Cristi Hart (what ever she may say about Stana a blogging superstar in her own right) has brought to my attention a post by Helen Boyd author of My Husband Betty on the en Gender blog
Basically she says points out that what ever we do about being trans it effects other people, and most of all our spouses. Any form of trans activity is selfish, and what ever we do about it, transition, occasional outings, or hiding in the closet at home, it does effect and probably hurt those we love (or should) most. I suppose this is the main reason why I am only semi out, the effect that my activities have on my wife are not good. She now accepts that this is a part of me, and that it will happen, but it hurts and our relationship will never be the same again. Just as if I had engaged in an affair, I might be accepted and allowed but the hurt is there and the damage done.
So today I joined in an event to try and diminish Homophobia and Transphobia, maybe by being open and "out there" we can slowly change preconceptions. However as the event was quite local and involved a number of people who don't know, or know about Paula I was in drab. I don't like showing people who have only so far met Paula "him" but the potential embarrassment for my wife of allowing some of the others meet Paula outweighed all other considerations.
Otherwise I will admit to feeling a little down as I won't have an opportunity to dress now until next Sunday's rehearsal (if I am lucky) and I do miss it.