Halloween - finally

As I have said I don't do halloween, but to thise of you who do - have fun and stay safe

Indian Grand Prix

I have just been watching the inaugural Indian Grand Prix, now there may be many points from the race that I would like to discuss, but I don;t think this is the place, but......

I couldn't;t help noticing a girl who was walking around the pit lane and paddock behind the presenter, she had slightly longer than shoulder length blond hair, bare legs, black pumps, and a simple but simply smashing blue sleeveless dress.   I have no idea who she is, but every time she walked past I couldn't take my eyes off her, she just looked so good, so smart, and so elegant, an example to all of us.

I have just done a quick search and can't find any pictures of her, if you know who she is or have a picture I would love to hear from you.

Saturday Night - part 1

I did go out last night, I know as I have a bit of a hangover now, on Sunday morning.   I have made an interesting discovery, Paula drinks wine and it doesn't take that much to make Paul suffer the next morning, and forget that the clocks change so I could have had an extra hour in bed.

Well nobody phoned up and asked me out to dinner, so I hunted around for somewhere to go. In Croydon there is a very good, very small theatre, The Warehouse, last night they they had a play that looked interesting so I decided to see it, and give Paula a new adventure at the same time.   I spent longer getting ready than I normally would, simply because I could, I planned my outfit down to the last detail , had a long leisurely bath and put the finishing touches to my shaving.   After that I used a moisturising cream all over, put on my bra panties, cinch, stockings (yes stockings I was planning to wear some very glamorous open toed shoes and the only hosiery I have without reinforced toes are stockings), and slip before putting on my makeup.   It was nice to be able to spend time getting the look just right, a little more eye make up than I would use during the day and a brighter lipstick, although I didn't get my nails quite right I was very happy with the result.   Finally the dress and jewelry, first hitch my dress was actually just a little too short for the slip and I don't have a shorter slip available, so I had to abandon the slip altogether.  

Then I thought my shoulders looked a little "bold" so I should have something with me to cover them, and managed to dig out a large silk square I have.   I am very aware that I didn't really know how to make the most of this item and will have to investigate.

The glamorous shoes

I am a little nervous of public transport at night so I took Gloria and immediately hit the first problem - parking.   On street parking in Croydon is charged for up till midnight, but worse you can only park in any one place for up to 2 hours.   Since I was early and the play was over two hours this was a no go.   Then to make life more difficult most of the multi story car parks have height restrictions lower than Gloria's roof.   I did eventually manage to park in the Fairfield car park which meant a slightly longer walk back to the theatre than I had planned.   Not a problem other than that the very glamorous shoes I was wearing are not good for walking, very good for looking at, but not for walking.

All the people at the Theatre were very nice and friendly, I did find I was rather over dressed - LBD sparkly jewelry, stockings and as I say glam. shoes - which may well have attracted more attention than I might have sought, but no one pointed at me and shouted "That man's wearing a dress"

Wedensday

Yesterday (Wednesday, sometime I manage to write these posts in advance, other times I am desperately trying to keep up.) I couldn't work much due to the weather, and I quite simply didn't fancy it much anyway.   Once it became clear that I would have all day free, I called a friend (I'll call him G) I had been meaning to see for a few months.   As he does shift work he was free so we met up in the afternoon.   Although G knows of Paula, and indeed has seen me dressed I did not think it would be appropriate to go to his home dressed, and there wasn't time to do much before getting there.

That having been said it seemed like too much of an opportunity to let it go, so I was under-dressed, with just a pair of jeans and a (ladies) polo neck with a (ladies) denim jacket.   I had to pick up some supplies on the way but had a limited of time before the arranged meeting time, so I did something I have not done for some time, a half way.   I put on eye makeup but left it at that and put on a pair of high heel ankle boots.   This makes for a quite fem presentation, while doing nothing about covering my beard growth, (Not much as I had a close shave with a new blade in the morning) boobs or hair.   I didn't think I attracted any undue attention as I walked round, certainly no comments.  I  engaged in conversation with another customer, and spent a while chatting with staff.   After that it was time  to get over to G's, so I changed back into some non committal shoes, and got over there.

I was of course totally aware of what I was wearing but I had forgotten that I still had my eye makeup on.   The eye shadow was fairly subtle but I was also using mascara so anyone looking would be able to see.   Also since I was not wearing socks, just some fairly sheer black tights again if looked at obvious. Now G did not say anything, even when I commented on my on line friends and our "shared interest" I am not sure whether that means he does not want to talk about the subject, did not realise or was just more interested in the main thrust of our conversations.

G is my longest standing friend and I know he would support me whatever, but I also know that he may find my dressing awkward.   I hope not as apart from our long and close friendship he is also an excellent keen amateur photographer.......................

Halloween - again

I know a lot of you will be using Halloween as an excuse to go out

dressed, this year I might even do that myself, but lets agree that if we are going to do it lets do it well.   Browsing through the Telegraph on line I found a slide show of Celebrity Halloween costumes, some good some not, http://fashion.telegraph.co.uk/galleries/TMG8851001/Celebrity-Halloween-costumes-in-pictures.htm

Now I don't know much about Perez Hilton, no make that I don;t know anything about Perez Hilton, but I have to admire the amount of effort that has clearly gone into his Halloween costume.   If I can come up with something as good, and socially acceptable I will be "well chuffed".

As it is I'm still not sure what I will be doing on Saturday evening, my wife and daughter will both be out so I effectively can do whatever I like, the only thing is, I need to have a destination, and preferably company.   What I would really like is for some body to take Paula out for dinner.

Thank you

Today this blog has past the mile stone of 2000 views.   I have been careful not to count my own views so this is all down to you, thank you all.

It is very reassuring and encouraging to see the numbers slowly building, at first it was just one or two, now I have had so many views I must be doing something right!   Please feel free to tell me if I'm doing something wrong, or if there is something you would like me to do that I'm not, for now I'm just really made up that you have been looking.

