All Change

 The eagle eyed amongst you will have noticed a new head line, while I was rather fond of my old boast of being "The World's Leading Bass Trombone and Tuba playing Transgender Christian Gardener", it felt like time to make a change. While it did reflect my opinion that being trans is quite possibly the least interesting thing about me, it is no longer quite accurate. Now I am retired I felt I needed something that more closely reflects how I now think of myself. The last six months I have been pretty much totally immersed in music (and cars of course). 

Leroy Anderson,
the doyen of light music composition

The other week I had one of my latest compositions performed, a solo work for tuba and concert band ~ as a first performance I was very pleased, it is a very special moment when I hear something I have written performed by real people on real instruments! The solo line is exactly as I intended and I am very happy with it ~ I might make a couple of small modifications following suggestions from our soloist, but nothing major. The band accompaniment on the other hand did have a couple of moments that just didn't work, I think I need to simplify them! 

The late great Leroy Anderson was renowned for the care he took in score preparation prior to publication. During rehearsal each of pieces would have small adjustments made before being performed or recorded, only after this process would all the changes and markings incorporated into the score and parts before publication. If that's good enough for Leroy Anderson than it's good enough for me!

At the weekend I am conducting a band weekend away with the marvellous Phoenix Concert Band, at some point during the weekend we will be trying another new work I have composed, this is a much simpler, and shorter piece, which I hope that I will then be in a position to publish next week. It will be nice to start getting some more original work "out there" so far of the fifteen pieces I have published only three are original works and two of those are for quartets!

Advent Calendar IXX

 

It's all getting pretty close now! Only six sleeps left till Christmas, one more performance, one more flight!

This evening was my penultimate performance with Croydon Brass, we were booked for an hour to play carols and Christmas tunes for a Pub in the posh rural part of the Borough. To be honest I really didn't know what to expect of the evening, but it far exceeded any of my expectations, the band played well, very together and a nicely balanced sound. There was very a good audience who joined in with enthusiasm, and I was able to strike up a rapport with them quite easily; what more could I have asked for!

I like to consider myself something of a connoisseur of a good pub, and our Host had a lot to offer, a really nice location, cosy atmosphere, an excellent menu and a choice of live beers. I was driving and had my dinner prepared for when I got home, so I couldn't indulge myself too much. Maybe another day?

The friends I'm going on holiday with both appear to be much more prepared than I am, indeed I think they have both already packed, while some of the clothes I am planning on taking are still drying! At least I have the relevant Christmas present bought and wrapped ~ I delivered the others today ~ I hope my choices are approved of, I'm certainly not going to buy anything else now. We fly out on Saturday morning, while I still have my final gig tomorrow evening, and still have to pack, find my passport etc.

I may not be very well prepared for my holiday yet, but I am as prepared as possible for tomorrow evenings performance, but am I prepared for Christmas yet? Yes I've got the presents ready, and my little "travel decorations" but am I ready for the arrival of Christ? are any of us ever ready? maybe we just have to accept him when he choices to come.

Advent Calendar X

 

As I so nearly observed yesterday "Three down Five to go!" ~ as a reference to my Christmas performances this year, I still have two with Croydon Brass, one with Croydon Symphonic Band and two with the Phoenix Concert Band. Friday night's concert with Phoenix will be very special for me, it will be only the second time this band has played a proper Christmas Concert, and proper "sit down" evening concerts are still a rarity in our annual programme. Last year we were rather feeling our way, this year we are a lot more confident and have a wonderful, varied programme, including three ~ count them! THREE WORLD PREMIERS!! one of them specially arranged for us, the other two will be on general publication after we have played them on Friday.

I think this will be the biggest band we will have put out as over the course of the last year we have acquired several new members, the band is very much about enjoying ourselves, and sharing the joy we have in communal music making with others. We are very much a community band with players of all ages and all abilities. As a proper community band we welcome all comers and seek to both reflect and serve the community as well as be drawn from it.

One of the things about being a community band is that we can always find space for someone, at the moment we would certainly welcome another couple of clarinets, a trombone, a bassoon, and another oboe. 

