Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Today

Today is my birthday, and although it is not a "Special" birthday I do want to try t make it a special day.   For the last few years, since my last "Special" birthday I have got into the habit of taking the day off, and on most of them I have gone to Wisley.

This is where I want my ashes scattered
Wisley is the home of the RHS and one of my favorite gardens, when I went for that first birthday off it was an early opportunity to go out dressed,, even though at that point my facial hair meant that the best I could do was some sort of androgyny.   Indeed at one point I overheard a small child ask it's mother "Why has that lady got a beard?" a question I felt I needed to answer for myself.   I could find no good answer to why I still had a beard other than that other people liked it.   It had become both a symptom and a symbol of how I was living so much of my life for other people.   As a Christian I understand that on occasion there is a need to "Deny yourself", but not to deny who you are, who God made you to be and hat is what I was doing.

Once again I will be going to Wisley today, however today I will be going with my friend S.   She was one of the first people I came out to and over the last few years has been a great friend and support to both Paula, and Paul while I have been going through some pretty tough times as well as some pretty good ones.   When we visit the gardens today we will just be a couple of middle aged ladies on a day out together, enjoying one of the best gardens in the world.

While I am considering what I will be wearing today I can't help but reflect on just how far I have come since those early first tentative steps out of the closet.
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