Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Saturday, 31 March 2012

Lunch with P

I should say that P is and old friend who has only met Paula once before but is totally at ease with me.   We had lots to talk about, we are both friends with each other families and always have lots of news to catch up on, also P is a natural blond and proud of the fact and takes pains to live up to the blond reputation.

I drove us into town and we sat outside at a very nice Italian restaurant, after a lot of humming and haring some menu decisions were made, wine was ordered and we relaxed.   The waiter had already had a little flak from P as they only had one dish with risotto so when he brought the wrong wine he was teased even more.   We were then invited to change table as the one we at was a little wonky, while we did this the waiter then managed to lose his cork screw.   We did eventual get our wine opened and in the glass.  Now normally I am used to being automatically asked too try the wine so it was a pleasant little surprise to be asked which of us ladies would like to try the wine?

This was my first outing as a "lady who lunches" and I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed just about every aspect of the experience.   There was a young couple sitting near us with a small child who made us laugh and we shared a little with the mother.   The staff were so friendly and attentive without being subservient, I think a lot of this is P's influence, she has a natural easy manner that is very attractive and has all men eating out of her hand within minutes, certainly the staff here were very soon enjoying the flirtatious banter.  I long for that sort of confidence in my femininity.   The food was good and the wine cold.   We chatted over lunch catching up on family news, work situations and all the usual stuff of friendships, when we called for the bill, I was surprised when P expected to pay, this was my treat, and a reward for taking me shopping, something P claims not to enjoy.
Before going to Matalan I thought it best to take advantage of the facilities in the restaurant, especially since I had been told I needed to repair my lips! (P is determined that if I am going to be more glamorous than her the I have to maintain it!) well I took my bag went and did what had to be done, as I was washing my hands P came out of the cubicle next to me, I hadn't realised she had followed me in, and we carried on chatting as I made the necessary repairs ( and yes they were necessary).   This was a small insight into the female world that is often at best only almost in reach, and gave me a warm glow out of all proportion too the event.

Friday, 30 March 2012

Friday off

So the big day finally came around, although this was a day off work I sill got up at my usual time, that way I would be free to get ready as soon as I had the house to myself.   As I was going to be meeting my friend P I wanted to make sure I was looking my best and wanted to be able to spend a little time and no get rushed.   As soon as I could get access too the bathroom I completed the three S's by which time my wife had left for work and I could get ready.

I had shaved in the shower so I used a moisturiser all over, and then put on my bra, panties, tights and slip, then I started my nail varnish, first coat OK.   While that was drying I thought I would have a cup of tea and listen to the radio for a bit, then I put on my make up, wig and dress.   The black and white shoes I had originally planned to wear just didn't work with the black tights I had on, so I changed to some all black ones ~ much better.   Then for a second coat on my nails, this just wouldn't go on right and the more I tried to touch it up the worse it looked, I even tried a coat of clear top coat and that just emphasised how bad the previous coat was.   The only thing to do was to clean the whole lot off and start again.

I can't say that I was particularly happy with the finished result, but at least they were presentable and after all that I ended up leaving home about an hour later than I had planned.  

The drive down to Sussex was totally uneventful ~ which is just as well but I was still a bit over an hour later than I had hoped to be.   P welcomed me more or less at the gate, took me inside and explained that if we were to do anything as girly as shopping she would need lunch first would Italian be OK?

Thursday, 29 March 2012

Growing Old Disgracefully

Over on Femulate Stana quotes Anna N as saying "I have been a TG person since I was born, my mother brought me up as a girl until the age of five, then I had to go to boy's school. Believe me that was one of my first traumas in life. I have a Master's degree in Engineering, a major's commission in the military, been married three times and I am gay. My profile is on Flickr and Yahoo."

Anne just celebrated her 79th birthday and sent me some current photos "to show the younger generation of TV people that one can still look reasonable although they are ageing. can age gracefully, without miniskirts and fishnet stocking."

This really chimed with me, when I was younger (well quite a lot younger really) a lot of my cross dressing seemed to be about sex, I think this was partly because that was the message society gave me, and partly because as a young man just about everything is about sex.   In consequence my dressing was very much secret and most of my garments very inappropriate ~ the sort of thing that I now tend to classify under the generic heading of "Naughty Knickers"   Certainly I would not have contemplated going out publicly as I do now.   Added to that my experience was that the urge to dress was always strongest during periods of sexual frustration or high stress; at the time I did not necessarily associate these periods without sex as also being times when I was not in any sort of relationship, as I said I was a young man.  

As I have grow older I find that my own sex drive has diminished (just as well really) and that the satisfaction I get from my dressing is much more about achieving some level of comfort and peace with myself than achieving some sort sexual relief.   This in turn means that as I am not dressing for any sort of sexual gratification I am not wearing the dodgy, border line fetish stuff.   I do have the high heel boots, a leather mini and some fishnets, but these are worn with discretion (or maybe jeans).   Certainly I am dressing for myself, not not as a plaything or as some sort of auto erotica.

I have pretty much decided on my ensemble for tomorrow (Friday) as long as the weather forecast is reasonably accurate and it all goes together OK.   I am a little worried that my white jacket is not only a little crumpled for a winter in a suitcase but it also seems to have picked up a dirty smudge, if I can't sponge that out in the morning there may have to be a small change of plan.   I am as prepared as I can be, I have all my clothes in the house, and I have shaved everything that needs to be shaved.   In the morning I will have a shower and final shave before putting on my face painting my nails, getting dressed and them hitting the road.   As must be pretty obvious I am looking forward to my outing tomorrow enormously ~ I just hope I won't be disappointed.


