In theory it should be quite easy, once I have made the decision to tell somebody, it shouldn't be that difficult to say "I'm a cross dresser" but somehow it still is. Of course that is partly because as a statement it begs more questions than it answers. When I told S the other day I was searching my brain for another phrase but failed to come up with one. When I told P a few months ago I just phoned in advance having already said I wanted to tell her something personal I went on to say that it might be a bit of a shock, but when I'm dressed like this I prefer to be called Paula.
As I say whatever phrase or word is used it begs more questions, like "what is a cross dresser" so "you're a transvestite why not say so?" to most civilians one catch all term is quite sufficient, for us we know we are much more of a spectrum than that. I have explained that I don't like the T word because of the overtones of sexual fetish, and that trans sexual was different to trans gendered, I don't want to go into the whole sissy thing. Those of us who spend time and effort thinking, reading and researching these things find it very easy to forget that to most people we are just a bunch of blokes who like to wear dresses.
Update ~ it is now Tuesday evening and I have spent the day working with S, although neither of us spoke directly about our conversation on Sunday afternoon, S did refer to something that is a part of her life which I didn't previously know about, but that she expected me to understand following that conversation. I also made some comments about my lunch and shopping trip with P without mentioning what was wearing or what I bought, but I think it was understood. It looks to me as if all is going to be just fine, I'm glad I told her.
Paula's Place
2 comments:
i just have become much more comfortable using the "transgendered but not transitioning " term when i am outing myself to anyone else.
it is a much kinder and has become in the usa a much more socially acceptable term i have found.
mind you not that anyone else seems to really understand the term but it allows me to open the conversation. then i usually show a conservatively dressed photo of me (that i keep in my wallet for such occasions )in office wear.
i too have felt uncomfortable with the terms Transvestite or cross-dresser" because of the old social stigmas of the connection with the fetish but once the conversation has started i can then use those descriptive terms as well.
i usually have my nails a bit longer and in pale pink most of the time that and the fact i had my ears pierced 2 years ago and wear small pink safire earrings most of the time. have allowed me to open up and reinforce my conversation at that moment.
luckily i live so close to the NY metropolitan area which is pretty accepting of most topics.
being unmarried and working in the arts field helps too. :-)
When I told a long-time friend about my dressing, she responded by telling me about her own little quirk, one that caused her to leave her first "vanilla" marriage and enter a second one that sounded troubling, but made sense when in the context of her lifestyle.
You never know what secrets are out there until you share yours.
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