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I started writing this as a response to Joe's comment on my last post, when I was starting a third paragraph I realised that it was a bit long for a comment and should probably be a post in it's own right, so here goes,

As with so many things there is a wide spectrum, I only used these labels as I wanted to separate those of us who are only transitory, from those who are permanent or in transition.   One of the troubles with labels is that they mean different things to different people, I am happy calling myself a cross dresser, after all that's what I do, yet I am uncomfortable with transvestite, and am not sure what trans gender really means.   I am beginning to wonder if there is some sort of hierarchy, you know like "they're a transvestite, you're a cross dresser, I'm trans gender"
All of these terms mean basically the same thing, something quite different from who you are, Joe.   I can quite understand that it would be hurtful to be so misunderstood.   I know I was quite hurt a while back while I was taunted as being gay.   There is nothing wrong with being gay it's just that I'm not.   While all of us on this spectrum share some things in common the basic compulsion what drives us, is different, while some activities and techniques may be similar our motivations are very different. I know I am a man born in a man's body, it's just that sometimes I want to look, behave and be treated like a woman ~ sometimes, but I know I am not, and don't want to be permanently., this is very different from wanting to make the outside match the inside.   If you like it is the difference between a hobby and a lifestyle.

For Dougie

When I was at school I had a friend who had trombone lessons with me, he was a couple of years older than me, and was a good trombone player, he later became an RAF pilot and was killed in action during the Falklands conflict, one of the things I will always remember was as a small boy he was obsessed with trains, and he would become one, he didn't play at being a train, he was a train.   Well when I am dressed I am still playing at being a woman, I realise that I don't yet get to that point where I am a woman.   The situation for others is very different and indeed one day it may be for me as well.   So for someone like Joe to crossdress would require him to dress like a woman, and calling him a cross dresser is to totally misunderstand his situation, that is why it is hurtful, but we throw these labels around quite easily without fully realising or understanding how they are appropriate or what they really mean.

Sorry this is a little rambling rather than a well thought out coherent argument, but like me this thought is very much a work in  progress.