Sunday, 30 June 2013
My time management being what it is I spent too much time in the garden and cleaning the van and had no time to eat before having a quick shower and getting changed for the evening performance. Somehow I managed to get my hands clean and got changed. After my shower I was feeling quite fem, so remembering that I was meant to wear all black, rather than just an ordinary black shirt I wore a nice satin shirt blouse I have, the buttons are concealed (same as on a dress shirt) with long cuffs with three satin covered buttons on each along with my black moleskin side fastening trousers, I felt good and think I looked good.
When I got to the concert all the men were wearing dinner jackets with white shirts and all but two of the ladies were wearing black bottoms and white tops ~ ARGHHHH. I'm, glad I had the conductors text with me to show why I was wearing all black. Of course this also drew more attention to what I was wearing than would normally happen, but if anyone noticed anything I only had one comment;
"That's a girls blouse"
"But it's a girls blouse"
"Yes, but it is black"
After the concert we went for a couple of pints at "The Grape" where they had a good little band playing as part of the Crystal Palace Festival. I always seem to miss this and be playing somewhere else when this is happening right on my doorstep.
When I got home I found my wife in bed and my daughter asleep on the sofa, so a quick sausage sandwich in the kitchen and bed. ~ Now to start getting ready for today's concert.
Friday, 28 June 2013
As I said earlier, tomorrow I have agreed to play in a concert with a local band that I am not a member of but am a good friend to. Just to make sure that I had all the details correct I sent a text message to the conductor.
"OK for Sat. please confirm time venue and dress"
"7pm St. Paul's Church. Black dress for you"
Does he know something he shouldn't? as he often wears a kilt as formal wear I replied
"Are you suggesting I wear a dress to distract the audience from you wearing a skirt?"
Having said all that I do have night mares, real night mares about getting on stage and not having my music, sometimes I wake up in near panic about a concert that isn't even real, but where I found myself on the stage all dressed up with my instrument and ready to play a solo but with no music so unable to perform.
There should be none of these problems on Sunday, I will be wearing an LBD and my music is in the trombone case! If you haven't bought your tickets yet get them here.
Originally neither my wife or I was going to attend this weekend event, I had already committed to work on Saturday and perform on Sunday, she didn't want to spend the weekend working, but as my daughter fancied it my wife will go along with her. This means
- I can play the concert I have been asked to do on Saturday night
- I can take my time getting ready for Sunday
- I can leave home for my afternoon rehearsal with LGSO as Paula
- I will not be seeing much of either of them for the next three days
- I will be eating all my meals alone except Sunday lunch (at Carluccio's after rehearsal)
Thursday, 27 June 2013
Wednesday, 26 June 2013
In as much as I can have a plan I intend to concentrate on making sure that our daughter feels loved and assure her that she has a stable and loving father who will continue "to be there for her". I just hope that our counsellor will be of some help.
Bizarrely my horoscope this morning
Virgo (August 23-September 22): You know the crazy head-trips you go on when get involved with someone who doesn’t really excite you. Somehow, you think you owe it to yourself––or them––to keep trying, but sometimes the best move is to get away as fast as you can. Sure, be thorough, but not masochistic. If you’re not feeling it now, don’t force yourself.
I don't normally go in for this sort of thing but had a look this morning after seeing Cyrsti's post.
Tuesday, 25 June 2013
On Sunday evening I had a rehearsal, I spent quite a while trying to decide what I would wear, on those odd occasions I do have to dress I want to express my femininity, but I do not want to stand out as the OTT Crossdresser. I know that there is a fair chance that if I wear a dress I will be the only one who does. Most women my age now wear jeans as their prime item of casual wear, so I also wore jeans with a grey cotton knit polo neck and a pair of high heel black boots (it wasn't very warm that evening) I have to say I felt great, looked good, but more to the point was comfortable and quite feminine in my presentation. I also found I had a conversations with one or two people I had not spoken to before who were quite relaxed with me, I wonder if dressing down a bit also made others more comfortable.
Monday, 24 June 2013
I like to wear at least one other ring, an "engagement" ring under the wedding ring, but the one I have been wearing is fairly cheap costume jewellery and the gold finish is beginning to wear off. I have one or two much more dramatic sparklers for when I am glamed up, but it does seem to be quite difficult to find something that looks nice and won't turn my finger green.
