Still Lingering

I have had a bit of an hiatus in service here, and between my last two posts I see that there was an eight day break. Interestingly I do still get visitors to the blog even when I don't have any nice up to date posts, indeed that is when I get some of my older posts being inspected.   Blogger gives me a bit of a breakdown and over that week my most popular post was one from quite a while back, all the way back to July 2013.    I think it must be something to do with the title of that particular post and the Google searches that some people do. That particular post can be seen here! I'm not sure that it was my finest moment, but who am I to judge!

Co-incidentally this last week or so my favorite cartoonist has been running a series on my favorite strip.   He has had my favorite character working on what would be my favorite job (in my dreams).

However this did make me think, what actually is the difference between lingerie and underwear;- I have some pants that are simply pants, but if I wear them with a matching bra they magically transform into lingerie, so is it the material? the intent? or maybe the marketing?

Certainly some brands have more allure than others, just the names Janet Reager, Agent Provocateur or Figleaves just sound so much more alluring than Marks & Spencer or Matalan. I suspect that this is definitely a case of less is more, i.e. the more you pay the less you get!

I certainly know that most women I know prefer bras that are not underwired, I am now beginning to understand why, yet whenever I go into lingerie departments the vast majority of bras are underwired, so they are not being made primarily for the comfort of the woman.   I suspect that this is a subject I will be revisiting, certainly my perspective on the such things has changed over the last few years, yet I am still very much of the opinion that life is too short for ugly underwear!

My Favorite Cartoonist Brooke McEldowney
My Favorite Strip 9 Chickweed Lane

And the title is a reference to my post of the 18th November 2012, ironically the dress I was lusting over so much at that time I would now have several opportunities to wear, but it is no longer available ~ heyho!

Advent Calendar IX

Not a magnifying glass!

Yesterday all got a little bit hectic, so I'm afraid I got a little behind.   Which leads me to one of the regular complaints of most trans women, one thing you will rarely hear any of us say is "Does my bum look big in this?" of course padding can cover a multitude of sins, but is not comfortable, personally I made teh same decision about my bottom as I did about my hair, I will go with what God gave me, and if that's not enough I'll just have to make do.

And while I'm on the subject of the neither regions, it was only a matter of time, somebody had to do it! Here's a little musical bonus.

Knickers

Joey came up with the amazing stat that

"The average British woman will throw out 11 pairs of knickers in the run up to Christmas in readiness for the ones her partner will buy her as a gift."

When I read this my first thought was "Eleven pairs! Who has Eleven pairs of knickers?" so a little latter I went upstairs to check the contents of my knocker draw and have a quick count up, I stopped counting at thirty five! I've no idea why I have over thirty five pairs of knickers, some of them I know I never wear, others are favourites, I had also just bought myself a couple of pairs of Christmas knickers, why? I have no idea, the only other person who ever sees my underwear (apart from the possible curious neighbour peering at my washing line) is my osteopath, and I'm quite sure he's not bothered one way or the other.

Knickers!

"European style" is not really a description I understand, from Britain we tend to think of Europe as the big lump of land on the other side of the Channel, but it does not really have a coherent style.   French, Italian, German, Spanish they all have style, but I would generally say pretty different styles if you then throw in us Brits then it gets even more confusing.

All this means that I have been a little puzzled to see "European Style" applied to panties.   Over at He Wears Panties all of these have been described that way yet still I don't know what it means.

A quick Google search seems to show that the only people who use this description are non European, many companies seem to use the term to describe the more decorative end of the market, one manufacturer calls their skimpiest most brazen items European, another applies it to their classier more expensive items made from the better cloth.



Of course this is all from the point of view of a Brit, but interestingly a similar search for "American Panties" comes up with almost exclusively American Apparel and American Eagle brands.   I am not aware of anyone in the UK selling American Style panties, yet we do have an enormous range of Brazilian briefs available.

And of course we should never forget French Knickers, maybe it's just that we like to associate these most intimate of garments with places we think of as exotic, after all Birmingham Bloomers doesn't quite have the same ring to it does it?

Counselling

I am wondering about asking for some form of counselling, or something.   I find my life at the moment a little bit confusing, but a not yet prepared to admit that going full time is the answer.   I understand that the GID clinic at Kings Cross (my most local) has a waiting list f around a year so I am thinking that if I get an appointment then I might have a bit more of an idea what I want by then.

