Pink Mist

First let me say that I had a very nice weekend, it is not often that my daughter and I have much in the way of time together, so it was really good just to be with her.   We also managed to have a bit of a much needed chat about the breakup with boyfriend, I think the ball is now in his court, so I hope he does well.   Of course during the car journey both ways she was wired for sound into her phone, and much of the weekend was spent the same way, but she did have time with both her grand mother and her father.   So all in all a good time and a good thing.   Since my daughter was with me I did have to curtain my usual dressing activities this weekend.   I will usually travel pretty, and will often wear predominately fem clothes while in Cardiff, this time I could not, and I didn't miss it.

We often talk about the "Pink Mist" when we have the opportunity to dress, and embrace that opportunity a little too enthusiastically.   I think I may have just been through period when the Pink Mist descended on me, far too much of my time was spent dressing, thinking about or planing dressing.   Yet this is just a small part of what I do and who I am.  over the weekend I was reminded that I could be quite happy without any dressing activities.   I think the pink mist is rising.   I know that this is something I am rather than something I do, I also know that like a tide the imperative comes and goes in intensity.   I was beginning to think that the level of intensity I have been experiencing was going to be permanent, but now I feel that this drive is lessening a bit, maybe just for a while.

Don't get me wrong, I will still be attending my support group on Saturday week, and may well have an evening or day out next week, it's just that there are other things in my life as well, I still doubt if I will be able to resist a cute pair of shoes and I will do my best to keep my finger nails nice (and oh yes my toes nails are red) but I hope that for a while now it will not be the all absorbing obsession it has been at risk of becoming.

The Weight is nearly over

I won't be watching much of the Olympics, don't get e wrong I love watching sports, it's just that the sports I love watching are not in the Olympics, I watch as much motorsport as I can and record the Grand Prix and other big races if I can't watch them live; Cricket, I have learnt to tolerate highlights in order to see some test cricket, and then there is Rugby, but none of these are in the Olympics. 

Of course there is something very enthralling about competition, especially if you are partial to one of the competitors, it's just that I am not sure that happening to come from the same country is sufficient reason to be partial.   I don't see that I have any right to any reflected glory if the UK eight win the rowing, I have done nothing to help them, if a runner wins their race they do not win for Britain they for themselves, I may enjoy watching them win I may enjoy watching others simply competing, but the point surely of the Olympics is about the individual competitor, not the national team.   I used to love the Olympic ideal of individual against individual, competing being more important than winning and amiable amateurism, all this seems to have gone by the board.   There is a good reason why there is no official overall national prize or indeed any national prize per individual sport it is because it is meant to be about individuals meeting on an equal basis.   As it happens the broadcasters and other observers feel the need to bang the national drum and so we get medal tables, team targets, and all the attendant jingoism.




Zoe Smith, Olympic hope weightlifter

Sorry to bang on about the Olympics so much but as I live and work in London, not only am I paying for it, I am also having my live disrupted by it and have to plan my journeys around it.   As it happened my journey to and from Cardiff this weekend was actually a lot easier than normal as people made a point of avoiding West London and North Surrey to avoid the route of the cycling road races.

I will watch some events simply because they are on, others I will watch because I have played that sport a bit.   I would love to watch Olympic Tug-O War but there hasn't been a medal awarded for that since 1920.  I used to do some competitive weights (mostly power lifting rather than straight lifts) and will now being watching it just to cheer on this girl as she competes today.

Olympic Fever

Well I expect that Olympic fever has grips everyone all around the world by now.   I am writing this on Friday night while the opening ceremony is not on my television.   I watched non of the last two Olympics and I'm struggling to get interested in this one, even though it is on my door step.   As I type I don't yet know how much my journey to and from Cardiff  will have been effected by the cycle races.

Maybe I will get excited as it goes on, maybe not but at least now I know where the weather is coming from
I think I saw him in Thornton Heath...

The weekend starts here

I will be in Cardiff this weekend, visiting my Mother with my Daughter, this will be a weekend all about family, the idea is that my Mother and Daughter will get to know each other a bit better, and then on the Sunday we will all be having lunch with my Brother and Sister in Law.   This should all be very good, especially for my daughter, at the moment being securely seating in a family can only help.   Of course this also means that there will be no place or time for Paula.