I managed to break another nail this evening, I've no idea how i just noticed a sharp edge and realised that another one had gone.   On Monday morning I had a lovely set of 10 nails all a nice even length and a decent shape, now on Wednesday evening I am looking at my left hand and that is fine, my right, well the thumb and little finger are fine, the other are a bit short and not such a good shape.   I have been wearing clear nail varnish in the hope that that would strengthen them against just this sort of thing, i doesn't seem to have worked and I am constantly aware of how obvious it is.


I was paid quite a pretty compliment  tonight at the band rehearsal, one of the trumpet players commented that due to my profession it wouldn't be a painting in the attic but maybe a hidden peace of topiary.   This is just further proof that taking care of ones appearance does pay off.   I use a moisturizer  and an exfoliating cleanser daily, combine that with (ladies) clothes that fit and clearly it pays off.

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

It's not Just in America

Sound advice from Mother

More on "The Meaning of Lila" here

Making my mind up

I shouldn't joke about these things, to day I broke two nails on my right hand.   I have been trying so hard to grow these nails to a length where they will look nice shaped and polished, and was more or less there, now I have two nails shorter than the rest.   I have to decide whether to keep the others long and just have these two short or to trim them all down to match.   I suspect that as with most things I will end up with a compromise.

I have made a little progress with trying to remember what I wore last time I met P, I think it was either my lime green dress or my black and white spotty skirt, so as long as I avoid these two I should be OK.   Having said that I am very fond of my white linen dress, but looking again at the photo I put up yesterday, I think I should wait until I have bought a white slip!   Until looking at the photo again I hadn't realised just how much it shows what is below.   I have two black slips, a black one with white polka dots and a tiger print one, none of these will do with this dress, and as I do want to wear it as much as possible this summer I will just have to buy a white one.   So that doesn't really narrow the choices down much, I could go for a casual jeans and top look, a nice business like approach with my grey suit or something more relaxed like a cotton dress.
This is one of my well know displays of decisiveness, I know that when I get there there will be a load of timber in the back of the van which will need to be unloaded, this would suggest the jeans and top route but well, where's the fun in that, I want to wear something totally feminine, and as I say look right when I go shopping and try on a dress (or two, or three.....)   I like this black and white dress and it works well with the white jacket, if it is a nice sunny day again I may well go for this, but with black sheer pantyhose and normal court shoes, or maybe my black and white peep toe sandals - there I go again being decisive.

Tuesday, 27 March 2012

Looking forward to Friday

I know we have the restaurant chain  "Thank Goodness It's Friday" not quite my scene but that is what I will be thinking this week when Friday comes around.   I have given myself the day off ~ because I deserve it ~ I will be meeting my GG friend P, she and her husband have met Paula once before at their home and seemed very happy and comfortable with the experience, this time I hope that we will be able to go out. 

On Saturday I saw a dress that I liked at Matalan, but I would like a second opinion, I am hoping that P will come with me and give her opinion when I try it on.   I now know they have a branch near by as I hinted at this in an e-mail to her.   I may even take her out to lunch as a reward / bribe.

As well as planning my time and the journey, of course I also have to plan what I am going to wear, as I said P has met Paula once before, but I can't remember what I was wearing, I don't want to do a repeat and make it look like I am a guy who has just bought one dress, so I will be wracking my brains at least thinking of what I definitely did not wear, and of course making sure that my shoes hose and undies will go with the dress I am planning on trying on.   If this weather keeps up it may well be one of my summer dresses, which curiously are all longer than my winter dresses.
 A couple of those summer dresses, photos from last year.

The other things I am looking forward to are my appointment with the opticians, well I am looking forward to choosing and getting some new glasses, and next  Wednesday's appointment with my osteopath

Monday, 26 March 2012

Fea bites and thorns

Minor irritations, but in this case quite literally flea bites and rose thorns.   We were a little late dosing our two feline friends and they seem to have brought in some friends.   In consequence I have ended up with a couple of bites, one on my ankle and one right by my navel.   This tells you something of y relationship with Ripple, he will often  start the night at the foot of our bed, on a good night he will be asleep, other times he will "hunt" my toes.   Later on he will move further up and then cuddle into my tummy, on a cold night this is quite lovely, not quite so lovely is when he decides that I have had enough sleep and starts to bash my face.

The weather in my part of South East England is more like May than March and everything in the plant world is very advanced, I am desperately trying to catch up and have spent much of the time pruning roses.   This is a job I love, but find it very difficult to do wearing gloves so I have ended up with quite a few scratches and little pricks in my hands.   I hope that by the time I have my day out on Friday they won't show.

Performing again

Well I played Euphonium at a small concert with a local wind band this afternoon, nothing too venturous, but still enough to keep me on my toes ~ not that they knew that they are very pretty toes with dark cherry painted nails.   The dress for the band was all black so out with one of my black dress shirts, and just for fun I decided to wear my new mole skin black trousers, as I mentioned here these have a side zip and a flat front.   Worn over a pair of black tights sheer with darker chevrons up the legs they were very comfortable but excited no comments, sometimes I wonder just how far I have to go to get noticed, maybe I should just turn up wearing an LBD and high heels and see if anyone notices then.

