There's an old joke that gets trotted out every so often in the community, "What's the difference between a cross dresser and a transsexual? ~ About three years" Well for no particular reason I was looking back on some of my old posts and found this from November 2011
I have come to accept that I am a Crossdresser, that this is something I
am rather than something I do. The last year has been easier for me
in this respect as I have just accepted this rather than continuing to
fight against it. However I do not want to be a woman, I want to be
able to look like a woman, I want to be free to behave as a woman, and
better still to be treated like a lady. But I only get to experience
the good bits, and the leisure activities, and none of the more
unpleasant physical aspects, or responsibilities. Paula has no
responsibilities, no job, and no ties. Crossdressing is a bit like
taking a holiday from being me, not a realistic representation of what
it must be like to be a woman. For me it is about the clothes, the appearance of being a woman or if you like the fantasy of being a woman. As Vanessa says being feminine feels good and is exciting.
Then again I am mostly happy being a man. I enjoy the physicality of
my work, I used to enjoy enormously the physicality of my chosen sport
(Rugby), I (mostly) enjoy being a husband and a father. As I get older
I find that my sex drive has diminished and that the compulsion to
dress has grown stronger, I put this down to lower levels of
testosterone, but I know I am a man, and although I may fantasize about
being a woman, at heart I know this is a fantasy, and that I will not do
anything that would lead to any sort of permanent change. SO why do I like to wear women's clothes - beats me!
It just goes to show how wrong I can be, especially when it comes to me! Earlier today I had one of my regular GIC appointments, where I explained that as far as plans for the future go I am trying not to make any, I am just concentrating on making the next decision, whatever that is! I am determined not to make any positive decision as to where I want to finish up, I think (or hope) I'll know when I get there.