Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Monday, 30 September 2013

Realy! In this Day and Age?

Yesterday afternoon I was playing in a concert with a "civilian" concert band, they only know "him", during the interval we are chatting and I observed that I had to dash off quickly after the concert as I had an orchestra rehearsal that evening, when asked which orchestra I told them, and just as I was saying the London Gay Symphony Orchestra the whole room went quiet.   Now they all know that I'm not gay so a couple of eyebrows were raised, but what did surprise me was the number of rather tasteless jokes, mostly based on the idea that all gay people are promiscuous sex fixated men.   I was surprised and just a little disappointed that even in this day and age there are still people who find these attitudes acceptable.   I have wondered why such an orchestra was needed in 2013, I think these comments showed me one of the reasons.   I wonder what those same people will think if I ever do come fully out?   Will they refuse to sit next to me in case it's catching?

It was quite a relieve to then be with the guys and girls of the LGSO who are all very friendly and accepting.   Some a becoming friends, so that now when I have a theological discussion on human sexuality (as I did this afternoon with one of my customers) I really can say "Some of my best friends are gay" although in no one case would I say that that was their defining characteristic.

Interestingly I have had very few comments about my ear studs, apart from an assumption that it is just a mid life rebellion.   I have more or less decided that if any one does ask why I've had them done I will tell them it's because there is a much better selection of earrings for pierced ears.

What now?

In Bromley the other day to get my ears pierced I bumped into someone I know.   I was walking down the street in such a way that I could not avoid them, and that meant that I had to walk past them, of course there was no chance that I would not be recognised, and duly my friend did recognise me and start talking about the band we used to be in together.   I made my excuses and left, but and this is the but, there is no way that it was not obvious that I was presenting female.   Although wearing jeans and a tee shirt, I was fully made up and my boobs were pretty obvious.

So, he knows, no way he doesn't know, the main question is what does he do with the knowledge? who does he tell? and how do they react?   I strongly suspect that before very long it will be common knowledge that I am at the very least a cross dresser.   But there is the other question, how do I feel about it?   Not sure yet but I am not overly worried, I hope my standing as a musician is sufficient that I will continue to be widely invited to play, and that most of my contacts are sufficiently liberal not to be too concerned either.   In some ways it would be a relieve to be fully out, but I suspect that would just lead to more issues and more decisions.

Sunday, 29 September 2013

Friends, Romans........

So, a carpenter is working on the ground at a building site when one of the roofers working above him drops a slate, the slate falls straight down and slices the carpenters ear clear off his head.   Knowing the wonders of modern surgery everyone gathers round to try and find the carpenters ear in the mud.   Someone finds an ear holds it up and says "Is this your ear" the carpenter says "No, mine had a pencil behind it"

Well this ear is mine, yesterday I went into Bromley and had my ears pierced, in some ways it seems incredible that I have managed to get to the age I have without having this done before.   The whole experience was a lot less traumatic, or indeed painful than I had imagined and only took a couple of minutes.   Surprisingly, even though just put in the studs were more comfortable than any of the clip ons I have, they are very small with just a little bit of a sparkle, I suspect that they will be barely noticeable.

I have to wait for six to eight weeks before I can start to wear "proper" earrings, it is only three weeks to the next LGSO concert so I will either have to go without or wear some clip ons next to the studs.
While there I checked out several charity shops and even resorted to Primark at one point, I am currently looking for two things, a pair of "riding" style boots and a casual jacket, preferably leather.   The only casual jacket I have for cooler days is blue denim and I am never quite sure about double denim, especially if both bits are the same colour.   I found a jacket I did like in Primark, but the queue for the tills was so long I thought I would over stay my parking.   Walking back to the van I saw three girls wearing the exact same jacket I had nearly bought!

After that it was just a relatively boring trip to the supermarket, although while there I did have a couple of conversations on one occasion about how to cook sea bass and a general chat with another lady while we queued up for the checkout.