I really can't tell what is me feeding the "habit" what is pink fog reaction after the departure of my wife and what is truly a self identification as female.   Others tell me that I will know, but how? sometimes I do feel like a man, sometimes I do feel like a woman, but mostly I just feel like me and mostly that me likes to wear female clothes.

Although I am feeling a insecurity in my gender, (and indeed I did have an "uncomfortable" dream last night) I have yet to have this one, though I think I would recommend for Animal Print underwear to add confidence.   I think I might also want a counsellor with a little ore insight into my situation, insight, experience and sympathy, but probably best no personal agenda.

A Dirty Litte Secret

Over at "He Wears Panties"  Hope has written a nice little article considering the attraction of breaking taboos, in secret, i.e. men wearing women's lingerie, but keeping it secret, the secret breaking of society's rules, suggesting that for some men the attraction is in the secret.

For me the attraction is not about the secret, indeed the exact opposite, I find the more I am out the happier I am, so for me I am relieved that a lot of the restrictions that were on me have been lifted, I am enormously sad about the circumstances,  but it is good not to feel furtive, hiding my "stuff" away in the van or the garage, getting changed in non gender specific toilets, or doing my makeup in the rear view mirror.   This hiding made it feel like a dirty little secret, and I don't want it to be that.

It is surprisingly liberating to be able to do my laundry and hang it out to dry, whenever I need to.

Purge

I think most of us who are transgendered, transsexual, cross-dresser, transvestite or whatever else we might choice to call ourselves have experienced the purge.   In my experience this consists of a moment of rejection of what we do, brought on by consideration for others, pressures of society, or a moment of self awareness, whatever the cause the result is the same.

We go through all our "stuff" and throw away all our clothes, wigs, jewellery etc. etc. everything that is connected to our cross-dressing.   We are relieved, we have broken the cycle we  will just live a normal male life from now on (I assume that it is the same for female t male as well).   We will initially feel liberated, then we will manage, then we will struggle, then eventually we will give in to the inevitable and buy those cute shoes, or that pair of lacy panties.   Those of us of a "certain age" will recognise that this in itself is part of the cycle we go through.   I know I have been through it many time, too many times, before accepting that this is something I am and not something I do, That the clothes are an essential expression of who I am not the end in themselves.

Through these purges I have lost many garments and items that I now regret, of course it also means that I got rid of some unfortunate purchases that I was never going to wear in public.   Because of the sense of loss attached to a purge in my latest clear out I decided not to dispose of the rejects.   All my "boy" underwear has now been packed up in a suitcase along with my bike leathers and now reside in the attack.

Moving Paula in meant everything in the same place and properly organised, this led to the revelation of exactly how much underwear I have.   Because of the restrictions on doing laundry I think I often bought new when in normal circumstances I would simply have washed, I now find I have far, far too many pairs of panties, bras and tights.   At least it does mean I won't need to buy any for quite some time now, I shall now limit myself to replacing worn out items ~ unless of course they are really cute .

Don't forget that I still need your help and advise as to which dress to wear next Sunday.

Knickers

Doing my laundry I could see quite graphically the difference between men's and women's underwear, to fit the same size bottom the ladies' use a lot less material, but it is much more carefully cut and generally of a nicer, lighter weight nature.   Apart from any gender confusion or sexual complications I can clearly see why anyone would prefer female briefs to men's.  There are of course some "erm" containment issues with some styles, but any dedicated pantie wearer will soon learn that most thongs and many other styles simply don't work.   Boxers of course are a different question all together and I suppose it should all be about personal choice.

I understand that there are a lot of men who may well not identify as cross dressers or as trans in any way who choose to wear women's underwear.   Over the years this has been a rich source of material to comedians ranging from bar room wags to Rick Mayall, I suspect the jokes have also been a rich source of angst to the wearers and a source of the disapproval of many civilians.   Being aware of the number of men in particular who like to wear women's panties there have been several attempts to make something similar, but cut and aimed at men, somehow the results always seem to me to be somehow a little sordid (I think you can tell which are which in the pictures, which show what I mean)


I came across this article the other day and thought I would share it is it seems that many of us have an interest in this area.

