Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Monday, 30 November 2015

Crossings

I mentioned the other day that I was giving a lot less conscious thought to my gender issues, Well today I was forced into a position where I had to consider them, today I had my second appointment with the Gender Clinic, an occasion when I was forced to confront, my current situation, and how I got here.  Of course like many of us there are parts of my history that I'm not too proud of, but they have all gone into making me the person I now am.   Because of this I choose to be thankful for all that has gone before, just as I am thankful for all the support I am now receiving and family and good friends who surround me.

A threshold passed
I feel as though today I have passed another hurdle, crossed another river, or passed another landmark (choose your own metaphor) on this journey.   I started out trying to work out whether I was indeed trans or not, and where on the gender spectrum I sat. Then I had to work out how I was going to express myself as a woman ~ part time cross dresser; doing drag; androgynous confusion or full time conventional woman.  Once I had crossed that hurdle then I had to start to work out what sort of a woman I am, well I suspect that that will be a lifetime's work, but surprise surprise I'm a very similar type of woman to man ~ boring, conventional, with odd moments of silliness (although a lot fewer moments of depression)

As I said, recently I have simply been getting on with life, my move of home has been prominent in my thoughts and music has been occupying the bulk of my non-work attention, so other matters have been subordinated, but today I had to confront some of those other matters. What next?

Well it seems to me that the next stage of the process is about increasing the homogeneity of personality and my presentation, or more simply making the body match the mind. How far I go with any of this is still undecided, and open to change, but I will not be rushing into anything, it's taken me 57 years to get this far I'm sure I can bare a few months while we work things through.

My Doctor is very nice, and I like to think we got on very well, indeed, I enjoyed our time together so much that I forgot to ask one every important question. I need to change my Passport and wanted a letter from the Clinic to help, Now I have to hope that my GP will co-operate on this one!

Tomorrow is the first of December (I know! I can't believe it!) and I will be starting my Advent Calender again. I can't promise that I will not repeat anything from last year, and there will be no more theme than looking forward to Christmas, and of course it is a lot less fattening than chocolate, but I hope you enjoy it.
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