Double Denim

I did say that I wanted to emulate the look of Kate Moss the other day, http://paula-paulasplace.blogspot.com/2011/10/tis-season-to-be.html Well I didn't quite have the courage for leggings without something longer to go iver the top of them so opted for skinny jeans, and have used a denim jacket rather than a leather, but as you can see I am rather pleased with the look.    I had a couple of hours clear today so was able to experiment with this look. I am very fond of the black polo neck, and the boots - although I have to say that the boots are not that practical.  

As I was walking around Sidcup High Street and Orpinton High Street this afternoon I did get a bit of attention, but I suspect that that was as much to do with the boots as anything else. Those heels are dramatic and bearing mind my height, well I suppose I have to expect a bit of attention. Over all I think that I came up with a good dramatic look, but apart from the boots and the black top I'm not sure that I have actually followed the look, more that I have come up with my own version, of well, double denim.

I forgot!

Saturday night will be when most places are celebrating Halloween, maybe I will just go to a bar where hey are having party, just wear a LBD add one of my brooms and get a pointy hat,

Saturday Night

On Saturday Night my daughter is in a show, I shall be seeing it with my wife on Friday night.   On Saturday my wife will be there again acting as a chaperone for the younger children.   This means that I have Saturday night to myself, I could ring a friend and just go out for a beer, I could stay at home and have a lazy, cheep, relaxing evening, or I could Go Out.

The only thing is where to go and who to go with.   This is when it becomes a pain not having many people who know Paula, who can be cajoled into a short notice outing.   I will post on what happens, watch this space......

High Heels

We all love high heels don't we. I have yet to come across one of us girls that doesn't take every opportunity offered to put on some heels and strut her stuff.   I also know that I am not alone in having tried some highly (sic) inappropriate heels on occasion over the years.    I will admit to the patent leather thigh high boots with a five inch heel.   Now I know I did say that it was easier to walk in boots than shoes or sandals, but these were just not appropriate for any situation I was prepared to find myself in, and to paraphrase the song, these boots were not made for walking!

On Monday I wore a pair of Marks & Sparks pumps with about a 2 inch heel all day, and I felt good, I knew I was "properly" dressed and was still very comfortable, as comfortable as I would have been in trainers, but they made me feel so much better about myself.   I think that wearing heels gives me a boost in my confidence when I am dressed, it's certainly not the extra height since at 5"10' I'm a tall girl already, somehow it's about being properly dressed, and with a skirt or dress heels finish the ensemble

OUT!

I'm writing this Monday evening, I may not complete until later as I have to go out to a rehearsal before long, and I don't know when it will get posted.   Enough of the preamble, but before I get into the main story I do need to give a little background.   My wife knows a bit about Paula, and that's how she wants to leave it, she doesn't want to know, and would rather that no one else did either.   Indeed she would like me to stop, and because of that I would, if I could, but I can't.   This does mean that despite this blog I am pretty much in the closet.   Although I go out, I am not out. only one couple of my friends know about Paula, and that is because they saw me out one day.   Anyway on with the story......

Well just as I was going to work this morning I had my only appointment of the day cancelled, normally I would be put out by this, but today I decided that this meant I could have an unscheduled, unplanned Paula day.   As my wife was at home this meant that I grabbed my case of Paula's clothes and my make up and essentials case (I think of this as Paula in a box).   I managed to slip my undergarments on in a family rest room / baby changing room, and completed my presentation in the van.   Not ideal I know but then I have to grab the opportunities when they come up.

I had to go the the bank to pay in some cheques and the post office to send a couple of parcels, after that the day was mine, which left me with the problem of what to do with.   I visited all the charity shops in West Wickham, and found nothing that demanded to be bought, then meandered over to Biggin Hill where I stopped for a coffee and a visit to Waitrose, before making my way to Westerham, the location of my favorite charity shop, well my favorite charity shop manager anyway.   Again there were a couple of things I thought about buying, but nothing that I had to buy.   I stopped there for a coffee, and rang a friend of mine (I'll call her P) who I hadn't seen for a long time; a couple of times over the years I have tried to come out to P but never managed to find the moment or the words, I knew she had been ill so had not wanted to worry her with my issues, but she sounded her old bubbly self.    We chatted for a while, I then explained that I had phoned to discus something with her that was important to me, I just didn't know how to phrase what I had to say.   when it became clear that I was having a day off, she invited me over for a cup of tea and a chat.   Of course I accepted.

As I was driving over I started to have second thoughts and was getting very nervous.   I decided that it would be best to send a text message to give a bit of warning, this is what I sent "Warning prepare yourself for a shock, when I'm dressed this way I prefer to be called Paula! can I still come?"   I didn't get a reply and started to worry that she would not want to see me like this, when I arrived outside the house I phoned again and more less read out my message, as it happened this message didn't arrive until after I had, and P was really cool about the whole thing.   Her attitude was basically "You're still my friend, just wearing different clothes"   I was made very welcome by P and her husband, who both appeared to be totally unfazed by the whole experience.

I had a lovely afternoon and hope to be able to repeat the visit often, it is great to have friends who accept you.   I have been worrying about telling someone for ages, and now I have it seems to have been a bit of a none event, I was worrying about nothing, but I will still have to be careful who I tell, so as not to upset my wife.   I do love her and treasure her, and don't tell her often enough that I love her, so I brought home a bunch of flowers to to give me the excuse to say "I love you"

Who wears short shorts

I was reading Femulate the other day where Stana was commenting that some of her skirts are perhaps a little too short for street wear.   This reminded me of a conversation I had at my support group meeting the other day, where we were speculating as to whether the taste for very short skirts is restricted to cross dressers, or whether this taste is shared by trans women.   Certainly I see very few GGs my sort of age wearing anything particularly short, and when I do I will admit it does get my attention.   Well this article http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/21/celebrities-without-pants_n_1024544.html suggests that at least some celebrities are going for the very short look.

Now I'm not entirely convinced that for ladies like me, who are past a certain age, too much leg is a good look, but I just enjoy those very short skirts, dresses and of course the good old stand by, the "Daisy Dukes"    I have given my daughter a rule of thumb that she should not wear anything where the hemline is higher than fingertip length, i.e. it should be lower on her thigh than where her finger tips reach.   I think this is a good rule, and one day I shall try to stick to it.

