Remembrance at 1:00 p.m.   Please do join us if you can.

Now; back to Saturday night, after getting changed at Patricias we made our way up to the Way Out Club on this occasion Rachel had decided to drive so at least we were guaranteed a way home.   By the time we got there it already felt pretty late to this old lady, but the club had barely started going, I bought a bottle of wine (to share between us) and we settled into some comfortable seats at a table that gave us a good opportunity to observe?

Well I suppose the first thing is that I really didn't need to worry about the length of my dress, several girls were wearing very (ludicrously) short skirts, or maybe they were belts, certainly no more than pelmets!   Some girls looked good, others should have known better, certainly there was a fair portion of mutton presenting as lamb.   Maybe it's my age, or maybe I'm growing into my gender but to me the girls who looked best were not the ones prominently displaying themselves, but the more modestly dressed (though definitely not frumpy) self confident ladies.

Then there were the men, this took me back to my teenage years when I would go to a club and hang around somewhere between the bar and the dance floor, not wanting to dance and too uncertain of myself to approach any of the girls, ending up just watching the dance.   Well the only thing that seemed to be different was that the men were older, given that they all knew what sort of club they had come to I would have expected better.   Some were downright slovenly in their dress, and others would have presented a hazard to traffic, but nearly all of them did nothing to approach any of the girls.   The other observation was that they all seemed to be on the short side! Maybe the girls were tall, especially in 4 inch heels, but if I am going to dance with a man it would be nice if he's taller than me.

Cashing the Cheque

I gather that today is Martin Luther King Day, now this is not a big deal over here in the UK but I gather it is much bigger in the USA where he is quite rightly honoured and respected.    He was a figure who represented freedom for all, OK his articular emphasis was on the Black American and how they were treated at that time, but what I read in his speeches applies equally to all.


Part of the famous "I have a dream" speech that always strikes me

When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds." But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt

Can the gay, and trans Americans even now say that the cheque has been paid?

I know that as I am no American and so maybe I should not be commenting but, whether we like it or not America is the leader of "The Free World" ~ however unfree so may feel ~ and I still refuse to believe that the Bank of Justice is bankrupt.

A full transcript of the speech can be found here

A Good Time to be a Woman

I heard a piece on the radio this morning commenting about the amount of misogyny still around, the comment was made that although this is probably the best time ever to have been a woman, especially a white western middle class woman, a lot of modern women still experience an awful lot of prejudice, restriction and violence.   It does worry me that even in the UK at the beginning of the twenty first century we still do not have a situation where everyone has the same opportunities and entitlements, and is treated with the same respect.   This is something that I would hope people bear in mind when they have the opportunity to vote, these are bigger issues than whether we should stay in the EU or what the level of duty is on a can of lager.

I am perhaps in a very privileged position to be able to have an insight into the differences between how men and women are treated.   As a woman I often feel vulnerable, when I enter a strange room, not knowing what is going to greet me, just walking down a quiet dark street or on occasion just going about my day to day business.   This is something I never feel as a man, I long for the day when women don’t have to feel like this.   I want my daughter to be as free, in every way, as her male contemporaries.

It also lead me to thought that this must also be the best time we have yet had to be a trans woman, on Saturday evening we discussed how important the internet had been to many of us, in making us understand that we are not alone and what our options and alternatives are.   Growing up I felt so totally isolated on this, I was sure that I must be some sort of pervert and that I should keep this aspect of myself well and truly hidden.   For any one growing up now in a similar situation a simple web search will show that they are not alone, that many people manage to lead happy fulfilled lives either in the gender they identify as, or switching between, and that support and help is available.

We can now go out in public without fear, we can meet in public, we can be part of society.   Of course this is from the privileged position of a middle class white Western European experience.   It is better than it was but we are still not universally accepted there are still plenty of places and situations where a girl like me can be risking her very life just by admitting what she is, or by being seen in public.   This is why things like the International Day of Trans Remembrance and the upcoming International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia are so important.   I aim to be doing my bit for IDAHO on Saturday, what about you?

It was twenty years ago today

I lie, I am not sure about the exact dates, but I do know that it was 20 years ago.   1992 was a big year for me.   It started out very well, after work (in the Pub) I went to a news party with another member of staff, this was pretty much the first time we had spent any time together other than working.   It had been quite a long and bust night behind the bar and we were both quite tired.   Sitting on the sofa together she ended up falling asleep across my lap.   I didn't dare move fore a couple of hours out fear of disturbing her.   That girl had spectacular legs, and that night she was wearing a dress that showed them off to perfection.   She still has the dress but has since acquired a husband and a daughter, unfortunately for me the dress doesn't fit her anymore.   One thing is that I will never be able to forget the date that we got together 1st January 1992.
After that things took a rapid descent within a couple of days I had a phone call from my Mother asking me to go down to Basingstoke (where they were living at the time) so I could take my father to hospital as he seemed quite ill.    He was ill, he was diagnosed with leukemia and started quite a rapid descent and died within a few months.   At almost the same time wife's (well she was still my girlfriend then) best friend was diagnosed with a terminal cancer.

