Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Monday, 11 May 2015

It's not unusual ~ oh actually yes it is

It's not unusual for me to be busy, and this year it is looking dangerously as though I may have bitten off a little bit more than I can chew work wise, I seem to have committed myself to slightly more work than I can actually manage.   Add to that my active music life, selling the house and all the extra stress and occupation of transition, and it's not unusual to find me stressed out, flaked out, and sometimes even passed out!

I thought I was more or less copping, but on Friday evening I found myself playing at a May Masked Ball, this should be a fun filled, fabulous event, one where I can be as flamboyant as I like, and still not be the weird one.   Yet I found myself rather going through the motions, I was not a lot of fun and even playing music felt a bit of an effort.   Then on Saturday I was gardening and that just felt like work ~ I think I need a holiday, I just can't see when I am going to find the time, never mind the money.

All this (and one or two other things that have happened) put me in mind of how our ordinary is other peoples weird.   I used to drive what I still think of as my car  a 1966 Singer Vogue Estate, at the time I bought it is was the only one on the road (in a Clarkson voice) in the world.   This was my day to day car and most of the time it was not a show car but simply our family car, so sometimes I would find myself driving down the road and becoming aware of people looking, often my first thought was "what are you looking at" and then I would realise!

Being trans can be a bit like that, when I first started going out I felt as though everybody was staring at me, if I heard any laughter I assumed that I was the object of amusement.   Now that this is my new normal I am used to presented as the woman I am it is just me going about my everyday life.   So when somebody reacts to me as anything other than just another woman, I need to remind myself that my normal is not necessarily theirs.

Those of us who do not conform to society's expectations need acceptance and understanding, but we also need to exercise that self same acceptance and understanding.   I am not suggesting that we put up with transphobia, verbal, or physical abuse, simply that we are going to surprise a few people, and we need to give them time and space to understand.
Post a Comment