Driving home I realised I was close by a customer I had to get in contact with, so rather than phone I decided to pop in and see her, by this time I had abandoned my black oxford male shoes in favour of some ballet pumps with a small heel, and had added a pretty grey M & S wool jacket.   I parked the van up in the High Street walked over to the bank ATM, then about another quarter mile to my customer had a chat at the door, and then the quarter mile back to the van. 
Now all this time I was very comfortable, but also aware that I was exhibiting a number of very feminine queues, i.e. my shoes; tights; jacket and shoulder bag.   As far as I could tell I did not even get a second glance.   It is often said that people see what they expect to see, so I wonder when they see me dressed like this do they see a large woman wearing a jacket and trousers, or a slightly fem looking bloke.   One day I think I will try wearing all fem clothes, but maybe trousers and light make up, eyes, lips and maybe a little blusher no foundation, powder or wig, just to see.
I mentioned yesterday that I was a little uncomfortable with my presentation, but was unaware of anyone else noticing, maybe they just don’t care.   Unless I thrust my trans-gender dressing options upon them in an unacceptable way then they will not notice and they will not care ~ so why worry so much.

Sunday, 25 March 2012

Fun - if you like that sort of thing

The wizard of Id, just because I like it

And a Luann, because we all feel like that sometimes

Buttoned up

I like motor-sport, and as is right and proper F1 is back as the prime motor-sport to watch.   The last few seasons have been spectacular with so many top drivers competing, overtaking on the track as well as in the pits, and dare I say it some big personalities involved.   Well this year we have six world champions on the grid, and they are all still very competitive.

With the rule changes this year McLaren are the only team who have eschewed the stepped nose, this means that without a shadow of a doubt they have the best looking car (I won't comment on whether they have the best looking driver as well ~ but they have) is it only coincidence that they also seem to have the fastest car.   For the second Grand Prix running they have locked out the front row of the grid, and at Australia they should have got a one two result if it hadn't been for the safety car.

I've now watched the KL Grand Prix and it was very interesting.   Jenson had all the bad luck, Peres was magnificent as was Alonso, but McLaren are still leading the constructors Championship.   I would love to see the best looking car win, in my book ugly design just shouldn't prosper.


I did go out for a little bit today (Saturday) , just a few hours, but worth it, It did feel a bit odd to be out dressed but without my usual jewelry, also my ensemble was not quite right.   I wore some skinny jeans flaties a mauve cotton top and a denim jacket.   At first I went into TK Max looking for some breast enhancers I found some which will help tide me over until I get properly sorted, while there I was not aware of any undue attention yet somehow I knew I wasn't right, and thought it might be the shoes, I changed into some higher heel pumps I had with me and felt a bit better.   Next stop was Matalan where I did pick up some sparklies, I now have some of everything I need, including some "pearls".   See myself in the full length mirrors I realised that the problem was that my bum is too small and my legs too short, which in turn meant my top was too short; to cut a more feminine figure I think I need to wear longer length tops, more tunic, if I am going to keep wearing the skinny jeans.   I have on occasion worn a tunic over leggings and that looks fine so I think I shall have to be a bit more conscious of my figure when planning my outfits.   (Photo was taken last May, now I find I'm not so sure about those boots).
Curiously later I popped out after changing into a skirt and felt much more comfortable.

Saturday, 24 March 2012

Nailed down

Although I have been very busy of late and have no had a chance to be fully dressed, I have been indulging myself in a little under-dressing at times, and have kept my toe nails nicely polished; they are now getting a little long and will need some attention before long, the question is just a trim or a change of colour as well?

I have also been able to do a little shopping and have now managed a couple of pairs of (clip on) earrings and a couple of necklaces, I still  want at least one ring, maybe I will be able to pop into Matalan this afternoon (Saturday) after quoting for another job.   Although there is much that I am dissappointed to have lost it is my boobs that are the most difficult to replace.   My wife has more or less put a ban on mail order so I am at a bit of a loss, I can only think that I will have to have them delivered care of someone else but that will involve a lot of explanations.  hmmmmmm

I'm finished

I have been banging on for some time now about how busy I am, well the big landscaping job I have been on is now finished, I just have a bit of tidying up to do before the customer gets back from holiday in a couple of weeks.   This means two things here, one I have a bit of money in the bank so I a going to get my eyes tested and some new glasses, I will be going to one of the chain opticians who are offering a bogof (buy one get one free) so I will get one pair of by glasses and one pair of girl glasses.   Although my current glasses are not that masculine I am always conscious that they are not that fem either.   This came to mind again last night as my daughter admitted that she had chosen her frames from the men's section. (and she looks lovey in them)

One side of the "Big Job"
The other thing is that I am going to have a day off.   Next Friday I will be going to see my (female) friend who knows Paula, this will be a chance to spend a whole day out meet an old friend and relax, just what I need.

Right now I have to go and take about 30 sacks of green waste to the compost centre before going off to do another quote ~ onwards and upwards

Thursday, 22 March 2012


Tomorrow I should finish the major job I have been engaged on most of this year so far, it will be good to finish so I can get on with my regular maintenance work, but also so I can pick up the final cheque, which is the one with some profit in it.   Some of this profit will be put aside to pay my taxes, but I have also promised myself that I will get an eye test and some new glasses.

I know that I either need new glasses or longer arms, yes the time has come for varifocals, so far I have got away with single lenses for my short sight, now I need help reading as well.   I have noticed that a lot of the chain opticians advertise a buy one get one free, or two for the price of one type deal, I plan to get a normal pair of male glasses, and something a bit more fem.   Currently I have two pairs one male and one pretty neutral, but I think I will go a bit further this time ~ looks like I'm not the only one

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

I drink too much

In one of my favourite sitcoms "The fall and rise of Reggie Perrin" at one point the hero is asked if he drinks, he answers "Only to excess".   I have been waiting for years to be ale to use this line, now it looks as though I may have a chance.   As part of a new NHS strategy I have been called in to see the nurse at my GP's practise for some tests and an interview o find out why I haven't yet been diagnosed with heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, or diabetes.   I take more than average exercises simply through working, I eat a fairly balanced diet, I don't smoke but I do drink more (quite a lot more actually) than government guide lines.   I'm afraid I am one of those people who cannot have a quick drink, one just tells me how much I will enjoy the next one.   I am reminded of the comment from a GP friend of mine, the definition of an alcoholic is someone who drinks more than their doctor.

