Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Two Dogs Fighting

There is an old and possibly apocryphal story about a native American who talking about his inner conflict between good and evil likened it to two dogs fighting, when asked which dog was winning he replied "Whichever one I feed"

Rebecca asked "Has the man lost?" well at the moment he is definitely on the back foot.   How much of that is because I have been adapting to a life where Paula can come out pretty much as and when she likes, where Paula is an integral part of the household, her clothes are hanging in the wardrobe, her make up and jewellery on the dressing table.   Several, well lets be honest, most times over the last few weeks when I have got home from work I have got changed.   Many of my normal day to day activities I have been conducting dressed, shopping, laundry, housework etc. so he has only really been around for work and when I have been out with a band.

Amongst other impacts I have found that I will miss Paula while I am at work, I have found myself longing to go to work or a rehearsal dressed, but have so far resisted.

On the other hand yesterday and today I had a long day at work, got home cooked dinner had a beer and went to bed, this morning was an early start, it felt fine and natural to just put on my normal work clothes and get going.    Has the man lost, well maybe not, after all the Rugby season starts soon so I will be more involved in more "masculine" activities, I don't think that either my rugby club or I am quite ready to go and watch them play wearing a dress.   As I have observed on occasion before I do still like being a man, the trouble is I also enjoy being a woman, will one win out over the other? at the moment I can't tell, but given that they haven't over the last 50 plus years it seems unlikely that it will happen now.   However one thing I do know, I am not going to do anything rash, I am not going to burn any bridges make any irrevocable changes while I am uncertain of what the future holds.   In the mean tie I guess I should feed both dogs the same..................
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