Well I'm pleased to be able to report that things are not quite as bad as I thought. We have both had a chance to consider our positions and have decided that we will work at making our marriage and our parenting work, and more to the point, work together.
Having taken into consideration our financial situation my wife has agreed to some compromises and some ground rules. This will in some ways curtail some of Paula's activities, but not as substantially as I feared, and I have also "won" some concessions. For me the idea is very much that we can start functioning as a couple and a family again, rather than separate people who just happen to share a house. We have also agreed to review the situation regularly.
Regular readers will know how important marriage, and therefore our marriage is to me, so I am glad that we have been able to pull back from the brink. I will confess that when I thought we were going to break up I did have a few fantasies about what I could do if I were not constrained but sober reflections tells me that much of this is just fantasy and is left that way.
We have agreed a strategy, now we just have to make sure that we stick to it this time, we have made these sorts of agreements before and allowed them to slip and then get back into our old bad habits, not sure but this could be our last best chance.