I was just dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, with a denim jacket and some Cuban heeled boots, all items I have worn while in drab, but there could be no confusion as to how I was presenting.   Where ever I went during the day I was treated as the woman I am, I was particularly pleased to hear one lady tell her husband that he was "in that lady's way"   In many ways I suspect that I am more accepted when I dress to blend rather than for "Glamour".

Saturday, 28 September 2013

Another helping of icecream?

Joey has been writing about how much (or little) of ourselves we reveal through our blogs, and not sleeping, well I have always suspected that I have revealed a little more about myself than might be truly healthy on a public platform.   And just at the moment I have a lot to reveal, don't worry this is not about to turn into one of those blogs, it's just that a lot has been going on.   Rather than create one really long post and then not have anything to write about for a few days I will be drip feeding a little bit at a time.

Friday night we had a six hour worship event at our Church, this is the second of these we have had, maybe I was predisposed to a touch of depression but at one point it dawned on me that meant twelve hours of musical worship that I had not been asked to be a part of.   I told myself that it was not about me, but about Jesus, that Jesus is the Centre, and that I should be sorry for what I had made it (if you see what I have done there, well done!) but I found it very difficult to shake off the depression, after nearly three hours I was feeling tired and went home.

After a little television I went to bed, but just couldn't get to sleep, I couldn't stop the feelings of rejection ricocheting around my mind.   In the end I came downstairs and watched some more TV programmes (including the excellent Hornblower)  I had recorded.    Although I had dinner earlier before going out I did do a bit of snacking, this may be the best indication of my state of mind. I had
  • 5 packets of crisps
  • 1 bottle of wine
  • 3 helpings of ice cream
  • 2 choux buns
  • several glasses of brandy
  • some mini stolen.
I ended up going back to bed around 6 O'clock and managed a few hours sleep before having to get up.   I can't be sure what brought all this on, but of course being Friday there was not the thought of work the next day, I suspect that it could also have been building up since the previous day, which was our 21st wedding anniversary, some that was not acknowledged but anyone except me.

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Under the wing of the Eagle

I was very pleased to have reason (and support) to go to the Spread Eagle last night, I have often walked past and thought that it looked like a decent place, but it also seemed to have almost exclusively male customers.   In many, many ways I am pleased that women now have equal rights and status here, but somehow going into a pub alone as a woman is quite hard.   I know I will attract attention, and I always fear that some of it may be unwelcome.   Most people are friendly, accepting and just too concerned with their own problems to want to be a problem for anyone else, but there are sufficient exceptions to want to make sure that I avoid them.

It is difficult to tell the character of a pub without going in, and of course by the time you are in it could be too late, still, know that CAGS were meeting there it was never going to be too bad.   I had a very nice evening, as I said yesterday it was a good interesting meeting, but on a lower level the staff were all very friendly, and the ladies loo is exceptionally nice!   Although the bolt was broken on one door of one of the stalls, it was very clean, smelt nice and had a bunch of fresh flowers.   I find that all very encouraging and I think I may well go back.

When I got home I found I was out of bread so popped next door to Tesco's to get some, the cashier recognised me and we had quite a nice little chat.   It quite made my evening, and I hope that a friendly exchange made her shift drag a little less.   The more I go out the friendlier and more accepting I find people to be, maybe this is a factor of my fear level lowering, or maybe people really are nice.

Tomorrow (Wednesday) morning I have meeting with a local Council when I shall have to put on a suit and tie, I am considering wearing my new trouser suit.

The jacket is a little longer than is usual, but I think with a collar and ties and the right shoes I may just "get away with it"

Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Its the Bishop!

This evening I went to meeting of CAGS (Croydon Area Gay Society) at the Spread Eagle Pub in central Croydon
with the Bishop of Croydon  The Rt. Rev'd. Jonathan Clark who was speaking on homosexuality and the Church of England.   It was a very interesting evening, the Bishop spoke well and with authority, and was happy to admit to what he didn't know, a refreshing change compared to our politicians.   It was quite refreshing to hear somebody from within the Church actually talking with enthusiasm about inclusion and diversity.   My own Church is on the Charismatic Evangelical (Happy Clappy) wing of the Church of England and I am sad to admit that I suspect quite a lot intolerance lurks around.   We may all talk of love but as a Church the good old C of E struggles to find a coherent consistent way of showing it, especially to the LGBT community.