Indeed at the moment I have no outings planned other than  my support group meeting in a few weeks.   We meet on the second Saturday of each month so that means three weeks time.   The way thing shave bee going recently I am aware that there are more important things in m life, but I am also aware that I do need Paula time, and will have to contrive an opportunity.   In the mean time here are some pretty pictures of the sort of thing I spend my days doing.

A little background before the rant

I mentioned the ther day that I was getting worried about my daughter, following teh break up with her boyfriend.   As I generaly like Paula's Place to be a friendl light hearted sort drop in I may have understated just how worried we are.   I only met my wife when we were no longer young (although that age looks pretty young to us now) and we were both in our 30's when we got married, we knew we wanted children and teh sooner the better.   It soon became clear that things were not taking thier natural course when after five years of marriage we still had no children, many consultations with Doctors, and various rather unpleasant proceedures later we were told that our only remaining option was IVF.

After talking this over we decided that that was a little too much of an intervention, and that we woudl just have to reconcile ourselves to our situation.   Soon after this my wife gave up work, she was very unhappy but had been staying on for the maternity leave, in those days I was earning enough to keep us so we could afford for her to quit.   After a month or so she got a job doing maternity relieve for a practise manager for a GP friend of mine, within a week of starting she found she was pregnant with out daughter.   We had abandoned hope of being parents, so we felt, and continue to feel blessed to have our daughter.

My wife is an only child and neither of my brothers have any children so our daughter is an only grand child as well as an only child, so she is very precious to all of us.   The Church is very much her family so this breakup is doubly painful.  

I am writing all of this now partly so that you can understand that when I say I am a little worried about her you know what that really means, and partly so you will understand the rant that is about to be launched.

My wife and I are not the only ones worried, all of their friends (of all ages) are concerned, I have just heard from of of them the reasons why the boyfriend felt he had to break it off.   Apparently a Church member had been talking to him and was highly critical suggesting that unless they intended marriage then they shouldn't be dating.   That they were too young, and that as the older f the two he had a responsibility to be "sensible".   I think there was more in this vein and the poor boy felt terribly condemned.   Solely because of this interference he decided that they should "calm it down a bit", I don't know what words he used but that is not what my daughter heard.   I understand that he is as upset as she is, and that he has tried to contact her to explain but she has not allowed him to.

Fortunately they have friends who are trying to help, equally fortunately  they are refusing to tell me who the "Church member" is, otherwise I fear I woudl break the 6th commandment.   I am sure you will understand that I am incensed that somebody without understanding or insight feels they have the right to comment, never mind to condemn innocent children who are just finding out about love and relationships as they set out on the voyage of discovery that is life.   Knowing both my daughter and the boy well, I have never had a moments worry about the two of them together, they are both stable sensible youngsters with a firm moral grounding and understanding of Christian values and principles, or to put it another way, they are probably less likely to "get into trouble" than me!   I can only assume that this person was judging by their own standards and that they have n confidence in their own ability to control their basest instincts.

It is a fundamental teaching that says, judge not less you be judged, well even with the little information I have I have judged them, and found them wanting.

Having an outlet for this sort of thing is another reason to Blog!

The Big Beasts

Yesterday was another hot day, I had a lot of non work stuff to do so I mostly got on with that, by mid afternoon I was too hot, very dirty and feeling very, very weary, muscles and joints ached and I was covered with sweat and grime sticking to the sweat.  This was every bit as unpleasant as it sounds.   At around five O'clock I stopped, showered, shaved, refreshed my toe nails and got changed.   This was because this was my day to visit the osteopath.   For my visit today I wore some nice white panties with black spots and lace around the legs, a blue strappy camisole with white linen trousers and a white linen tunic shirt with white canvas shoes.   Everything I wore today was fem, but without those certain extras that mean a full fem presentation.   I did try to take some pictures on my phone but they didn't really work, and there was no one around who would have been suitable to ask for help.

Some old friends

I'm not entirely sure why I dress up for these visits, especially since I end up undressing as soon as I get there. What I do know is that he is as good as gold with it never even mentioning my idiosyncratic clothing choices.   I was very much in need of his ministrations having been working hard for the last four weeks since I saw him last.   Afterwards I felt so much better that I took a quick stroll around my local park to look up some old friends.

My Local Park

One of the great things about my local park is of course the wild life, I'm sure that there are lots of parks in London with some interesting fauna, but non that quite match these guys.