It would be nice to buy a proper decent ring from a proper jeweller, but there is no way my budget will allow for such things, the cheap stores, Matalan, Primark etc. don't have anything appropriate so I must just keep my eyes open and grab the opportunity should it present itself.
I say all this by way of preamble to explain why I was so disappointed yesterday to hear a talk from the pulpit of my Church that I just could not agree with. While it was meant to be on the subject of wisdom taking James 3 as the text, it ended up as being a poorly put together attack on rationality. I am used to hearing members of the Church voice homophobic views and embracing creationism, however to hear it from front apparently as the sanctioned view of the Church was more than disappointing. I like to think of myself as a tolerant person but this has pushed me over the edge, I have done something I hoped I would never feel the need to do, I have written to the Rector complaining. I have tried not sound like Mr Angry from Tunbridge, rather I am encouraging him to be more cautious about who is allowed to speak and to monitor what is said.
I know this is not really quite the sort of thing many of you may come here to read, but this is about the whole of me, all of me, I am not just a trans woman, I am a Husband, a Father, a Son, a Musician, a Gardener, a Friend, a Christian, I just sometimes need to allow the woman in me to express herself physically.
Sunday, 23 June 2013
Later today I shall be up in town for the last rehearsal before next week's LGSO concert. I am really looking forward to the concert, but do not feel anywhere near ready for it, somehow I do need to fit in some tie to do some practise. This is a constant problem for nearly all amateur musicians, especially those of us who play rather anti social instruments. It seems that when I have the time someone else will be trying too sleep or watch the TV and wants a bit of quite. This week it may be particularly challenging as at the moment I have scheduled nine and half to ten days work for the business but I only have nine days available. With a meeting on Tuesday evening, and a band rehearsal on Wednesday even the evenings are looking pretty full. This may be a case of just how much do I want to do it?
In amongst all my regular maintenance work I have been working on a little landscaping project that I plan t have completed this week, I reckon that I probably need a couple of days to have it all finished, I have a circle of paving to lay, the concrete edging to fix and then gravel to put down over the rest. the last photo shows the area for the gravel and paving covered with landscaping fabric, the idea is that this is meant to stop weeds rowing up through it, in practise I find that weeds will often germinate in the gravel and then put roots down into the soil through the fabric from above. Still it does help and it keeps the soil separated from the gravel which helps keep things a bit tidier.
Thursday, 20 June 2013
I have often observed that I need to have something to look forward to, well on Sunday week I have the upcoming LGSO concert, this forms the a nice end to the London Pride weekend. A good program an interesting venue and decent orchestra, what more do you want? Don't be shy you can buy tickets on line or on the door. My only problem what will I wear, I have four black dresses to choose between, one is a maxi length and two are quite short, three rather slinky one lined, so maybe I will consider the weather before making a final decision.
After the hairdressers and the bank, and a quick trawl through the Charity Shops I decided to have a coffee and get on with some work I had brought with me. One of the joys of a lap top is that I can do this take the work with me and sit in comfort somewhere enjoying a coffee and actually be working. Rather than go to any of the local coffee shops I went to the very posh and rather illustrious Selsdon Park Hotel, sat in a corner of a lounge with my laptop enjoying a coffee and a view over the parkland. This Hotel has quite a well-known golf course and often plays host to teams playing in big matches at Wembley, and Twickenham certainly the real David Beckham has stayed there quite a few times. All the staff were very friendly and helpful, the coffee was good and cost no more than at a Costa or Starbucks. In all honesty I think that the way I was dressed I must have fitted right in, if they had seen my van it may have been a different matter.
Not wanting to overstay my welcome I moved on, dropped a couple of things off at a friend’s house and found myself in Croydon, rather than go into the town centre and risk spending more money and wasting more time I popped into another hotel, the Hilton, and again enjoyed a cup of coffee while doing a little work. It now seems to me that I am wasting my presence on the ordinary coffee shops I plan to make much more use of swanky hotels, they are more than happy to jus serve a cup of coffee or tea and offer a much more pleasant environment at no more cost.