I did recognise one attendee that I wasn't expecting to see, the Vicar of one of my local churches, I played there a few weeks back and had quite a chat with him then, so it's not surprising that he also recognised me, although today I was Paula rather than the male me I was then.   This could have been embarrassing but he accepted the situation happily and made it clear I was welcome to attend his Church, dressed however I like.   Jeffrey John will be preaching there in a few weeks time so I may just take him up on the offer, one way or the other I plan to go.

Monday, 23 September 2013

The Weekend Ends Here

Well, it has been quite a weekend, but t be honest in some ways I'm not quite sure where the time all went.   So let's see what I was up to and then maybe I will know.

Saturday Morning came round all too quickly, the only day all week when I didn't have to get up for a particular time in the morning, and the only morning when I woke up without the alarm at 7:30.   I had originally hoped for an outing with my daughter but she had too much homework to get done so we were limited to a quick visit.   I also had some letters and parcels to take round to her mother, so after doing some shopping it was round to see them.   I am pleased to say that it was a nice friendly, civilised visit, I hope that there is still a future for us as a family, even it is a family that does not live together.

After that it was house work and laundry till all too soon it was time to settle down for the evening and some dinner.   I find Saturday night on my own at home is pretty tough, I could go out to the pub, but just couldn't summon up the enthusiasm, and eating out on your own can be a little sad.   So I had a shower and shave, got myself dressed (a very nice sweater dress with lots of sparkly silver bits) and then settled down with a nice dinner and a bottle of wine.

It may not look much but this is one of my specialities, a sort of meat loaf, accompanied by fresh peas and nice bottle of Pinot Grigio, followed by some nice welsh soft blue cheese.   I would have had some ice cream but had put it at the bottom of the cool box when I started defrosting the freezer ~ so much for planning.

As I was defrosting the freezer I had to stay up until it was clear of all the built up ice, so I had lots of fun (not) catching up with all my ironing while watching the TV.

Sunday morning we had a sermon I really wanted to hear so I did go to the morning service even though I was playing at the evening service as well.   Our trumpet player has just had some surgery on his shoulder so he can't play so I had to take over and play the shofar as we celebrated sukkot.   I am not comfortable playing this as the mouthpiece is so much smaller than anything else I am used to, but as it is such an integral part of Jewish celebrations we feel it is better to have played poorly than not at all.   Our service was preceded by a very nice tea (lots of cakes and little sandwiches with the crusts cut off), this was great fun and was really part of the celebrations.   I think it is very important that as Christians we remember our Jewish roots, as with Islam we share so much, indeed both faiths have grown out of Judaism, the root of all monotheistic religion.

After the service it was back home put away the Bass and the shofar to settle down with a coffee and a whisky and watch the Grand Prix.

Ahh yes now I see where the weekend went, now to get on with the week.

Saturday, 21 September 2013

Mini Skirts and Y~Fronts

I am a devotee of BBC Radio 4's Today Programme, yesterday morning they had a small piece on unconventional economic indicators, you know he sort of things, donut sales go up in recovery, the ratio of chicken shops to estate agents et al.   Well I was aware f the association between hemlines and economic recovery what I hadn't come across before was the idea that sales of men's underpants go up during ties of recovery and growth.

well if my friends and I on Saturday night are anything to go by I think we could be sending some confusing economic messages, there were some pretty short hemlines on display and I'll lay odds not a pair of y-fronts between us.   Personally I have not worn any male underwear now for something like 10 weeks and can't say I miss it at all.   On the other hand I have found that as I am releasing Paula more often my hemlines are a little more conservative, and I am wearing trousers more often, but still not that often.

