Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

A tall story

To be honest my cold meant that I had to concentrate even harder than normal, just to keep up, and then I seemed to develop a nasty habit of coughing loudly in all the quite bits.   I had a bottle of "Covonia" with me and every now and then took a judicious swig.   Along with a few decongestant capsules I hoped I would get through.

After the rehearsal we had time for a quick, late lunch at a Carluccio's just round the corner before getting changed for the concert itself.   I had decided on the most demure of my LBDs but also my most outrageous shoes, I think they are a four inch heel with a very small platform, metallic silver leather sandals, as I soon found out they may look great, not so easy to walk in.   I know I felt as though I looked like a million dollars, between the height of the heels and the soft fabric swirl of the skirt across my thighs (yes I had also decided on stockings) I felt so sexy, somehow powerful and vulnerable at the same time.

We got through the overture without incident, although I did start to have a little problem with a suspender clip, then left the stage to the strings and the soloist for the concerto.   This is the first time I am aware of hearing this saxophone concerto (by Glasinov) it was certainly a tour de force but maybe just a little short on tunes.    Having had half a bottle of wine with lunch I resisted having any more during the interval, just topped myself up with Covonia and decongestants before  we took on the Mahler symphony.

While I didn't cough too much I am sure that being "off my face" on cough mixture was not the best way to approach this very challenging piece.   I think the best way to describe my performance was that "I got away with it" in the end the combination of drugs, booze and lack of sleep was just too much to maintain my concentration at the level needed.   Still at least I looked fabulous!

Of passing interest the first trombone was a fairly young (to me at least) girl, I think maybe still at music college, it only struck me just how tall she is when I realised that we were about the same height only I had on my heels and she was wearing ballet pumps!

Monday, 29 April 2013

All Change

Whilst enjoying my bath and tea yesterday morning I got a phone call from my friend, he was behind with project that had to be completed by this morning so would not be able to make the concert after all.   I was disappointed that he could not make it but I do wish him very well with today's endeavours.   The downside very much not having the company support or shared experience, but of course there is always an upside and my logistics would be a bit easier.   Of course I would have preferred the complications but as they say "always look on the bright side of life"

I returned from Church in good time without having to rush and stopped off at Tesco to get more drugs to try and keep my runny nose dammed.   As I had made most of my preparations in advance it was a simple matter to make the few garment and underpinning adjustments required before loading up the van and setting off.

This was a bit of a strange situation, as usual I had been looking forward to my outing, but as I was still feeling a bit grotty if I could I would have cancelled.   But this is the real world ~ not some sort of trannie heaven ~ and I was committed to play so I had to go through with it.   This is one area where I truly feel as though I am making progress, by doing "real" things, taking part in activities that are not solely centred on dressing up, Paula is becoming more and more a reality, and I am beginning to understand more and more about this aspect of my life.   But more of that later.

The journey up to town was easy and my only problem was finding somewhere to park, as the bays I used last time were suspended.    This meant that I was just a little late but missed nothing important.

As I know that some of you like these details I was wearing boot cut faded black jeans, black ankle boots with a cuban heel, a purple casual top and blue denim jacket.   For once I did not feel over dressed, still definitely feminine but comfortable and casual, after all I would be doing the whole glam thing later.

Sunday, 28 April 2013

That explains a lot

Today's Brewster Rocket explains so much, including why this pornings post is just going to be a very quickie since I have so much to do and such little time.

After picking our daughter up from a party in the "wee small hours of the morning" it was far too late when I hit the sack last night after what ended up being a much busier day than I had expected.   I did manage some practise and to pack my bag for this afternoon / evening but didn't manage time for a bath and shaving.   I have also yet to come up with a coherent plan for making my transformation into Paula, while giving my friend B a lift to the concert venue.   I would normally complete my makeup and adjust myself in the van but that doesn't look like an easy option.   At the same time I do want to maintain a reasonable presentation with the Orchestra.

Anyway I shall think about that as I have my morning cup of tea and a bath.

Saturday, 27 April 2013

Positive Roll Models

Last night we watched a CSI, this is not a show I enjoy much for me it is far to graphic, I don't enjoy all the blood and gore, and the story lines far too fancifully.   However there are one or two characters who are nicely developed and my wife loves the show so I tolerate it ~ hey with what she puts up with it's the least I can do.   So, back to CSI this episode was perhaps stretching credibility even further than most but did feature a trans character, albeit in a minor roll.   The trouble was that as is so often the case it was quite a negative portrayal, a mad transvestite arrested for violence against a cab driver trying to protect her unborn child, who then stabs herself with a pair of scissors (the pronouns are mine the writers got a little confused).   It transpires that she was acting as a drug mule which might explain some of the behaviour, at least in the CSI world.

My concern is that this is yet another negative image, more reinforcement of the negative stereotypes that are regularly shown on our screens.   Drug Mule; Hookers; Murderers; Sexual Predators these seem to be the screen writers ideas when it comes too cross dressing characters, I understand that nice suburban husband and father who likes to wear women's clothes occasionally might no make great drama, but why is it always the flawed, dangerous characters who are made to be the cross dressers and not the detectives, why can't we have some positive portrayals on our screens.

We are gradually getting some positive images thanks to Transsexual Summer, Grayson Perry and Eddy Izard but very little apart from them and they are few and far between.  Maybe it is tie for the BBC to take on a transgender presenter for Gardeners World, feel free to lobby on my behalf.

Friday, 26 April 2013

Not a Thing to Wear

Well the good news is that I have managed to get this far into the week without breaking a finger nail!   This could be one of those rare occasions when all ten nails are of a matching aesthetically pleasing length, they will also be a very nice colour.   Only Friday and Saturday to get through now, I shall probably end up wearing gloves all day.

I also think that I now have got my cold on the retreat.   Yesterday was not as bad as Wednesday, and this morning I don't feel as bad as I have the previous couple of mornings so lets hope for he best.

One thing I have found with playing these concerts that has never been a problem for him, is the issue of what to wear, I have pondered what my concert dress will be and have made up my mind on that, but of course there is still the rehearsal.   I want something casual, but still feminine, if the weather had held I would have worn my white linen trousers, but it looks as though i will be too cool for anything as summery as them.   I could wear skinny jeans again but don't want to wear a sweater with them and most of my tops are a bit short (I like skinny jeans or leggings but only really with tunic length tops) and then there is the problem of shoes, like many girls like me most of my shoes have been bought for their style rather than practicality.   So now I am looking for a comfortable, casual outfit to wear throughout the day with practical comfortable shoes and find that "I have nothing to wear".

I think that this is a problem several of us can find, we buy the clothes that attract us, which of course tend to be the pretty, special, or formal feminine clothes, rather than the practical everyday comfortable and casual.   Looks like I will once again resort to jeans top and ankle boots, I draw the line at trainers!

