Concert I

Last night was in so many ways fabulous that I can't go into all of it now, and not in one simple post.   The second half of the concert was the Berlioz Symphony Fantastique.   This is one of my favourite pieces, yet one I have not listened to for some time, and one I have not played for around 30 years.  

When I have played it before I have been very wrapped up in my own part, one of the two tuba parts.   These were originally written for ophicleide but after Berlioz heard the Symphony played with tubas playing the parts he decided that he preferred the sound of newer instrument, and in the second edition of the score the parts are marked for tubas.   However the French tuba of that time was a very different instrument to the ones we use now, with a relatively small bore and pitched in the tenor C with six valves they played in a higher register than we find comfortable these days, so both parts in the Fantastique are high as well as exposed.   This all means that when I have played the work before I have been tied up with my own problems and not really listened to what was going on around me.

Last night I was playing Bass Trombone, the part is still challenging but sits nicely in the register and, knowing the work, not too difficult, so I had a bit more of a chance to pay attention to what was going on around me (I dare say that being 30 years older helps as well).   One thing that really struck me as very impressive was the writing for bassoons.

An orchestra will usually have two bassoons filling the role of bass for the woodwind section, Berlioz does something quite different here, instead of two he uses four bassoons and organises them like horns to play in two duets first and third together and second and fourth together.   Indeed in any ways the way the parts are written mirrors the way horns are used, as a separate section in their own right.   I found this very effective as well as innovative it gives the orchestra a slightly different "feel" and balance the woodwind tonality with the brass in way that doesn't normally happen.

On reflection I am a little surprised that this idea has not been picked up on by other composers and more widely used.

There are lots of jokes about bassoons my favourite is; Why is a bassoon better than an oboe? Because it will burn for longer! in that case I suppose four bassoons must be a whole furnace full.   And as an aside since the Italian term (it is Italian that is the international musical language) for bassoons is Fagotti, with four last night would that constitute a bunch of fagots?

The Only One

Yesterday ended up being a frantic ~ so no real change there then.   I had hoped to get a bit of remunerative work done in the morning, but by the time I had visited the dump with all the waste from the roof we've been working on and sorted the van out it was time to go and measure up for a deck.   Of course the customer did not really know what they want so it ended up more as a design consultancy session, by the time I got home it was too late to go to a customer so I did a little work in my own garden!   Not much just a little weeding planted out my celery and fed the tomatoes, beans and other veg.   There is still lots to do, but it is beginning to look a little more like my garden again now.

My time management being what it is I spent too much time in the garden and cleaning the van and had no time to eat before having a quick shower and getting changed for the evening performance.   Somehow I managed to get my hands clean and got changed.   After my shower I was feeling quite fem, so remembering that I was meant to wear all black, rather than just an ordinary black shirt I wore a nice satin shirt blouse I have, the buttons are concealed (same as on a dress shirt) with long cuffs with three satin covered buttons on each along with my black moleskin side fastening trousers, I felt good and think I looked good.

When I got to the concert all the men were wearing dinner jackets with white shirts and all but two of the ladies were wearing black bottoms and white tops ~ ARGHHHH.   I'm, glad I had the conductors text with me to show why I was wearing all black.   Of course this also drew more attention to what I was wearing than would normally happen, but if anyone noticed anything I only had one comment;
"That's a girls blouse"
"Yes"
"But it's a girls blouse"
"Yes, but it is black"

After the concert we went for a couple of pints at "The Grape" where they had a good little band playing as part of the Crystal Palace Festival.   I always seem to miss this and be playing somewhere else when this is happening right on my doorstep.

When I got home I found my wife in bed and my daughter asleep on the sofa, so a quick sausage sandwich in the kitchen and bed. ~ Now to start getting ready for today's concert.

Slips

No I don't mean underskirts, I worry about slipping up, making a mistake especially when it comes to getting everything right for a performance.    I have nightmares about arriving at the wrong venue (it has happened on one occasion I arrived at the Roman Catholic Southwark Cathedral instead of the Anglican one), or with the wrong clothes (again it happens white shirt instead of black etc.) so I like to make sure I avoid these sort of slips.

