Another milestone passed

I note that this post will be number 1,200 at Paula's Place, looking back to where I was in August 2011, a lot of water has gone under the bridge, so much has changed in my personal situation, and it looks like even more is going to change over the next year.   Over the last 40 months I have averaged 30 posts a month, I have survived an April A-Z Blogging Challenge, completed an Advent Calendar and shared my thoughts on subjects as diffuse as Lingerie and Garden Sheds.  

Initially I just wanted somewhere to record and talk about my crossdressing, now I find that I happily Blog about whatever is on my mind, now I am so much out that I no longer need the confidant that a blog can be, but I now have so many new on-line friends who read regularly and this is my main means of contact.

Yesterday I revisited a subject I first wrote about around three years ago, writing it and looking at the old photos I used to illustrate the post I actually managed to inspire myself.   This morning I had one of my regular appointments with my beautician for electrolysis, I see no reason to attend looking dowdy or drab even if I am limited in my shaving and make up, this morning I decided to wear my high heeled boots with a nice M & S grey sweater dress.   I do like these boots and they are surprisingly comfortable even with 3.5 inch heels, I felt comfortable, elegant maybe even just a touch glamorous, and perfectly warm enough.   In my book that means a successful outfit!

Mini Skirts and High Heel Boots ~ revisited

I love these boots and have been wearing them a lot

I see that it is now exactly three years ago that I made one of my more popular posts, on my observations of Mini Skirts and High Heel Boots,   Even now it often comes near the top of viewed posts each month, mind you I think that says more about peoples Google searches than my astute fashion observations.

I can't help reflecting that back then I was mostly observing fashions rather than wearing them.   At that time it was pretty difficult for me to go out much, or indeed at all, I was limited to snatched opportunities when I would not be seen by anyone who might know me, and when family were not around.   Now that I have very few limitations beyond what is practical I find that I am now wearing what I used to enjoy looking at.

I love these boots and have been wearing them a lot

This winter I have found that I am enjoying wearing boots, and have been wearing them a lot, very often with opaque tights and mini skirts.  Often skirts that  I might be reluctant to wear with bare legs or sheer tights, somehow I would feel a little naked, yet with thick tights I feel much more covered.  

I have also got a couple of pairs of skinny jeans and some jeggings which all also look great with boots.   I now have three pairs of high boots, one pair of over the knee flat heeled black "Pirate" boots, one pair of mid heel grey slouch boots and one very nice pair of stiletto boots (which don't get worn out as much as the other two pairs).   I like the look of the combination of the boots with one of my shorter skirts (denim or tweed) and thick tights and with a nice sweater it can also be surprisingly snug and warm.

I like these boots,
but don't wear them so much

Of course there is always the inappropriate black leather mini skirt, not suitable for Tesco's but with a silk top and some sparklies will do for a little bit of glamour.   At least the fish aren't complaining!

I find that now I have a great number of pairs of boots, of all types, as well as these three pairs of higher boots I have one other pair of black leather knee boots that are absolutely lovely, but just a little to small, somehow I can't bring myself to part with them but neither can i get round to doing anything about stretching them.   I also have five pairs of ankle boots, one pair of walking boots, one pair of High Tops two pairs of work boots, and for some reason three pairs of wellington boots.

Because they were not made for walking

Too Much

There is so much going on to reflect on, the vicious attack in Paris, leading to equally senseless but, so far, much less fatal attacks on "People of Faith"; Tesco's finally admitting that the "Race for Space" was a mistake and are to close several of their stores; crises in the NHS; elections; arrests and all sorts of things in the news.

All of that and the main things on my mind are work, rain, and family.   Work because I can't do any today because of the rain and family, because, well, because they are family.    I seem to be subject to mood swings at the moment, yesterday was a good day, I worked mostly clearing up the last of the leaves and dead bedding, then later I spent some time with my daughter ~ a good day.   Then I wake up this morning to steady persistent rain, meaning that any prospect of outdoor work today is simply off the agenda.   Rather than rejoice at some extra time to myself I am feeling very "down" and can't help thinking about the money I won't be earning.