I always say that it isn't Christmas until I've played Leroy Anderson's A Christmas Festival, well, I played it last Saturday and between the three bands will be playing at least three more times! Each time it will be at a slightly different speed ~ and I'm conducting two of them!

Advent Calendar VII

 

We had just started the second half of this evening's concert (my second of the day) when I realised that I had failed to post anything this morning, and as I'm not really set up to do such things on my phone I had to wait until I got home before I could do anything. I had thought about maybe expanding on my thoughts about how we are all different, and in a way that also makes us all the same, but quite frankly I'm not up to any such cerebral work at the moment.

My first gig was playing euphonium with Croydon Brass Band at the Carshalton Frost Fair, fortunately not so cold that we had a frost, but I was still glad that I wrapped up well! It certainly wasn't as cold as this historic picture of one of the London Frost Fairs. Back in the "mini Ice Age" in the 17th and 18th centuries from time to time the Thames would freeze over and the locals would hold a fair on the ice. Read more about them here. It was nice community event with some nice stalls and two stages, I would have liked to have been able to stay a bit longer, but I had other commitments!

Then it was a dash over to Worcester Park to join the Linden Wind Orchestra for their combined Christmas and 40th Anniversary Celebration. Not only did this mean a change of clothes, but also a change of instrument, this one was on Bass Trombone. Although I have never been a member of this band I have played with them on a number of occasions over those 40 years, and feel like I must be a "semi detached member of the family". On one occasion a few years back I even auditioned to conduct them, in hindsight at that time I was not ready for a band of this quality, now? ~ if the chance came again I would still try!

Anyway, I'm tired, I haven't got any photos of the day so here is another gratuitous Betty picture!

Shoot, CR Campaign

I know this is pretty much yesterday's news, but I just came across it again after 5years!

Over the years I have managed to acquire a bit of a reputation as something of a "Camera Whore" I'm not totally convinced that's really fair, but I certainly did go through a phase 5/6 years ago when I had several professional photo shoots and managed the odd appearance on mainstream TV as well as a few promotional videos. I think it all started with the photo on the left, this was, I think, my first season with the LGSO and was part of a series used to promote the orchestra and to use as cover photos on our programmes. It was certainly quite an occasion for me as it was over 10 years ago and before I was properly "out". I wrote a little about the occasion here and here.

The photo on the right is more recent, I think about seven years ago about the same time as that video, and was part of an outdoors exhibition for International Women's Day celebrating the women of Croydon ~ of course I was very flattered to be part of it. Even now I get a little thrill when my identity is affirmed, especially when it is done casually without thought, when like this I am just included amongst "we women".

These are from somewhere in between, probably about 8 years ago. The wonderful Vanessa Lees Photography took a series of photos of me and other trans people for her exhibition featuring trans people just going about our day to day lives. Again I was flattered to be part of this along with my bass!

A little bit more up to date now just a couple of months ago we hosted a photographer at the Phoenix Concert Band, he took some fabulous shots of the band, and even I managed to sneak into a couple of them. I do like this one, but it does remind me that these days my fashion choices are a bit more restricted, unless I am prepared to buy another whole new wardrobe!

Looking Forward, looking back and trying to remember a flutist

This recent article in the Guardian has triggered many thoughts, in no particular order, of course the first thought was that I don't remember him, but then I only remember a couple of the flutes anyway. Although in many ways the Croydon Youth Philharmonic Orchestra was exceptional one of the ways that it was typical of many orchestras is that we didn't mix socially outside of our sections, this was probably exacerbated by the fact that three out of four rehearsals were sectionals. While my love for orchestral music had already been established it was through CYPO that I had my first intense experiences of being part of an orchestra, and realising that this is what I wanted to spend my life doing.  I was certainly not around for a trip to Malta, who knows if I had gone to music college instead of leaving school and starting work I might have developed my love for that small Mediterranean island a lot earlier. The only music trip I got during my time was to Grimsby! a very different proposition. In my day the Local Authority was not giving grants for vocational courses other than medicine, and like many other families my parents were not prepared to pay for their youngest to go to music college when my two older brothers had received grants for their degrees.