Some are more equal than others

Spending a lot of time driving recently I have been listening to a lot of radio, and not aways my choice of station, one thing that has struck me is the number of phone-ins on air.   These vary from the BBC Radio 4's "Any Answers" to LBCs cheap time fillers, the thing that all phone ins have in common is the obvious, any one can phone in and express their opinions.   Sometimes they will not only give their opinions but also express their impressions as facts.   The rise of the phone in has been mirrored in News reporting with the ever more prevalent "vox pop" it almost seems obligatory that every item is accompanied by the opinions of some member of the public.

Now I suppose that it is good for democracy that popular opinions are expressed in public, but are the opinions we hear being expressed either popular or informed.   Over the last few days I have heard opinions that are both illogical and ill informed, every now and then a subject will be discussed that I actually do know smething about, yet so often the people who are discussing it don't seem to.   So the question I ask myself is why are these peoples opinions important.   I want to hear the opinions of informed people, experts on the subject, decision makers who will influence policy, not a Taxi driver who hasn't bothered to research the subject before haing an opinion.

In a democratic system we each have a vote which counts the same, but surely the views that influence how we use our votes are not the same.   I was listening to a debate on LBC about night flights from Heathrow, now we mostly heard from people living under the flight paths who will be effected, their opinions are valid, we heard from a taxi driver who although he conducts business from the airport just did not understand that what he thought were facts about the current situation were simply wrong, so his opinion was not valid as it was based on misinformation.   We did not hear from any of the airlines or passengers who could be effected, so we had a very unbalanced set of views.   I want to hear opinions for all sides of the argument, balance the quality of life of those who live near Heathrow against the commercial interests of London and the Country as a whole, before I make up my mind or in extreme cases cast my vote.

Now many of us are getting more and more of our news and opinions from web based resources, including blogs like this one, I like to think that I am a well informed, sensible balanced individual whose opinions are valid, but there are a lot of things I don't know that much about, so if you want to know about gardens, transgender issues, music then listen to me, take my political opinions seriously but don't accept them as gospel, and when (like most bloggers do) I start to spout opinionated rubbish ~ err let me know.

Way to go Sven

I don't want to go into the story arc too much, service to say that Sven has been sent by by his employer / girlfriend, the vet, to get her a change of clothes while she wrestles with a cow.   Her underwear causes him a level of confusion not many of us would suffer

 

Lilac and Lace lingerie

As a girl I always try to co-ordinate what I wear, my preference is for dresses so that makes it a bit easier.   But I do like to have matching (or at least co-ordinating) shoes and handbag, my hose should blend with my dress, if I a wearing one my blouse should go with the skirt (or trousers) and jacket.   All this is obvious, but like most girls I go a bit further I like my underwear to co-ordinate as well.  

I have a couple of sets of matching lingerie and d not wear any of the items "solo" they are only ever worn as sets.   But more than that I like to co-ordinate my underwear with my outerwear, so if I a wearing a black or grey dress I will wear a black slip and black panties and bra.   Yesterday I had on a lilac turtle neck sweater and jeans, so my choice of underwear was lilac panties (with white lace trim) to match and white bra.  

Lingerie is, or at very least should be fun, a little frivolous.   The material should be satin or light and filmy, it should be trimmed with lace and bows and even a bit of sparkies. I am sure that for many this is a part of the attraction of cross dressing.   Maybe it is because I a only a part time girl, but to me this is part of getting dressed, part of the fun.

As a boy I wear whatever is on the top of the pile

Hairy Pantie Wearer

Jenny makes some very good points here about how some people transition, the time it takes and the care they receive on the way.   I am of the opinion that it should be hard, that way only those who truly need to transition will.   This is a little like my idea that divorce is not too easy (ask anyone who is divorced) but that marriage is not hard enough.   Anyway none of this is the point I wanted to make, it is that little throw away line about "hairy pantie wearer" that struck.