Friday, 20 September 2013


Earlier today as I was driving to and fro for work I had a wonderful idea for a post, along with a witty one word title that would work for the two strands that would flow into each other.   It is a real shame that I can’t remember what the title was or what either of the themes were.   So instead we will just have to put up with the usual ramblings of my confused mind.
I keep forgetting things; I suspect that half of my problems are down to being tired, not just a lack of sleep but just the effects of having been working pretty continuously all year.   On the other hand of course it could be that it’s not just my Mum who is losing her short term memory.   Seriously I doubt if it is any more than just being tired.

I had planned to go to a rehearsal up in town this evening, but when I got home I was feeling weary and in need of a proper wash and a proper meal, so I’m sorry but the rehearsal go missed.   Now I am sitting at home, on my own, watching an old Jonathan Creek after a comforting meal of southern style chicken and beans.   After couple of glasses of wine and a chocolate biscuit I am feeling (physically) a lot more comfortable than I have for a few days.
Last night I had a band rehearsal, playing the tuba, so after work I got home had a shower and got changed, everything I wore was ostensibly female, I wore a tee-shirt and sweater I bought on Tuesday from Matalan a pair of jeans some ankle boots and a denim jacket, looking at myself in the mirror before going out I did wonder if I looked too fem, but decided to go with it.   During the first half I was aware of some comments being passed about me along the trumpet section; this is just a small section of the band, but with more testosterone than the average sperm bank, so I will admit to a little concern, had I gone too far after all? If asked questions would I dare answer with the truth? Was any lace from my panties showing?   During the interval all became clear when I collected my coffee, when one of the trumpets said “Hey you know, you wouldn’t guess it but this guy’s ripped!” I had gone round to his place during the summer to prepare a quote for some work in their garden, as it was during the very hot period we enjoyed earlier I was just wearing some shorts and a vest.   At the time I remember being very conscious that these were in fact quite short fem shorts and a very fem vest, but apparently what he saw, for the first time was that I have a few muscles and not a lot of fat.

I very nearly left some nail polish on last night, it’s just as well that I didn’t as it might have spoilt the moment.

Thursday, 19 September 2013


I am wondering about asking for some form of counselling, or something.   I find my life at the moment a little bit confusing, but a not yet prepared to admit that going full time is the answer.   I understand that the GID clinic at Kings Cross (my most local) has a waiting list f around a year so I am thinking that if I get an appointment then I might have a bit more of an idea what I want by then.

I really can't tell what is me feeding the "habit" what is pink fog reaction after the departure of my wife and what is truly a self identification as female.   Others tell me that I will know, but how? sometimes I do feel like a man, sometimes I do feel like a woman, but mostly I just feel like me and mostly that me likes to wear female clothes.

Although I am feeling a insecurity in my gender, (and indeed I did have an "uncomfortable" dream last night) I have yet to have this one, though I think I would recommend for Animal Print underwear to add confidence.   I think I might also want a counsellor with a little ore insight into my situation, insight, experience and sympathy, but probably best no personal agenda.

Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Champions ?

I have just been watching highlights of the second week of the Rugby Premiership, all the teams are good, of course, but some are definitely competing to win and others to survive.   Having just seen the first two rounds there are one or two teams that stand out, but for me I fancy Northampton.   So there it is you read it here first Northampton for Champions.

Saturday's match against Exeter was a real thriller, and while some of the other top teams lost concentration Northampton did the business.

I don't support any of the teams in the premiership, if I support anyone it is my old club Croydon RFC, but I have had a bit of weakness for Northampton because of Tim Rodber

I have said it around this time of year for the last three seasons, but I really must get out on a Satrday afternoon and go and watch Croydon RFC play some Rugby.

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Just Visiting

I can't help wondering if the best use of £600 million at the moment is really providing all children at infant schools with free lunches. I am of a generation that was brought up on the idea that there is no such thing as a free lunch, it now appears that there is.

Anyway, away from politics it has been a very busy few days one way and another. I have been down to Cardiff to spend some time with my Mother, and to take her to hospital for a pre op check up.

