Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Thursday, 4 June 2015

Explanation and expansion

I am impressed and very pleased by all the messages of support I have received from people following my last post, however I find I need to expand on the story a bit.

First off I should say that the band went ahead with the Gig not only with my permission, but with my blessing.   They were prepared to pull out, but knowing the joy that they get from performing I wanted them to make the most of the opportunity.   They are a lovely group of people as well as being friends and my band.   As tends to happen with bands we may get a little impatient with each other at time (especially towards the end of a long rehearsal) but we are close and intimate in way that none musicians can best understand by comparing with a sports team.   We have to rely on each other and so we have to trust each other not just as musicians but also as people.   These people have my total trust and support.

The situation was always going to be a difficult one, people I knew before I started this process knew me as a man, a husband and a father.   Through my Church I was involved with several ministries -primarily musical - and was fodder for committees.   Now I was very convincing as a man, I put a lot of effort into playing the role, people believed what they saw.   I cannot now be surprised that they will still believe what I was telling them before, except that now they may well doubt everything else.   This is my biggest fear, in admitting that I have been lying, my whole life is now doubted.

There will be a natural suspicion that I was not only lying about my gender, but my faith, my love for my wife, feelings as a father and everything else.   I have to accept this and all I can do is to continue to show myself as the person I am, I hope that means a loving sensitive parent and friend.   A committed Church member and competent musician.

As Christian I can still be hurt, but I must also forgive.   I will also try to display Christ's love and the Fruits of The Spirit.   I will try to remember Paul's words that "By their fruits will you know them" and act accordingly.
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