Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Monday, 22 May 2017

A little problem

I have not been around much the last week or so, I have had I.T. and other problems, I have also just realised that unless I work a ridiculous number of hours I simply am not making enough money.   I have decided to put up my hourly rate ~ to something still pretty low, especially compared with a plumber! Having made the decision I then couldn't act on it as I needed the computer to write the letter to my customers putting up my charges!

Well I now I have my computer back, but am reminded of another problem.   This machine was provided for me by one of my customers, from time to time I have been doing consultancy work for him, but have known him for nearly 25 years.   However for the last couple of years since I started my transition he is the only person who has refused to accept me, and has been continuing to use my "Dead name" (Jargon buster! the "dead name" is the name a trans person was given at birth alongside their assigned gender, when we have transitioned we take on a new name to reflect our authentic gender).   It is possible that he does not realise just how upsetting this is, however it is not possible that it is anything other than a deliberate act, and one that I now find profoundly upsetting.

In short I have decided that I am no longer prepared to accept this behaviour, and so I sending an e-mail today explaining why this is so insulting, undermining my whole sense of self, and telling him firmly that I will no longer respond to that name.   This may be another bridge burnt, I hope not, but by now I was not anticipating still having these sorts of battles.   I think it just serves to underline my assertion that coming out, and transition are both processes not actions.

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