It is now over 51 years since the inaugural concert of the Youth Orchestra, where I made many friends, discovered so much music, and had the the most intense rehearsal period of my life. Maybe we missed an opportunity and should have had a reunion of some sort. I know that a 52nd anniversary doesn't sound as dramatic as a 50th, but I wonder, if I was to organise something who would come? So, I am going to throw it out there ~ If I build it will you come? I know I am in touch through social media with a few of you, lets just ask round and see if we can do this before we all die off!

Arthur Davison, our conductor

The more serious thoughts are about the parlous state of schools' music now, when I was at school every school in Croydon had a set of instruments we could borrow, peripatetic instruments teachers came to all the schools, we had a schools wind orchestra (later 2 bands) a couple of schools' orchestras and the Youth Orchestra, all of this was available at no cost to parents. We were quite comfortably off, yet when I came home from school after my first couple of weeks and told my Mother that I wanted to learn an instrument her first question wasn't "Which instrument" or "are you sure/ you will have to practise" no my Mother's first questions was "How much will that cost me?" I strongly suspect that my parent's might have paid for lessons, but then to pay for a band and an orchestra on top of that might have stretched them, and then to buy an instrument as well may well have put them off ~ I am quite sure that many parents are put off now that is the case, and I am quite sure that many of my friends who learnt at the same time as me wouldn't have if there had been that cost attached. I know Keir Starmer knows all this because he talks about it here, can I still hope that things will improve?

Now music has become an expensive extracurricular that only a few can afford, add to that the very limited opportunities for young people to hear live music, ~ real people, playing real music, on real instruments in front of them ~ how are they going to know if they want to play or not. I recently performed at a junior school in Surrey, until that point none of the children had heard live music outside of school assemblies. There is an old adage that if you can't see it you can't be it, I think that also applies to if you don't hear it you can't play it!

Now I am moving into a new stage in my life I wonder if there is some way that I can help schools introduce more young people to music, to show them some of the possibilities that they might not be aware of ~ if we don't do something soon then not only will we not have the instrumentalists for our bands and orchestras, we won't have any audiences either.

Keir Starmer may now be the most recognised former member of CYPO but our alumni include Matt Dunkley, Roger Coull, Paul Goodwin, Dominic Hackett, Imogen East, Stina Wilson, Rupert Bond, Daryl Davison, Beverley Davison, and so many more of us who have contributed to the musical life of the Country.

Updates

The more eagle eyed amongst you may have noticed a couple of changes to Paula's Place, I have updated the links to other Blogs on the left hand side and I have added a page!

My Music is where I am sharing my arrangements and original compositions ~ mostly for Concert Band or Brass Band, but there are also a couple of odd chamber works for various groups. These are just the ones I have published, and I will be adding to them as I publish more and more of my work. I just started typing "As I move further into my retirement" but I don't think retirement is really the correct term. "Retirement" suggest stopping work, my plan is to continue to work, just at different things in different ways, without the same economic imperative to earn money from everything I do. Arranging and composition are prime examples I don't anticipate earning much from this work, I just hope a few people will choose to play some of it.

On a more personal note I mentioned here that an old health issue had reared it's ugly head again. Back at the beginning of August I played at a band summer school, five days of intensive playing, at the end of the course my right wrist was becoming sore, on the drive home it swelled up and became very sore, enough to restrict my ability to use that hand. I was then home for a week before going away again, but for all of that week my Doctor's on line triage system was not working and they will only give emergency appointments if phoned at 8:00 a.m. Gradually my wrist seemed to improve so I stopped worrying about it, by the time I went on holiday it felt fine, but then it all blew up again. I have now done some conducting and it was fine, I have played the euphonium and it was fine, I have played trombone in the Orchestra, no problems. Last night I tried to play the tuba, big problems!