Although I now feel great having had all my joints and muscles suitably stretched and pummeled I am very worried about my daughter, she is still upset after breaking up with her first boyfriend, and now she is eating very little, and my wife is worried that she may be self harming.   I don't seem to be able to talk to her about it, as she will just shun any attempts I make.   We will be together all weekend so maybe I will be able to make some progress then.   At least her special friend is now home from a trip to France hopefully she will cheer her up a bit and bring her back to a more stable place.

His shirts

Some quite nice shirts, could do with an iron though

I feel as though I am being inspired by other bloggers today, Joey recounted how he had entertained members of his Church to a pool and garden party at the weekend, we don't quite run to a pool but last night we entertained our Church home-group to a barbecue, we didn't have any disco queens there though.  A couple of Donny Osmond fans and a large hairy tenor, but no Disco Divas. 
In turn this meant that like Stana and Jamie I had to have a good look at my boy wardrobe.   The nature of the event and the weather meant that my usual jeans and polo shirt were not really "quite the thing".   I soon found  a couple of rather nice summer shirts and some nice roomy faun linen trousers.   I have to remember that my boy clothes can be quite nice and just as comfortable as Paula's, it's just that somehow Paula's are more fun.

On a different tack I know that there is at least one of you who likes to keep up with what I write but finds they can't comment or join the regulars at the bar, I think that maybe a Google account is needed, but I'm no too sure.   I have added a "follow by e-mail" tag on the right hand side, I hope this helps with keeping up to date, if any of you know the answer to the comments question please let us know.

Feeling Hot hot, hot

Today has been hot far too hot for it to be sensible to go and work in gardens, b then I a not known for being sensible.   By mid morning I was uncomfortably hot and S was little more than a grease stain. Bless her cotton socks S is simply not a hot weather person.   Being pale of complexion she burns easily and generally finds warm weather uncomfortable.   Still we soldered on and actually managed a good full days work.

We managed to get to one customer who we  haven't seen for about six weeks, there was certainly plenty of work waiting for us, so much that I have agreed to go back again later this week, and again next week.   I had hoped to take a day off and have a Paula day, but I'm afraid that again the weather is a factor.   Every thing I do I want to do as well I can, and that of course also applies to my being Paula.

When I am out my makeup is very important to me, I really don' t know if it does cover my beard well enough, but I certainly am not ready to go without it, and as it is far to hot for makeup, I think that means I may well be staying in boy mode this week after all.

Torch Song

This morning my band played as the Olympic torch went by, well more accurately we played before and after the torch went by.   The procession is not that impressive, but it is very noisy, I think there were three vehicles from major sponsors all balling out their wares, bizarrely enough followed by a breakdown truck with a dead car on the back then quite a lull before a couple of lone runners, then some cyclists, and another lull before the flame itself arrived.

We were next to a "Kissing" point, nothing romantic this is where the flame gets passed from one custodian to the next.   This did at least mean that the "circus" stayed in town for a little longer.   I have heard of other locations where spectators complained that you "could blink and miss it"   In all we played for over an hour and included in the programme the John Williams Fanfare and Theme from the LA games.   This is a really tricky piece to play and the band hadn't even seen it till last Monday so I was very pleased at how well we managed it.

After that I decided to have the afternoon off, so making the most of the sunshine I slipped into my new pink linen dress and went to the garden centre to buy some plants I need later in the week.   We have had so much poor weather that it was very nice to get out a summer dress and enjoy the warm air on my legs and shoulders, it was also nice to have a bit of leasure time as Paula.

Tip top performance

I've just been watching the highlights of the German Grand Prix, looked like a good race, with a few overtakes, being a little biased I am really pleased to see Jenson Button back on the podium, pulling some good moves, and looking competitive again.   Although I can see that the way he got promoted to second could be a little controversial I think he was good value for it, do ore racing than most of the other drivers.   I just hope that McLaren haven't let it too late.   The latest up grades they have brought must add to the drivers confidence, and although Hamilton had a bad day at the office he must be feeling better for the next race in Hungary

Of course nothing gives a driver confidence the way success does, for the rest of us we have to look to other factors.

For some of us we need a lot of self confidence to just go out of the house, clearly as this suggests it's not just about how we look, but also how we feel, and what we are wearing beneath can add to that confidence.   We haven't seen Tip for a while, and when I saw this as I was browsing through and old Skinhorse story I thought this was a good match.   Mind you it's never worked for me............