Somehow what is worn below the short skirt/shorts/ whatever seems to make a difference, I have a GG friend who likes dresses but hates her legs, so she wears the dress over a pair of jeans, this is a very individual look, and she has made it her own. I think that a dress so short that it's a tunic is fine over leggings, but not over sheer tights, shorts or culottes will not show your underwear so maybe a little more latitude is allowed then.   I also think that the shoe choice makes a difference, I can't get used to the current fashion for ballet pumps, but there is a definite trend for very short skirts, opaque tights and ballet pumps, for street wear, the same outfit with heels would not be appropriate, but I'm not sure why.   It seems very difficult to stay the right side of the line between classy but sexy and slutty.

I think I am coming to the conclusion that it is complicated, and I will just have to show judgement for each individual outfit.

A Nice Compliment

Yesterday afternoon I had to go out to set up for the concert I was involved in later, my wife and daughter were to follow.   Since I knew I would be moving furniture etc. I didn't want to be wearing my DJ until I had to.   As I was leaving my wife commented first that I was dressed unusually for a concert.   I was wearing a new (to me) pair of jeans and my old rugby shirt.   She then asked if I had lost more weight, this rather pleased me since I have actually put on a couple of pounds over the last week or two.

I said that I thought it was probably my new jeans, they are cut a little snugger on the thighs and round the hips than my others, my wife agreed. I then asked if she approved, and got a positive assertion - YEA   The reason for my glee is largely that these are ladies jeans.   They no longer have a label saying this but I know, if my wife knew I am sure she would disapprove.   I also suspect that my rugby shirt was a contributing factor, being quite long, and hooped it is almost like a tunic.   In fact when I saw myself in the mirror I thought it looked quite feminine, and hoops are actually quite slimming, just a change of shoes, some boobs and some makeup and it would make a a nice casual fem outfit.

Boots

I like boots, I like to see women wearing boots, I like to wear them myself, and I find that a boot supporting the ankle helps a lot when walking in high heels.   I have never been able to convince myself that thigh boots are appropriate for street wear, but knee boots are another matter, so I am particularly pleased to hear that they are very much back in vogue.

http://fashion.telegraph.co.uk/galleries/TMG8832168/Trending-knee-boots.html I am not simply relying on this article for my assertion, I have also noticed a lot more boots on the street as I am travelling around.

I like the look of boots with trousers, with the trouser leg over the boot I always wonder are they ankle boots, knee high, or higher? worn over tight jeans they are simply dead sexy.   A new trend I have noticed is wearing brown, or tan knee boots with black skinny jeans or leggings.   I would not have expected to like this, I have always thought black with black, brown with brown, but it does work, especially with lighter tan leather boots.   Now I believe in having decent quality boots, so I will probably not be following this trend myself, as just at the moment there are more pressing calls on my finances, but if I do see something nice in my next charity shop trawl.......

A Polished performance

I have been asked about the nail polish I am wearing in the picture on my post "small things" http://paula-paulasplace.blogspot.com/2011/10/small-things.html I like wearing nail varnish, I like to look down and see the colour, the sheen, the totally feminine appearance.   The only men I have come across who wear any nail colour are heavy rockers wearing black, urghh....

For me the nails are the finishing touch, not really necessary but very nice, very elegant, unfortunately it is not easy to keep my nails nice with the work I do, but I don't like the idea of false stick on nails, I use false hair, false boobs, I am think about false buttocks, I don't want to add nails to the list.   Anyway back to the point, the picture shows me wear Maybelline, Express Finnish, no 721 Crimson fast dry nail enamel.   This is not my only colour, but I'm glad you like it.

Feeling proud

I am indeed feeling rather proud at the moment, I just had my daily look at Femulate, the excellent blog by Stana.   Her blog is always interesting, informative and entertaining, if I can even approach her standards I will be very happy.

But why does this make me proud, MY PHOTO IS ON FEMULATE yeh!!!!   as she changes the photo daily it's this one from 31st October 2010, I honestly hadn't realised that it was Halloween until I saw some people on the way to a party.

Just visible is the sartorially challenging "farmers tan", but I still like the sleeveless look, it is so totally feminine, men's sleeves come in long or short, ladies three quarter, cap, short, sleeveless, strappy and more, so for me there is nothing more feminine than a dress (no male equivalent) with no sleeves.   Then add to that the fact that this little black dress fits and feels really well.   I just can't wear it often enough, dressed up at night, or with a simply casual jacket for day wear, it does the lot.   I know that largely the point of a little black dress but I do have another one, that is just not as versatile, it looks great for evening wear, but is too slinky for daytime.   Still with the party season approaching - bring it on!

Going Out

One of the advantages of being self employed is the chance to take time off when you want to, the down side of this is of course that nobody pays me if I'm not working.   However a couple of years ago I decided that I would start to take one day off each month, to do something, to feed my inner person.   In general this has meant going to an exhibition, visiting a garden, a museum, or maybe a lunch time concert.

Over the last year I have have slipped and missed a few months, however I am also beginning to take these days as Paula days, and making them doubly good.   There was not much around the last couple of months, but now there are several exhibitions I would like to see, I have already, mentioned the Degas at the R.A. http://www.royalacademy.org.uk/ I would also like to see Grayson Perry's piece at the British Museum http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/profiles/grayson-perry-working-with-louis-vuitton-2372508.html and now there is a Leonardo exhibition at the National Gallery    http://www.nationalgallery.org.uk/whats-on/exhibitions/leonardo-da-vinci-painter-at-the-court-of-milan

I think I am just going to have to prioritise over the next few months.

Tis the season to be..

Kate Moss.   I hear a lot against leggings, I have even added my voice to the clammer, but here Kate Moss shows how they should be worn.   Teamed with Christian Laboutin knee boots and BLJ this is a classic casual but dead sexy look, and ideal now that it is getting a bit cooler.

I know I am no Kate Moss, but I feel an emulation coming on, I have a nice denim jacket rather than the leather, and anice pair of boots.......Oh yes, now I just need somewhere to go.