The pictures are of a couple of previous attempts at casual outfits, while I quite like both, I fear the heels on the boots in the first are to high, and the length of the skirt in the second is too short.   I have a pair of flat heeled knee boots that look really nice, but are just a little too tight to want to wear for long.   I really should get rid of them but am reluctant until I have something else that will take their place.

Thursday, 25 April 2013


I have mentioned a few times that our financial situation has been pretty challenging, regular readers will also be very aware of my faith and how it pervades all aspects of my life, and gives me concerns about my cross dressing, every so often different aspects of our lives collide and the outcomes can be life changing.

With the weather we have been enjoying over the last twelve months or so, four weeks ago I had got to the point where I had run out of money, or the ability to get any and was facing the need to make payments of a few thousand pounds.   Not massive amounts but when you haven't got any money it doesn't matter whether it is a hundred a thousand or ten thousand.   I will be honest and say that I was at my wits end, I had even put my tuba on e-bay but didn't have any bidders.   As a Christian I could not help but start questioning whether God had turned His face against me, was my persisting with my cross dressing a sin that was separating me from God's Grace?  In other words I was beginning to question my entire life, my business, everything.

Now, every Wednesday morning I go to a regular prayer meeting, our habit is to meet up, make a cup of tea have a little chat, then read a Psalm and then prayer out of the Psalm, that is let the Psalm inspire how we pray and what we pray about.   That Wednesday morning four weeks ago when I was asked "how are you?"  I told them, so that morning rather than our usual routine the whole morning became dedicated to praying for my financial situation.   This sort of support is very encouraging, but much more to the point during the next week, I was offered and accepted a "substantial" interest free open ended loan, and also received an unsolicited gift from a member of my church, who decided that because of the weather I must have been suffering so he would like to help out.   I have also sold an old, long unused bass guitar and found and sold another bass guitar at a reasonable profit.   The weather has improved and I have work scheduled for every day for the next few weeks, and there after for the whole summer.   In other words a quite literal change in fortune, although I am still a long way from wealthy, I now feel secure, at least for a while, but the change over that first week after being prayed for was dramatic to say the least, and certainly too big to be coincidence.

I know that as Christians we are meant to share our experiences and witness to the goodness of God, but sometimes we find that difficult to do, I have been thinking about whether I should share about this for some time, the decider was the other Wednesday morning when we met up for our prayer group, the psalm for the morning (as set down in the C of E Lectionary) was Psalm 66.   Once again I had been concerned had my trans gender activities been affecting how God had been treating me, but verse 18 of this Psalm says "If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened;"  I felt that this was directed at my particular situation, the Lord was talking to me through His Word, what I am doing he does not consider sin as he did listen and has blessed me.

And as if I needed further confirmation, my van passed it's MOT the next day, I had expected this to cost me at least £300, but only had to pay out the £60 for the test fee and a couple of bulbs.   I know some people might say this is all just co-incidence but I find it easier to believe in divine intervention that co-incidence that massive!

In short, I am not only relieved from my immediate financial difficulties, but more importantly I am assured that being true to myself is not against God's will, that his love and His Grace are accessible too all of us, regardless of gender identification.   For me this is big news and a great relief.

Still Grotty

Still feeling really grotty, I did manage to work yesterday but that was about all I did manage, after my appointment with the osteopath I came home sat down and barely moved until I went to bed at about nine O'clock.   After more or less sleeping fr around twelve hours I do feel a bit better and should be able to manage work again today, but I don't expect to be able to do much more.

To a certain extent I am working on the theory that if I work I am out in the sun and doing some exercise, both of which should be good for shaking off this horrible cold.   Nothing would be worse than going into Sunday with a snotty nose and still feeling grotty, I want to look and feel pretty, of course I also want to be able to play at my best which I simply can't do with a cold.   Still I have a few days and am sure I will recover.

My wife has prescribed me lots of "Lemsip" and my Osteopath (who is also a homeopath) Echinacea and Sarsaparilla.

Tuesday, 23 April 2013


Ain't it just typical, all this horrible weather we have been having now for about six months, finally clears up and we have a couple of stunning sunny days, busy busy busy lots of work to catch up on and what happens I get a cold.   At the moment my throat is soar y nose running my eyes inflamed and I feel just ugg.

I just hope I can shake it off before the weekend, there is no way I want to be playing and trying to look pretty when I feel like this.   If I worked for someone else I would probably phone in sick and stay in bed for a couple of days, but I just can't afford the  time, so keep calm and carry on and hope the cold goes.

It struck me yesterday while  was in the Gents (in drab) the difference, ladies often complain abut the queues for the ladies facilities, while the men can just walk in.   But I was struck by how much nicer as a general principle the ladies facilities are.   Generally cleaner and better presented the ladies will normally have functioning hand dryers, adequate paper soap etc. and appear to be cared for.   The gets on the other hand are not often so accommodating, but then they don't deserve the to be, the other thing I noticed is that ladies always wash their hand, men rarely do.   Of course I accept that I am in a privileged position to be able to make the comparison but there is a definite inbalance.

Monday, 22 April 2013

You need Hands

Next Sunday I will be playing in the LGSO concert, I am sure I have mentioned this before (several times) and I have to say if any of you are at a lose end on Sunday evening it will be a great concert with some stunning music in a fantastic setting, so please come along.   On this occasion though that is not my main point, the thing is I like to look good when I play, this will only be the third time that Paula will have been on the concert platform, so it is still a special experience for me.   I have already worn two of my black dresses which means I only have two more to go (plus trousers, skirts satin tops etc. so I don't think I will run out of things to wear just yet).  

The dress I plan to wear on Sunday is I think the nicest, it is a little longer than the others with an asymmetric hemline long sleeves made from a lovely clingy jersey material with a polo neck and a waist sash belt, this is definitely the most demure of my back dresses, and as my friend B is coming to the concert that may be a good thing.   But again not my point today.

I think my hands are my most naturally feminine feature, so I like to show the off, this means one or two rings and nail polish.   I want my nails to be nice, a nice shape, a nice length and a nice colour.   At the moment they are just about at the optimum length, maybe a millimeter shorter than perfect, but how am I going to get through a full weeks gardening work without damaging any of them?

I have already applied a protective coat of clear lacquer, and managed to get through Monday wearing gloves, all I can do is be careful but it is very hard to do manual work and protect nails.   But then that is really rather the point as the original attraction of long finger nails came from it being a sign of not having to do manual work.   So my main concern is to try and keep my finger nails nice, my secondary concern is a little different, the dress I will be wearing has a high neck, a bit like a turtle neck but with buttons at the back, should I wear a necklace outside the dress or leave it plain?   I will be wearing sparkly earrings, rings and bracelet and maybe a sparkly ankle chain, is that too much already?

