Well I am now taking a bit of a pause this morning after what has been a pretty frantic, but deeply satisfying weekend. As happens all too often I found myself ludicrously over committed, while I would have taken all this in my stride twenty years ago, I just can't manage without my sleep any more.
Saturday night's concert with the lovely Pelly Orchestra was great fun, while I might have felt a little underutilised as much of the program did not include tuba, this gave me a chance to appreciate the playing of the rest of the orchestra and the musical sensitivity and personal charm of Christopher Braime, out conductor. I love performing, sharing the joy of music, to me playing without an audience is a bit like masturbation, you are only giving yourself any pleasure and that is fleeting, performing involves a relationship with the audience, both the audience and the performer are involved, sharing, giving, this is more like proper love making! Of course it is also an opportunity to dress up, and you will not be surprised that I took full advantage of this. I have bought yet another black dress, but this one is longer (mid calf length) and has a very full skirt, this has two advantages, one, it swirls rather pleasantly around my legs and two, I can maintain my modestly while holding the tuba on my lap (can't be done and keep knees together!).
As we were playing in Hampshire it was around one O'Clock in the morning when I got home, which of course with the clocks going forward meant two O'Clock, by the time I got to bed I barely had to time to blink before I had to get up for an eleven O'clock rehearsal for an afternoon concert in Sutton. In all honesty I was too tired and I struggled to keep my concentration, at one point my fingers forgot which instrument they were playing I started to use EEb fingering on a CC tuba ~ it doesn't work!
A quick change and then up to town for an LGSO rehearsal. Chris was conducting this rehearsal as well, and he had been teaching in the morning before auditioning soloists for next seasons concerts. He seemed alert lively in control and in general good form, ~ what it is to be young!
Interestingly over the weekend it was only the Sutton Concert where I was in drab, but it now feels as though I am in "drag" when I'm dressing in boy mode, it is just now so natural to let the girl out. Sometimes I am excited, confused, and sometimes a bit frightened about where all this is going.
Roll on the promised counselling.