CURRO the mascot of expo 92

I think it was March when I proposed (this is quite a story in itself but maybe for another day) and then in April that I got a job.   As I had been self employed (bumming around) for quite a while this was my first full time job for several years and came out of the blue.   One of my Band Leaders phoned up and asked if I had an up to date passport and would I be free next week?   Within a week a was on my way to Seville for Expo '92 with my Tuba while leaving my wife brother and friend to sort out my flat an put all my "Stuff" in boxes and store it somewhere until I came home.

Playing everyday at Expo was an amazing experience one that I know I will never be able to repeat. I was young(ish) no responsibilities yet and still eager for new experiences.   Having said that I missed my family and my (by then) fiancee, I think I wrote every day, but I may be wrong on that.   This was certainly the most spectacular time of my life, I am putting together a page of photos from Expo 92 so you can get some sort of idea what I mean.   While there I also heard // saw some of the worlds top bands, orchestras and singers, all for free.   Since I was working on site I had free entrance to everything within the Expo and tried to find something new each day.   The only fixed points apart from work were the parade and the fireworks, both spectacular and surreal.

While I was in Spain both my father and my wife's best friend died ~ our daughter is named after both of them.

I came home in August and realised just how cold an English summer is compared to a Spanish one, it took several weeks to reaclimatise. by the end of September we were married.

Croydon Remembers

Well after the ceremony, I had a couple of errands I wanted to run, unfortunately I was too late for the first one.   I had a cheque that I wanted to pay int my building society, but y the time I got there they had shut.   Then there were a couple of things I wanted to check out in Allders before going into Debenhams.   I am a bit of a Lancombe fan, but most of their stuff is just a bit too pricey for me, however at the weekend they had a very good special offer running with Debenhams, with a free goody bag as well as money off.   on this occasion I succumbed to temptation.

I allowed myself this little luxury as a special treat, because of the cheque I was trying to pay in.   I won on the premium bonds, yes one of my bonds came up trumps again, a whole £25!   No quite the million I was dreaming of but a lot better than a poke in the eye!

By now I have more clothes, make up and shoes than I can ever claim to need, or indeed have any real use for, so I really must restrain myself and stop shopping, except for the family Christmas presents of course.

Croydon Remembers part II

Yesterday was a bit of a funny day, having got up at an unusually early hour for a Saturday, a quick shower and shave and I was out of the house for a Men's Breakfast at my Church.   There we had lots of talk about how difficult it is to be strong and the man that everyone expects us to be, this before a few hours work trying to sort out a problem with some garden lights.   This would not have been quite so bazaar if I had not known that I was going to spend the afternoon en Femme.   My Church also has a Women's day every year which for reasons I won't go into now I did attend a couple of years ago, on balance I think I preferred the Women's day.   That having been said it was a very good breakfast.   We are very lucky that amongst our membership we do have a professional chief, who just happens to be French.   Despite being French he still managed egg bacon sausages and black pudding; and managed them very well.

I couldn't solve the electrical problem, but I did have the afternoon to look forward to.

My original plan was to get changed at my customers business premises as I was not expecting anyone to be there, but when I got there a couple of staff had come in to see customers and tidy up some paperwork.   I was able to slip on my undergarments in the loo but that was all.   Everything else had t be done in the van.   This is never easy or elegant and it is difficult to emerge cool and presentable.    I think I managed reasonably well, and told myself that since I was going to be publicly declaring myself as a cross dresser by my presence at the ceremony it was more important to present myself well than to blend in.   As I know a couple of the girls are quite tall, and the weather very mild I thought I could "get away" with wearing a pair of my Roland Cartier open toed pumps with three inch heels my new "Next" grey check dress, this is quite short but I think rather elegant, and of course a coat.
So duly dressed and preened I drove into Croydon, there is a car park in Croydon which will allow Gloria in so I parked up and climbed out, and caught me watch strap clasp on my tights!   Regardless I carried on and met up with Helen, and Roger the organisers of the event.   We all met up in the Clock tower Cafe, before going upstairs into the Library for the ceremony

Lighting candles in Remembrance

After the ceremony most of the attendees went on to a local pub, that was hosting a buffet and refreshments and a showing of Jane Anderson's film "Normal" starring Tom Wilkinson and Jessica Lange.   Unfortunately I had more family commitments so couldn't go. 

Croydon Remembers

For those of you who don't know Croydon it is the 10th largest town in the UK, the largest borough in London, and one of the less inspiring places to spend a Saturday afternoon, to Microsoft it is a miss spelling of cruton, but to some of us it's home.

Today we had an event in our Central Library to remember those trans brothers and sisters who were killed over the last 12 months.   In a simple ceremony the names of the 18 identified people were read out, and a candle lit in their memory.   I was impressed by the simple ceremony, the fact that Central Library hosted it, the participation of a local church, and most of all the support of "civilians" several people not obviously effected by trans issues.

 

Here I am with Helen and Debbie from the croydon support group

 During the last week the library has hosted a display commemorating those who have died, small simple and effective, I am so glad to be part of a community which will allow us to participate.

Close up of the notice

The display