Why? did it strike me as insulting to those of us who have not made a full commitment to this lifestyle? did I find it insulting to my inner woman? was I miffed that this was about the trans hierarchy? no it struck me as the perfect description of what I saw in the mirror the other day.   For much of last year I was keeping my whole body clean of hair, I stopped shaving around the end of November and am by now pretty hairy, because of the season when dressed this doesn't really show (whichever way I am dressed) at the moment, but it will when the weather warms up and I want to wear dresses and skirts more, and tops with a neckline, rather than turtlenecks.   But getting dressed the other day I looked in the mirror and saw a "hairy pantie wearer" I thought to myself "what are you doing?" there was a definite moment of disgust.   If actually analysed much of what I do is ridiculous, but it does give me joy, so I continue.

We will be starting our counselling sessions soon (29th January) maybe this is something I might voice at some point.

I'm a good girl I am

Well it's Friday evening, I've had a bit of a funny old day, a mix of fun, work, curious conversation a bit of self satisfaction.

My schedule was to spend the day working with S we had a clearance to do first thing, then after lunch we would go and do some of our regular maintenance work.   About two hours into the working day the rain started, and then just got worse and worse, so after three hours we called it a day and "went back to the ranch".   While sitting around, having lunch and chatting we got onto the subject of bras ~ as you do ~ and underwear in general, for example why is it that in the Matalan Catalogue the only type of pants listed under lingerie are thongs or shape wear?   I have to say that it was very nice to be able to talk about these things with somebody who is not at all embarrassed, maybe even a little pleased to have someone to talk with herself.   After lunch it was still raining so we called it a day, I ran S home and then had to go to the bank to pay in some cheques, I was very tempted to go into Debenhams in Croydon to see if they had these, at that price they are a real bargain.   We found that they were on offer as S was reading through my bog and found this post.   I resisted!

Instead I went into West Wickham went to the bank, bought my new diary (I use a 14 month diary, much easier for work and music commitments) then I just had to go round the charity shops.   I bought a couple of cord work shirts, a belt bag for my mobile phone etc. a jewelry roll (could be useful) and some clip on earrings.   I resisted buying, or indeed even trying on some killer heels, the Sense shop has two pairs in my size both with heels which must be 4 inches or more, one in black with off white piping and the other silver strappy sandals!   If those sandals are still there next week I don't know if I will be able to resist, after all the party season is about to start!

A Little Planing

Next week my wife and daughter are away for a few days, and you know what they say, "While the Cat's away the mice will play" and this mouse intends to play, at least a little.   The reason why I'm not going with them is simply because I cannot afford to take the time off work during the summer.   This is the time when I should be making the money that will see us through the winter, and a weeks holiday would not only give me the cost of the holiday but also the loss of the income for  a week.

Having said that I had hoped to organise at least a day and a half maybe two whole days off during the week.   The way things are stacking up it looks like it will just be the one day and the evenings.   As I have a commitment on Monday and need to have the house looking respectable for when they come home on Friday so it only looks like a couple of evenings as well.  

One of the problems girls in my situation have is laundry, so one of the first things I plan to do is get my washing done.   One of the reason that we have so many undies is the problem of getting them clean.   Unlike most people I can't just wash and hang them up when ever I want some clean I have to wait until I have at least a full day to wash dry and hide again,this does mean that with almost a full week I will be able to go through my whole wardrobe, washing and ironing whatever need doing.

All in all I am set for a very busy week with plenty of work during the day and lots of Paula activities in the evenings.

Very slick

I have just got back from my appointment with my osteopath, and I am still trying to work out just how to describe the experience.   I have to say that maybe this particular post should have a parental warning attached!   I may have mentioned that he is a tall good looking guy, an artist and Bonsai grower, he is also a married and a father.   We have an easy relationship discussing
family, holidays, the Olympics and whatever else may be current.   I say all this just to set the scene a little.

As I planed I had a shower and got rid of as much surplus hair as I could, I changed into some very nice, but rather too skimpy pink flowery panties, and wore my new black blouse and my M &S trouser suit with sheer trouser socks and ankle boots.   Given that I was also wearing one of my ladies watches, lip gloss and eye makeup and had my toes nails a nice dark cherry colour there could be no mistake about my gender confusion.   As I was waiting to go in I worried that what started as a bit of a tease may be getting out of control, as I was all too aware that the skimpiest of my panties was risking, erm, exposure.   He was running very late and i had the last appointment it must have been over 45 minutes after my appointment that I went in, this just served to give me more time to consider what may happen, had I gone to far?

