Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Saturday, 3 January 2015

Retrospective Introspection

The New Year always seems to me to be a period of both reflection and anticipation, of looking back as well as forward.   In no way am I immune from this and I find that during this short period of hiatus between finishing work for Christmas and going back after the New Year I am particularly  prone to this sort of navel gazing.

So where have I ended up this year, well as a starter I am around the same weight that I was at this time last year so that's not too bad. Two years ago I made series of resolutions, if I remember correctly I failed to manage around half of them, last year I decided not to make resolutions, not to set myself up for a fail, rather I just gave myself the simple aspiration to be more authentic.   Over the last year I have taken to living more and more of my life authentically, indeed I have got to the point where it is only certain family and Church activities where I will still be cross dressing as a man.

I have been impressed and a little surprised by how well I have been accepted, certainly a couple of my Church friends have expressed sadness, and several surprise but no one has rejected me.

I have been referred to the GIC and hope to be hearing about my first appointment very soon, this has been a BIG DEAL to me, it is the outworking of the admission to myself of who I think I am, and the acceptance that I do need help with this.

I think I can say that I am now pretty much "out" I know coming out is a process not an action, but I am no longer denying or hiding who I am, neither am I taking out an advert in "The Times", I do suspect that for anyone who knows me not to know they must not be paying attention.

My big "gender" stride this last year has been to accept that I am a woman (whatever that means) now I have to work out what sort of a woman I am.

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