The post title? follow the link if you haven't already got it.

Sunday, 21 April 2013

Chicken with Lemon and Spam

I don't usually publish spam, but there is one that came in on my earlier Breakfast post that just defies all sensible interpretation, I think I will offer a prize for anyone who can tell me what it means.

Well I would like to point out that I didn't just cook breakfast I also cooked lunch! we had a late lunch since I was the only one up at a sensible time.   Yesterday I bought some chicken thighs, cheap and very tasty, I roasted these with whole cloves of garlic lemon and fresh Rosemary, thyme and sage, served up with diced roast potatoes with onion and some fresh crusty bread.   The roasting juices from the chicken with the lemon juice and herbs made a sauce that just needed to be mopped up with bread.   I followed this up with a lemon tart which I have to admit to buying.   I did make some chicken liver pate but since it is definitely no slimming world friendly it looks like I shall be enjoying that on my own for lunch for the next week or two.

Strangely the urge to dress up is not very strong at the moment,  but since I had a rehearsal for next weeks LGSO concert and they only know Paula I actually had to.   Once I was dressed (mauve tunic with black leggings and ankle boots) and got to the rehearsal it felt, well it just felt right.   I am looking forward to the concert next week, we are playing some great music, my good friend B will be coming and I get to dress up, I think that ought make me a pretty happy bunny.


Just woke up and came downstairs to find our daughter asleep on the sofa, curled up under a blanket we brought down for the cats.   She looks so content and peaceful that I can't bring myself to disturb her.

Last night her mother was out at a party with some friend while I was staying home, then our daughter too decided to go out.   I arranged to go and pick her up, the tie then got put back so by the time I had collected her it was pretty late, so knowing I have a duty at Church this morning I went straight off to bed.   Now I am cooking breakfast, it looks like it will be smoked haddock for one.
I did manage to get at least one mower working and made a start at clearing out the van, but it still loos like I am set for a busy day if I am going to cook lunch and get to my rehearsal as well as everything else.   I am beginning to think I could do with a break.

Saturday, 20 April 2013

if only everything could be as relieable as...............

Bad Day! I had two lawnmowers break down today, I suppose that this is just an opportunity to feel thankful that I have three mowers, but at the moment it feels like a pain in the %$£# I ended up not doing three grass cutting jobs I had planed to, oh yes and having my first job on Monday cancelled.

My original plan was to have a relaxed weekend before using some of Monday morning to do the final preparations for my van going for it's MOT.   Now I will be working on lawnmowers all day Saturday, then cleaning the van out on Sunday and cutting grass Monday morning.

At least I have a rehearsal on Sunday evening and can make sure I am pretty for it.

Friday, 19 April 2013

Paula's Pointers

Juliette left a comment on my "And the Best Laid Eggs" post asking if we going to have Paula's Gardening tips now, well in a way, but because I enjoy alliteration so much I prefer Paula's Pointers.   I actually spend much more of my time gardening and thinking about gardening than I do dressing, of course that is largely because that is the main source of income for the household so that does tend to concentrate the mind a bit.   I will also admit that I have long cherished the ambition to write a regular gardening column for a (local) paper or magazine, so this may just be a way of expressing that ambition, only without the pay!

At the moment the weather here in the UK is making it very difficult to know what to do for the best in the garden there are so many jobs that have been put off or delayed because it's been too cold or too wet that when we do get a bit of sunshine it is hard to know which are the highest priorities.   We have a good forecast for the weekend so I expect a lot of people will be heading out into their gardens to make a start.   My main Job on Saturday will be to try a make sure my van is suitably presented for it's MOT on Monday, but other than that I think I will be trying to sort out my vegetable beds and get my onion sets in, and sowing my lettuce, leeks beans and tomatoes.   This year I will be growing both white and red onions, as well as salad onions and chives.   I hope to be making Caramelised Red Onion Chutney come September.

So, Paula's Pointer for this weekend is to sow or plant anything that is waiting to in, this cannot wait any longer.   If you haven't started cutting your grass this weekend should be dry and a good tie to start, it will then need too be cut at a minimum once a fortnight, but I prefer to do mine at least once a week. Top tip is the more often your grass is cut the thicker it grows and the better it looks.   If you missed pruning earlier that can always be left till next year if needs be but sowing has to be done on time!

We have all had that problem

Well we have all had this problem at some time or another haven't we?

Thursday, 18 April 2013

School Uniform

What the School Want
At the moment my daughter is in the middle of GCSEs, this means that she is in year ten of a local Church of England comprehensive school, and that in turn means that she has to wear school uniform.   As a fairly normal well adjusted adolescent she hates it.   But then that's how life is meant to work, I hated my school uniform all the time I had to wear it and I am sure that most of you did as well.   I am sure that an important part of that is the "Had" to wear it part.   When I first started work it was in a branch of a major Bank, one of our conditions of employment was that all the men had to wear a suit and tie, ladies had to wear "appropriate" business wear.   I learnt to hate wearing a suit, once I changed jobs and it became n longer a necessity I find I will often wear a suit from choice, on appropriate occasions of course.
What I would suggest and What she would wear

One of my daughter's alternatives for sixth for is to stay at the comprehensive she is at now, but in the sixth for they no longer have to wear a school uniform.   They are however expected to wear a suit (in grey black or dark blue) or "business wear".   She is appalled at thought that she will have to have maybe three grey suits, in her view they are expensive and boring.   Yet I look at what I see availabel for women in this area and I see lots of great clothes at good prices.   Shops like Matalan and Tesco have ranges that include jackets, skirts, trousers and dresses which all work together as suits.   Of course she is unlikely to take heed of the old man's taste in clothes, but apart from that her bigest problem will be that most of the less expensive shops don't stock these sort of clothes small enough for her as they often seem to start at size 10, that and that her current favorite source of clothing Boohoo don't stock anything appropriate at all.

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

Fictionmania mania

I have had a lot of hits on the blog recently, and I mean a lot! two or even three times more than I would normally hope for, and it seemed to happen almost over night.   A closer check on my Blogger stats shows that most of these hits are coming from web searches for Fictionmania the transgender fiction web site.   A while back I wrote a post about my views on transgender fiction and how most of it seemed to be fantasy rather than illuminating.   That is where all these fresh searches are taking viewers, since it seems that the main Fictionmania site has disappeared.

Following that post I did have a go at starting a short story where the central character is transgendered, but without using the first person, forced femininity, bondage, sissification, or any of the other fantasy aspects of most of those stories, just showing a little of what it can be like for a cross-dresser.   I never got very far and it has sat on the back shelf of my computer for all those months.   I now feel prompted to get it out, dust it off and offer it to you for our comments and advise.   Personally I did not feel adequate to the task I had set myself, and sort of stalled when I got to the point of trying to express the internal conflicts being felt by the main protagonist.   Please let me know what you think I shall decide whether to try to carry on, or bail out accordingly.   As I was writing for a "civilian" audience please try to read from that point of view.