I have now been in contact with my Doctor and the best they can offer is to see their physiotherapist, but the first available appointment is not for two weeks! The trouble is that I am now convinced that this is an RSI from playing the tuba, but I don't know what to do, do I exercise it and paly a bit regularly, do I give it total rest, or do I just avoid playing the tuba? Should I use ice, or heat? The biggest worry is not knowing.

One of my take aways from this is that even though we moan that Trans people are neglected by the NHS, or how much people with Fibromyalgia or EDS are miss understood or ignored, it makes me realise that the NHS is broken and at the moment is serving nobody well. I think the main thing I will be judging our new Labour Government on over their next five years in power is going to be the state of the NHS.

Mists and Mellow Fruitfulness

My diary tells me that today is the first day of Autumn, and going out this morning with a mist settled over everything I was quite happy to believe it. For me it has been quite a change, for the last coupe of weeks in Malta I have been enjoying day time temperatures comfortably in the high twenties, often touching the low 30s more than a few times. Getting back to London even here the temperatures were still in the mid twenties and very pleasant. Then this morning it felt like quite a sudden change with the temperature a good five or six degrees lower than yesterday.

Of course autumn is a time for harvests and as the saying goes fruitfulness, but for those of us less directedly connected to the land it is a time for fresh beginnings as well. It is the start of the new school year, and along with that many bands and orchestras start their new season in September. On Friday it was a joy to get back to rehearsals with the Phoenix Concert Band, it is great to see old friends, to make music together and to introduce a couple of new members into our midst. A new season also means new music, so it is pretty exciting all round. This is going to be one of our busier terms with a Remembrance Parade to play for as well as a couple of Christmas Concerts, that means a very wide selection of music to rehearse.

To some of us autumn has yet another meaning, something that I look forward to all summer ~ the chance to wear boots again! ~ yes I really am that shallow! Clothes have always been important to me and now I revel in wearing things that I couldn't before, and boots come very high on that list. Many of my favourite outfits include boots, leggings and a jumper, and it will soon be time to get them out again.  

This photo is about five or six years old, and at least a couple of stone (28 pounds or around 15 kg) ago. I still have these boots, and the leggings and tee shirt ~ there's no way that I'd look this good in them now, I think it is finally time that I made a concerted effort to lose some of my excess weight ~ perhaps I should give myself the target of a stone before Christmas?

"The season of Mists and Mellow Fruitfulness" is the first line from John Keat's "To Autumn"

Manchester Gold!

This weekend I will be travelling again ~ I seem to have been doing quite a bit of that recently with a trip to Paris a few weeks ago, then after that a trip up to Lincolnshire to see my good friend P. I don't think I've seen her since she retired and moved. Although I think her husband may have got a bit fed up with our constant natter it did make me realise just how much I had missed our chats and our lunches! It also made me realise just how far I have come over the last few years.

But getting back to my upcoming trip to Manchester, this is a very different type of excursion, I will be traveling with my band ~ Croydon Symphonic Band ~ to play in the finals of the National Concert Band Festival. This will be our tenth appearance at the finals (which are by invitation), of course just being there feels pretty prestigious, but in many ways the level of award says even more. So far we have received (I think) at least six awards at Gold or higher standard, so in some ways getting anything less could be seen as failure! One aspect of being a community band is that we are non-selective, and in the case of CSB whoever turns up plays ~ this means that we rarely have a stable band for even an entire season, the instrumental balance is more down to demographics than musicality, and we never know what standard we are going to be at, all this makes the job of our Musical Director rather challenging and must add to his stress levels. It certainly says a lot for his abilities and his musicality that we have been able to play at such a consistently high standard for so long.

With Big Shiny after playing
at the 2015 finals

As well as a musical challenge the weekend should be a lot of fun. The plan is to travel together by coach, all stay in the same hotel and eat dinner together before some free time to find a suitable local hostelry. Sunday will be devoted to music and the return journey. I'm really looking forward to spending more than a couple of hours with my band friends, it's on trips like these that we build on our relationships, and it's those relationships that make bands work well together.