The reason for these ramblings, I weighed myself this morning and I am 12 stone 3 pounds (167lbs) which is a little more than I am usually at this time of year.   This year for the first time in years I have not given up drinking for lent.   Knowing just how busy I was going to be with music, church and work activities I thought it would be too much for me, I may have been right, but it also means I am still carrying a little more weight than if I had given up.

Over the next couple of weeks in the lead up to Easter I intend too make a positive effort to drink a little less ~ with at least one and try for two alcohol free days each week ~ at to try to lose a few pounds too get under the 12 stone mark.   It seems strange but I can feel the different those few pounds make, it seems strange because until relatively recently I was usually a couple of stone above that.

Sunday, 18 March 2012

Marks of Femininity IV

Greetings, yes you are welcome, but what I meant was the subject for my discussion today is greetings. now this is an area where I feel very insecure, as a bloke I stand up and shake hands.   Now this is not the way a lady greets, first off she does not stand up, other people stand up for her!   I find this quite difficult, I have to go against years of conditioning just to stay seated!

Then we come to the shaking of hands, or not.   I know that a good solid manly grip is just not appropriate, I suspect that the best thing is just to join hands, to put your hand in the others, and allow it to be shaken.   Of course you could go for the hug, personally I kind of feel that unless you already know each other then the hug may be best left, but then I am English and typically repressed.    The main thing is to be positive and not dither between the two, you can wait for the other person but then you run the risk of  putting your nose in their ear, or something equally embarrassing.   Then of course there is the kiss, this is whole new can of worms.   Again I know what not to do, grab the other person and stick your tongue down their throat, (unless you know them really well that is).   A quick peck on the cheek is good, my French friends will often kiss on both cheeks, but again I am English so I will stick to one cheek.

As I say I am pretty unsure on this whole area, so any advise is welcome.

It's just not that simmple

The whole Christianity versus cross-dressing thing is always close to my heart and not far from my mind so I was interested when I saw this on a blog I had not visited before.   Kelli says nothing new here, but it is good to hear another cross-dresser who is proud of their faith and not feeling excluded from God's love.

Whatever I shall be at church in the morning, with my family, and that is how it should be.

Saturday, 17 March 2012

Winter Draws off

As winter draws to a close and spring is pushing it's nose up through the soil, most girls will be thinking about their new spring wardrobe, I'm musing on what I have enjoyed seeing and wearing over the winter.  What I have enjoyed wearing most out of the specifically winter clothes is my lovely full length Windsmore cashmere overcoat.   The length is perfect the material is lovely and soft and warm and oh so stylish.   In short it makes me feel good, which in turn makes me feel confident and therefore look good.   It is a quite traditional very dark blue in colour so it helps me not to stand out too much, and the length means that I can wear something a little more daring underneath with out worrying about how much leg I'm showing walking down the street.

I have also enjoyed seeing some of the other winter coats around, I am really pleased at the bright colours, there is a definite trend to bright coloured double breasted coats.   This is one fashion that has made it through from the catwalk to the suburban high street quite quickly, simply because it is good.   We love the bright colours, red and blue in particular, and the details of the the buttons or frogging.   These are great because they look good, and are practical.

Within this style there are of course a great many variations (as there should be) with many different styles and lengths, but they are all very stylish.   My particular favourites are the red, slightly military looking styles but the blues are good as well, if maybe not quite so popular.
There is also the great advantage for an over coat that they look good as casual or formal so one coat will do everything, I think the only worry would be a colour clash if the coat is shorter than the dress underneath.
I should of course acknowledge that the bright blue coat has been worn by one of nations leading style icons for many, many years; where some lead others will follow, sometimes it just takes a while for us to catch up.


One of the difficulties of y situation is doing the laundry, since my wife disapproves of Paula and my daughter simply does not know I am just not in a position to keep my washing up to date.   While on the one hand this gives me the excuse to own more "smalls" than I should really ever need it also means that there will always be something I want to wear that is not clean.   My normal practise is to wait for a rainy day when I will be at home and the rest of the family at work or school, and then do a load of washing.   However we are currently in the middle of a drought so it is some time since I have been able to get any washing done.

One option not available
There is also then the problem of garment care and appropriate drying, much of my stuff should not go into the tumble dryer, but I certainly can't hang them out to dry in the garden.   There would be too many explanations needed if anyone not in the know was to see a line of tights, stockings and pretty panties hanging out dry that are obviously not my daughters of wife's.   All that is of course before I start to think about my blouses, skirts and dresses.

Just another of those difficult to reconcile needs, on the old how to balance family and self when the interests don't match.

Thursday, 15 March 2012

Well oiled

Well after work this evening I went straight to my osteopath ~ to say that he is a tall quite good looking man probably in his early forties is merely an observation.   I have been seeing him for a couple of years now and we get on well, he is into bonsai and I am a gardener so we share an interest in trees although we do treat them rather differently.

After my last visit I thought it best to remove my bright cherry red nail polish from my toe nails, but there was little I could do about my largely hairless body and legs.   Since this was the case I decided to wear the negative of the panties I wore last time I visited. That is a nice simple pair of white cotton high leg briefs with a black bow.   Again there was no mistaking the fact that these were made to be worn by a woman.
So as usual I stripped down to my scant underwear and stood while he checked my back and shoulders, I have been working hard so there was certainly some work needed. I was soon face down on the massage table with my back being worked on.   Now I am sure that it is not just my imagination that I was worked on for longer than usual, with much more time being spent on my legs, especially my upper legs and my lower back, my very much lower back.    A towel is used to keep the parts not being worked on warm, and to maintain an illusion of decency, but I am quite aware that today I was massaged both above and below the line of my panties.   Don't get me wrong this was very nice and definitely eased some tired muscles, it's just that last time I was offered today's appointment at a discount, and today I found his fingers inside my panties (only from the back!) more than usual, and my legs getting quite a bit of attention - well a gurl can't help wondering.

