Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Thursday, 26 July 2012

A little background before the rant

I mentioned the ther day that I was getting worried about my daughter, following teh break up with her boyfriend.   As I generaly like Paula's Place to be a friendl light hearted sort drop in I may have understated just how worried we are.   I only met my wife when we were no longer young (although that age looks pretty young to us now) and we were both in our 30's when we got married, we knew we wanted children and teh sooner the better.   It soon became clear that things were not taking thier natural course when after five years of marriage we still had no children, many consultations with Doctors, and various rather unpleasant proceedures later we were told that our only remaining option was IVF.

After talking this over we decided that that was a little too much of an intervention, and that we woudl just have to reconcile ourselves to our situation.   Soon after this my wife gave up work, she was very unhappy but had been staying on for the maternity leave, in those days I was earning enough to keep us so we could afford for her to quit.   After a month or so she got a job doing maternity relieve for a practise manager for a GP friend of mine, within a week of starting she found she was pregnant with out daughter.   We had abandoned hope of being parents, so we felt, and continue to feel blessed to have our daughter.

My wife is an only child and neither of my brothers have any children so our daughter is an only grand child as well as an only child, so she is very precious to all of us.   The Church is very much her family so this breakup is doubly painful.  

I am writing all of this now partly so that you can understand that when I say I am a little worried about her you know what that really means, and partly so you will understand the rant that is about to be launched.

My wife and I are not the only ones worried, all of their friends (of all ages) are concerned, I have just heard from of of them the reasons why the boyfriend felt he had to break it off.   Apparently a Church member had been talking to him and was highly critical suggesting that unless they intended marriage then they shouldn't be dating.   That they were too young, and that as the older f the two he had a responsibility to be "sensible".   I think there was more in this vein and the poor boy felt terribly condemned.   Solely because of this interference he decided that they should "calm it down a bit", I don't know what words he used but that is not what my daughter heard.   I understand that he is as upset as she is, and that he has tried to contact her to explain but she has not allowed him to.

Fortunately they have friends who are trying to help, equally fortunately  they are refusing to tell me who the "Church member" is, otherwise I fear I woudl break the 6th commandment.   I am sure you will understand that I am incensed that somebody without understanding or insight feels they have the right to comment, never mind to condemn innocent children who are just finding out about love and relationships as they set out on the voyage of discovery that is life.   Knowing both my daughter and the boy well, I have never had a moments worry about the two of them together, they are both stable sensible youngsters with a firm moral grounding and understanding of Christian values and principles, or to put it another way, they are probably less likely to "get into trouble" than me!   I can only assume that this person was judging by their own standards and that they have n confidence in their own ability to control their basest instincts.

It is a fundamental teaching that says, judge not less you be judged, well even with the little information I have I have judged them, and found them wanting.

Having an outlet for this sort of thing is another reason to Blog!
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