Philippa was going out, it seemed like a long time since she had last been out and right now she was very excited about it.   Having already spent some time shaping and painting her finger nails, she had just had a long shower and shaved so that her legs and armpits were now as smooth as her face, this gave her a great deal of pleasure, the tingle of the warm water on her smooth legs gave her a thrill of joy, and since she only shaved when going out this was a pleasure to be enjoyed, to be savoured in a leisurely fashion.   She took her time and a great deal of pleasure getting dressed, enjoying the touch of her clothes, the softness of the material against her freshly shaved skin.   Now she sat in front of her mirror applying her makeup, she wanted to look perfect, she knew that unless everything was just right she would lose confidence and not go.   Finally satisfied she put on her blouse and the final part, carefully put on and pined in place her wig, she was pleased with how it looked, not too long and just the same shade of grey as her own dramatically thinning hair, it looked good, she looked good, she felt good.

The drive to the station was uneventful, not the local station, after all she didn’t want to be recognised, but another suburban station far enough away that no one there would know her, and on a different line, so there would be no neighbours travelling on the same train.   All went well until she arrived at the station car park she had to gather her strength, tell herself it would all be OK, that no one would notice her, once she was out of the car and buying her ticket it would begin to get easier.   It was always like this when she went out, keen anticipation, the sensuous pleasure of getting dressed, followed by the nervousness of actually getting out into public view.  

Today was a first, Philippa would be travelling on public transport, this meant leaving another safety zone, up till now she had always known that her car was nearby to be used as an escape route or as a refuge.   Travelling by train meant that she had to see the day through to the end, the whole day, out in public, without refuge, without a bolt hole.   There was that familiar sense of excitement building up, along with fear in almost equal measure.   Looking round there was a man smoking a cigarette leaning against his car on the far side of the car park, no one else was around, she got out of the car glanced over saw the man watch her, she walked across the car park to the station, as she went in the man was still watching her, up to the ticket office window the cashier barely glanced up as she asked for her ticket and handed the money over.   Of course she could have used a ticket machine, but talking to someone, that human contact with a real person was all part of the experience.   Her heart beat returning to normal she made her way onto the platform to wait for the train.   This was going to be the biggest outing yet, the excitement was beginning to overwhelm the fear, soon she would start to relax and enjoy herself.

Looking around on the platform no one seemed to take any notice of the tall well dressed middle aged woman, after only a few minutes the train arrived, Philippa got on found a seat and got a book out of her hand bag.   She tried to read, but worried that she would be spotted she couldn’t stop herself from glancing up to see if anyone was looking at her.   No seemed to be taking any notice of her at all so with her confidence increasing she glanced back down at her book, and had a sudden thrill as she saw her own finger nails, carefully manicured and polished to match her lilac dress.   She couldn’t concentrate on the story, just the thought that here she was out in public, manicured, well dressed, looking forward to a day at the national gallery and a bit of window shopping, on Regents Street, and no one knowing her secret.

Arriving at Charing Cross it was just a short walk across to her destination, the National Gallery.   Not being in any hurry Philippa decided that there was time for a coffee, having bought her latte and resisted the pastries, she found an unoccupied table and sat down.   Looking around, just enjoying being out she didn’t notice the approach of the middle aged man in a grey suit.

“Excuse me, is this seat free?” he said

“Oh, yes, please feel free”

Thanking her and settling himself down, to Philippa’s surprise he carried on,

“Are you here to see anything in particular or just passing through before shopping?”

“I wanted a closer look at the Monets, last time I was here it was far too crowed to get a proper look, anyway what makes you think I don’t work here?” – what was she doing, almost flirting with a strange man, but it felt good, just to engage with someone.

“Well, you don’t look like you work around here, for one thing you’re far to well dressed, most of the girls who aren’t in uniform will just wear jeans.   I think it’s a shame I like to see a lady properly dressed, why don’t women wear dresses much these days”, Girls!

“I don’t know, I always feel a little bit special when I put on a dress, I suppose it’s the difference from the normal, making the effort” if only he knew.

“Well I think you look lovely” how could she react to that, this was the first time she had had a proper conversation with anyone other than shop assistants.

“Thank you, you’re not so shabby yourself” Where did that come from, yes she was flirting, why?

“Well I work up here, so I have to make sure I look fairly smart, sort of goes with the territory; look I have to go and talk to some students now, but I have enjoyed meeting you, will you let me buy you lunch?”

“I’m not sure,” holding up her left hand so that the wedding ring showed, “you know…”

“Just lunch, and a chat”


“Right then, I’ll meet you here about quarter past one, see you then, oh by the way I’m Michael”


“OK Philippa, I’ll see you at one fifteen then, bye” with that he stood up and left a rather stunned and confused person.   What had she done?, how had she let this happen? This was meant to just be about wearing the clothes, enjoying the feminine side of her nature, to get away from the humdrum world of being Philip.   When all was said and done though Philip loved his wife, his children, he didn’t want to do anything to hurt them that’s why he kept Philippa quite, that’s why he could not be open about his cross dressing, hid the thrill he got from going our dressed as a woman.   Philip was worried about what had been done, but Philippa was thrilled, someone had noticed her, and liked what they saw, better still they had talked and he had still liked her.

Philippa wasn’t the only one who was confused, Michael was also unsure about his lunch date.   At first he had just thought Philippa was a typical middle aged woman come into town from the suburbs for a bit of shopping, but there were one or two very interesting things about her.    He did like to see a lady properly dressed, there just wasn’t enough elegance around these days, and he was sure he had noticed the tell tale signs of suspender clips through the thin material of her dress, but there was something else.   She seemed calm on the surface and their talk about the paintings had been easy enough, but there was some unease, the way she had kept playing with her wedding ring, then when he asked her to lunch, the way she had just held it up, but still accepted the offer, Michael wasn’t sure about this woman at all, but he was interested.   Sure she was a little tall, nearly as big as he was himself, and very strong features, handsome enough but not pretty, but it was the apparently easy way they had chatted with that undercurrent of nerves, that attracted him, still there something he couldn’t quite put his finger on that said stay away.

