Advent Calendar 2

Subtitled, Hair Today

I am not currently considering a perm, a couple of times I have had a soft perm and rather liked the outcome, I didn't like the cost, or the smell at the moment I just add a little bit of volume into my hair with a hot air brush.   I am no stylist but I manage not too bad a job.

Natural Highlights

What I am considering for Christmas is colouring my hair, but I will need help and advice, the first bit being advice.  Back in the day when I used to wear a wig, the one I found to be most visually satisfactory was a blond one, I did like the look, felt that the colour suited me and I also felt as though it made me look younger. Whilst I accept that the later is not always a good thing, it can help.

Blondie

The other thing is that I have never done anything like this before.   My daughter has been learning about coloring her hair since she was about 14 and so is now something of an expert, like so many other things I am learning in my 50s what other girls learnt in their teens.   I don't know whether I will need to bleach first, will just a simple die do the job? how much product to use? So if I do go ahead and go blond I will need help with both choosing the colour and applying it.

Please do let me know what you think, this is a genuine plea for help.

Advent Calendar 1

OK I know I'm a bit late starting this, but I will be playing catch up which will mean a couple of posts on some days.   Apparently I like to put pressure on myself.

Today I start with a reflection of my current financial state

So if you get a jar of homemade caramelized red onion chutney from me this Christmas its not because I'm mean, it's because I love you.

Technology and the Domestic Goddess

I seem to have been on a bit of a cooking kick over the last few days.   So far I have made a casserole which I have eaten on two nights and still have another couple of servings in the freezer.   Then I managed to get some reduced price fish so I made a couple of fish pies, both of them are now in the freezer as well.   Along with a pizza and another couple of things that means I now have at least eight meals in the freezer.   With the rest of he vegetables I didn't use in the casserole or the fish pies I made a soup which I will be having for dinner tonight.

Currently I have some caramelised red onion chutney simmering away in the kitchen, once bottled I am planing on using some this as Christmas presents.   All in all I have been the very figure of the domestic goddess.

However none of this is the most remarkable piece of cooking I have done recently.   I have always enjoyed cooking, mostly savories but the odd jams, puddings and cakes work their way in as well.  I preserve, roast, bake, fry, and grill.   I have even been known to (reluctantly) barbecue.   The Remarkable thing is that yesterday I used the Microwave to cook something.

In the eighteen or so months that I have been on my own I think this is only the fourth or fifth time I have used the microwave at all, and on those occasions it has been to defrost or warm up something quickly.   I have never been fully comfortable with microwaves and would not buy one if I did not have one already.   So what culinary delight did I need to use this piece of technology for? A baked potato with grated cheese and baked beans.   Even this Domestic Goddess has her off days!

Please Remember (to get it right!)

I had a funny old weekend, which involved a very late night on Saturday and what was essentially a duvet day on Sunday as I went into recovery mode.   Having teased you with that I am no going into any details, sufficient is said by "I think I enjoyed myself".

Our local free newspaper the Croydon Guardian did a little piece on our TDOR event in Croydon

It was nice to be noticed, but I would have been so much happier if they had made the effort to check their facts before going into print.   Now I am going to have to write to the editor to try for a correction.  Half of this comes from laziness of thinking, and assuming that because we use the LGBT shorthand it is all about sexual orientation.   The other half comes from lack of concern,, quite clearly insufficient effort was made too understand the press release, and they simply didn't bother to assign a reporter.   We did get a photographer who came along, but had to rush off to a Rugby match before we started the ceremony, but no reporter.   If they had sent a reporter then it would have been obvious why the photo shows Roger and me, Roger did most of the organisation (well pretty much all too be honest) on behalf of Aurora (he is secretary) and I lead the event on behalf of TransPALS.

When I first heard that we had managed to get a follow up piece I was really pleased, but as soon as I read that first paragraph I was deflated.   It is hard enough to get people to understand without these casual mistakes being made by the press.

It's nice to feel needed

I had been looking forward to a night off last night, I have been so silly busy since getting back from holiday I have had something on pretty much every night.   I did have tuesday evening to myself, but that meant laundry, washing up etc.etc.   So I had an evening of pizza wine and a film planed, untill I got a call from my wife.

Her car was playing up, could I help? the immediate problem was just a flat battery so we managed to get it charged up, then the car wouldn't start and the battery went flat again, so charge the battery again and try again with the aid of a jump.   We got the car started and all seemed well.  I have now had another call that although it has started it is not running well, could I take another look.

