Not a Lot

Well as I suggested in yesterday's post I decided that it was just not fare on the rest of society to keep so much gorgeousness hidden at home, so after a light lunch I popped up the road to visit my favorite hostelry.   Sunday afternoons at the Grape and Grain are graced with some pretty cool Jazz, and it is always popular, what I had forgotten is that is also often graced with the presence of my brother and his friend having a Sunday Lunchtime pint or six.

To their credit after a small sign of initial surprise both of them behaved immaculately, and I had very pleasant hour or two.   And, this seems to be a bit of theme that is developing.   For me going out is now normal behaviour, and for just about everybody I come into contact with it is also just normal.   Putting on a dress and going to the pub, or shopping, a rehearsal or whatever is now just how I am living my life.   In a way I miss the excitement, the feeling of risk when going out, but on the other hand I am so much more content with my life now, authentically expressing how I feel.   Interestingly I find that I am beginning to feel more uncomfortable on the odd occasions when I butch up and present exclusively male.

I was meant to be doing this the other evening when I went to meet a friend for a couple of pints and then dinner.   As his son had friends round he did ask that I went as "him", it was a hot night so this still meant jeans and a tee shirt (as that is virtually all I have they were fem ones) indeed it was so hot that I had also abandoned the very idea of socks.   It was only when I arrived that I realised I still had my pink nail polish on.   It was too late to worry about that so I went into the Pub.

My friend was already there with a couple of his neighbours I had met before, the wife is also a gardener so we always have a lot to talk about, at one point I heard her husband say to my friend, "oh come on we'll just leave the girls talking about their dahlias"   In just the same way that one of my old friends now always calls me Paula, even on the phone, I find people are beginning to think of me as female.   All this before I start any treatment at all.