I am sure that it is just my imagination working overtime but I wonder what would happen if at my next appointment I upped the anti a bit. Maybe I will leave the polish on my toe nails, or maybe some more obvious satin panties....... I don't know it may be fun, or I could lose a very good osteopath.

Wednesday, 14 March 2012


Where I am working at the moment there are not a great deal of shops but there are a few charity shops so yesterday I decided to have a quick look around.   I needed to replace my nail varnish remover as I will be with my osteopath this afternoon and I thought the cherry red polish might be a bit too much.

Well I had some success I did manage to pick up a couple of pairs of nice clip on earrings and a pretty brouch, in the shape of a leaf with pink sparklers all over it.   I also bout a pair of next trousers, they are black with a sort of mole skin finnish but nice and lightweight to wear, they are a first for me in that they have a smooth front and a side zip, of course no pockets.   I shall have to be carefull when I wear them that I too have a smooth front.

Of course having restarted my collection I find that I have nowhere to keep them as the case was also stolen, so now I need to get myself a jewelry box as well.

Marks of femininity III

Sitting pretty, I know that true female anatomy and male anatomy are different ~ and on occasion I have been very glad of this ~ but when we are presenting as ladies we need to suggest to anyone watching us that we do in fact have female anatomy.   Here I am thinking particularly about how we sit.   Men will sit with their feet at should distance apart with their legs going straight up to the knees the same distance apart, or maybe with their legs crossed, either knee over knee or maybe even ankle over knee.   Ladies do not sit like this.   First rule knees together please, there are some things  that simply should not be on display.

Knees should be kept together, always, ankles may be crossed, or feet together to one side, if careful you could cross your knees like Betty, so simple general rule of thumb, don't show off anything that shouldn't bee seen be ladylike, look like a lady, behave like a lady and you will be treated like a lady.

A while back there was a lovely series on the Couture Allure blog called the charm school there are some nice bits on sitting here and here.   Oh yes and remember you are the lady, so don't stand up when another lady comes in, old habits, even good ones, can die hard.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Does size matter?

I want feedback on this please! I don't often read my own blog, because I write it I tend to look at my posts in the editor rather than on the blog itself.   I just had a look and wondered if the font was too small.

Is this better? I wonder if it is too big and bold or maybe I could use italics occasionally? I definitely prefer to use a font with serif rather than a sans serif like Arial 

Marks of femininity II

Hair, and here I am think about body hair rather than our crowning glory!   Now it should go without saying that hairy legs are out.   I say it should but I have seen some pretty unpleasant sights on the street as well as in photos on the web.   It doesn't matter how shapely your legs may be or how sheer the stockings, hairy legs should not be seen on a girl.   If you cannot shave, wax or whatever to remove the hair then settle for hiding it under opaque tights or trousers.
So much for legs, but that is not the whole story, again I think most of us would not want to see a lady with a hairy cleavage, so remember that when choosing just how low a cut top you wear.   But don't stop there, it is very rare to see a lady with hairy hands, hairy feet or even more importantly hairy armpits.   Personally I always keep my armpits shaved, I first shaved them when I wanted to wear a sleeveless top, but found that it was so much more comfortable that I have kept the permanently clean ever since.

Now girls generally don't need to remove as much of this hair as girls like us, but they will go to great length (and often pains) to keep themselves visibly hair free, therefore so should we.   I think we would all agree that a heavy facial shadow is not a good look, if we are trying to either pass or to just blend then lets not stand out anymore than we have to, large hands are distracting but there is nothing we can do about that, large hairy hands are a give away and there is something that can be done.

Monday, 12 March 2012

He pinched my boobs!

It has been something of a mixed weekend, Saturday was great, as well as having a lovely outing on Saturday night I managed to fix a lawn mower and get lots of other jobs done, most of them like the mower have been waiting for my attention for ages.   From there it changed, when I went out to m van on Sunday someone had driven into the back denting both the back doors and making it rather difficult to open, but worse was still to come.

This morning as I went to the van to start work, I noticed that the side door wasn't properly shut, on investigating I found that it had indeed been broken into.   Even though I had quite a few tools in the back the only things that seem to be missing are my large drill / concrete breaker and my pair of angle grinders, and oh yes a load of Paula stuff.   I had some things in aluminium cases and a holdall with shoes and a few items of clothing which I had left in the van after Saturday night.

They left my handbag and makeup bag and as far as I can tell at the moment most of the shoes and clothes.   My expensive wig was chucked in the back, but there.   What I do know is missing all my jewelry including my two favourite watches, my "second best" (or only other) wig, all my nail varnish and remover, my scent, wipes and various bits of makeup which wasn't in the bag; and in some ways worst of all my forms.   I have acquired this lot over a period of at least a couple of years and won't be able to replace much of it.   Nothing was particularly expensive but now it has all gone I will need new earrings; necklace; rings before I can go out again.

I should be cross, but mostly I just feel very sad, but I console myself that it could have been a lot worse.

