There's the old flippant line about cross dressers "Yes but at weekends I am Paula", often there is a lot of truth in the line since it is at weekends that many of us have a chance to indulge our need to express our gender identity through the clothes we put on. This is the time when not having to work we can "be ourselves" in the peace and privacy of our own homes.
Well not for me this weekend! This morning I had to work and then I spent the afternoon and most of the evening with my daughter, and then tomorrow after church in the morning I will be playing as a guest with a band on a major bandstand. Paula's only chance to escape into the light will be if I manage to get to an LGSO rehearsal later on Sunday. Don't get me wrong, I don't resent any of these activities, it's just that I increasingly think that it would be nice if Paula could do some of them instead of him. Indeed I am often down when I return to drab and I find that I am thinking more and more about what life might be like if I didn't have to do drab at all. But would I really want to go full time? Am I ready for such a big step? I have to admit that I simply don't know, I do know that I am more relaxed these days, and part of that has to be down to the amount of time I am now able to spend dressed.
Of course I am still only experiencing a very small part of life as a woman, but the part I am experiencing I am enjoying. Paula is certainly flourishing, but is very uncertain about her future, with our breakup still fresh I feel it would be rash to make any big decisions, so I am just working from day to day, week to week and not really thinking much beyond that. OK for the time being but at some point in the not too distant future I going to have to face up to some bigger questions than shall I get my ears pierced as a birthday present to myself?