Well as I stripped down to my panties I was aware that he was watching me, but then he would wouldn't he? you know want to see how I was moving was I stiff anywhere that sort of thing, well as I stripped off and stood up my worst fears as to the skimpiest of the panties was confirmed, I quickly tucked everything back away and hoped that I hadn't embarrassed myself too much

I know the feeling

So laid out on my front on the massage table.my back was gradually eased with teh use of strong fingures and lots of oil, then a lot of attention on my lower back, this meant he had to roll the waist of my panties down a bit, then my legs.   I am sure that more attention than previously was paid to my legs, my feet and toes, calves and all the way up.   Then the same thing on my front, then the back of my legs again, this time with my panties right down to allow free access to what they woudl normally over.   While I have to say that nothing inappropriate happened, I do know that his hands did brush bits, and maybe more to the point I found the whole experience very relaxing, very pleasurable, and yes, more than a little erotic, for this the physical evidence was something he could not have failed to notice. 

I have another appointment in two weeks time, I am looking forward to this, but I must prepare myself..........................

A little shopping trip, with radio acompanyment

I don't know what is happening at radio four these days.   I listen most days at the very least when I first get up in the morning and as I am driving around.  

A couple of items caught my attention, and I thought might be worth sharing with you here , the first was from a partially heard clip from The Archers, one of the characters is trying to get up a ladies cricket team, but falling short of players, so some men are to made "Honorary Ladies" ~ where do I sign up.   On Woman's Hour earlier today during a discussion on "50 shades of grey" one of the contributors said that in the 60s she "burnt her bra to get equality with men" well, I thought, I bought my bra to gain equality with women.

And on that thought I bought yet another one today, since I bought some proper breast forms I have spent far too much time and money on bras, items I had barely considered before.   Now I find that I have far more than I could ever justify, indeed I have many more than my wife, and she needs them!

As some sort of justification I did buy some matching knickers, and I tell myself that I bought the cardigan (I had been after a nice white cardie for a while since it doesn't look as though we are going to have a summer) and the undies were free with my Matalan cardholder discount.  This months special offer was spend £30 and £10 off, so I bough these undies, a couple of belts and a nice soft white cardigan all for £20 ~ not bad.

I think this cardigan will go very well with quite a few of my dresses, particularly my new pink linen, and my white spotted black cotton.

Turner

So after (a very nice) lunch, I finally made it to my destination, the reason for my day off / out the Turner Inspired Exhibition, the exhibition was fascinating and gave me some fresh insights into the work of this very important and popular artist.  

Turner, Caernarvon Castle

Just about all of the people I have spoken about the exhibition to have know and loved some of Turners works, (The Fighting Temeraire, etc.) but have not even heard of Claude.    Known simply as Claude or Claude Lorraine after the area he was born in, Claude became one of the most influential landscape artists of his generation, and was certainly a major influence on Turner, and therefore on the impressionists.   It is a shame that he is not better known as his paintings are well worth a viewing

Claude, The Enchanted Castle

I would strongly invite you to follow the links to learn a little more about the man and his work, that is of course if you like this sort of thing.

After the exhibition I decided that I would walk up Regents Street to see what I could see, once I got as far as Oxford Street I felt obliged to look in a few stores.   I fancy a three peace lingerie set, that is matching bra, panties and suspender.   I want something pretty, not bridal white or ivory, nor sexy black, just pretty.   Now I understand that a lot of girls don't seem to like wearing stockings, well I understand that they don't I don't understand why, but that's another story.   What I don't understand is that in about half a dozen major Oxford Street stores I couldn't find anything that fitted the bill.  I want to be able to wear stockings, particularly over the summer months, but the two suspender belts I have are both "going home", one has a split in the fabric, the other has a broken fastener, and as I have mentioned before I simply don't trust "stay ups" because they don't.

While I was still at the National Gallery I was beginning to regret my choice in footwear by now my feet were killing me!   I paused for a coffee as much for the chance t sit down as for the coffee, so just to give me an excuse to sit down a little longer I had a slice of carrot cake with it.

My Pad?

My friend P has very kindly agreed to let me have parcels delivered to her address.   I need this as my wife does not want me having “that stuff” delivered to our home.  On my last visit to P I had another package to pick up, this was something I was a little unsure about getting, buttock pads.