One of my Facebook friends reminded of this Bible verse and I am now determined that I will rejoice and be glad.   So now I am going to go upstairs, but on a smart dress and go out to the Dulwich Picture Gallery and I will enjoy myself.

If I have swings like this now, then what will I be like if I go onto HRT?

It's Started

Here in the UK the General Election Campaign has started already, even though the election itself is not until 7th May.   We have had the major parties taking lumps out of each other on TV, Radio and in the press, I expect another five months of this until we decide that we don't really want any of them and once again get a coalition of politicians none us wanted to be in power.

I suspect that the tone of the campaign has already been set with arguments being about finances and who we trust with them, or to put it another way who are the best managers.   I suspect that the continuation of this argument is part of what puts people off politics and politicians here, yet I do not expect any of our leading MPs to talk about the fundamental principles that they hold, and that separate them from others.   The big argument should not be about who will manage the NHS better, but what is it for? not who will organise cuts best, but how big should government be?

The right hold a fundamental belief that Government should be as small as possible, with as many services as possible being run by the private sector, providing each service on a commercial basis, while the left have a fundamental belief that if not the means of production then certainly the provision of service should be in the hands of the workers.   However I cannot see the right admitting that they want to put the National Health Service into the management of private companies anymore than I can imagine the left planning to renationalise the railways, gas, electricity or waste collection.   My complaint is that they are just too disingenuous when the main platform seems to be that "the other guy will make you worse off than me."

And all this is before I start to rant about the culture of youth and the apparent importance of the leader being photogenic.   I am interested in politics (in both senses of the word interested) but I can understand why so many people aren't.   They see bland grey (mostly) men making bland grey statements as they appear to just meddle around the edges.  We need more honesty, more conviction and more courage. Bring Back the Big Beasts!

Cramping my style

On Friday evening I once again joined the TAGS Gender non conforming swimming group. It was very good to meet up with some friends, have a night out that doesn't involve consumption of anything fattening or unhealthy, and to get a bit of exercise.

Over the last couple of weeks I have been pretty idle, with more emphasis on the idle than the pretty, that's fine for a couple of days but after a while it does begin to pall.    So it was lovely to get into the water and start to use a few muscles while I still have them.   Unfortunately after a while I got a touch of cramp and had to finish a little early.   I know a while back I started to get cramp and couldn't work out why until I realised that my ex was using low sodium salt as well as cutting down the amount in order to deal with her high blood pressure.   I added salt back into my diet and have been fine.   Now the only time I get even a hint of it is when I am swimming, and then it is only in the sole of my foot.

I have now been given an exercise that should help, it certainly won't stop me swimming, I hope that I will be able to start going more often, it's just unfortunate that the swimming group often clashes with rehearsals for a band I play with.

Earlier in the day I went out to deliver some of my new Avon Catalogues, the two neighbours I popped them into were both quite happy to see me and chatted about me starting to do this, then I walked down the road to drop one into a Church friend who had already expressed interest.   Another friend was there so we had quite a chat and a cup of tea.   Bearing in mind what I was doing and where I was going I had made a bit of an effort with my presentation so it was nice to be complimented on my appearance, I had debated with myself for a while on the combination of brown tweed mini skirt and black tights, but in the end stuck with it and was fairly happy with how I looked.

The Two Towers

The more observant reader may have noticed that over the last few weeks, or so, I have been playing around with the appearance of Paula's Place.   This has been mostly part of my advent calendar, and then my new year wishes I now want to show a nice big HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all, which meant changing the background again.

I choose this one from the Blogger stock of standard backgrounds, not because of any affection for Paris, but because it reminded me of my home, Crystal Palace!