It was quite difficult for both of them to get through the morning concentrating on the job in hand, it was probably a bit easier for Philippa, she could lose herself in the landscapes of northern France, if not quite totally in the lily ponds while Michael had to stop thinking about her and concentrate on guiding his tour on medieval art.   Some of the girls on the tour were very attractive, but today Michael barely noticed them, he was just thinking about how long to lunch, and should he even turn up?   As the morning wore on they were both getting more and more nervous, Michael becoming a little fearful, despite telling himself it was only lunch the more he thought about it the more he felt that somehow he was getting into something that was going to be very difficult, in ways he just didn’t yet understand.   On the other hand Philippa’s worries became more and more practical.   First was the fear of an early five o’clock shadow, how could she use the electric shaver she had brought with her in the ladies? The noise it made was sure to get attention, and probably not for the right reasons.   At what point should she tell Michael the truth about herself, if he hadn’t already worked it out.   If he knew she was a man then what did that make him? There were men like that she knew, she had read about them and been warned to be careful by friends.   Was that an avenue that Philippa wanted to explore? Indeed was there any avenue she wanted to explore with a man?   She told herself it was just lunch, but in her heart she knew only too well why a man asked a woman to lunch.   Maybe it was not too late she could just leave and no one would ever know.

Tuesday, 16 April 2013

And the best laid eggs

As one of my little chores when visiting my Mother I like to go through her fridge and throw away any food that is out of date.   On this occasion I found half a dozen eggs that were around a month out of date, some cheese that was growing a green fur coat and some salad stuff that was beyond sad.   This is not that unusual, remember that Mother is in her 90s and is reliant on others to do her shopping, and I suspect does virtually no cooking beyond toast when one of the family is not there to cook for her.

On this occasion I decided to go through her store cupboard as well, there I found a selection of pasta sauces, good easy stand by stuff, just cook some pasta and stir in the sauce, except that they went out of date in January........2010!  I hate throwing away food, but on this occasion I think it was for the best, after all Mum is f an age where an upset stomach can be a serious problem.   It also made e think about the amount of food we waste as a family, I think my wife has some food security issues and always wants to have a full fridge.   I will often open the fridge door and find there is more food than we stand any chance of eating before it starts to go off.  Regardless of the ethical issues around food waste our financial situation should suggest that we should try to cut down on waste, the problem is how to address this without upsetting anyone.

I will be sowing seed for our home grown vegetables this week, at least that should mean we can harvest what we want as we want it, at least from those crops that we are able to grow.

Not quite Femulate

Stana's Femulate is probably the yardstick that most transgender blogs measure themselves by.  She writes well and recounts her adventures and experiences in a way that always makes them interesting.   On Monday she put up a quick post telling us all that the incremental counter on the site had just passed 7 million hits!

I can't match that yet, but last night I passed 75,000, so if you have been thank you for reading.

The best laid plans...............

I did not do very well on my hopes for the weekend.   I packed a couple of outfits I wanted to take some photos of, I also remembered to pick up my camera and tripod, on Saturday night after Mum had retired for the night I got changed, set up my tripod and camera, got all set for the first picture, when I found that I had left the memory card at home!   I had already managed to forget to take a belt or a pair of socks with me, so overall I did not feel as though I was doing very well.   As I get up at silly O'clock in the morning I tend to get my stuff ready the night before, leave it all down stairs and when I get up come down get dressed, grab my bag and go.   On Saturday morning I did put on some nail polish before getting dressed but realised when I put on my skinny jeans that I hadn't brought a belt down, rather than risk disturbing my wife I left anyway, it was only when I got to Cardiff that I realised that I had forgotten my slippers as well.   This is only slightly inconvenient but it did mean I had to be a little careful not to show off my deep red toe nails.

Whilst doing Mums shopping I did have a look at the clothes in Tesco's they have a red suit (Jacket, Dress and Skirt) that I really like, but bearing in mind my current financial circumstances I resisted temptation.   I would like the dress in particular but I will admit to wanting the jacket and skirt as well.   The skirt is probably a little on the short side for a lady of my age, but I like a length that is either short or long, I feel at my height anything in the middle is a bit, well, nothing.

So as I was feeling so good about myself for resisting temptation I thought I really deserved a little treat, so I bought myself a nice satin bra and pantie set.   I think they look better on the model here than they do on me, but then nobody except me will see them so that's OK.
And that is indeed one of the problems of pretty underwear for somebody like me, I just don't get to share the fun with anyone else, well anyone else except you of course.

Monday, 15 April 2013

Some are more equal than others

Spending a lot of time driving recently I have been listening to a lot of radio, and not aways my choice of station, one thing that has struck me is the number of phone-ins on air.   These vary from the BBC Radio 4's "Any Answers" to LBCs cheap time fillers, the thing that all phone ins have in common is the obvious, any one can phone in and express their opinions.   Sometimes they will not only give their opinions but also express their impressions as facts.   The rise of the phone in has been mirrored in News reporting with the ever more prevalent "vox pop" it almost seems obligatory that every item is accompanied by the opinions of some member of the public.

Now I suppose that it is good for democracy that popular opinions are expressed in public, but are the opinions we hear being expressed either popular or informed.   Over the last few days I have heard opinions that are both illogical and ill informed, every now and then a subject will be discussed that I actually do know smething about, yet so often the people who are discussing it don't seem to.   So the question I ask myself is why are these peoples opinions important.   I want to hear the opinions of informed people, experts on the subject, decision makers who will influence policy, not a Taxi driver who hasn't bothered to research the subject before haing an opinion.

In a democratic system we each have a vote which counts the same, but surely the views that influence how we use our votes are not the same.   I was listening to a debate on LBC about night flights from Heathrow, now we mostly heard from people living under the flight paths who will be effected, their opinions are valid, we heard from a taxi driver who although he conducts business from the airport just did not understand that what he thought were facts about the current situation were simply wrong, so his opinion was not valid as it was based on misinformation.   We did not hear from any of the airlines or passengers who could be effected, so we had a very unbalanced set of views.   I want to hear opinions for all sides of the argument, balance the quality of life of those who live near Heathrow against the commercial interests of London and the Country as a whole, before I make up my mind or in extreme cases cast my vote.

Now many of us are getting more and more of our news and opinions from web based resources, including blogs like this one, I like to think that I am a well informed, sensible balanced individual whose opinions are valid, but there are a lot of things I don't know that much about, so if you want to know about gardens, transgender issues, music then listen to me, take my political opinions seriously but don't accept them as gospel, and when (like most bloggers do) I start to spout opinionated rubbish ~ err let me know.

Just a quicky

It's pretty late Saturday night, well actually it's now just into Sunday Morning and I have to get up fairy early to take my daughter to school for the beginning of the new term, so just a quick update,   On way back from Cardiff I went straight to the LGSO rehearsal and have only just got home having stopped on the way for a quick beer.

I was quite surprised as I pulled into Grafton Way (we rehearse in teh Indian YMCA) to be met by a crowd waving colorful flags and generally milling around.    A little later I realised that this was the Venezuelan Embassy that was serving as a Polling Station for the ex-pat community.   I get the impression that most of those outside the building wanted a change in government, but it was all very good natured and good humored.

