Yesterday we had our second proper counseling session I left the first one feeling pretty positive and that we were on a way forward, after last night I'm not so sure. I left feeling as though I was being made the problem, it seemed like I was being made out the villain of the piece, while I feel like the victim. I accept that there needs to be give and take, it just feels as though at the moment I'm the one doing all the giving. I had hoped for some thanks, or at least acknowledgement that my standing down from the Brass Band was a fairly serious sacrifice, but no, it has been barely mentioned, and then with a "shame it will take so long" before I actually stop (only four weeks in fact the shortest notice I felt I could reasonably give). Maybe that is a reflection that I really am selfish, or maybe we haven't got as far as some of the underlying problems yet. Either way I will continue the process and hope for a happy outcome.
We have agreed to more time together, without our gadgets, her phone my laptop, I think this will be harder for both of us than allowed for, changing habits is hard, especially if what got you into the habit to start with is not addressed as well.
On a more frivolous note I noticed the picture on the left on another site, and this is exactly the "look" I want for my upcoming concert. I can't do the hair and will definitely have a lower hemline but this is definitely the fantasy. The LBD I plan on wearing has a higher neckline and no sleeves so perhaps a little more like the one on the right. It is however definitely "slinky" and with a few sparklies should look suitably dressy, I will wear sheer black or barely black tights but am still undecided whether to have plain, patterned or seemed.
Mind you I still have two rehearsals before the performance, I may even wear a skirt to one of them. This is all a bit of a journey of discovery, so far I have found that when playing the trombone lipstick is a waste of time, large earrings can rattle on the side of the instrument, and that it is perfectly possible to play with my knees together. I suspect that most of the orchestra don't care what I wear, as long as I play well.