Well it seems that the situation may not have been quite as bad as I had feared, I got home and found that most of my things a couple of dresses undies etc. were in a black bin bag on our bed along with a little case I keep make up wig jewelry etc. in. I removed these to the garage, and nothing more was said. There are a few items still in other draws, or hanging in my wardrobe, I will remove these shortly. We did have some time alone and although I did not try to initiate the conversation I gave my wife every opportunity to, she declined the opportunity.
Some of this I am sure is her innate reluctance to talk about important things at all, she prefers to just express her opinion and then hope that everyone agrees - and we usually do. I thought I had managed to reach some level of acceptance, but I obviously pushed the limits too far. I think as long as I am more circumspect, and keep everything to do with Paula out of sight, then maybe it will also be a case of out of mind. At the moment everything is in the garage, this will do for the time being but I will have to find a more appropriate accessible storage option. Maybe some self storage or some form of locker which will take a couple of cases....looks like I have some investigation to undertake.
The main thing is that it looks like I am still part of this family, and that I don't need to murder Paula.