The year turns on

Yesterday was noticeably colder than it has been, now I am sure that most people will have noticed a drop in air temperature, but I was very struck by the drop in soil temperature.   Now I know that not many people spend a lot of time with their hands in the soil, but as a professional gardener that is exactly what I do.

To me this means a few different things, as a gardener I think that the year has turned and we have today entered the next season, call it Autumn or Fall, it is here now, the summer bedding will come out and be replaced with violas and bare soil, leaves will be swept, and grass will stop growing.   The hours available for work reduce, and the amount of work available declines.   Personally it means that it is colder, as I work outside I keep warm by wearing lots of layers. that means a tee shirt, a cord shirt, then a sweater and if needed a fleece, lower down  I wear my tights under my trousers for work.   Now I will admit I quite like this, it is a sanctioned way of underdressing as well as keeping warm.   At one point last year my wife accused me of enjoying wearing the tights, and then went on to say that she didn't like the feel of tights underneath trousers, I was very tempted to say "then maybe I should start wearing skirts more often" but discretion saved me that day.

The other thing with shorter days and less work to fill them, there are more opportunities to cross dress.   The Royal Academy have a Degas exhibition on at the moment, I think that may well be my next major outing next month.

Small things

There are some small things that give me a great deal of joy when I see them.   Of course I am not immune to the kittens and flowers, but in this case I am thinking in terms of my own presentation.   I am quite convinced that the small details are important in our presentation, the whole image can be spoilt - the whole game being given away - by inattention to something that may not appear important.

To that end I recently bought a very nice double breasted ladies wool-mix overcoat, made by Windsmoor.   Normal retail price for this would be between £250 and £300, I bought this one from Age Concern Sidcup for £9.99 I am now looking forward to winter!   Along with a man's overcoat other potential giveaways are wearing a gents watch, wedding ring without an engagement ring, a man's wallet rather than a purse; like I said little detail.   But I started off talking about small things that give me pleasure.

I am lucky that for a man I have quite small hands and feet so although not all shoe styles go up to my dainty size 8 (sometimes I can get away with 7 1/2) mostly I can get whatever I want in a size that fits from normal shops (budget allowing).   Also I do like the look of my hands with some nail polish and rings.   I always wear my wedding ring, as I am always married, but remove a bit of hair, add a dress ring under the wedding band and I feel so very feminine, I give myself a little thrill every time I look down and see my own hands (as in the photo above stuck in traffic on the way home last weekend)

I'm sorry Kevin

I have been thinking about how much has changed in recent years, it is now relatively simple for us girls to go about our lives, indeed even to share with each other through the Internet.   Certainly before the web there was very little chance of finding anyone else to talk issues through with.   Even if we do not join in with the fora, we do at least know of their existence.   Not so long ago most of us were isolated, fearful of talking about our "interest" in case we were branded as perverts, or worse.   I understand that it is not too long ago that the Police would routinely have arrested any one wearing gender inappropriate clothing and attempted to prosecute for indecency.  

With that background it must have been so very difficult for those pioneer transgendered people to go through transition, rejected by society and often family as well.   ARound 20 years ago there used to be a trombone player in one of the pro bands I gigged with, I'll call him Kevin.   Now Kevin was a lovely sensitive musician, and a very fine trombone player, it must be said however, that he could be a little difficult to get along with.   I like to think that I can rub along quite well with most people, I have a pretty broad spectrum of interest so can usually find some common ground.   With Kevin it was different, he was so competitive, his motorbike had to be more powerful and faster, his football team better, his PA louder, I could go on but I think you get the picture.   Typical competitive aggressive too much testosterone young man.

Not us! we can actually play the instruments

Well you would be wrong, I was!   I recently played in an orchestra with an older trombone player with the same surname as Kevin, when I mentioned this it came out that the older man was Kevin's father, that they did not see each other, that they did not talk, and that Kevin had transitioned.   This was not the term the father used, I would rather not repeat some of the language he used to describe his son.   He would certainly not accept that Kevin was now his daughter.

If only I had known before, I don't know what I could have done, but looking back Kevin was clearly in pain all the time, fighting against his own nature trying to show how macho he was.   I hope that if I had known I could at least have offered some sympathy, understanding and compassion, I think he must have needed it.   I don't know what name Kevin uses now, but if you are reading this then now that you know who you are I hope you know who I am, and I'm sorry.

Sunday Morning Ramblings

It's Sunday morning, and I'm just waiting for the bathroom to come free, since that means waiting for both my wife and daughter to use it first I should have a while to wait.   Now I am older Sunday morning have simple pleasures like, a new razor blade; having a shower without having to rush to work; an hour or so peaceful time to myself while the ladies are getting ready.

It has crossed my mind that if Sunday was a dressing day that I could spend with my family, then  the bathroom would never come free, and we would all end up rushing rather than the relatively relaxed time I now have.   As they say everything has it's advantages.    Earlier in the week I wrote of some of my new purchases, well yesterday I did have a little time, just enough to try on my new undies, and check that my boobs fit, and I have to say everything fits very nicely and I am very pleased with my purchases.

Now I am looking forward to spending the afternoon in front of the TV watching the sport I have recorded, there is the second semifinal of the Rugby World Cup and the Korean Grand Prix, I hope to see victories for Jenson Button and New Zealand, but most of all a good contest in both cases.

Halloween

Most of the time I post pretty lighthearted reports on Paula's activities.   There are plenty of other places on the net which do the in depth analysis stuff, and plenty more that do the - err - less tasteful stuff.   My aim is really just to share the experience.   However now and then there are some slightly heavier musings.   I have been trying to prepare a post or two in advance and see that the two I have prepared fall into the slightly heavier category.   This is the first, unless I get inspired this afternoon you will get the second tomorrow, since I will be spending the morning running a work party at my church clearing the gardens, I doubt if I will have any cross dressing experiences to relate, so here goes.