At the rehearsal it was good to finally get to grips with the Mahler, and to have a full section, we now have a first trombone, and she is taller than me! I was speculating to myself about her height was she the same height as me or a little taller? when it dawned on me that I was wearing heels and she was in flats.   I'm not sure that we will make the prettiest section in the orchestra, but I will sure give it a try.   To see what I mean here are a couple of photos the excellent Robin Kelly sent me from the last LGSW concert

Sunday, 14 April 2013

Hair today

A subject close to the heart of many girls like me is hair removal, Meg has just been discussing this issue and now I find that Daily Makeover are considering it as well.   Personally I have generally relied on shaving, it is quick easy (mostly) painless and effective.   I have tried creams and found them to be smelly, and not as effective.   I have also tried self waxing, painful and not as effective.

I do rather like the idea of having a professional full body wax, I think that having it done professionally should give a better longer lasting result without the inconvenience, just a cost.   Maybe if one day I have an occasion that requires a nice smooth image I may succumb to temptation, but probably not.

One form of hair removal which both of these authorities seem to have overlooked is threading.   It is a while since I have had my eyebrows threaded, and it shows.   There are some who can carry off heavy eyebrows, but I need to claim every bit femininity I can get.   Threading is in effect a form of plucking, but over quicker, it is not pain free, but the results are worth it, and as I say it is over quickly.

Saturday, 13 April 2013

Weekend Away

I will be away by the time this post is published, I am off on one of my irregular trips down the M4 to Cardiff to spend a little time with my Mother.   I always have mixed feelings about these trips, spending 8 hours on the motorway in two days can be few peoples idea of fun, and certainly isn't mine.   Add to that those same two days away from my immediate (or nuclear) family and usually a late return home on Sunday night before starting another working week on Monday morning.   The other side is that I do get to spend some time with Mum, and I usually take the option to "Travel Pretty"

This weekend I will be leaving home very early on Saturday morning driving down to Cardiff with maybe a single comfort break, stopping to pick up something for lunch and then on to Mum.   On the Sunday I hope I will have time to watch the Grand Prix before dashing back to London for a rehearsal for the next LGSO concert.
Over the weekend I hope to spend some quality time with Mum, get a couple of photos of some of my new outfits, and very importantly recruit some more volunteers to play at the Croydon Idaho event.    So far I have a Tuba player, a Trumpet and myself so we really need at least one more trumpet, and any other brass would be welcome.   In many ways I think of my cross dressing as being a bit of fun, a game, something I am playing at (until I can't do it, then it will drive me to distraction), but every now and then something comes up that is important, this is one of those occasions.   It maybe that it will be inconvenient or even embarrassing for me, but this is one of those occasions when I have to stand up and be counted.

Friday, 12 April 2013

Carry On and

I a just pausing for a little before getting ready for work, last night it rained again, quite a lot actually, and everything is still very wet.   I have a morning of grass cutting scheduled so if I wait till the last possible moment to get started then I hope that it may dry a little.   This continuous wet weather makes it very difficult to get on with much in the way of gardening and proving to be a real pain in the *%$@ for my business, I think it is now six months since I have made a profit.   However I am determined to carry on, and will find a way.

A Job I really need to finish
I love the work I do, it is physically hard and I often ache when I am finished for the day, but the satisfaction of the work, the chance to be in the open air, and the flexibility of being self employed outweigh this and the poor financial returns.   The flexibility in particular has become important to me, as it means that I can have my hair done midweek, take a day each month to do something interesting, and grab those occasional chances to get dressed and go out for the odd afternoon.   That having been said there won't be many of those for a while as I need to work every chance I get to earn a bit of money and catch up with all the backlog of work I have because of the weather.

Thursday, 11 April 2013

A Good day part 3

Well, after the concert there was a choice of go home on my own, or pop over the road to the pub with the rest of the band, and some of the audience, what my American friends would probably call a "no brainer".

Whilst I was gobsmacked at the prices in the bar I did stay for a few, and enjoyed the company of the band.   Although many were there with partners and most seemed to be old friends, while I was the new girl I was not left on my own at all, and had several enjoyable conversations with several interesting people (including a very nice man from Boston).   I could not let myself go too much though as I had taken the option to drive, while it was a bit of a pain to not be able to drink, it was nice to be able to just drive home and not worry about public transport at all.

The final icing on the cake was that as it was pretty late by the time I got home and the rest of the family were asleep in bed, so I could get indoors and then get changed just the once before going to bed.   It is one of the frustrations of my situation that I have to clean off my makeup and nail polish, and get changed into drab before coming home, often only to get changed again and go pretty much straight to bed. It was so nice to be able to sit down for a moment with a cup of decaff before cleaning off my nails and face.   Sometimes it is the simple pleasures that can mean the most.

In the mean time life has been carrying on, as it has a tendency to, so far I have been able to work every day this week, and have a full diary for next week, something of a relieve after the recent weather.   I have also picked up an old bass guitar for renovation, I soon got it working and it looks like all it needed was a good clean, renewing a few connections and some new strings.   As soon as I have picked up a set of strings and restrung it I shall be auctioning it off on e-bay.   I always keep my eyes open for instruments that I think I can do something with, and hopefully make a small profit, but this will be the first time I will have done it with something that's not brass!  

I realise that I have only just finished writing about last Saturday and we are nearly at the next one, this coming weekend will be one of my Cardiff weekends, which means that yet again I will be missing the Croydon Trans Group meeting, this is a real shame, not just because I miss the girls and want to be part of the support network, but also because this week Helen has arranged a special late night shopping opportunity for us with one of the local charity shops.   This will be a great opportunity for some of the less self confident girls to shop without fear of embarrassment, and try on their choices before buying.   I will be sending a supportive message by e-mail, but it's not the same as being there.

Too Much

Just too much going on a the moment, work family, bands, Church etc. etc.

Promise to write more tonight, and finish a good day

Wednesday, 10 April 2013

Way to go Sven

I don't want to go into the story arc too much, service to say that Sven has been sent by by his employer / girlfriend, the vet, to get her a change of clothes while she wrestles with a cow.   Her underwear causes him a level of confusion not many of us would suffer


Warning ~ Don't get caught

There are a lot of pop up ads on the Internet at the moment for "Beauty Products" like Dead Sea Beauty Kits where free samples are being offered on trial, or even more insidious "Testers wanted".   Don't be tempted, after you go through the process you will be asked for credit or debit card details so that you can be charged for post and Packaging.   At first you will be charged an item of around £3:99 or some other small and apparently reasonable amount, then a month or so later you will start getting larger amounts up to £90 debited to your account, and it is apparently very difficult to get them stopped.

