Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Sleepless in South Norwood

(Well not actually South Norwood but it sort of fits the joke)

Last night I had a great deal of difficulty sleeping, it's not that I wasn't tired, rather I just had a lot going on in my mind.   Often when this happens I will have a drink, a couple of whiskies can work wonders for sleep, but one of the things that is worrying me is how much I am drinking.   I have at least a couple of drinks practically every day, and have decided that I need to make a conscious effort to cut down, I have started by making myself have one or two alcohol free days each week.   Yesterday was one of those days.

I am also very concerned about money, or rather the lack of it.   Somehow I seem to have gone from just about managing to a total absence of funds.   Most of my income goes straight out the door servicing debt, so as soon as there is an irregular expense my oh so tight budget goes out the window and I am juggling again, this time I don't even seem to have anything left to juggle with.   On the bright side I have been given a remarkable gift, an answer to prayer, I have been given my airfare to Malta!   A wonderful compassionate gift from a strong Christian friend, and indeed an answer to my prayers this reminds me that much of life is good, and that God is active in my life.   I will be booking up soon!

On the other hand it kept crossing my mind how I have been burning bridges recently, have I been doing the right thing starting my transition so publicly.   I worry that sometimes I don't feel like a woman, I just feel like me, the question then is what am I and then I start to go through the whole cycle again.   I feel a bit like Cromwell is asking me "I beseech you, in the bowels of Christ, think it possible you may be mistaken", and what if I am?

Another worry very much on mind last night, is that I seem to have done something incredibly stupid, I have lost the key to a customer's garden, and although I am sure they will happily provide another, it means both that I can't get in to do the work required and that I have to admit to stupid!
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