Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Friday, 30 November 2012

Looking up

Not sure where things stand just at the moment.   I want to go to my support group Christmas dinner on Saturday evening, I had already arranged that our family calender showed that I would be out playing a concert that none of my family would want to go to.   So should I carry on as originally planned or cancel and say I had put in a dep so I could spend time with my wife? Either way I would be telling a lie.   Either way was not happy, neither seemed to be a satisfactory way to restart our relationship.

So I spent much of my time at work yesterday morning thinking abut this problem.   It comes down to  what do I want more to go out to dinner, or to save my marriage, this may sound like a no brainer, but I have always believed that there is no point in having the cake if you can't eat it.   Of course the answer was a simple one in the end, so in the spirit of honesty and trust I felt I had to tell my wife about the dinner I was planing on going to on Saturday, that I thought she would prefer me not to go, and since our daughter would be out would she like me to take her out, or cook a nice meal at home.   Since we are finding this all very difficult to talk about face to face I sent this all on a text message, I got a message back just saying "You go" I will be very happy to go, it will be the first time I will have been out as Paula and not had to lie about it, or at least hide it.   I will not be open I will still go trough my usual slightly furtive procedure and change before I get home.   I just hope that the message wasn't missing the last two words "to Hell"

Still, I think that this is a sign of a positive improvement in our relationship, since things came out into the open we have been much easier with each other, I think agreeing to talk and have counselling has been a big help, I am now looking forward to Tuesday when we visit Relate for the first session.
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