Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Thursday, 25 April 2013

Affirmation

I have mentioned a few times that our financial situation has been pretty challenging, regular readers will also be very aware of my faith and how it pervades all aspects of my life, and gives me concerns about my cross dressing, every so often different aspects of our lives collide and the outcomes can be life changing.

With the weather we have been enjoying over the last twelve months or so, four weeks ago I had got to the point where I had run out of money, or the ability to get any and was facing the need to make payments of a few thousand pounds.   Not massive amounts but when you haven't got any money it doesn't matter whether it is a hundred a thousand or ten thousand.   I will be honest and say that I was at my wits end, I had even put my tuba on e-bay but didn't have any bidders.   As a Christian I could not help but start questioning whether God had turned His face against me, was my persisting with my cross dressing a sin that was separating me from God's Grace?  In other words I was beginning to question my entire life, my business, everything.

Now, every Wednesday morning I go to a regular prayer meeting, our habit is to meet up, make a cup of tea have a little chat, then read a Psalm and then prayer out of the Psalm, that is let the Psalm inspire how we pray and what we pray about.   That Wednesday morning four weeks ago when I was asked "how are you?"  I told them, so that morning rather than our usual routine the whole morning became dedicated to praying for my financial situation.   This sort of support is very encouraging, but much more to the point during the next week, I was offered and accepted a "substantial" interest free open ended loan, and also received an unsolicited gift from a member of my church, who decided that because of the weather I must have been suffering so he would like to help out.   I have also sold an old, long unused bass guitar and found and sold another bass guitar at a reasonable profit.   The weather has improved and I have work scheduled for every day for the next few weeks, and there after for the whole summer.   In other words a quite literal change in fortune, although I am still a long way from wealthy, I now feel secure, at least for a while, but the change over that first week after being prayed for was dramatic to say the least, and certainly too big to be coincidence.

I know that as Christians we are meant to share our experiences and witness to the goodness of God, but sometimes we find that difficult to do, I have been thinking about whether I should share about this for some time, the decider was the other Wednesday morning when we met up for our prayer group, the psalm for the morning (as set down in the C of E Lectionary) was Psalm 66.   Once again I had been concerned had my trans gender activities been affecting how God had been treating me, but verse 18 of this Psalm says "If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened;"  I felt that this was directed at my particular situation, the Lord was talking to me through His Word, what I am doing he does not consider sin as he did listen and has blessed me.

And as if I needed further confirmation, my van passed it's MOT the next day, I had expected this to cost me at least £300, but only had to pay out the £60 for the test fee and a couple of bulbs.   I know some people might say this is all just co-incidence but I find it easier to believe in divine intervention that co-incidence that massive!

In short, I am not only relieved from my immediate financial difficulties, but more importantly I am assured that being true to myself is not against God's will, that his love and His Grace are accessible too all of us, regardless of gender identification.   For me this is big news and a great relief.
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