Wednesday, 19 June 2013
I know actors will often say that the key to finding a character is in the shoes, I find that having the right shoes for the job helps put me in the right frame of mind, whether it is steel toe capped work boots, black oxfords with a suit, or high heel sling backs with a LBD for a night out! The other day as I was driving between jobs I caught a bit of a show on BBC Radio 4 all about shoes.
Foot Notes is a program put together by shoe enthusiast and collector Rowan Pelling who takes us on a journey through her personal shoe collection to tell us the extraordinary story that lies behind footwear.
It will be no surprise to an of us that she discovers that, far from being simple functional objects that we put on our feet, shoes can communicate our sexual desire, aesthetic sense, social status and personality. They not only reflect social history and changing fashions, but are also a personal record of our lives - a touchstone that evokes a time, a place and an emotion.
In language and throughout literature, they can be magical as in The Red Shoes, transform lives as in Cinderella, and used as punishment in the Twelve Dancing Princesses (maybe that's where it started for me at the age of 11 I played the part of the King in a school musical production of this story, it was also the first occasion I wore tights!).
Shoes have been made from jewels, can cost thousands and are often bought in the wrong size - just because we love them.
Fancy shoes, comfy shoes, old shoes, new shoes - they can change an attitude and define a generation and mean something different to us all. This is an interesting and fun program, follow the link and listen.
Tuesday, 18 June 2013
We need something to look forward to, and I am looking forward to having my hair done, I just wonder if I was wise to agree to having it permed?
Monday, 17 June 2013
This is a bit like the Bucket list, but rather than activities to do the list is of cars I want to have. This is not just cars I could quite fancy but those that I have a real yearning for, cars that I wanted when I first saw them advertised on the back cover of my Father's Sunday Telegraph magazine. I remember seeing the first Mercedes Benz estate advertised there and thinking, Wow at last a decent car that will take a tuba in the back. 40 years later when I got my first 200T I was not disappointed.
|The latest thing in 1980|
I loved my Imps and Jade my mark IV Singer Vogue will always have a special place in my heart.
the Jenson Interceptor was awesome (when I could afford to put petrol in it) and the XJ12 smooth powerful and complicated.
So are there any special cars on my banger list? just a few, as an official Rootes nut I have yet to have a Sunbeam, I have had Singers, Hillmans and a couple of Humbers, at least one each of a dodge and a Commer but no Sunbeam. I know that the fast back Rapier will take a small tuba in the boot so I could just about justify one of those, the other two cars currently on the list are the original Audi A8 and the Jenson Healey. I was at the Motor show when the Jenson Healey was launched and fell in love with it on the spot, however as it is totally impractical I will need to make an awful lot ore money than I am at the moment before I can afford that sort of toy.
Sunday, 16 June 2013
Thursday, 13 June 2013
My customer is a lady of mature years who is a bit nervous of tradesmen so wanted someone she knows to do the job, so that's me. Apart from actually doing the job, I am a little worried about the weather, please, please don't rain!
At the party I will be acting as sound man, I am rather happy about that as it gets me out of having to be cheerful when I really don't feel it, and I can avoid fancy dress. This may sound silly but I don't like fancy dress much, it sacks of trying too hard. Maybe I have just not had the right costume but as the theme is the 1960's I a short of ideas of what I could do (in the presence of my wife), so I will simply be the sound man dressed in black hiding at the back behind the desk.
It may be all the busyness but I am feeling a bit down at the moment, my daughter is fully occupied by exams and has little or no time for me, I suspect my wife is still giving me the cold shoulder, (she can be so taciturn at times it is hard to know if I am getting the sile treatment or if she is just not talking) and my Mother is still in Hospital and very confused, so just at the moment I struggle too be cheerful.
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
I saw this a while back when I was searching for something else and immediately thought f my friend Karin, if anyone deserves a tea set like this it is her.
The other two I think speak pretty much for themselv
Sunday, 9 June 2013
It will have be sufficient say that it was good to meet up with old friends, and to meet a "new girl" who came to her first meeting. Meeting in a pub we are a pretty social group and tend to chat amongst ourselves rather than have any sort of formal agenda or structured meeting. Somehow we still seem to get things done, our last big event was the IDAHO thing in Croydon Town centre, but over the next few months we have a special private late night opening of one of the local charity shops, and a make up evening. So we have a bit of fun, a bit of campaigning and quite a lot of mutual support. I think that the main thing for a lot of the girls is just to have an opportunity to go out dressed without fear.