My mother is 92 years old, that in itself is something to be a little bit proud of, but she has lived a pretty special life during a pretty special period of history.   She chose the academic path when it was not easily open to women, she saw more action as a student being bombed in Sheffield during the second world war than my father did  in the Army posted to Africa; she taught the airmen, sailors and soldiers who fought for freedom in Europe, Asia and Africa throughout the Twentieth Century.   Inspired poets, musicians and computer programmers, and has painted pictures that would make Constable envious.
Yet she drives me mad!   I have had to take two days off work, I’m self-employed so any days off have a cost, two days off to take her to the hospital for a pre-op check ~ on my birthday, is certainly a cost, but it is nothing to what she has done for e over the years.   I just find myself running out of patience answering the same question again and again every 10 minutes, even more frustrating is when she forgets who I am or thinks I am someone else, she has imagined me to be my father, both my brothers and various other relations.   In amongst all this she is quite lucid, just confused.   My Mother has always made it quite clear that she always wanted to have four boys, she actually had three of us (I a the youngest)earlier today I did ask what she would have done if she had had a daughter? had she thought of any names? of course I had an ulterior motive for asking, but the answer, was that no, she had never even considered that any of us might have been girls.   I had already decided that it would be far too complicated t try to tell her about our marriage break up never my trans nature, this conversation just confirmed that.  

Next week Mum goes in to have a pass maker fitted I do hope it helps.

Saturday, 14 September 2013

What a Waste

As seems to be becoming all too usual I woke up at 6:30 this morning, in any ones book that is a silly time to get up on a Saturday morning so I rolled over and went back to sleep, waking up again at nearly quarter to eleven.   I quickly realised that I had a van full of green waste that really needed to be g rid of so I threw on a few clothes and dashed over to Swanley to the central composting site I use, knowing they close at twelve I made a bit of a dash for it.

I arrived just in time, or at least I would have it hadn't been for a couple of fire engines blocking the way, complete with flashing lights and lots of hunky men running around.   With no alternative I came back home and had to unload my waste into my garden.   I needed the van relatively clear as I was meeting my daughter for lunch, and half a tonne of green waste doesn't do much for the aroma.   I ended up being rather late meeting her, but we still had a nice lunch together, I find I am really enjoying these times with my daughter, in may ways they are fast becoming the highlights of my week.

This evening I will be going to a meeting of my support group (we are having a session with a makeup rep so maybe a few tips) and then tomorrow I will be playing for an evening service up in town before driving down to Cardiff for a couple of days with my Mother.   I won't be back till Tuesday evening so depending on how much time I get in the morning my posts may be a bit sparse for the next few days.   I could really do with a break but I'm not at all sure that this is going to be in any way restful.   300 miles driving, shopping cooking cleaning and a hospital appointment are not a recipe for a holiday, but it could be the closest I'll get for a while.

It is a few months since I have been able to get to one of my groups meetings so I am looking forward to tonight's get together it will be good to see them all again, and maybe I will learn something about my makeup regime as well.   Of course I still haven't decided what I am going to wear, bt right now I' going up for a bath to start preparing for the evening.

Friday, 13 September 2013

It's been a while

I can't help but notice that it is a few days since I last posted.   As I have so often pointed out recently I have been busy.   There is just so much stuff that needs doing, as well as work and all the supporting paperwork there is also all the housework, laundry and my own garden to look after, and of course the highlight of any week, grocery shopping!

I am doing pretty well, I am keeping up to date with all the chores, washing up, laundry, cleaning the house etc.   but I do seem to find it difficult to do the shopping at a sensible time.   I can go to the supermarket late at night (our local Tesco's is open 24 hour) but it is a profoundly unsatisfying experience.   Everyone there is miserable, whether they are working or shopping, the aisles are full of stock cages waiting to be put out on the shelves, and the shelves are empty while they wait for the stock.   I suppose I cud go early in the morning but that would mean A/ getting up early and B/ there wouldn't be much on the reduced counter; and those two problems tell you as much about me as I want to reveal at the moment.

Tuesday, 10 September 2013

Rocket Man

Thank you Cyrsti for introducing me to Rocket News, or more specifically their reporter Hatopon there are two reports I would really like you all to read first was back in November 2012 and is 16 things I Learned From Dressing in Drag although I suspect that most of us can relate to all of these 16 things it was number 16 particularly struck me.