I understand that it is possible to get the payments stopped, but it is a lot of hastle and getting refunds is even harder, so be warned, don't be fooled.   It is a shame that this sort of scam always preys on those who are most vulnerable and often can least afford the loss, the temptation to get something for nothing is even stronger when you ave very little.   Remember if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Tuesday, 9 April 2013

A Good Day part 3

Well when it came to actually playing eh concert I was pleased with how it all went.   I found I was a lot less nervous about my presentation than I had been at my first concert as Paula.   Maybe I was more comfortable musically, but I think it was mostly that having "broken my duck" I could stop worrying and just get on with what I was there for.    I did find that as I moved a little on my seat, to turn pages, adjust the music stand, get to the "long positions" on the slide etc. my dress would ride up a bit and I had to take care that what is quite a short dress didn't become indecent.   As a general principle I'm not against showing a bit of leg, but this could have been a wee bit extreme.

I find that I am really enjoying just going out and doing things, things that I would do, just doing the as Paula.   This may sound a bit silly, but as with any girls I found that I was contriving situations or occasion where I could go out dressed, this meant that the central point was to be dressed, rather than to do what ever it was that it was supposedly doing, e.g. shopping.   By engaging in a real world activity, with other people, the dressing becomes secondary, but still essential, and fun.   Performing is ideal for me, it is an activity I love and a situation I am comfortable in, and to make it even better at least a degree of dressing up is expected.

So far the Band and Orchestra have been very understanding and accommodating, but we are still not quite in the full real of civilians, I'm still not sure that I am ready to play with a civilian set up wearing a short LBD, one day, maybe if I was asked........

Anyway to get back to Saturday night, The first half went well so during the interval I risked a glass of wine and a slice of carrot cake.   this was quite the largest slice of cake I have ever had, more like half a normal cake, with lots of very sticky icing, not at all easy to eat in a ladylike manner, I did my best at least managing not to get any icing on my jacket or dress.   I had not risked a drink before the concert as I knew I sight reading the first piece, but by now I was comfortable as I knew a couple of the pieces and had reasonable rehearsal of the rest.

We got a rousing reception from the audience at the end of the concert with plenty of well deserved applause, after that there was nothing for it but to adjourn to the pub over the road.

Monday, 8 April 2013


You may have noticed (I actually rather hope that you have) that I have got into the habit of changing the background picture of the blog every now and then.   The current photo is one I took in a customers garden of some Clarkia, I rather like them and will be growing them in my own garden this year

You ay aso notice I have added a link on the lefthand side bar, for LGSW.   Afterall they were so nice to me it is the least I can do.

A Good Day part 2

After lunch I had plenty of time to get back and change.   While doing my make up another member of the band joined me at the mirror and I had my first ever conversation on the relative merits of liquid eyeliner against cole pencil and how to use them.   I had finally decided on an LBD and a black jacket (covers up the navvies shoulders) but I had not made a final decision on what jewelry to wear.   In the end I opted for some sparklies, and was very pleased that I did as I received a number of compliments (again mostly form the ladies) on them.   I was a little worried about being too dressy, but was reassured by the compliments.
However I was probably a little more dressy than most, but then most of the girls (and all the blokes) were wearing trousers, so I was amongst the minority wearing a dress.  As well as a concert the evening was a fundraiser so there was a raffle, a cake sale (great carrot cake!) a bric a brac stall and the Butch Institute stall selling jams and chutneys. I succumbed to temptation and bought some marmalade and some chutney, if they are half as good as they look and sound then I am on to a good thing here.
I had intended taking my camera and asking another member of the band to take some pictures for me, but totally forgot, so for now I have to rely on the old standby of the phone camera and the loo mirror.   There was a photographer at the concert taking some pictures so in the interval I asked if he would take some of me and send them over so I could feature some on Paula's Place, he did agree so I hope I will have those for you soon.

Sunday, 7 April 2013

A Good Day part 1

I had a great day yesterday, it was one of those days when things go right and you just don't want it all to end.   I had a quiet morning as the rest of the family enjoyed the chance of a lie in so I had a chance to waste some time surfing around the net, and then spent a little time tidying up my van.   This is a job that always seems to get put off as ore important, or urgent call are made on my time, driving and working are so much more pleasant when the van is a bit cleaner and more organised.

After that I had a nice bath and got my self ready for the afternoon, I even had bubbles in my bath courtesy of my wife YAH!

For the traveling and afternoon rehearsal I just wore a pair of jeans some ankle boots and a long red sweater I love, not so much for the look as the feel, it is one of those sweaters that make you want to curl up and cuddle in front of a fire.   Having checked on line about parking I drove up to town, had a nice stress free journey and parked very close to the venue, St Sepulchre's, but still managed to arrive just a little too late to rehearse the first piece.   The rest of the rehearsal was a little scary, the band was both better and louder than I had expected so I certainly had to stay n my toes to keep up.   Towards the end of the rehearsal I also stated to worry whether my lip would last.   I mostly only play the trombone in orchestras where I don't get a lot to do apart from count bars rest, but in a band I'm going most of the time.

Fortunately we had quite a long break before the concert, a group of us went out to find some food and had an Italian (late) lunch round a large table.   I really enjoyed this as it was a good opportunity to actually get to know a few of the others a bit better.   Interestingly once again it was the other girls who where most friendly.   I would like to think that I am being given access into the club of femininity, but given the nature of the band I suspect that it is either simpler, or more complicated than that, whatever I am just going to enjoy the experience.

Just for those of you who don't know, the bass trombone is (I think) just about the only instrument you only ever get one of, bass trombone is not a term that the sensitive would ever like to be plural! It is just about the most powerful instrument in a band or orchestra, so it is not unusual to be sitting still counting bars rest while the rest of the band are playing pretty loud, and then only come in for the absolute climax.   Because of the power and the slightly unwieldy nature of the instrument those f us who play it can be the butt of some jokes, and here are a few.
What's the difference between a bass trombone and a chain saw?
  1. Vibrato, though you can minimize this difference by holding the chain saw very still.
  2. It's easier to improvise on a chainsaw.

How do you know when a bass trombone player is at your door?
The doorbell drags.

What is a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the trombone, but doesn't.

How can you tell which kid on a playground is the child of a trombonist?
He knows how to use the slide, but he can't swing.

What is the dynamic range of the bass trombone?
On or off.

How many bass trombonists does it takes to change a light bulb?
Bass trombonists do not change a light bulb - it's too high for them...


Can I just quickly say that I had a great time tonight, thank you to the LGSW for asking me to play, and a special thankyou to all those (many) nice people who bought me a drink afterwards. It is now silly late and I need to get the war paint and the glad rags off and in to bed, so g'night and once again thank you for a great night.

