Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Monday, 31 December 2012

Resolutions II

So having had a look back at how I have done over the last year it's now time to look ahead at what i want to achieve over the coming year.   Unlike last year these will not all be trans related, with more frequent posting I have found that I writing more and more about other aspects of my life, this seems only right as I am not a one dimensional person, and I am often far more involved in family, work r music matters than in any trans issues that may be around.   However like last year I am going to limit myself to six
1   To achieve solvency ~ I think I have mentioned before that money is an issue, like so many other people I ran up credit card and other debt that I suddenly found I could no longer service.   I have had to make "arrangements" with my creditors and have, with difficulty being sticking to these arrangements.   Towards the end of 2013 I anticipate a small windfall, nothing substantial, but it should be enough to settle everything except the mortgage, that would be a very nice feeling!

2   To take off one day each month, solely for my own edification.   I have tried to do this a few times but have always ending up missing few, these are my days to go to an art exhibition visit a garden or house, time to myself to go out and do something that will inspire and enlighten me, I expect that these may well also be Paula days.   I have already set this in motion I have booked for a couple of exhibitions at the Royal Academy.

3   To spend quality time with my wife, to restore our relationship and to get better at communicating.   I think we have started this and things have improved over the last month or so, but I am still very aware that I could "blow it" big time with one false move.   When our daughter was born I bought my wife a gold chain, a couple of years ago it broke, as part of her Christmas present I had it repaired, this was meant to be symbolic of my determination to repair our relationship, I hope this was noticed.

4   To enjoy Paula, but not let her take over.   I love the release of being Paula, of dressing up and going out, but I do not want to become Paula, full time, I need to be him, for myself, for my family and friends but most of all for my wife and daughter.   Like so much else this is complicated I know that I can't put the genii back in the bottle, but I need to limit the amount of time, money and emotional energy I devote to Paula, however having said that when I do go out, I need to make the most of it and do it as well as I can.

5   To perform as Paula, yes I still fancy doing some stand up, but I would also love to be able to play a concert as Paula, uniting two of my passions, unfortunately I am not sure how easy that woudl be with any of the ensembles I am currently playing with, I still have some hopes of the LGSO and associated wind band, but other than them I am not sure how I will achieve this one!
 
6   To play more music, by this I mean both recorded music to listen to and as an instrumentalist.   I need to do more (or indeed any) practise, especially on the tuba, I have noticed that I am not as good a player as was even a couple of years ago.   I think that a lot of this is down to my conducting, this takes a lot of the time that I was previously devoting to playing, and I have not made up for it any other time.   To a certain extent it is just keeping the muscles in trim, but I definitely need to play teh bass guitar more so that I can get to the level where I am playing the music, rather than the instrument!   It also struck me the other day that I rarely get to listen to music, the television tends to dominate in our household, but I am determined that I should listen to more of the music I know I love, and some that I don't know, I think this is one of the ways that we grow as musicians, exposure to new music as well as looking deeper into what we already know and love.   It could be as simple as retuning teh radio to Radio 3 and Classic fm occasionally rather than leave it stuck on Radio 4.

Maybe these are not all SMART i.e. specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, but they are at least all timed.   I'm not always good at making changes, but it is always worth trying to change the things you are not happy with.
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