A bit like me Crystal Palace is many things to many people, to some it is an area of South East London, where the multiple Boroughs of Croydon, Bromley, Lambeth, Lewisham and Southwark all meet.   To some it is the National Sports Center, to others again it is the Association Football Club.

To others it is the triangle of streets that make up what is known locally as "The Triangle" at the same time both a commercial and residential area, on one side is Church Road which houses All Saint's C of E Church (Which gives it it's name) and the United Reformed Church, there are also place to eat and a couple of excellent Pubs, curio shops and an old cinema being converted into a "Mega Church". then we have  Westow Street the home of the Salvation Army, the Greek Orthodox Church and the Holly Bush, one of the oldest land marks from an ancient cross roads in the Great North Wood (hence Norwood) now the pub has changed name only remembered in the name of hardware store.   The third side is the fully commercial street of Westow Hill, with the library, interesting delicatessens and antique shops alongside restaurants, pubs and normal everyday food and stationary shops, there is even a plumbers merchant.

It was a fascinating place to grow up not least because when I was younger different licensing rules applied on different sides of the road, one side of Westow Hill was in Surrey and the pubs were open from 5:00 till 10:30 the other side was in London where the pubs opened from 5:30 to 11:00, such anomalies have now largely disappeared.   For me the best part was always the park, now also in danger of disappearing.

This park is Paxton's masterpiece, a major great heritage site, the site of the old Crystal Palace itself and home of the Dinosaurs yet is still under threat of development by Bromley Council.   Paxton has always been one of my Heros but I have fond memories of this park, going to motor racing there in the 60s; international athletics in the 70s; floodlit Rugby in the 80s and first class concerts all my life.

It has always been a favorite of mine and is now a favorite of my daughter as well, I do hope that we are able to keep it.

Retrospective Introspection

The New Year always seems to me to be a period of both reflection and anticipation, of looking back as well as forward.   In no way am I immune from this and I find that during this short period of hiatus between finishing work for Christmas and going back after the New Year I am particularly  prone to this sort of navel gazing.

So where have I ended up this year, well as a starter I am around the same weight that I was at this time last year so that's not too bad. Two years ago I made series of resolutions, if I remember correctly I failed to manage around half of them, last year I decided not to make resolutions, not to set myself up for a fail, rather I just gave myself the simple aspiration to be more authentic.   Over the last year I have taken to living more and more of my life authentically, indeed I have got to the point where it is only certain family and Church activities where I will still be cross dressing as a man.

I have been impressed and a little surprised by how well I have been accepted, certainly a couple of my Church friends have expressed sadness, and several surprise but no one has rejected me.

I have been referred to the GIC and hope to be hearing about my first appointment very soon, this has been a BIG DEAL to me, it is the outworking of the admission to myself of who I think I am, and the acceptance that I do need help with this.

I think I can say that I am now pretty much "out" I know coming out is a process not an action, but I am no longer denying or hiding who I am, neither am I taking out an advert in "The Times", I do suspect that for anyone who knows me not to know they must not be paying attention.

My big "gender" stride this last year has been to accept that I am a woman (whatever that means) now I have to work out what sort of a woman I am.

Well that's that then.

Last year seems to have passed very quickly, it only seems a few weeks ago that I was thinking about what was going to happen in 2014, now we are in 2015.

I don't resent 2014 passing I don't think there is much that I should have achieved that I haven't, since my main aim for the year was survival and I'm still here I should be content.

Over the year I have become more accustomed to living on my own, and have grown to accept that this will be my foreseeable future, I have also become more aware of how important some of my friends are to me.

I saw in the New Year with some of those friends as we played at a special service at our Church, I think this is one of the best ways to greet the New Year, it certainly beats fighting through crowds in the freezing cold to catch a passing glimpse of a few fireworks before spending hours getting home because the busses aren't running.   I also woke up in the morning with a clear head and a functioning digestive system!

Raise your glasses once again

I'll drink to that