Out of Control

Today is my Birthday, or perhaps I should say one of my birthdays.   I part of a select group that has three birthdays.   Today is the anniversary of the day that I was physically born, back in January I celebrated the 15th Anniversary of my rebirth as a Christian and next March I will celebrate the first anniversary of my formal change of name ~ the event usually taken as a trans person's "Birth"

I'm not sure that I had any control over any of these events, certainly not the first one!   As for becoming a Christian I don't think I had much control over that either, when I found myself confronted with the reality of the existence of God there seemed no other reasonable reaction, and even my name change just seemed to happen rather than being something I decided, planned and carried through.

Maybe it is just because I feel out of control at the moment, my home move is in other peoples hands, solicitors, estate agents and the like I just trot along behind hoping it all works out and paying the bills. My work is out of my control, I am so totally dependent on the weather, and it has been horrible.   And, (I know I shouldn't start a sentence this way, but it is a big AND!) my transition also seems to have been taken out of my control.   My problems with the GIC continue, in as much as they seem to just be ignoring me.   Last month's appointment was cancelled, and I was told I would be given another as soon as possible, despite several calls and an informal complaint I have yet to hear anything from them.   It makes me wonder why this isn't possible?