Saturday, 6 April 2013

Anon E Mouse

I get quite a few comments that don't get published, the vast majority of them come from that well known polymath Anonymous.   Some of his (or of course her) work has been very good, I am particularly attached to Greensleeves, but some of the comments I get are definitely below the standard of Primary Colours.   Yesterday I received this;~

"Unquestionably consider that that you said. Your favourite reason seemed to be on
the net the simplest factor to keep in mind of. I say to you,
I certainly get annoyed whilst people think about issues that they just do not recognise about.
You controlled to hit the nail upon the highest as well as defined out
the whole thing with no need side effect , other folks
could take a signal. Will probably be again to get more.
Thank you

Also visit my blog "

Of course even if any of it made any sense that "Also visit my blog" at the end is a give away.   So apart from publicly deriding the quality of the automatic translation what is my point? Well I just wonder what on earth do these people hope to gain? No one is going to publish this drivel and insult their readers by sending the to some dodgy website, so why waste my time?   I don' want to go back to using the anti spam Word Verification as I think it can put off genuine comments, but these idiots do annoy me!

And I've just realised that since it is Saturday I can make this a Weekend Wobbly!


No not the North Western US state, but the International Day Homophobia and Transphobia (IDAHO)on May 17th.   I only heard about this day earlier today, quite possibly because I have not been able to go to a single support group meeting yet this year (and it looks like I will be missing this month's as well), obviously this looks like just the sort of thing we should all be supporting.   Even in a Country like the UK where it has been illegal for some time to act with prejudice against anyone because of their race, religion or sexual orientation, and indeed it may now be considered to be a "hate crime" to display or act on your prejudice, even here we still regularly experience Homophobia and Transphobia.
In Croydon we are planing to have a "bit of a do" involving a few of the local Churches and a talk and a few prayers, we also want to sing some hymns and songs, and this is where I get a little uncomfortable, as I have been asked to put a band together for the occasion.   I have a lot of local contacts and normally this would not be a problem, but because I tend to keep Paula and him separate it would mean either outing myself in a big way, or getting others I don't know so well involved.

This afternoon (Saturday) and evening I will be playing with the LGSW so I will see if any of them are free and willing, after all we only need four players to make it work.

Friday, 5 April 2013

A Rose by any name

Police in Greater Manchester are clearly taking hate crime seriously I noticed that they list "Trans" as one of the established areas for potential hate crime.   Obviously it is good that they understand this, shame that they have to.

Yesterday was a day of snow and very little in the way of productive work, I went to a nursery and got loads of plants for the two gardens I will be visiting today, neither garden has much in the way of roses so I ended up with seven, including a couple of one of my favourite varieties ~ Pink Flower Carpet.   This is a ground cover rose and very useful in garden design.   As long as the weather stays dry I shall be doing a lot of planting today.    I also did some banking, some admin and made use of my time with a visit to the green waste composting centre and have cleared a lot of space, so although not remunerative at least the day was useful.

The day finished with a lovely meal my wife cooked (Salmon Wellington) along with a bottle of wine which I followed with a couple of donuts;~ I hope I will still look OK in the LBD I have decided to wear tomorrow night.

And finally Hanna found this web site selling lingerie for men, personally I feel that sort of misses the point, but see what you think.

Thursday, 4 April 2013

Lilac and Lace lingerie

As a girl I always try to co-ordinate what I wear, my preference is for dresses so that makes it a bit easier.   But I do like to have matching (or at least co-ordinating) shoes and handbag, my hose should blend with my dress, if I a wearing one my blouse should go with the skirt (or trousers) and jacket.   All this is obvious, but like most girls I go a bit further I like my underwear to co-ordinate as well.  

I have a couple of sets of matching lingerie and d not wear any of the items "solo" they are only ever worn as sets.   But more than that I like to co-ordinate my underwear with my outerwear, so if I a wearing a black or grey dress I will wear a black slip and black panties and bra.   Yesterday I had on a lilac turtle neck sweater and jeans, so my choice of underwear was lilac panties (with white lace trim) to match and white bra.  

Lingerie is, or at very least should be fun, a little frivolous.   The material should be satin or light and filmy, it should be trimmed with lace and bows and even a bit of sparkies. I am sure that for many this is a part of the attraction of cross dressing.   Maybe it is because I a only a part time girl, but to me this is part of getting dressed, part of the fun.

As a boy I wear whatever is on the top of the pile

Not a lot

Just to say, well not much. Life goes on but not necessarily easily. We got a letter the other day from the BRIT school telling us that our daughter had not got a place, we have just spent the last couple of hours drafting an appeal, please pray for her, a place there would be so good for her. She has real talent and just needs the right chance and environment to develop.   I know I am biased but I am assured by friends in the business that she is special.

So apart from that not much to report, I have a concert at the weekend which I am looking forward to, with slightly mixed feelings, a chance to dress up and t play the trombone, but on the other hand I a woefully out of practise and will have t do the concert on one rehearsal.   Today I did manage a small outing.   Not a lot but I went and had my hair done, Nicky suggests that I have my hair permed to give it some volume, it looks so much better after a blow dry I am inclined to agree, I am just a little concerned about how it will look while I am in drab.   I should have had a photo for you to comment on but it's late and I'm tired.

As I said I had a little outing I was dressed, I don't like to confuse people and my hairdresser only knows Paula, after having my hair done I went to a Garden Centre and bought some onion sets, then at the check out I go "Sired" my confidence plummeted.   After that I went to the Building Society, there they are always friendly and have a chat with me, one of the cashiers in particular is always keen to check my nails and talk about them, after that I popped into a pub to pick up an entry form for a talent show they are hosting.   While there I had a couple of gasses of wine and a nice chat with the barmaid, who called me "sweety" or something of the sort and was very accepting, so there you go then.

Tuesday, 2 April 2013


A fellow blogger made this passing comment on a recent post "Her boyfriend fantasized about her showing up at his door, wearing just a trench coat over lingerie." It reminded me of an occasion many, many years ago, and one of the most erotic experiences I have ever had.   My girlfriend of the time was, ahem, enthusiastic about the physical side of our relationship, as a young man I did my best not to disappoint her.   Well one evening she showed up a little unexpectedly on our doorstep wearing an over coat.

Once she was certain that it was me who answered the door she opened her coat to show that she was just wearing Bra Panties, Stockings and Suspender belt underneath.   I was still living with y parents at the time, and just as we were going to go upstairs my father came out to see who it was and say hello.   It was quite surreal witnessing the conversation unfold knowing how she was dressed.   Later we went out together and I found it so erotic knowing how she was dressed under her coat.   We went to a pub for drink, at her suggestion, she went to the ladies and when she came back presented me with her panties.

I could barely contain myself until she eventually allowed us to go somewhere where we could be, alone, and more intimate.

I still fantasise about this sometimes, it's just that now, it would be me in just my underwear under the coat.