Another reason why I am so keen to enjoy this trip is that if our Government follow through with the changes to the Equalities Act that were telegraphed last week, and which I wrote about here this could well be my last chance to enjoy this sort of thing legally. Given that the journey is likely to take about 5 hours, there's no way that I could go that long without a "comfort break", these proposed changes would make that unviable, I would be breaking the law if I used the "Ladies" and it wouldn't be safe to use the "Gents". With no guarantee of there being any provision of a gender a neutral facility  I simply would not be able to make the journey.

Then of course I don't know what provisions are made at the hall. Many venues provide separate men's and women's changing rooms, it would be illegal for me to use the women's changing room, instead I would be expected to use the men's ~ fine, unless anyone, including me, needs to use them as a changing room! I would be put in this type of invidious situation every time I left home regardless of having obtained a Gender Recognition Certificate and had Gender Confirmation Surgery!

So, if you haven't already, please sign this petition, with over 130,000 signatures the Government is already obliged to hold a debate, but the more signatures we can get, the more support that can be demonstrated for trans people the better ~ the more we can move trans rights away from being a debate!

50th Anniversary!

I should have posted about this a while back, but other stuff got in the way and it all sort of got away from me.

This is the 50th anniversary of the founding of my beloved Croydon Symphonic Band. We're having quite a year already, last month we played the first of our special 50th anniversary concerts at the Fairfield Hall ~ although we may think of this hall as a local Croydon facility it is actually still one of the best Concert Halls in the Country, if not Europe! ~ we may not fill the 2,000 seater auditorium, but we generally mange to get a few hundred which is great for all of us. Next month we will be playing at the finals of teh National Concert Band Festival and then in June we will be back at the Fairfield for the second of our Gala Concerts, when we will be premiering a new work by a major British Composer! It is all very exciting.

One of the things that makes this band so special for me is how long I have been friends with some of the other members, not only have we been in this band for ages, but some of us were even in the Schools Band together. Maybe to save all our blushes I shouldn't work out exactly how long some of us have known each other!

Of course it's not all old farts like me, our music appeals across generations and it's always fun to be with young people, although I am finding that some of my "young" friends are now celebrating their 50th birthdays, and there are plenty of members of teh band who weren't born when the band was started.

These photos were all taken during the final rehearsal on the platform at the Fairfield, by a professional photographer we engaged, just this final one is of the actual performance ~ and yes that is a harp in a concert band!

We have two more concerts this season, and I'm hoping that one of my pieces "Transitions" will be played at one of them.

Music

 I wrote here about the difficulties I was having trying to get some of my music published. I understand that it's hard enough to get somebody to put out performers content, but for those of us who work in sheet music it is a real challenge. Indeed I have now pretty much given up and have decided to self publish through the "Arrange me" and Sheet Music Direct on-line wing of the enormous Hal Leonard organisation. This is actually quite an easy process, but although this makes my music available it does not give it any publicity, that's up to me!

So I have created an extra page for this blog which I've called "My Music", I think this is an imaginative name since it is a page which will feature music! on your desk top the link is just to the right of the page, on a phone it's on the pull down menu just above the posts. Please take a look, at the moment there are just three pieces there, that is all I've published so far, but there will be more shortly. I've included a video sample of each as well as a short description and link to the site to buy. I plan to add more as soon as I have prepared the sheet music ready for publication.

I would seriously welcome any feedback (almost) as much as I will welcome any sales. I don't expect to get rich on the proceeds but just like any artist I want others to be able to appreciate what I am producing ~ it feels pretty pointless writing the stuff if nobody every gets to play or hear it!

Euphemistic?

A couple of times I have mentioned the stats we get from Blogger showing how many visits we get, these stats also show which posts have been visited. This week I'm a little surprised to see that four people have looked at one of my posts from April 2014, Euphonia, Euphonium, Euphonious, so I went back had a look at it myself. In that time a lot has changed, indeed almost everything referred to in that post has changed.