I can't help but notice that all the American bloggers are getting very excited about Halloween, how it gives them the license to dress however they choose, to go out in public and not be questioned about their choice of clothing.   I have never been to happy about the concept of celebrating Halloween, maybe this is just a reflection of my early upbringing, I went to a Church school, and sang in the Church choir, the Church in question being All Saints, so for me it was always All Saints day that was celebrated not the day before!

In the UK we basically don;t celebrate Halloween, although it has been slowly catching on over the last few years.   Therefore latterly I thought it was just my natural anti American bias that prejudiced me against Halloween, you know the whole, cultural imperialist bit "We don't celebrate Halloween, we're English" was very much my attitude.   However now that I am a Christian I find the whole thing rather distasteful.   The idea of celebrating evil, is well, wrong.   I know a lot of you will say that it's just a bit of fun, but maybe that is the clever, bit, making us think that it is not important.

But the real problem for me is that I really like the idea that for at least one day each year everyone has the freedom to dress and behave how ever they like, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.   There are people whose actions and opinions I respect who are going to dress up for Halloween, Stana of Femulate fame, Meg from call me Meg, Vanessa at Crossdresser Haven, all of whom talk about the joys of dressing on Halloween.   I can only surmise that it is very different in America.   Although I no longer work in an office, I could not imagine any circumstances where it would have been acceptable for me to go to work dressed, on one day a year while appearing to be "normal" the rest - like they say "only in America"

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I have been cross dressing now for more years than I care to admit, over the last year I have been fairly serious, as in trying to make a reasonable presentation, a decent "Femulation", but up till now I have never had any proper help in the boob department.   I have some heavily padded bras, and some "chicken fillet" breast enhancers which have got me by up till now.   I finally bit the bullet and ordered some, they came today and I am now just waiting to try them out, well that's the good, the bad, my wife took in the delivery and is very disapproving, I shall have to work very hard to make up some brownie points now.

The ugly was a mistake I so nearly made this morning.   I had to send an e-mail to a friend which included a link to a church website, instead of copying across that link I copied one to a post a made on CrossDressersforum.com if I had not noticed this in time I think it would have caused me quite major embarrassment.   It just goes to show the importance of checking everything twice!

New Boots and Panties

Well as you may gather it was quite a weekend, starting with the Croydon Trans group meeting on Saturday night, then quite an extended bit of Paula time on Monday.   I was more or less dressed under my drab when I left my mother's house in Cardiff, so it was only a matter of moments to put on my make up and wig, and get underway as Paula.   I only stopped once in Cardiff for some fuel, and then again at some services.   I think I just got the timing very wrong, there was a long queue for the ladies, and that would definetely have taken me outside of my comfort zone, although I suppose it would have enhanced the real experiece of being a  woman.

I have already posted about my hair do at Sunbury, and mentioned going shopping in Kingston. what I didn't mention were my purchases, I bought a pair of bronze killer heels, and I popped intop BHS and bought the bra and pantie set I wrote about http://paula-paulasplace.blogspot.com/2011/09/animal-prints.html I have not had an opportunity to wear them yet, but am looking forward to trying them out.

France Part five - the last

This is now more parts than I had days on the trip, but this last day was eventful, rest easy this is the end of the story.   My plans had already gone out the window as it was so late when I eventually left Bar-le-Duc.   I now had to use the motorway all the way, and make decent time of it as well.   Fortunately being empty I could keep a pretty good steady speed up, and just had one quick stop to but fuel, for both Gloria and me, and to get rid of some of that coffee.

I had travelled all the way from London to St Etienne and most of the way back in a van, I had been walking around small provincial towns in a foreign country dressed as a woman, through all that I had not had a single contact with officialdom, I had not even had my passport checked between Britain and France, and other than at the ticket control nobody had shown any interest in what was in the back of this rather old, and not overly smart van.   Of course now I was in a hurry that all changed.   Leaving the last payage section of the Motorway there was a Police check point, specifically stopping and checking British vehicles heading for Calais.   Anything that they thought might be a suspicious was stopped and searched, so of course I was pulled over.   A smartly dressed middle aged woman, driving a van, on her own, if I was the Police I would have stopped me!

I had to wait while a couple of youngish lads in a BMW convertible in front of me were getting the full treatment, carpets up, tool kit spread out, everything was being checked including what looked like a pretty thorough personal search of the passengers.   I will be honest I was worried!   Although I had been treated well everywhere I had been I didn't know if I was breaking any sort of law, or how liberal minded these Gendarmes might be.   Well they were thorough, they were very polite with all the officers speaking decent English (again I was addressed as Madame until they had checked my passport and Driving documents then I was addressed as Madame G&*%$£n) the back of the van was checked, they looked under the seats, under the bonnet (hood for the Americans) and underneath the floor.   Went through all the documents and some bags I had in the back.   As I say they were thorough, polite and friendly, and I was saved the body search, I’m not sure who would have been most embarrassed.  I was then left to get on, with a wish for a pleasant journey home, (the lads in the BWM were still there when I left it looked as though the seats were about to be taken out).

My Sunglasses

Now I was really behind schedule, and it was a toss up as to whether to stop for some shopping.   I decided on a quick stop a mad dash around the supermarket, chuck it in the back and high tail it to the ferry port.   I was just in time to catch the ferry.   Off course I was checked through ticket control, then French border control wanted to check my passport, and then British border control wanted to check my passport.   Needless to say my passport and driving license and all my papers are in my male name, and show my title as Mr. while here I was fully made up, dressed as a smart middle aged business woman with all the appropriate jewellery and accessories.   The only slight query was the British Passport officer looked at my photo (which shows me with a beard!) and asked me to remove my sun glasses so he could see my face better – MY SUNGLASSES!

A ferry

I drove straight from the controls onto the ferry without any waiting as they had already started boarding while my passport was being checked, I certainly wasn't going to get changed now, I was just going to enjoy the crossing, spend some time and a little money in the Duty Free shop, and relax.   After all I only a short journey home from Dover, even taking it steady I could be back in the bosom of my family two hours after landing.