Marks of femininity I

Nails ;~ like a suntan nice nails are a mark of attractiveness as they are tacit signals of wealth, if you have time to get a suntan you don't have to work therefore you have money, therefore you are attractive.   With nails it is a sign that you are not doing manual work, doing lots of laundry, scrubbing floors or cooking would all have taken their toll on hands and nails, meanwhile the lady upstairs would not have t do anything beyond a bit of needlework and practise piano and pour tea.   Nicely polished long finger nails suggest a lack of manual work, and the free time to tend to them.

Of course all this is no longer relevant but it is so deeply embedded in our culture that we still respond.   Nice nails even with only a clear polish say feminine, this is something we can embrace quite easily.   Personally I am very lucky in that I have quite small hands so if my nails look good, a couple of dress rings along with my own wedding ring and I think my hands look very feminine.

As for toe nails, I love the summer when ladies start to wear sandals and I can enjoy their nicely painted toe nails, I also love to paint my own, somehow this seems truly indulgent and almost an epitome of elegance.   Of course the whole effort is spoilt by hairy toes after all we are not hobits!

From a purely personal point of view I like fingers and toe to match, and I like the traditional reds, pinks, french or clear.   In with pinks I include mauve and lilac I find it hard to love blues and greens and for me black is too redolent of adolescent boys of what ever age at a heavy metal gig.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

Last night

I think last night's meeting was the best attended I have been to, there was only one girl I had not met before, but not all at the same time.   I managed to spend a bit of time with my friends and a least a quick chat with the others.   It was very pleasant to be out without worrying about being spotted, or condemned in anyway, to just enjoy being Paula.   Like so often last night there was nothing particularly spectacular about the evening (apart from my red dress ) but it was just ~ well ~ nice.   At the end of evening I never want to it to finish, I want to carry on enjoying my femininity of course it has to and there is such a feeling of disappointment as I clean of the nail polish and make up, I long for an occassion where I can go to bed as Paula and wake up in the morning with my nail polish still on.

A few observations, we all seemed quite confident in our own company, but several of the girls would not be able to go out any other way; all the girls were wearing nail polish of one type or another whether dressed to the nines like me or in relaxed casual wear.   We were all past a certain age; several are or have been married, nearly all were drinking orange juice.

Helen, our wonderful leader has had an article in the local paper, this is very encouraging for all of.   To have some support for, at any level, from our local rag is great.

Last night I was wearing these tights, I love them, the feel, the smoothness, and the look, maybe the backseam is a little slutty, and they sure make me feel good, and just a little sexy, but when I took them off a made a small ladder in the foot, I will try to fix this with a little clear nail polish, but will buy myself a couple of pair next time I see them

The end is nigh

Click to enlarge
Well that's that settled, and to think I have just been running an eight week course on the book of Revelation explaining that nobody knows the end.


Just got home after the support group meeting, it is currently ridiculous o'clock in the morning so there won't be a very full report - that may come later.

First things first I have amended my profile so that you can e-mail me direct from there if you want to get in contact, I understand that some of you have been having difficulty posting comments, I have had a quick look and can't see why - anyone know?

Two other things I want to mention while I have them on my mind, one is I was not the girl with the shortest skirt, there was one skirt there that I would have complained about my daughter wearing ~ you know who you are!   The other is a little more serious.

After leaving the pub I needed to get some fuel for the van and before that I wanted to check the balances of my accounts, on my way back to the van I was engaged in conversation by a young man, he was definitely hitting on me, when I made it clear that I was not interested he persisted in quite a strong sexual manner ~ don't get me wrong I was not offended or indeed frightened even when I realised what he had in his hand (in his defence it was quite dark and quite cold).   Now what strikes me is that make three times I have sexual advances from men and on each occasion the man has been younger than me, smaller than me, and black.   It has nothing to do with where I live as the other two occasions were well away from home.   I really don't want to open up any Pandora's box of racial stereotyping, but you can't help noticing, and wondering.  

This also opens up all sorts of other questions about my own sexuality, and what sort of man I find attractive, if indeed I find any sort of man attractive.   Now I know that the other women in my family all have quite fixed ideas of what racial types they find most attractive and I find that I am a little surprised that I have found these encounters to be stimulating, exciting and rather gratifying.   It is very nice to be found sexually attractive, now if the men themselves were a little more attractive, and a little less obvious in there aims I might be more prepared to entertain thier advances, I don't know.   So far I have not felt secure in following up any of these advances and since I am married I have no intention of doing so, but..................................


This makes me feel rather confused - flattered, but still confused, recently I have had a couple of my daughter's friends working for me.   As they are under 18 I have had to resist the temptation to to work them too hard, and have had to accept that there are physical limitation to what they can do.   What had not occurred to me was that they would not realise that an active man in his mid 50s would be considerable stronger than the average teenager.   Now that hey have seen me lifting and laying paving stones that it take two of them to move, digging up tree stumps and the general day to day work of a gardener I have acquired a reputation as being quite "hench" for an old man.   That is of course as well as being a bit idiosyncratic in my dress.

When I say a bit idiosyncratic I mean I have a taste for flamboyant shirts, waistcoats, hats etc., knowledge about my even more idiosyncratic tatses are limited, and does not include any teenagers.   This is quite a novel reputation for me as I have always felt that was the unattractive lump that my better looking more attractive friends took along with the to occupy the equally ugly girl friend.   Apparently now that I am f more mature years comfortably married and settled I have some how become attractive - beats me!

Saturday, 10 March 2012

Order! Order!