I am aware that my bottom does not reflect a female profile, I have yet to find any clothes that make my bum look big, so I decided to get a little help.   I don’t want to have to wear padded panties, because it’s just too much fun choosing, buying and wearing the real thing.   So I ordered these silicon pads, a bit like chicken fillet bra fillers but longer.  The idea is that you just slip them into your panties and they improve the profile.

Well I’m not sure that they have sufficient effect, but they do certainly make a small improvement.   I have worn them twice so far, on both occasion with trousers, first time was totally uneventful.   They stayed in place and were quite comfortable.   I was also a little relieved that they were ok being sat on, after all I didn't want to spring a leak.

The second time is today, I was wearing my plain grey trouser suit and the trousers need a little filling in that area.   At first I forgot them, and then returned to slip then in.   After I parked up and got out of the van and started walking down the High Street, I was very quickly very glad that I was wearing trousers, as I could feel one of the pads shifting position.   I was then quite rapidly very thankful that I was wearing tights as well under my trousers as I could feel one pad working it’s way slowly down my leg inside my tights.   I now had one pad nestling snugly against my left buttock as required, and one loosely lolling around inside my tights behind my right calf.   I was in desperate need of somewhere private where I could remove my trousers and tights so as to reposition the pad, so I made my way into nearest clothes shop with a changing room, this just happened to be Oxfam.

Needing a reason to go into the changing room and spending some time while in there I first had a look on the racks of clothes.   There was a nice lightweight grey check dress from Gap, but since it was a size 14 I thought there would be no pint in even trying it as it would be far too small, however there was nothing else that was of even any passing interest so I took the dress into the changing room, sorted out my pads and tried the dress on ~ as much out of politeness as anything else.   WOW not only does it fit, but it looks pretty good as well. 

So my plan for the morning was to pop out and sit in a coffee shop and do some work on the lap top, enjoying a change of scenery and watching the rain from a different vantage point.   As well as the coffee I end up with a new pair of shoes and a new dress ~ so much for self-control.

Knickers?

While I was getting some groceries for Mum in Tesco’s on Saturday I couldn't help noticing that they had a special offer on panties, three for £6 as they were £3 or £4 each this seemed a pretty good deal so I thought I would take advantage.   I am intrigued that on the receipt each individual item is shown as lingerie, yet the discount is for knickers.

There is an awful lot of other news I need to be writing about, but for now suffice to say that my van passed it's MOT yesterday without too many problems, I had no work booked today (it was raining anyway), and since a parcel had arrived for me at P's I spent a good part of the day with her, and once again we were ladies who lunch.   I will tell more later

Looking forward, down, and to the side

I have been having a bit of a rough time recently as I type this on Wednesday morning my Van is at the garage having it's MOT done, I am sure that it will not pass straight off, it's just a question of how badly it will fail and how much it will cost me.   This is of course all expense I could well do without having just paid out for my daughter to go on a trip to Italy, new glasses for me, repairs on the van and on my wife's car.   It is not just the money but also the inconvenience, but at least I am forced to spend a couple of days in the office catching up on some of my paperwork.

I am slowly getting used to my new glasses although I have found that it is simply impossible to conduct the band wearing them, to look down at the score I need to look through the part that is for close work, but the score is too far away so out of focus, I can't bring the score closer as that would block the view of the musicians, I shall just have too use my old ones for concerts and rehearsals, unless the contacts work out.



Well that's the looking down and sideways but looking forward ~ I think I will have to do some shopping.   I have just heard from my GG friend P that a package has arrived for me, this will be my new boobs.   After my van was broken into I decided I would get some better / proper forms, I am of course looking forward to trying them out (on?).   Furthermore I am now a bit short on bras I seem to just have the two that I took to Cardiff with me, (so no black and white, the two basic essential colours,) and more to the point I simply don't know what size I am.   Up till now I have just bought the most padded ones I could find in a 38 inch band.   I know that in theory a lot of places will do a fitting, but I fear that they might be a bit out of my price range.   Then of course there are all the different types, not wired, under wired, balcony, full-cup, plunge, push up, tee shirt multi-way..... and that's before we start n the different materials cotton, lace, satin etc. etc. and then off course it might be nice to have to have matching sets and I like hi leg panties.

I think the best plan might be to wait until I get to see P next time and be guided by her experience.