So much for my plans, all that journey – nothing, now I was stopped and searched again, by British customs.   I don’t know what they thought I was hiding, or whether they just wanted a closer look at me so they could have a laugh later, but once again all my bags were gone through, this time with the added shopping, under the bonnet behind the seats, again a pretty thorough search, and mercifully again I was saved from a body search! At last I left the port feeling as though I could use some of that duty free booze I had in the back, still not long now.   Or so I thought, now for the only time since I have had Gloria I am pulled over by the Police!   This time they just wanted check my documents, and by the way what’s in the back – NOTHING!   By now it was getting quite difficult to keep my cool, somehow I managed as I really didn't want to draw any more attention to myself than necessary, I eventually made it home over four hours after the ferry docked; and yes I did sit down and hit the duty free.

As it had been such a full and trying day I was more than happy to collapse into bed.   It was only the next day that the post outing blues hit me.   I always have such a good time when I go out that it is a real "downer" going back into drab, after an extended period exclusively as Paula the down was that much bigger.   I don't know whether I will have another opportunity like this but I do have the memories, now I wish I had more photos as well.

Hair today gone tomorrow

I am always impressed by how nice people are to Paula, very often much nicer than they are to him.   I had am instance of this yesterday.  

Now for me one of the problems of trying to look reasonably convincing as a woman is my hair.   As I am past a "certain age" I am going grey, and more to the point my hair line is try to escape to the top of my head.   So far I have been wearing a wig, initially a rather cheap but not too bad grey wig I picked up on e-bay. recently I bought a much better, much more realistic wig from the excellent Mary of Fosters Wigs in Streatham.   The trouble is that I am not particularly comfortable, I am always conscious that I am wearing something on my head, and always worried that it is not straight, or that my own hair is showing making it obvious that I am wearing a wig.

I know that with everything else this is a minor point but it worries me.   Well while driving home from Cardiff yesterday I decided that it was time for a hair cut, there is something about my hair that means men can't cut it.   Well they can cut it just not well.   Over the years the good hair cuts I have had have been by women, so as well as deciding to get a hair cut I wanted to make sure that it was cut by a woman, as I was dressed I also decided that I would try a ladies salon.   Now I am aware that for a lot of CDs this is no big deal, but for me it was a first.   I did not want to go locally so I stopped in Sunbury, and went into the http://www.sunburyx.com/ salon.   As they weren't to busy I only had to wait about 15 minutes, while waiting the other customers engaged me in conversation, talking babies all very nice and very relaxed.


All mine



 I saw Dionne and explained my problem, i.e. my own hair was too long so I needed it to not stick out under the wig, or if possible to cut it so that it could be styled in a more fem manner so that I didn't have to wear the wig at all.  



She decided that there was not enough length or body at the front, and too much at the back, a wash cut and blow dry later she had transformed my hair more than I would have thought possible.   I was so pleased that I asked her to take a photo for me, that's it on the left.   I liked the look very much and did not put the wig back on before going shopping in Kingston.   As I was out and about I was not conscious of getting any more attention than I would have 

Bought from Fosters

if I had a wig on, and certainly felt more comfortable.   At the moment I don't think this can be a long term solution as by this morning most of the extra body had had to be combed out, but with a little more length at the front I think I could go for this for special outings.

Dionne and the others were really nice to me all the time I was there, treating my just like one of the girls, I did ask her permission to use her name and details on this blog and she was very happy, so if you are around Sunbury and need any of the treatments offered I am more than happy  to recommend popping in.   That having been said, next time I will be making an appointment.

So here is the question, which looks better, my own hair styled by the lovely Dionne or the wig?   This is not a rhetorical question I would like answers please, either add a comment or e-mail me.   I will try to answer every e-mail so feel free.





France Part 4

So this was to be my last day in France, and my last day of this extended Paula time.   I was determined to make the most of it and have a full day.   My plan was to make my way north to Calais mostly by N roads, this is nicer and saves the tolls.   I would stop at St Omer for lunch in a restaurant I know there before a quick stop at a supermarket to stock up on booze.   Although France is no longer much cheaper than the UK there is always a better selection at my end of the price scale, along with one or two things that just aren’t available at home.   After shopping I would get changed back into drab and take my face off ready for the ferry back to Dover and any dealings I may have to have with border control officials, immigration, customs etc. So a good plan for a nice day.

I showered, shaved, and got myself presentable.   I had a solitary pair of trousers with me and this was the day I wore them, however as they are black slacks with a high waist and no pockets they are obviously fem, especially when coupled with fishnets, court shoes and a black satin blouse, my grey M & S jacket finished off this outfit nicely.   Though I say it myself I thought this was quite a classy look, just the little bit of the fishnets showing on the top of the foot and the odd glimpse of ankle, really making it a little bit special (dare I say sexy), rather than all plan black and grey.

After a good breakfast I was all set.   Unfortunately this was Gloria’s cue for a sulk.   All loaded up and ready to go, apart from a flat battery!   One of the hotel staff tried to give us a jump start but we could just not get enough power across to start the van engine ( a big old diesel can take quite a bit to get it going).   So they called a local garage to come to my help.   I was all packed away and the room had been cleared so the staff invited me to wait in the restaurant area, where the breakfast buffet was still laid out, after a couple of pints of coffee the truck eventually arrived.

I think they were probably pretty quick but when you are waiting these things always seem to take ages, add to that a certain nervousness about dealing with mechanics and garage staff in a language I am uncertain of dressed as was.   I have to say that the chap who came was fine, we just about managed to communicate, and the staff at the garage did there best.   At all times I was addressed either as Madam, or after they had checked the log book etc. as Madam G*&#$%n   While I was waiting I was seated in a pleasant waiting area, given more coffee, and even shown the new season Ford cars.   All that coffee took a bit of a toll and had to be lost, for once I was very glad to be able to use the ladies, French loos are rarely the best and I hate to think what the gents in a garage would be like!   It seemed like I was there for an age, eventually they told me that the alternator was OK so I would need a new battery, I acquiesced, a new battery was fitted, paperwork completed and I was on my way. YEH

Saturday Night

This was only the second meeting of the http://www.croydontrans.org.uk/ support group I have managed to attend, they are an excellent group of ladies, and made me feel very much welcomed and at home, I was soon quite relaxed.   That is I was comfortable in the company not as in “relaxed as a newt”.