When ever I write up a report on something I have done I always think to myself "Next time I must get some photos" but then I will forget to take a camera so I can't use a tripod or delay, but I always have my phone, I just feel silly and self conscious asking someone else take a photo, which when you thin about I how I would be dressed is really silly! I know I keep saying this but I really must buck myself up.
Now I have to go and get myself ready for Church and then later I have a LGSO rehearsal.
Saturday, 8 June 2013
I am so busy and so stressed that I am finding it difficult to prioritise and have found that I have been doing lots of work, and not collecting all the money owed, as I am also struggling with some debt issues this is just silly. Added to all this yesterday I managed to leave my wallet at the nursery after buying some bedding plants so when it came to the end of the day I couldn't pay S who had been helping me.
What I need is a bit of a rest, even a weekend off would be good, but looking at my diary I see the next one of those I have is 27th/28th July I think I want to be my cat, all he does is eat and sleep.
Friday, 7 June 2013
Later in the evening my Brother popped in to see me on his way back from Cardiff, he had found the glasses I left at Mum's and returned them, this was a relieve but on the other hand his report was not. It now seems that Mum will not be discharged from Hospital till next week at the earliest. She will need a lot of support to be able to live safely on her own and it seems that this is all in hand but will take tie to set up, personally I feel a bit impotent sitting here in London while everything is being done on the other side of the Country.
After my brother's visit I was so tired that I ended up asleep on the sofa and went to bed about ten. Going to Cardiff at the weekend has taken it out of me, and this weekend looks like a busy one as well, with an RSCM event on Saturday, as well as a support group meeting, hen on Sunday I have a LGSO rehearsal.
Thursday, 6 June 2013
It may not be an Audi convertible that I lust after, but it sees there is so much that is just out f my financial grasp, and at the moment little hope of my situation getting any better in the foreseeable future. Ho hum said Poo.........................
I think every Girl should have at least one pair of fishnets in her wardrobe, that way she always has the choice not to wear them! I have been known to wear fishnets under trousers so that the ankles and feet are showing but not the legs, this is a bit of a tease, suggesting what might be there but not showing. Other wise I fear that the associations of fishnets with ladies of lose virtue is just to near the front of my mind to want to wear them out. After all we do need to be careful about what signals our clothing gives to others, and I don't think that I want to be sending the signal that fishnets send to most men.
Earlier today I noticed a very well presented lady, in her middle years, very trim, nice smart black skirt suit with a red belt and a lovely pair or red high heeled pumps, as I got closer I realised that she was also wearing fishnets, it struck then and there how much nicer she would have looked with sheer, nearly black hose. Somehow the fishnets gave what could and should have been a very stylish classy look an air of "posh tart". Again maybe it is just me and that association I have but for me I don't want anyone to look at me and think what I thought today.
Wednesday, 5 June 2013
I do have a few things that I have found I don't wear, and don't think I will so I am now making up a parcel which I will take later this week, I just need to decide about this dress, I really like it, but would I wear it?
Yesterday on my way to drop off my friend B after work I stopped at the bank to get some cash, when I got back to the van and started her up, the oil light stayed on. I was surprised since it's only a couple of months since we changed the oil and gave her a service, now I know about these things, I don't want to drive a vehicle with a potential lack of oil pressure, so I stopped the engine, we checked the oil level, checked the connections on the sensor and everything else we could check. Got back in and started the engine again, the light still stayed on, I revved the engine a little to build pressure, the light stayed on. In the eighteen months I've had this van it's the first time this has happened, the light is a little yellow oil can and a spanner.
Tuesday, 4 June 2013
As it happens Sunday was no as hot as Saturday so the sun did not beat quite as strongly on y bare shoulders, but then in the afternoon I did spend a little time sitting in the garden catching up on some admin work on the laptop, by then I had changed into a sleeveless summer dress, so still managed a bit of sun.
The pictures are just a few I took in Mum's garden, she has some lovely plants and a really strong design, it's just all got a little out of control
Monday, 3 June 2013
While there I did draft a couple of posts so this where I start catching up.