16. After dress up time is over, you feel empty
Dressing as a woman was unexpectedly intoxicating, but I couldn’t stay like that forever. Going back to my usual self was kind of sad, though. I took off the makeup, removed the wig, traded my dress for my usual men’s clothes, and thought, “Well, that’s that.”
It was rather dreary to look in the mirror and find the usual boring face reflected back at me. I almost wanted to cry. So if on the street one night you should happen to meet a man in drag, so long as he isn’t doing anything bad, please just let him be.

This epic report was followed up in March this year with him venturing out in a mini skirt, and learning 7 points this time

Despite the title of the article this does not look to me like a man in a miniskirt, for one thing this isn't just a mini skirt, it's a very cute suit, and the whole presentation looks first class to me, OK I wouldn't have chosen those sandals, but that's just personal taste. I doubt if he was "read" on looks if at all.   Once again I think I can echo all seven points, especially for a first wearing, some of this becomes a little easier as you get used to wearing something short.   There is always a feeling of vulnerability when wearing something short, but strangely there is also a feeling of power along with it, I for one will continue to wear them whenever it seems appropriate (and sometimes when it isn't)

Monday, 9 September 2013

Weekend Workout

Most people use the weekend to relax, take some time out from the day to day working life, do nothing, or do the things that they can't during the working week, because of work.   Not me, I work.   Saturday I just about managed to complete the pointing on some paving we have been laying in time for the customer to host a barbecue on the Sunday.   This customer has become a friend, and indeed a role model for her dress sense.   She is one of those infuriating women who you suspect would look good in anything, but only ever see in good quality, well cut elegant clothes.   On Saturday she was unusually casual in jeans, and still looked soooo good.

After work on Saturday I went shopping with my daughter, we had clothes to take back, but of course still managed to buy some more.   I yearn for the day when I can go clothes shopping with her and buy something for me!   The day will come, but I don't want to push her too fast, while at the same time I fear that by delaying I could miss the boat.   I have found that although I now spend less time with my daughter the time we do have together is better, we both "invest" in that time because we know it is limited so rather than winding each other up we have actually started to talk.   Strangely I feel that our relationship is actually improving.   After the shopping a pizza and a film ~ not such a bad way too spend a Saturday.

Sunday found me once again with too much to do, so I stuck my laundry in the machine and went to Church, after the service I did spend a little tie with some friends, however busy you are there should always be tie for a coffee with friends ~ before home, hang out washing, get changed, load up van and off for a performance on Clapham Common Bandstand.

The band was only so so but we did have an audience and the ones who stayed through the four season of weather we experienced seemed to enjoy themselves.   After that a quick change and up to Kings Cross for an LGSO rehearsal, I could have done without this but I wanted to check the music as I have only played one of the pieces before.   For once my heart was not really into getting changed, but I felt I should go, so I did, nothing to elaborate, inspired by my customer the previous day, just jeans and a blouse.   But once I was changed and went to the rehearsal I felt relaxed, confident, ~ me!

Up at the top I say something about this being a place where I can come to terms with my cross dressing, I think I took a step forward this weekend without even meaning to, maybe I will have to change the bits at the top as well as the bits at the side.   It's not just my clothes that are changing.

Saturday, 7 September 2013

Part Time?

There's the old flippant line about cross dressers "Yes but at weekends I am Paula", often there is a lot of truth in the line since it is at weekends that many of us have a chance to indulge our need to express our gender identity through the clothes we put on.   This is the time when not having to work we can "be ourselves" in the peace and privacy of our own homes.

Well not for me this weekend!   This morning I had to work and then I spent the afternoon and most of the evening with my daughter, and then tomorrow after church in the morning I will be playing as a guest with a band on a major bandstand.   Paula's only chance to escape into the light will be if I manage to get to an LGSO rehearsal later on Sunday.   Don't get me wrong, I don't resent any of these activities, it's just that I increasingly think that it would be nice if Paula could do some of them instead of him.   Indeed I am often down when I return to drab and I find that I am thinking more and more about what life might be like if I didn't have to do drab at all.   But would I really want to go full time? Am I ready for such a big step? I have to admit that I simply don't know, I do know that I am more relaxed these days, and part of that has to be down to the amount of time I am now able to spend dressed.