As I said earlier, tomorrow I have agreed to play in a concert with a local band that I am not a member of but am a good friend to.   Just to make sure that I had all the details correct I sent a text message to the conductor.

"OK for Sat. please confirm time venue and dress"
The reply;~
"7pm St. Paul's Church.  Black dress for you"
Does he know something he shouldn't? as he often wears a kilt as formal wear I replied
"Are you suggesting I wear a dress to distract the audience from you wearing a skirt?"

Having said all that I do have night mares, real night mares about getting on stage and not having my music, sometimes I wake up in near panic about a concert that isn't even real, but where I found myself on the stage all dressed up with my instrument and ready to play a solo but with no music so unable to perform.

There should be none of these problems on Sunday, I will be wearing an LBD and my music is in the trombone case!   If you haven't bought your tickets yet get them here.

Every Silver Lining has a Cloud

At the moment things are a little difficult in the Gee household, I seem to be working all daylight hours getting home eating to find my wife and daughter have eaten and are watching a film, gone to bed or about to, the last few nights I have eaten on my own watched a little TV with one or the and gone to bed.   Over the weekend they will be out (with our Church) on Friday evening, all day Saturday and Sunday morning.   So it doesn't look like I'll be seeing much of them over the weekend either.

Originally neither my wife or I was going to attend this weekend event, I had already committed to work on Saturday and perform on Sunday, she didn't want to spend the weekend working, but as my daughter fancied it my wife will go along with her.   This means

1. I can play the concert I have been asked to do on Saturday night
2. I can take my time getting ready for Sunday
3. I can leave home for my afternoon rehearsal with LGSO as Paula
4. I will not be seeing much of either of them for the next three days
5. I will be eating all my meals alone except Sunday lunch (at Carluccio's after rehearsal)

Some I am looking forward to some I am not, a pretty fair reflection of life at the moment.

More on shoes

I think I have a pair of these somewhere

 

 

Maybe I need a friend like Boyd

BANG!

Sometimes life can be a bitch! As a couple we have been going through a lot of problems over the last year or so, I thought we were getting through it, recently my wife has been very "frosty" giving me the silent treatment and breaking some of our agreements.   Yesterday she dropped the bombshell she wants to separate.   I don't.   I am still committed to our marriage, clearly she is not.   I don't know how this will work out, and I can't see how it can, either way.   I'm not sure that we can live together apart, and I know we cannot afford two homes, add to that I am working so hard I'm too tired to think creatively, at least our daughter seems fairly happy at the moment and pretty cool with the whole thing.

In as much as I can have a plan I intend to concentrate on making sure that our daughter feels loved and assure her that she has a stable and loving father who will continue "to be there for her".   I just hope that our counsellor will be of some help.

Bizarrely my horoscope this morning

Virgo (August 23-September 22): You know the crazy head-trips you go on when get involved with someone who doesn’t really excite you. Somehow, you think you owe it to yourself––or them––to keep trying, but sometimes the best move is to get away as fast as you can. Sure, be thorough, but not masochistic. If you’re not feeling it now, don’t force yourself.

I don't normally go in for this sort of thing but had a look this morning after seeing Cyrsti's post.

How to get a bikini body

Whenever I am surfing around the Internet I keep my eyes open for pictures that make me think "I could use that" sometimes they are to illustrate a post, sometimes they inspire one, this is one of those times.

There are special diets, often promoting special diet foods, special exercises all too try to make you different to how you are made, .   We also read a lot about what we aught to wear, what will make our waists look thinner, or higher, what will make us look slimmer taller shorter etc. etc.  I have on occasion written some of this stuff myself, what to wear to blend, what to wear to be age appropriate.   To those of us who are very image aware this may be helpful, but to many I think it may easily sound dictatorial and even oppressive, and actually manage to just make you feel bad about yourself

On Sunday evening I had a rehearsal, I spent quite a while trying to decide what I would wear, on those odd occasions I do have to dress I want to express my femininity, but I do not want to stand out as the OTT Crossdresser.   I know that there is a fair chance that if I wear a dress I will be the only one who does.   Most women my age now wear jeans as their prime item of casual wear, so I also wore jeans with a grey cotton knit polo neck and a pair of high heel black boots (it wasn't very warm that evening) I have to say I felt great, looked good, but more to the point was comfortable and quite feminine in my presentation.   I also found I had a conversations with one or two people I had not spoken to before who were quite relaxed with me, I wonder if dressing down a bit also made others more comfortable.

