That's how I am feeling this morning, that's how I was feeling last night, not sure how I shall cheer myself up, possibly by working, if the weather lets me I have some plants to put in and that always cheers me up.
SO why am I so down, dejected and rejected, well yesterday I had to go out, I needed t buy a few things from a garden centre and while I was out get some groceries as well. As I had to go out I decided to go out nothing too dramatic but enough to keep me sane for a while. I returned as planned in time for an early dinner before my wife and daughter went out. Again as planned I spent this time alone to sort out some of my girls clothes and put them away, and do my ironing for our holiday at the end of the week. About half an hour after they left I got this text message from my wife
"next time you go out to play dressup (which I pray will be never because we hate it) you clean your makeup off better as we find it very upsetting!!!"
It is not just the sentiment that upsets me and makes me feel rejected as the medium. It is clear that we cannot talk about this, and that the level of acceptance that I was hoping was beginning to emerge was self delusion. I have to work out how to deal with this situation, at the moment I can think of no better way than to write my wife a letter. Try to reassure her of my love and commitment but also explain as much as I can this need to express this side of my nature. I also need to understand the use of the first person plural, what has she said to our daughter while I have been banned for saying anything? Where all this will lead I don't know, but then the next stage will then be up to her.
Paula's Place
3 comments:
This is a tough one mate. I'm sorry. Let me ask you this. How would you feel if it were the other way round and your wife started binding her chest and packing, not shaving, and going out looking as masculine as possible?
I'm sorry. I hope it turns out she was just having a bad day and took it out on you.
You're right it is difficult, I do understand that it is one thing to accept that a man will wish to be feminine and pretty, quite another to accept that your man wants to be feminine and pretty. I do think we have the essential in place though, we do love each other, that's why it is difficult, but also why I think we can work it out, I just don't know how.
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