Of course I am still only experiencing a very small part of life as a woman, but the part I am experiencing I am enjoying.   Paula is certainly flourishing, but is very uncertain about her future, with our breakup still fresh I feel it would be rash to make any big decisions, so I am just working from day to day, week to week and not really thinking much beyond that.   OK for the time being but at some point in the not too distant future I  going to have to face up to some bigger questions than shall I get my ears pierced as a birthday present to myself?

Friday, 6 September 2013

A Lesson Learnt

As I spend more and more of my time as a woman I find that there are so many lessons I need to learn.   Lessons that most women learnt early on in their lives, not waiting till their mid fifties to find out the hard way.   Of course there are the important lessons about deportment, behaviour and presentation.   I learnt one important lesson this evening.

I had spent most of the day en femme, since I could, but then I had to go out and visit a  customer so I cleaned off my make up and put on a pair of trousers.   On my return I had a cup of tea, did my nails and then got changed and put my makeup on.   After that I washed up and set about getting dinner, this is when I learnt the lesson, not a cooking lesson, I'm pretty good at that, no this is a vital life lesson, CHOP THE ONIONS BEFORE PUTTING ON THE EYE MAKEUP!

Very soon I was doing a very good impersonation of a giant panda with big black splodges under both eyes.   I did take a photo but it's just too embarrassing.   Still looking on the bright side at least I know I'm not pregnant.

Now I need to pop out again, so I have to redo my eyes again, that'll be three times today.

You may notice I have finally got round to getting rid of the typing errors on my profile, I've also updated my photo, hope you approve.

When the Rain Falls

Let it Rain

Today, Friday, the temperature has dropped by about 10 degrees and it’s raining, off course I did have some outside work scheduled for today, but nothing that can’t be caught up with later, so I am having a day catching up with some of my data entry and admin.   I will be going to the bank later, but for now I am sitting at the desk in my lounge taking a quick break from some pretty boring data entry and enjoying the situation.

The situation is that I am having a cup of coffee, dressed casually in a white top and denim skirt and pink fluffy slippers with the patio doors open enjoying the cool of the rain.   There is something very special about hearing the rain fall, and feeling the refreshing cool air it generates while staying comfortable and dry indoors.   After the last few hot and uncomfortably sticky days it is quite a relief.

The same outfit (more or less) on a sunnier day
Later I may have to pop into the timber merchant to check on some prices, if I do I will have to change, which would be a shame, so I will try to just phone them for the prices, and pop in tomorrow to collect the materials for Monday.

Tuesday, 3 September 2013

Dress Size Lottery

Dorothy Perkins size 18
On Monday morning I had my hair done, just a trim wash and dry, I think I may have it permed again next time, as long as I am still working at my current levels this is a small luxury I think I can allow myself.   I rather like the feeling of being pampered and I always think I look good when it’s done, and that helps to make me feel good, yesterday was no exception.

Country Casuals size 14 (with new Jones shoes)
After this I had a few things to do so popped into West Wickham were I visited Boots and the Bank, once the essentials had been done I did a trawl through the charity shops.   There was nothing I needed but I did want to see if I could find a small white should bag, and maybe some more androgynous tops.   I am aware that sizes can vary so was prepare do try on anything I was thinking of buying.   I actually bought

·        Brand new (with labels) Essentials all wool trouser suit size 16 for £17.50

·        Country Casuals dress and jacket suit size 14 for £10

·        A white leather shoulder bag for £1.99

·        White top size 16 for £1.00

·        Cream top size 16 for £1.99

·        A pair of brand new (with labels) Jones the Bootmakers brown shoes for £4.99

After all that I was in need of a coffee, I was wearing a favourite Dorothy Perkins dress size 18.   I tried on both suits and they both fit fine, the bit I am most surprised about are the suit trousers, I would normally be a size 12 or 14 for trousers but both the jacket and trousers fit ~ maybe that’s why they ended up in a charity shop.    It does seem ridiculous that on the same morning I can be three different sizes from three different manufacturers.   I find myself increasingly sympathetic for the amount for clothes that my daughter has to return as she won't try them n in the shop.   Anyway, depending on your point of view I either wasted or saved a lot of money.
I did make one mistake, I bought what I thought were a couple of packs of three tights, it was only when I got home and unpacked everything that I realised they were stockings, not tights.   Oh well in the greater scheme of things a good morning in the shops.