One of the stand out things is that I comment that I will be playing "as Paula" this puts it firmly into my "still cross dressing but trying to work it all out days", in those days I was as concerned about what I would wear to a concert as what I was playing. Earlier and I would not have dared go out and perform, later and there would have been no "as" these days it's very much just me.

My lovely big B & S
5 valve CC. Still very much part 
of the family since
January last year

Then I notice I refer to the "London Euphonia Orchestra" as a new orchestra ~ well of course back in 2014 they were new, but now may consider themselves to be reasonably established. I played with them twice before I lost patience with the inexperience of the leader and conductor. This is one of those many musical groups which seem to be founded primarily to give one person the opportunity to conduct. For us conductors I know it can be difficult to get that first gig, but this is not the way to get experience. I remember at the final rehearsal for that first concert with them the leader was still trying to sort out the bowings (something which should have been settled five weeks beforehand) and the conductor hadn't worked out how to set up his stand! I am sure that both will have improved beyond measure by now, but at that point I didn't need to be the one training them!

I'm not so sure about orchestras but I often muse that there are too many concert bands (in South London at least) as there are simply not enough heavy brass (horns, trombones, euphonium and tuba) player to go round them all. I suspect that a large part of this is the number of bands again formed to give somebody a conducting opportunity. In the last couple of years I know I have played in at least four that fall within this category. I suppose I shouldn't complain, after they do give me plenty of playing opportunities!

Not my new Euphonium, 
but one quite similar

Maybe if we had a few less bands then the ones that are left would be full of players and not constantly trying to recruit or poach the few decent players of the more "esoteric" instruments in the area.

Finally, those instruments ~ I do still have that euphonium, but only for a few days, and the big CC has gone, replaced by an even bigger but much less shinny CC. I have bought the replacement for the old euphonium, and have today taken it in for a service and a simple repair before using it in anger. Once I get it back I will be passing the old one on to a friend.

I have also recently bought a new EEb tuba, I have mentioned it before but haven't actually shown any pictures, mostly because I haven't taken any! It is quite an unusual instrument a Besson four valve compensating instrument, but with front valves rather than upright. I have only ever come across one other tuba player using one ~ and I think that was probably a different model. Designed primarily as an Orchestral instrument it works well in bands as much as it does in the orchestra. I'll be honest I think I'm in love with it, it just seems to work well in every environment I play in, and looks as good as it sounds.

I still haven't taken any photos of it so here is a stock photo of the same model ~ isn't it pretty!

If Not Now, When?

It is a big commitment having a blog, and making regular posts all the more so. Often I will find that I lack the time or emotional energy to come up with something, on other occasions I will feel a burning need to write about a subject, but most of the time I want to write but have to think through what I will be writing about. Series like my Lent Course the A-Z challenge and my Advent Calendars all help focus my mind, but most of the time posts will be triggered by something that's happened either in my life or in the wider world. Occasionally another blogger will write something that either triggers a thought or focuses something that I have been subconsciously considering already. Today is one of the later.

Jessie Hart

Over on her Condo my friend Cyrsti has written about transitioning later in life after realising that at the age of sixty time was running out. I know that feeling! This was something I had been thinking about already following the recent death of John Motsan. Now I am in my seventh decade I increasingly find myself thinking "if not now, then when" when I hear of a famous person I think of as more or less a contemporary dying, then hear that they were in their 70s, I often first think "Oh they were older than I thought" then realise that's only a few years older than me. I am determined to pack in as much as I can into my remaining years.

I recently wrote about my plans to compete in some grass roots level motor sport, I recently bought a couple of new instruments, I have also finally  restarted a course of facial electrolysis. This is all about my current attitude of "If not now, then when?" But sometimes it's not just about buying something, starting something new, no, sometimes it can also be stopping something. I have cut right back on my work load (I can't quite afford to fully retire yet, even if I wanted to) to allow more time for music and writing. I have also left the Allegra Concert Band.