On my way to the meeting

There were only four of us there on Saturday, which while it may seem like a disappointing turn out did mean that we could have some in depth meaningful conversations, or in my case frivolous meaningless banter.   It was especially nice to meet up with Helen again.   Helen organises us, rounds us up and keeps us under control.   Seriously she is magnificent.

Helen works in a very macho environment which is not naturally sympathetic to someone going through transition, yet what really struck me seeing her again after seven months was how happy and contented she appeared, I must assign a lot of this to the progress being made with her transition.   In a situation where I suspect many people would want to be supported become introverted and very self centred, Helen is going out giving presentations, promoting tolerance of thse of us who are a bot different in our gender idintity, helping various groups to understand who and what we are.   I am going to nominate Helen for the Independent Pink List awards.

and on my way home afterwards

It is always good to know you are not alone especially in something like cross dressing which society in general seems to frown upon so a support group like this one is very important, or maybe essential.    On a serious note I would strongly recommend joining a local support group meeting other girls in the same or similar positions to yourself, and just relaxing, realising that you are not alone.

I have often heard it said that 1 in 100 men cross dress to some extent or another, if that is true then there are at least 1,500 cross dressers in Croydon alone, if you all came to our meetings we would not all fit in the “Bird” we would have to meet at the Fairfield Hall, now there’s an aspiration.

The Weekend starts here

Written Friday Night

Here being the sofa, with a glass of beer, and maybe a whisky after dinner.   I have been working really hard this week laying a new lawn for one of my customers, so I am just physically worn out.

However tomorrow I have plans, there are lots of chores around the home, daughter ferrying to do and a couple of rugby matches to watch, but highlight will be a meeting of the Croydon Trans group in the evening.   The group meets the second Saturday of each month, but with one thing and another I have not been able to get to a meeting since my first one back in March.   That meeting was great so I have been looking forward to going to another ever since, it's just that my schedule has not allowed it.   Well this weekend I was planning to go to Cardiff on Saturday morning, but I need to visit and quote for a potential job, so the trip has been delayed by 24 hours.   This means that I can go on Saturday night, it also means that I may not be posting for a couple of days.   I will try to pre prepare some posts, but no promises.

Now I need to decide what I am going to wear.   The weather has just changed we have gone straight for high summer to mid autumn, and I am still confused.   I expect a lot of women will be wearing jeans or other trousers this weekend,but when I have the opportunity I want to wear a dress, at the very least a skirt.   I will report, and hopefully have a few photos as well.

French Trip (part 3)

I am doing this all by memory, so I may have some place names wrong, but I think the idea will come through OK, Well Sunday morning arrived after a great Saturday night, as I got up showered and got dressed the thought that I had been called Monsieur by one of the staff last night rankled.   Everyone else I had encountered on this trip had called me Madame and had treated me properly as a lady should be treated.   I thought I'll show 'em and got out my Daisy Dukes, wearing them over some pink/purple leopard print tights and my knee high FM boots.   Maybe this wasn't such a wise outfit choice, there were times later in the day when I regretted it.









Gloria in the highest car park available

Breakfast was uneventful and relaxed, I then got under way heading north again.  I was soon passing the town of Langres, this is on a hill and is visible from miles around, it looked interesting so I made a small detour and visited.   Langres is still a Military town with active regiments stationed there.   Of more interest to me are the old battlements and defenses.   I parked Gloria up and decided to have a walk around and take some photos.

The Ramparts

It was as I was walking around that I began to worry about my wardrobe choices.   The heels were perhaps just a little too high, the shorts maybe a little too short, and the wind just too strong.   As I was walking around the town taking in the sites, appreciating the hill, the cobbles and the lack of a street plan I began to realise that these boots were not made for walking! However these tights were made for attracting attention, and maybe I just didn't want that much attention when I was struggling with the combination of cobbles and heels.   That having been said, what a great place, and what wonderful views.   After a nice easy day I stopped at a Campanile motel at Bar-le-Duc within easy reach of Calais for my ferry home the next day.   The hotel was on an out of town estate, so I just had a couple of drinks in mt room , and dinner at the hotel.   I fear I may have had slightly more wine than was good for me, but overall another good day made into an excellent one by dressing how I felt, and I still had my nail polish on!



The view from the Ramparts

Tip, My Hero

Tip Wilkins is the hero of Skinhorse her he is starting a normal day at Annex one

to make more sense of this yo may like to go to http://skin-horse.com/  Tip Wilkins is the Human liaison for Project Skinhorse, he just happens to be a dead sexy cross dresser - a bit like me.

More on my French trip will follow

France (Part 2)

AH the joy of waking up in a French Hotel, and realising that I still had yesterday's nail varnish on.   Now when I am away I am afraid I quite often end up drinking a little too much, going to bed too late, and waking up late  feeling pretty poor.   This time I had hit the sack at a sensible time, and felt great, also thanks to the Lancome potions I had taken with me I think I looked pretty decent as well.

So after a shave and shower, I got dressed and put my face on.   After this time I can't remember what I wore that day, but I know it was something a little more fem than the average driver of an old white transit van!   I also knew that I would have to get changed in order to make my delivery, which would be around lunch time.   Breakfast was taken in the lounge with about half a dozen other guests, while I was noticed no one seemed to take any undue notice of me, other than maybe a lone female should expect.   All the other guests and the staff were all very friendly and helpful, I love this place!

This being a Saturday I was not expecting much traffic, but the run down to Dijon was much slower than expected, fortunately after that it cleared and I was able to make reasonable time, arriving at my friend's sister's house around 2:00 they gave me an excellent lunch - real French farm house cooking in a french farmhouse kitchen, then the husband son and a neighbour helped unload the furniture into a barn attached to the house, I felt almost guilty at being welcomed so well, helped so much and then being given a food parcel to take home, when they were paying to make the trip in the first place.   Anyone who thinks the French unfriendly or arrogant, needs to travel more!