I quite like tinkering with cars so this is no problem, and I am more than happy to help.   Indeed it is nice to know that my wife still feels free t call on me, I ust hope that I can find and fix whatever is wrong.

As an aside I try to avoid inflicting my feminine side on my family but it wasn't until I got there that I realised I had burgundy nail polish on

Stream of consciousness, or just rambling?

I have been working from home today, or more accurately hiding from the nasty weather by doing some of my consultancy stuff, slaving over a hot keyboard.   Spending time working on the computer has been teasing me as Blogger seems to keep saying "Well what about today's post then!"  A couple of times I have looked at it and come up with nothing to write about, I have looked at a couple of other blogs I follow and thought about follow ups on what they have written, but none of it has "floated my boat".

A random photo from last year of me
wearing bifurcated nether garments

It's not that my life since returning from holiday has been uneventful, far from it! rather that much of what I do is now fairly routine.   Going somewhere presenting my female self is no longer an event, virtually all of my life is now lived  homogeneously so going out wearing non-bifurcated nether garments is no longer worthy of note.   I suppose that in itself has been changing the nature of Paula's Place, what I started as an exploration of cross dressing has now become much more of a general observational blog that happens to be written be a transgender woman at the start of her transition.   Just as I have never wished to be defined by what is in my pants, neither do I wish to be defined by my gender, or indeed my position between or moving between gender.   In the past I never wanted to be defined by my job, If asked "What are you?" I would never have answered by giving my job, to me that was always a different question.

So what am I? how would I define myself if pushed into it? Well I would certainly first of define myself as a musician, even though I no longer earn my living that way.   I would define myself as a gardener, but I consider that to be a state of mind, or an approach to life rather than a job, for me it's more a question of doing something I want to do and then finding people who will pay me to do it; yet the most important thing that defines me is my faith, so I suppose if asked what am I the first answer would be a Christian, my faith goes with me what ever I am doing, whether it's work of one type or another, relaxing with friends or watching the telly, knowing I'm loved and cherished, that I never need be alone, that what ever else I may be I will always belong, is what gets me through everything else.

Complimented

I'm feeling very complimented at the moment, Stana runs one of the (if not the) most read transgender blogs there is.   Femulate has over 5,000 hits per day, I'm lucky if have 300 so I feel rather complimented to have been featured on Femulate last week.  Indeed it has been a very encouraging week, during which I have received some very nice compliments.

Over the week I came out to some more of my friends at Church reactions have varied from a couple of blokes who were rather confused and haven't quite worked out all their questions yet to a couple of ladies who were just happy that I felt I could tell them as they had already worked it out from Facebook.  

The really nice thing is that this is the group I have most worried about telling, my Church family is important to me and I hate the thought of leaving them, and I hate the thought of being rejected by them even more, yet everybody I have told so far has been accepting, if not yet totally understanding.   Given that my Church is an Evangelical Charismatic church committed to spirit led worship in the modern idiom (Happy Clappy!) this is all particularly encouraging.   Evangelical Christians can so easily become intolerant and socially conservative that they are often seen as the enemy of the unconventional.   My personal experience so far has been good, but I do expect one or two members of my Church to either reject and refuse to try to understand, or worse still try to "cure" me.   I hope I am wrong.

On Sunday after the service I was complimented on my hair by a friend who was actually encouraging me to think about having it coloured, as if I haven't been tempted enough! On Saturday afternoon I was complimented about the way I lead our ceremony of remembrance, then on Saturday evening I was complimented not only on my playing but also on my legs and my sparklies.

I have even had a couple of very nice comments here, so thank you all.  It is always very nice to be told that you look good, or that you have done something well, sometimes it is forgotten how much this will encourage and build someone up as well.  I am feeling very loved, very appreciated and have had my self confidence boosted.

Knowing how much I have enjoyed being complimented I am now going to make a conscious effort to pass a compliment when I have the opportunity, to build up and encourage my friends, rather than grab an opportunity to try to be funny at somebody else's expense.   After all it's nice to good, but it's good to be nice.

Croydon Remembers

As seems to be usual for me I have had a very busy weekend.   Sunday was spent between Church and daughter, both of which where very good, but come under the general heading of "another story" but Saturday was the Croydon International Transgender Day of Remembrance, which I was to lead.

