Queer?

Yesterday I used the word "Queer" very much in the old sense, of not right, the way it was used as an insult. I am of the generation that can still find the word problematic because I grew up hearing as an insult ~ along with any number of others from the relatively mild "poofter" to many far worse that I will choose not to repeat here. I used the word to try to show the attitudes of the time, and my reluctance to own that part of me.

Yes it really is called that!

I am also very much aware of the movement to repossess the word, but what do we mean by it? Do we just mean everybody who isn't cis gender heteronormative? or, do we include those who may be "straight" but maybe have divergent gender expression? how about "Straight passing" middle class gay man, possibly a member of the Tory party? I'm really not sure that we should be trying to define it, but I suspect that often members of the queer community recognise another when they meet. I was told a little while ago that I wasn't really queer as I tend to just live the life of middle aged, middle class lady who just happens to play the tuba. I see what he meant, to most purposes that is the life I live ~ this week I am a lady who lunches!

Not Queer at all

Is it something about our lifestyles that makes us queer, or is it simply by not conforming in our sexuality or gender identity. Is it us or society that makes us queer? Most of the time yes I am just a lady of a certain age, most of the time I don't think about being trans, most of the time the people I'm with don't think about me being trans, but every now and then something happens and I am suddenly made aware that I don't quite fit with other people's, or indeed society's, idea of who and what you have to be, and been, to be just a a woman ~ that's when I am made to feel queer! 

I do remember wandering around the field of Croydon Pridefest, I think it must have been in 2018, and think "I've found my people", it was only in that environment where I could feel truly free, where I could be fully me. No judgement, no rules, no expectations. Maybe that's what all of society should be like!