After I had left with an empty van I made a quick change back "into something more comfortable" and decided that as I was a little ahead of schedule I would avoid Motorways and take a much more scenic route back north towards the Channel.   It was only when well onto the return leg that I realised I had left my phone charger at the hotel the previous night.   So a quick charge across country passing by Autun, Montbard, and Chatillon-sur-Seine, then across country back to Langres, it was only when I got back to the hotel that I realised I had no idea how to ask for my charger back.   Somehow with a combination of my very limited French their non-existent English sign language and the help of another guest I got my charger back.   This was an interesting, totally non commercial, encounter and I am sure that the way I was dressed was never an issue.   Either I pass better than I think or even the rural French are quite liberal.   It was a little early to stop so I carried on for another hour or so north before stopped for the night.  

Ready for a night on the town

I was a little tired and stopped at the first Hotel I came to, it was fairly modern, clean and inexpensive, but no restaurant. I was assured that there were plenty of places to eat in town and that I would be OK, even on a Saturday night.   Before having a shower and getting changed I decided to have a bit of a walk around town, true there were plenty of restaurants, one was way out of my price bracket another was little more than a bar that did sandwiches another just a Pizza joint.   The outstanding option was the towns casino.   This looked good, not to pricey, and an opportunity to glam up on a Saturday night.

Although I seem to be showing a lot of leg in a rather short skirt, in my defense these are actually culottes, teamed with a black satin blouse and my grey M & S jacket, plus all the bling I had with me!   As I walked down the main street I did indeed begin to feel as if I might be showing a bit too much leg, but I certainly wasn't going to go back and get changed, as I was leaving the Hotel I'm sure one of the staff wished me a pleasant evening ending with "Monsieur"!

Getting to the Casino, I went up to the Restaurant and asked for a table, but found that since I hadn't booked there was nothing for me! on to my second choice, the same again, all booked, I was beginning to feel a little persecuted, but persisted   I didn't want to go to the pizza place, or a bar for a snack, after all I had had a long day and I just wasn;t dressed for it.   Eventually I found an excellent restaurant that was happy to accommodate me next to the bar "if I didn't mind". I had an excellent dinner, a pleasant chat with another tourist, enjoying myself so much I stayed for a Cointreau with my coffee after dinner, before going back to the hotel and bed.

This was another great day, and I planed to make the most of my two remaining uninterrupted fem days in France.   I'm sorry I can't remember the exact place names, but it was about seven months ago, and I am getting old......

France (Part1)

Back in March I was asked by a friend to deliver some furniture to her sister in a village not far from St Etienne, in France, this meant a round trip of about 1700 miles, on my own with expenses paid.  Of course I agreed.   We loaded Gloria up on the Thursday afternoon, every last bit of space was used, I even had a nice little wooden occasional table on the passenger seat next to me!

At the wheel, you can just see the
table next to me

Friday morning I got up early and left before the family had got out of bed, planning to get the 7:30 Dover - Calais ferry.   A nice easy journey down to Dover, a restful crossing and I was in France.   Going through passport control and customs no one checked anything, although I ran over a weighbridge for my own interest no one was interested in the weight, or contents of the van.   The only questions asked were when my ticket was checked they wanted to make sure that my journey really was for pleasure and not business, well I certainly was planning to enjoy myself.   And no one was interested in how I was dressed, at that point a rather unfetching combination of skinny jeans, trainers, and sweat shirt.

After getting clear of Calais port you go directly on to the excellent French Motorway system, at the first opportunity I pulled into a parking area, and sorted out my appearance, I put the padding into my bra, put on my makeup and wig and changed my shoes.   My plan was that other than the actual delivery I would be Fem for the whole trip, up to passport control on the way home.   As the day wore on and the miles mounted up as I headed south, so also the weather warmed up, the sweat shirt was soon discarded leaving just a nice light weight pink top.   I had a packed lunch with me as I wanted to save time (and money) and make as much distance south as could that first day, so my only encounter with anyone else was when I had to stop to tank up with diesel, a total non event.



Dressed for dinner

By about 5 O'clock I had been going for quite long enough, decided that it was time to stop and find an hotel, so I pulled off the Motorway and headed for Langres, I decided that I would stop at the first Logis De France Hotel I saw, if I didn't see a Logis, I would head into Langres town centre and find anything with a bed.   Just before getting in Langres is the village of Saints Geosmes, which I found had a very nice family run Hotel and restaurant, which is part of the Logis network.   Logis de France is an organization of 300-plus smaller hotels, mostly akin to an American inn, which are almost always connected to a fine restaurant. The Logis de France are a great option for those who want a true French lodging experience, but the assurance of certain standards. Logis de France's independently-run inns average 19 rooms, so they are on the smaller side without being as tiny as a chambre d'hote.   I will admit that much of the attraction for me is the restaurant bit.   I stayed at the Jum'Hotel on the main road, but the restaurant was in the Village in a much older building.   If I had realised that they had the two Hotels, I think would have chosen to stay at the older one, however it did give me a nice walk before and after dinner.



dinner, mm snails!

Naturally I wanted to get washed and changed before eating so after a shower I popped on the LBD, and glammed up a bit.   As a general rule the French don't dress up much to dine out, at least not outside of the big city centers, so I didn't want to go too far, and at this point I was still a little nervous of going out and about in a strange town, where I only have a limited grasp of the language.   Of course I had nothing to worry about, everyone I encountered was very nice, and the dinner was excellent.

One little thing did give me a little problem, when I sat down at the restaurant I was asked if I would like an aperitif, of course I did (I had been on the go, mostly driving for over 12 hours at that point) but this was the first time Paula had been in this situation, I simply didn't know what I drink!   I ordered a Pastis, and although it was OK it is not Paula's drink!   Otherwise dinner was marvelous, snails, stuffed chicken breasts, local cheese and a dessert of mouse au chocolate, actually two small dishes of mouse and one of a lemon sorbet, all washed down with a local white wine and followed by coffee.

So; two regrets, that I was not with anyone to share the experience, and that it had to come to an end, more than balanced out by an excellent experience, and being able to go to bed, wearing a nice nighty and not having to clean off my nail varnish.