Advent Caledar XI

At first I wrote that "Today is a very special day" but actually of course it is not today that is special, it is an anniversary of what was for me a very special day. Indeed it is the anniversary, the first anniversary, or if like my Fanniversary! It is a year ago today that my wife and daughter drove me to Parkside Hospital where I was to undergo gender confirmation surgery. I graphically remember that having had to come off estrogen several week before hand I was having serious menopausal hot flushes in the back of the car on the way. My wife and daughter were in the front of the car wrapped up in winter coats and with the heater on while in the back I had the window open as I was hanging my head out like a dog trying to cool down.

With my friend "Stripes" waiting to 

be taken down to theatre

It was a strange day, I was nervous (I am a total wuss) but I was also looking forward. It is a great tribute to my family that they came with me and supported me throughout this. I am so aware of how hard this must have been for my wife, but I also know how important it was for me to have that support.

Fortunately as a survival strategy we have a very poor memory for pain. I know I managed better than many as I didn't need to use the morphine on offer, but it was a very odd period. I'm glad I will never need to go through all this again, yet I am pleased to say that I am very glad I did go through all of it. I am very pleased with the outcomes ~ much more so than I ever expected.

My expectations were that life would be a bit easier, that I would have a little more freedom over clothing choices, that I wouldn't need to worry about challenges in toilets or about which changing rooms to use. What has surprised me is how I feel, how different I feel about myself. It is really difficult for me to explain (that's not so good for a writer I know) but I do now feel liberated, justified, and at ease.

I know some go into this stage of their transition with high expectations and then feel disappointment, I on the contrary went into this with low expectations and have been elated! I had not expected to have surgery at all, I was aware of the risks involved, all the maintenance issues, and of course the possibility of complications. It was only when I became aware that there were more than one surgical alternative available that I actually began to consider my options.

There are some things that do not need to be publicly discussed, but let it suffice to say that I have done this solely for myself, and so far no one else has even seen the handiwork of the wonderful Mr Bellringer. I'll just say please do not assume that there is just one "Surgery" I used to be asked "Have you had surgery" I would answer "Yes I had my appendix out when I was about 8 or 9" there is a general impression that there is just one possible procedure, I am so glad that there are more, if that had been the only alternative I would not have gone for it ~ yet I am now very happy with what I have.

Oh and did I mention how good the food was in there!