Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Stuff, celebrities, GID, and comming out.

I am listening to the BBC Reith Lecture delivered by Grayson Perry, any one interested in art should do the same, but in his introduction today he said quite emphatically that "Dressing up is not a work of Art", it must be so since Grayson said so.

I am now friends with the gorgeous Petroc Trelawny ~ well a Facebook friend anyway.   After the concert on Saturday I was sitting at a table with four or five other girls, only one of whom (I believe) self identifies as straight, I observed that I though Petroc was "gorgeous" I was overwhelmed with a chorus of agreement, sure he looks nice enough but in person his personality really shines through, sorry if I seem to be gushing a bit, but I have often looked at men and been able to see why women fancy them, but in this case I can see why they might throw their knickers at him.

On a more serious note, I am now getting a bit worried about an appointment I have made with my Doctor for the morning.   I want, no I need to talk to him about the possibilities around GID, I need to work out where I am going with this, what I want, what I am, and hopefully get a bit of help along the way.   I am not very hopefully of anything life changing happening tomorrow, I think the most I can hope for is a referral to someone to talk to.   This is a big step for me, but over the last few weeks, now I have the freedom to be me more often I find I am increasingly resenting the time that I have to be him, and am simply more comfortable as Paula.   Whether this is a consequence of my current life situation or a release of deep underlying gender issues I find it difficult to tell.   But it is impacting on all of my life, my behaviour and my appearance, so time to act (or maybe that should be time to stop acting)

In the mean time I have a rehearsal with my wind band tonight (in fact I should be there when this is published as I have set blogger to release this while I am out), there are a couple of friends there who I want to come out to, in ne case they are such good friends that they deserve not to be lied to anymore, in the other case she has noticed some clues, but has not put them together yet, or if she has she hasn't said anything.
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