Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Friday 30 November 2012

Looking up

Not sure where things stand just at the moment.   I want to go to my support group Christmas dinner on Saturday evening, I had already arranged that our family calender showed that I would be out playing a concert that none of my family would want to go to.   So should I carry on as originally planned or cancel and say I had put in a dep so I could spend time with my wife? Either way I would be telling a lie.   Either way was not happy, neither seemed to be a satisfactory way to restart our relationship.

So I spent much of my time at work yesterday morning thinking abut this problem.   It comes down to  what do I want more to go out to dinner, or to save my marriage, this may sound like a no brainer, but I have always believed that there is no point in having the cake if you can't eat it.   Of course the answer was a simple one in the end, so in the spirit of honesty and trust I felt I had to tell my wife about the dinner I was planing on going to on Saturday, that I thought she would prefer me not to go, and since our daughter would be out would she like me to take her out, or cook a nice meal at home.   Since we are finding this all very difficult to talk about face to face I sent this all on a text message, I got a message back just saying "You go" I will be very happy to go, it will be the first time I will have been out as Paula and not had to lie about it, or at least hide it.   I will not be open I will still go trough my usual slightly furtive procedure and change before I get home.   I just hope that the message wasn't missing the last two words "to Hell"

Still, I think that this is a sign of a positive improvement in our relationship, since things came out into the open we have been much easier with each other, I think agreeing to talk and have counselling has been a big help, I am now looking forward to Tuesday when we visit Relate for the first session.

2 comments:

LL Cool Joe said...

I personally felt that the "you go" was more a way of testing the depth of your feelings and desire to "change". In other words if you do go, you aren't really making much of an effort to work things out.

But from your perspective, I understand that it feels like a green light.

On the other hand I could be completely wrong. I'm a transman, so what the hell do I know. :D

Angela Morgan said...

Please think about this carefully. I tend to agree with LL Cool Joe on this delicate situation. Your wife's reply looks like a test to me too.

Unfortunately I am unable to advise you on what you should do as I don't know you and your wife personally, but I would not do anything that might possibly inflame the situation especially before the counseling session.