Who am I (ooh ooh)

There is a blog I read that I do not feature, it has what is politely known as "Adult Content" and as I made a decision right at the beginning of Paula's Place that this would be "safe" place, so if a civilian did happen to wander in by mistake they would not be disgusted or given a mistaken view that what we do is all about sex.   In fairness a lot of what Jamie has said has been interesting, stimulating or just plan entertaining, it's just that how she says it is often not suitable for minors.

Well it seems that Jamie has gone through something of an epiphany, and has made a few changes to her blog and some even bigger ones to her lifestyle, the reason why I am writing about all this now is her realisation and acceptance that she is a totally different person to him.   This is something I have been suspecting for a long time, in my own mind I am sure that she is quite a different person to him, and definitely that Paula is not just him in a dress.   She has her own tastes, her own personality which feels different, it is not just the wrapper that is different, I am quite sure that the filling is different as well.

I know that some will say that they are "a woman trapped in a man's body", others that it is "just about the clothes"  I often hear something like "letting my inner girl out" or "expressing my feminine side" the more I do this the more I find two things,

• It becomes harder to put her back in the closet
• That I am two different people, certainly we share much, but there is a different personality that comes out when I dress.

I don't fully understand this yet and indeed I'm not sure that I ever will, but I do know that unlike Jamie I am not unhappy being a man, as long as I can also be a woman.   I still like being a man, a husband and a father, I like the physicality of my strength, of my work; I like to feel safe, to be able to walk into a pub on my own, and then afterwards walk home on my own.   However I also enjoy the the feelings of sensuality and vulnerability of grace and beauty and wanting to be taken care of however I don't think that in any way this is a weakness a submission or indeed a demeaning.

I want to thank Jamie and Janie for talking about this on their blogs, sometimes what others are going through, and thinking about themselves helps us to clarify our own situations.   Maybe that in itself is a good enough reason to Blog.