Rings

I always wear my wedding ring, the only times I have taken it off since we got married was when I used to regularly play Rugby.   As intended it is a constant reminder and sign of our wedding vows, a signal to others and a reminder to self.   Along with a watch as "him" it is often the only piece of jewellery that I wear, as Paula I still wear it, but with more.

I like to wear at least one other ring, an "engagement" ring under the wedding ring, but the one I have been wearing is fairly cheap costume jewellery and the gold finish is beginning to wear off.   I have one or two much more dramatic sparklers for when I am glamed up, but it does seem to be quite difficult to find something that looks nice and won't turn my finger green.

It would be nice to buy a proper decent ring from a proper jeweller, but there is no way my budget will allow for such things, the cheap stores, Matalan, Primark etc. don't have anything appropriate so I must just keep my eyes open and grab the opportunity should it present itself.

Another Disappointment

"My faith is very important to me" when ever I hear this sort of thing I tend to think that the speaker has it all wrong, faith shouldn't be important to you, it should be central to who you are.   My Church is something I do, a group I am a member of and activities I undertake, my Church is very important to me.   A bit like when Bill Shankley was asked how important Football was he replied that" some people think it is matter of life or death, they're wrong, it's more important than that".    So my faith is central too who and what I am, it dictates my attitudes and my behaviour, my Church is very important because it is part of the where and how I express my faith.

I say all this by way of preamble to explain why I was so disappointed yesterday to hear a talk from the pulpit of my Church that I just could not agree with.   While it was meant to be on the subject of wisdom taking James 3 as the text, it ended up as being a poorly put together attack on rationality.   I am used to hearing members of the Church voice homophobic views and embracing creationism, however to hear it from front apparently as the sanctioned view of the Church was more than disappointing.    I like to think of myself as a tolerant person but this has pushed me over the edge, I have done something I hoped I would never feel the need to do, I have written to the Rector complaining.   I have tried not sound like Mr Angry from Tunbridge, rather I am encouraging him to be more cautious about who is allowed to speak and to monitor what is said.

I know this is not really quite the sort of thing many of you may come here to read, but this is about the whole of me, all of me, I am not just a trans woman, I am a Husband, a Father, a Son, a Musician, a Gardener, a Friend, a Christian, I just sometimes need to allow the woman in me to express herself physically.

Weeds, hair and bones

I have been just a little surprised how little reaction my hair has had since Wednesday, I have actually only had two comments one from my daughter who asked if I had had something done, and one from my wife who said it made me look like my Mother.   I have been too a band rehearsal, met a few friends and been about my normal work and no one else has said a thing, I must admit I did expect some reaction.

Later today I shall be up in town for the last rehearsal before next week's LGSO concert. I am really looking forward to the concert, but do not feel anywhere near ready for it, somehow I do need to fit in some tie to do some practise.   This is a constant problem for nearly all amateur musicians, especially those of us who play rather anti social instruments.   It seems that when I have the time someone else will be trying too sleep or watch the TV and wants a bit of quite.   This week it may be particularly challenging as at the moment I have scheduled nine and half to ten days work for the business but I only have nine days available.   With a meeting on Tuesday evening, and a band rehearsal on Wednesday even the evenings are looking pretty full.   This may be a case of just how much do I want to do it?

In amongst all my regular maintenance work I have been working on a little landscaping project that I plan t have completed this week, I reckon that I probably need a couple of days to have it all finished, I have a circle of paving to lay, the concrete edging to fix and then gravel to put down over the rest. the last photo shows the area for the gravel and paving covered with landscaping fabric, the idea is that this is meant to stop weeds rowing up through it, in practise I find that weeds will often germinate in the gravel and then put roots down into the soil through the fabric from above.   Still it does help and it keeps the soil separated from the gravel which helps keep things a bit tidier.