Old Mother Hubbard

I have mentioned my enthusiasm for food, I do like cooking and I love eating.   It seems to me that with very little effort both can be made a lot more interesting than simple necessities of life.   The other night my fridge was doing a bit of a Mother Hubbard impersonation and looking very bare, indeed there seemed very little that would make an interesting meal, and since it was the end of the week I was determined to have something nice even if I was all on my own (ahhh).
So after getting changed a second inspection revealed a couple of burgers and some lettuce.   I grilled the burgers, made a blue cheese sauce with some dolcelatte that was hiding in the depths of the fridge, add in a salad with a home made honey and mustard dressing and a bottle of Cote do Rhone and all in all it turned out to be a very nice diner. 

Monday, 2 September 2013

Red Dress

While out shopping with my daughter on Saturday one thing I was particularly pleased to see was a lot of red on the racks.   I am very fond of real bright tailored red dresses, and suits they are tidy business like but so totally feminine and, yes, fun.   I have a tendency to wear a lot of grey or black with the odd bit of mauve or dark pink, some bright red would cheer up my whole wardrobe.
I am pleased t see on The Little Style File that my observation is confirmed (if I am a little behind) but I would like to thank them for the picture

A while back I did a have red dress I was fond of, but that was a loss I was quite upset about, so I am very happy to see that it looks as though the trend will survive for at least another season.

While I do not want to spend money I don't have to at the moment, I do like the idea of a red dress and jacket suit, in my minds eye I will look as good in a red dress as Edda

Sunday, 1 September 2013


I know that recently I have not been quite as dedicated to getting my daily blog posts up as has been my habit.  Over the last week I have found my time to be in short supply, well of course I have had exactly the same amount of time that I and everybody else has every week, it’s just that here have been a lot of calls on that time.

My friend B has been working with me all week but since his car is currently off the road awaiting some critical but minor repairs I have been picking him up and then dropping him home each day, this actually adds about two hours on to the working day, then of course I still have all the domestic duties to perform.   I can assure you I am no domestic goddess, but I have been trying to keep the house straight and even make a few improvements each week.   Well this week I have struggled to even keep up with the washing up.

Looking back it is hard to put my finger on any one thing that has been achieved that took quite so much time, it is just all the stuff that is involved with keeping a business running.   With as many as four people working at a few different sites I have done as much driving around and looking after the others as working myself, still it is good to have a weekend.   Typically yesterday (Saturday) morning my first job was to take a load of waste for composting, before picking up my daughter to do a little shopping.

A little shopping! I should have known better.   Staring sixth form on Tuesday apparently she needed a new bag and some shoes, this turned into a couple of skirts, some blouses, shoes and a bag.   I went clothes shopping spent over £150 and bought nothing for me!

I do want a dressing gown, I have a think towelling one but wanted something lighter weight, since I have now changed my habitual nightwear I would like something extra to put on when I get up but what I have is a bit to think and warm.   I also thought it would be a good way of bringing up the subject of my clothing choices by making it clear that I intended buying in the women’s department.   Of course nowhere we went had anything other than thick winter dressing gowns anyway so the whole idea went by the board.   It would have been nice to spend the whole day with my daughter but she had a party in the evening but by the time I had dropped her and some rather impressive balloons off so she could help her friend get ready the day was pretty much over anyway.

It is strange, my daughter and I seem to be enjoying our time together much more now that it is limited, maybe this way we value what we like about each other without having the time to annoy each other.   Certainly the times we spend to together have become the highlights of my week.