Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Thursday, 24 April 2014

Uncertain

Well, the morning news tells me that the EU have recognised the Cornish as a National Minority Group.   I'm not at all sure how this will impact on us all as a Nation, assuming we stay one Nation, but this morning my first reaction was "If it had been UNESCO I would have had a good U post".   I have a few friends who live in Cornwall and one friend in particular who considers herself to be Cornish, even though she was born in London, who I hope to go and stay with a bit later this year, I hope they will be happy now they are classified as an endangered species.

In France in 2011
We are now on the final laps of this A - Z challenge, but not yet on the ultimate, with some things as you do more the easier it gets, not with this challenge, if I am finding U difficult then X Y and Z are definitely going to be challenging.    I have been toying with a few concepts but have been uncertain which to go with, and so decided that uncertain was a pretty good U for me at the moment.    My life is at a point of flux and I am uncertain which way it is going to go.   A few days ago under my R post I said I was Ready, well I am but I am also uncertain, and just a little frightened.   I am aware that this is a one way journey, and that I am getting close to a point of no return, and I need to consider how this will affect other people as well as me.

Farmers Tan in 2012
Many of my friends are telling me that I should only consider myself, but I believe I need to consider my daughter in all my actions, how will what I choose impact on her life.   She is stridently inclusive in her outlook, but these things can often be different when they are personal, when it is your own father.   I am also uncertain about my wife, my Church, and my customers.   At some point I will need to make these decisions but not just yet.

A couple of months ago
Having said all that even a few months ago I would not have anticipated being in this position at all never mind already.   It seems incredible that it is only a matter of around five years ago that I first started to "come out" as a cross dresser, now I am a confident Transgender woman considering transition.   I am reminded of an old joke in our circles.

"What is the difference between a Cross Dresser and a Transsexual?"
"About five years"

I may well be putting the cart before the horse here as I have not even had a serious consultation with my GP. never mind had my referal to the GID clinic through.   Maybe I should just sit back, relax, enjoy the process and see if, as has happened so often in my life, the decision makes itself when the time comes.

These three photos show something of my progress during that time, who knows how the next few will start to look.

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