Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Wednesday, 22 April 2015

Reflections

As I am working through this years A - Z Challenge I wonder how many of my visitors are because of that, how many just happen and how many are regulars.   If you are all regulars then you already know a great deal about e and my situation, if casual visitors then one or two aspects of my life may be a bit confusing, well actually even if you know me really well there will be aspects of my life that you will find confusing as well.

This Blog started out very much as a gender based one, somewhere for me to confide my thoughts experiences and concerns around my gender issues.   Now I am very much out, and indeed living full time in my chosen gender the blog has become much more about general reflections on my life and life in general.

Most trans women have a special relationship with mirrors, just as we do with cameras, a we constantly check our appearance,   This not simple vanity, it s much more complex than that.   Just like the Wizard's wife we are seeking many things from our mirrors.   Certainly we have the same problems as any other woman checking that our hair is in the right place and that our lipstick is restricted to our lips, but we are also looking for affirmation.

I haven' done this for some time now
Affirmation that our outwards presentation matches our inner feeling; affirmation that we looking "convincing" that we are "Passing";  affirmation that we are "not frightening the horses"; affirmation that we are who we believe we are.

I will admit to having checked myself out in a shop as I walk past, and I have certainly caught other girls doing the same.   Maybe it will be a milestone in my transition when I no longer have that subconscious need.
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