I see that my posts have got out order, but I hope that is not too confusing for you.   When I get a chance I like to try to prepare a few posts in advance and schedule the publication later.
Strange feat
Anyway this one is being written today ~ Saturday ~ and will be posted as soon as I have finished.   I have had a it of a diary malfunction, the meeting I thought I had to attend this evening is actually o the 20th not the 10th this means that I can go to all of the Croydon Trans Group meeting tonight.   As well as the pleasure f meeting other girls like me sharing our situations, problems and triumphs it is a chance to dress up.   As there is no need to try and pass I feel released to glam up more than I would just to go to the pub on a Saturday night.   Tonight that means my new red dress some sheer black tights with a backseem and lots of sparklers.   My toe nails are already a nice bright red "Cherry" which is a pretty good match for the colour of the dress, my fingers will be matching.   I know I shall enjoy the evening, and will try to write a little about it on tomorrow.


Nothing trans about this at all, I just thought it was funny

More of Brewster Rocket here

in suspence

I need to buy a couple of new suspender belts.   This sounds simple enough but is actually quite challenging.   I have a very limited budget for Paula's wardrobe and generaly the suspender belts that fall inside that budget are the type that are made more for the bedroom that proper wear.   I have a very nice belt with six straps (the best number to have - security but not overkill) that also acts as a waist cincher; the trouble is the bones have gone and stick out at all sorts of odd angles this means that it has become uncomfortable and impractical.
As I said at the beginning I need to buy a couple of suspender belts, although I am not especially attracted to stockings I do like to wear the every now and then ~ and of course that means I need to make use of a suspender belt.   The very thing that I don't like about stockings; the slight insecurity; the feeling of the suspenders tugging against the stocking top; the feel of the strap against bare thigh, indeed the bare thigh itself ideed being constantly aware of wearing stockings; are also the things that I like.   These feelings that on occasion can mean inconvenience and discomfort on other occasions can mean barely concealed eroticism.   Certainly when glammed up it is nice to go all the way and wear stockings - which brings me right back to I need suspender belts.

I hope to find a couple so that I have a dark one and a light one, probably black and white then I can wear them with any of my outfits and other lingerie.   I do rather like my bra and panties to match, or at least co-ordinate, so it is a given that I would like to do the same with suspenders.   It does seem that a lot of the belts I see were not made for regular lengthy wear so the selection will have too be carefully made on practical levels as well.   Much of what I would say can been already been said here, in the mean time I will be looking out for something sensible, pretty and inexpensive.

Friday, 9 March 2012

My History has been discovered

Obviously over the years as both a tuba player and as a crossdresser I have tried a number of styles and idioms, I just hadn't realised how public some of my past was

Click on image for the full effect

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Back again

The other day I went to the osteopath, I go to see him quite regularly to make sure that I don’t have to.   Bad backs can be a bit of an occupational hazard in my business.   Anyway I had intended to go home after work, get changed and then go and get pummelled.   A couple of days earlier I had cleaned the polish of my toe nails to save any embarrassment so it was just a question of some clean clothes.

I ended up working a bit longer than intended so went straight there, it was only when I was stripping down to my underpants, that I realised that I was in fact stripping down to my panties.   Nothing too extreme thank goodness a nice pair of black cotton high legs with a cute little white bow on the front ~ in other words nothing silly, pink and frilly but definitely feminine.   There was nothing to do other than carry on getting undressed and see what happened.   I am sure he noticed, there was no way that he could miss them, but was far too polite to mention it.   Well I paid up and we made another appointment for two weeks’ time, all OK indeed excellent as he is giving me a bit of a discount on the next appointment.

Well that was on Wednesday evening, after that I could start preparing for the weekend, fresh nail polish on my toes (I like coloured toe nails ~ that is pink or lilac not black or blue) and start my shaving regime.   I will be making the most of a weekend away by dressing for the journey each way and any other chance I get, and then the following weekend it is my support group meeting.   Since last month’s meeting was cancelled because of the weather I really want to get to this month’s.

The more astute of you will have noticed what I only realised earlier today, that next time I see my osteopath I will have nicely shaved legs, chest, arms and quite possibly tummy. Mmmmmmm?

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Those laundry blues

As it was raining this afternoon (Wednesday), I took advantage of the situation and caught up with some of my laundry.   As my wife simply does not want t know about my cross dressing,, and certainly doesn't want to see any evidence of it I am forced to do my laundry when she isn't around and I am at home.   This isn't easy and actually has ended up meaning that I need more underwear!   A quick tally tells me that now I do actually have more bras than my wife, I suspect that I have had more panties for quite some time.

I have just about managed to run one load through the washing machine and tumble dryer, so at least I now have some clean panties, tights and bras, I could do with a couple of days to sort out all my nighties, pyjamas, tops and dresses as well


Saturday night after Mum went to bed I couldn’t resist the temptation, I just had to try on the new red dress.   I had all  the proper foundations with me and some nice shoes, but I couldn’t quite get the whole picture as I had purposely left my wig, makeup in the van.   I am very pleased with my purchase, the dress is every bit as spectacular as I hoped it would be, but even better it is comfortable and fits pretty well.   The only opportunity I can think of in the near future I have to overdress a bit is the Croydon Trans group meeting next Saturday.   I have another meeting I have to go to first so I am hoping that I will be able to get away from that meeting in reasonable time, get changed then on to the Bird.
What do you think belt or not?

Working on the theory that most cross dressers overdress when we have the chance, and there is no need to try to blend in I will almost be expected to glam up a bit more than usual.   We have our monthly meetings in a local Gay Pub (The Bird in Hand), and everyone knows about and accepts us, this is nice as it means the girls who would not otherwise go out get a chance to be out and seen, and the rest of us don’t have to try to hide what we are, so with a bit of luck the caterpillar will turn into a butterfly again on Saturday.

