Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Monday, 4 June 2012

Bits and peaces

Joe asked "Do you find it hard walking into a busy place knowing that you may pass to some people but to others you won't. Or doesn't passing bother you? Just interested. " The simple answer is yes, but of course like everything else it is more complicated than that; in one way or another everything I do dressed is hard, it gets easier but there is still a frizzante of fear every time.   I'm not really sure what it is that I am afraid of, ridicule I suppose, but the pleasure of acceptance far outweighs any fear.

"Why are you dressed like a transvestite?"
Now I would like to say that I am not bothered by passing, but that might not be true, I'd like to say it but I am still a bit bothered.   However I think I am more bothered by blending, I'm not entirely sure how to express this I tried a little in Not Frightening the Natives, while I accept to a certain degree that I may not be able to fully pass as a woman, I strain to not look like a transvestite.   There was a wonderful moment in one of my favourite comedy shows Miranda in which the eponymous heroine dresses to impress, but ends up being asked "Why are you dressed as a transvestite?"   I want to be accepted; I want to look nice; I want to be noticed, but in a positive way especially if wearing something fabulous; I want to be treated like a lady; I want to blend, but not be invisible; I want to be me and express that in how I dress.   So I don't want much really do I?

What worries me a little more is bumping into somebody I know, who doesn't know about this aspect of my life, I would like to be more "out" but my wife does not so in this I do my best to stay in the closet, while going out as much as I can ~weird.

A couple of observations following recent outings.   On Thursday I took advantage of the New CID cosmetics girl in Debenhams Oxford Street and had my eyes done with their cream eyeshadow (one of the reasons I wanted to carry on the day into the evening), she also did my eyebrows and convinced me to buy one of their combined eyebrow pencils and brush I was encouraged that even when I had a "no make up day" I should still do my eyebrows.   Now this was close to the end of the afternoon, I had not shaved since the morning and in order to do my eyes she must had to be very close and intimate with my face, did she really think that when I was not wearing make up I would still do my eyebrows?

While out in central London, Trafalgar Square, Oxford St, Regent St etc. I think I spotted at least three "sisters" I may be wrong, but if not then "go girls", I was also aware of more tall girls than I tent to see in the suburbs, this may be a reflection of the generally smarter standard of dress in town, or just the areas I tend to find myself.
Post a Comment