Others have written extensively about the desolation of these events, the sadness we all feel as we remember those victims of hate crime.   The shear length of the list of names, which ever list you use, is simply too long.   The individual tragedies each name represents, the youth, hope, and future snatched away ~ as the names were read out on Saturday I realised that every person on the list was younger than me.   I thank God that since he made this way I was born in England in the second half of the twentieth century, I am protected by law and convention, most of the time the worst I have to fear is derision, in Brazil death is an everyday occurrence.

The event in London was much better attended, much more "Complete" with several contributors reading poetry, singing, or making a small speech, yet our event in Croydon was just as poignant, and indeed pertinent, giving local people and those who cannot make a midweek event and opportunity to remember and to show respect.

Thank you to everyone who attended, to those who did all the organisation (all I did was say a few words, and front the event), and an especial thank you to Vanessa from Vanessa Law Photography for the pictures.

Holiday ~ Looking back VIII, the final frontier?

Thursday was our last day in Malta, and it rained, pretty solidly all day.   Indeed I think I barely left the hotel all day, we had lunch in the bar downstairs and I cooked again in the evening.   Making use of all he bits and pieces that were left I managed a sort of traditional Maltese Pasta Bake, after that we decided that we really should have bought at least one more bottle of wine, and so were about to go down to the bar, when Bob realised he couldn't find his wallet.

Fabulous Pistachio ice cream complete with pink mini cone

After much frantic searching we went down to the bar and enjoyed a few rather expensive cognacs, back in the apartment I quickly found the wallet in Bob's flight bag, completed my packing and went to bed.

The next morning came all too early, I had arranged an early flight too ensure that I was home in time for a rehearsal in the evening, none the less I would have prefered another few hours in bed.   As I was bringing home a few mementoes for some friends on the way home I wore the hat that I had packed on the way out.   Otherwise I wore the same mauve Bodycon dress and pumps that I wore to fly out.

It was quite a windy day so all to early I made the interesting discovery that I needed one hand for my bag, one hand to keep my hat secure, and one hand to hold down the hem of my dress, I hope I didn't embarrass too many people too much.

Other than my problems with the wind the journey home was totally uneventful, just the way I like it.   After landing at Gatwick and reclaiming our bags the passport control hall was packed, the queues went on and on, but since I now have one of the new isometric passports I could go through the automatic barrier.   I have a natural dislike for automatic anythings, whether it's self service tills in supermarkets or gearboxs in cars.   However on this occasion I did use the automatic option and saved about ten minutes against Bob going through the old fashioned way.   It also saved the possibility of any questions about my presentation.

So this was the longest continuous period I have spent presenting as the woman I now believe myself to be, what have I learnt.

• Not to care what other people might think, most of them don't care.
• The longer I spent the more natural it felt, I wasn't dressing up, I wasn't "Dressing" I was just getting dressed.
• Officialdom really doesn't care.
• I was very sad to have to revert to Him at the end, it now feels more like cross dressing when I have to present male than the other way round.
• Don't wear skater dresses on windy days!

St Cecilia

St Cecilia; Guido Reni

Today is St Cecilia's day, now I'm not from a Church Tradition that celebrates Saint's day because we believe in that all believers are saints.   I also believe in the priesthood of all believers so the idea of setting some believers up as being in some way superior to others is anathema to me. Having said all that St Cecilia is the patron Saint of Music, Musicians and vagabonds, so today is a special day.

This afternoon I will be leading the Croydon event for the International Transgender Day of Remembrance at the Croydon Central Library ~ please do join us if you are in the area anytime between 1:00 and 3:00 p.m.

After that I will be heading home for a quick change before playing euphonium with the All Saints Concert Band in Thornton Heath.   So this year I will be celebrating St Cecilia's day by playing music.   I do worry that as music is forced lower and lower down the priorities of our education system this is something that fewer people will be able to do in years to come.   It seems to me that rather than encouraging people to study sciences, mathematics and engineering, the arts are being actively discouraged.   It may be science and engineering that drives our economy and and builds our infrastructure, but it is the arts that make us human.

More to the point arts and science are not in conflict, just as faith and science do not need to be conflict, until very recently they were considered to be different aspects of the same thing, we need an understanding of the science we use to make our art, and scientist need to have an understanding of how art expresses our condition.