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Keeping it clean

A few weeks ago I had an odd little conversation with my wife; I can’t remember why or what the context was but for some reason I asked if my wife had ever tried waxing her legs, she replied no she hadn’t and then asked if I had, I told her that I hadn’t as I thought it would hurt, and we left it at that.   But it did start me thinking about the whole hair removal thing.   Mostly I shave, but on occasion I have used creams, with mixed results.   I normally find that there are some hairs left which still need to be shaved off, I have also found that on sensitive areas of skin (e.g. too close to the face) I can end up with a bit of a rash, but I do like the ease of use and smoothness given.
With shaving I find that with a bit of effort I can get a good result, but I do need to moisturise afterwards, and the hair grows back quickly and the stubble is unpleasant and itchy, erm, particularly in those more intimate areas.
So I thought I would try waxing, so I bought a kit from Superdrug and gave it a go.   First thing I was right it does hurt, but not as bad or for as long as I feared.   I did find that the wax took some but not all the hair but the result wasn’t too bad for a first go.   The instructions say that hair growth will diminish with repeated use, only time will tell.   This weekend I also invested (a very little money) in a wet and dry lady shave.   I bought this primarily because I like to have a foil shaver around and this was a very cheap, available option, but maybe it will also serve for body hair.

Do any of you have any experience that you could share, please let me know either through comments or by e-mail if you want to stay private.

Monday, 5 March 2012

Saturday Morning

So, ~ today (Saturday) I had to drive down to Cardiff, this is about a four hour drive so I thought I might as well make the most of it and travel pretty.   Friday night I had a good shave (and all….) and did my finger nails.   This felt like quite a brave move, normally I would not use any nail polish on my finger nails if there was any chance of my wife seeing it; but I wanted to get away sharply in the morning, and I knew I would be long gone before she started to stir.   Well as they say the best laid plans of mice and men go astray ~ I actually didn’t wake up until about 6:30 around a full hour later than intended, so a quick wash and brush up and I was off.   A little less groomed than intended but still en femme.

In this case en femme meant a black polo neck (rather negating all my upper body shaving!) a black skirt with white spots, just above knee length cut very full so it swirls nicely, ( see photo on yesterdays post) barely black sheer hose and some plane court shoes with “wooden” heels.   Topped off with a grey tailored jacket I thought quite a nice outfit without being too over the top glam for a Motorway Drive.   Almost as soon as I left I realised that in my haste there were a couple of things I had forgotten, rather than go back and get them I decided to call in on a Tesco’s I was passing to buy afresh, I’m glad I did.   The Tesco a Raynes Park is mega, they sell just about everything, all I actually wanted was some toothpaste a pair of nail scissors and some first aid tape, however I couldn’t help but notice they had a clothes sale on.    There is a red dress that Tesco’s do ~ part of their Gok approved range ~ which I have coveted for some time now but hadn’t bought because at that price I felt I  ought to make sure it was something I would have an opportunity to wear.   They had it in my size reduced to £7 at that price I don’t care I just had to have it, now I will create an opportunity.

Well after that it was rather an uneventfully journey, just the one stop as a “comfort break”   Arriving in Cardiff I popped into “the village” to check out the charity shops before joining my Mother.   Unfortunately I still can’t seem to find the boots I want at a price I am prepared to pay, maybe in a couple of months when some people start clearing out their winter wardrobes……


I've been away for a couple of days, and not had a chance to post for a while, however I have managed to prepare a few posts and will be putting those up over the next week.   They may seem a bit random at first, especially if I get them out of order, but I hope they will make some sort of sense.

Right now I have just got home after a long drive home, I made the drive a little longer than it needed to be so that I could stop for comfort breaks and simply to strut my stuff.   I have had a day when I have been dressed 100% fem 100% of the time, even if it wasn't always obvious.   I started the day in bed, waking up wearing my nice satin PJs a fairly boring dressing gown concealing the more obvious fem cues, after a shower I put on a rather lacy cami / vest a pale lilac polo, tights and some fem jeans.   The main thing that struck me was how comfortable I felt.   The way I looked was secondary but still quite gratifying.   I stayed dressed this way until about an hour before I had to leave, a which point I swapped the camisole for a bra and slip, this is my not quite matching nearly set of animal print undies, I was pleasantly surprised that with my polo neck back on it was not too obvious what I was wearing underneath, and again how comfortable it all was.

Once I had departed I swapped my jeans for skirt and changed shoes so I could get a couple of photos
Not very good I know but the best I could manage at the time.   I don't think I'm a bad photographer, but I am rubbish at self portraits, maybe I should practise more.   You may notice that I am wearing my own hair, this was partly down to comfort, partly down to it being rather blustery, my hair is a little on the long side at the moment and I reckoned I could "get away with it".   Interestingly when I made my first stop at a services I suddenly felt very self conscious without my wig, I almost went back to the van to put it on, but carried on.   I felt as though I stood out and that every one was looking at me with disapproval, of course they weren't, but it shows what thing threads our confidence can hang by.   After another comfort break I changed again into my new red dress ~ you will hear more of that soon ~ and completed the journey with only one more stop, before getting so nearly home that I felt safe stopping for a glass of wine.   Unfortunately the Grape and Grain was already closed when I got there, but another local hostelry welcomed Paula in for a solitary late night glass of wine.   Now I'm home and of course that means I had to change back into drab, once again I am feeling the low after the high, eve though I haven't really been anywhere or done anything it is so nice being dressed that going back into normal boring drab male dress is a real downer

Friday, 2 March 2012

Too much to say

As I keep banging on I am busy, so busy that i haven't even turned my computer on for three days, that's a lot of cartoons to catch up on, here are a couple of them

Both of me really likes mini skirts

Glad I've only got cats
I've got lots to write about but right now I need a bath to prepare myself for an early start as I am travelling pretty tomorrow.