Paula's Place

Paula's Place

Monday, 17 December 2012

Resistance is futile

I notice that a lot of my recent posts have not had a lot trans content, indeed at least a couple have been replicated on my other (non trans tuba player) blog.   This is partly down to the simple fact that I am much more than a cross dresser, this is not the sole defining feature of what makes me, me.   I say in my profile that there are many aspects  to my life, cross dressing is just one of them.   It happens to be one that, because of my social circumstances, it is difficult for me to talk about with other people so it is often the central aspect of this blog.

I have been busy recently with all sorts of things, cooking an Alpha supper for 30 people, arranging and conducting music for a Christmas performance, playing at St Paul's with the other Christmas Tubas, as well as work.   There is a bit of me that always hopes that this sort of level of activity will distract me from trans thoughts, it never works.   I find that I am wanting to at least under-dress more than for some time, I suspect that this is because of my lack of opportunity or willingness to fully dress, because of my marital situation.   I can't see that I will have any opportunities to dress fully for the remainder of this year but I am feeling the urge to very strongly.   I want to talk to my wife about this, but am unsure of doing so until we have had at least one more session of counselling, and we are still waiting for an appointment.

In the mean time I will be looking forward to the 9th January ~ a day I have set aside for girly activity ~ and resisting the urge to shave beyond my face.   That in itself is a whole separate post, the whole thing about the attitude to body hair is very complex, somehow I need to train myself o all in love with my hairy chest.   It s strange that as a boy I couldn't wait for the hair to grow, now at times the sight repels me.   Oh for a simple life, in the mean time, another Christmas Tree
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