After being their MD for over three years, and guiding them all the way through the pandemic I was still getting a great deal of satisfaction from conducting the band ~ and I like to think the band was getting a great deal from me as well. Unfortunately dealing with some of the committee became increasingly stressful and was getting in the way of my relationship with the band, and my ability to keep them progressing. A few years ago I would have stayed and fought, I am quite sure that in the process I would have lost some friends, but would have had the possibility of carrying on as their MD and pushing their musical progress. These days I just don't need that sort of hassle, I'm no longer young and ambitious, so instead I walked away.

What is the point of delaying? 

Realistically at my age I know I have limited time and opportunities, so I simply want to make the most of those I have left.

The Perfect Weekend?

 I have spent most of today in bed, I'm not ill, I'm just shattered! One of the great things about my current status as self unemployed/semi retired is that I can just take a time out when I need one, and boy oh boy did I need one. When I eventually got home last night I felt broken, physically tired and emotionally drained. But I am not complaining, far from it I have just had one of the best weekends ever!

The weekend started with an early alarm call so I could get up, finish packing, load up the car, and have a cup of coffee before setting off for a band weekend away ~ or as some if you might know them, a band camp! This was my second with the fabulous Phoenix Concert Band who I have been conducting now for about 9 months. With most of the band and a few friends I think we were about 40 in all, of varying standard but all with the same enthusiasm. We mostly played music new to the band, and found some real gems, the couple that had been played before showed some very real progress from the band as a whole. It's certainly given me plenty of food for thought as I sort out a programme for our next concert in March.

Photo credit Peter Atkin (trombone)

 I had enormous fun but after 7 sessions conducting for about 8 hours in total, plus a session on electric bass with a scratch jazz band drawn from members of band I was very glad that I hadn't had to do anything else. The hospitality and food of the venue is without doubt one of the best, and the extra entertainment and "hospitality" put together by members of the band was fabulous.

As well as a chance to do some intensive musical work, these weekends away are a great way to forge relationships within the band, as we share (some fabulous) meals and leisure time together.

I finished the "Band camp" in deepest Surrey mid-afternoon, which just about gave me time to drive straight up to central London for the first rehearsal with LGSO for our next concert on the 19th February. It's and interesting and varied programme, and a fantastic part for me to play on my new tuba in the Rachmaninov 2nd Symphony ~ if you only know Rachmaninov for his piano music please come to this concert, the symphony is a real treat, even though it did not get immediate critical acclaim.

After all that it is no surprise that today didn't really happen ~ until I go to the Croydon Brass this evening. The other no surprise thing is that yet again I had a packing failure, I remembered by toothbrush and slippers, I remembered to pack a sufficient change of clothes and a choice between jeans, skirt and leggings ~ what I forgot was central heating so didn't take any light weight tops or tee shirts so ended spending a lot of the time a little too warm.

And.... the final good thing is that my being trans was never mentioned or and issue for anybody, we were all just a group of friends and musicians.

Am I mad?

This is a question I have to ask myself every now and then, I was asking myself this over the weekend as I contemplated just how much money I had just spent on a new Tuba! Then on Monday evening my regular rehearsal was cancelled, so I got to play in the Christmas concert given by my friends at the All Saints Concert Band. This did indeed confirm to me that I had made the right decision, yes it was a lot of money, but the new tuba is so much easier to play, the articulation is so much cleaner, and there is definitely enough of a sound there to support a band.

After that the disappointment set in that I will only get to play it at one rehearsal in what's left of this year as everything else would be conducting or on trombone ~ don't get me wrong I love playing Bass trombone (not so much tenor!) and conducting is the most fun, the most artistically satisfying thing I do, but I would like to play with my new toy! Well I have now accepted two further Gigs, on Saturday and Sunday evenings, so I will get to play my two favourite instruments at least once more this year! Last week I thought I was a little bonkers having four performances over four days, this weekend I now have four performances over two days! Hence the question "Am I mad?!"

On Monday I sat down to write my Christmas cards, only to find that I couldn't find them! I'm sure I bought some in January but where they are I have no idea ~ since they're not in the right place the only thing I know is that they're in the wrong place. I have bought some more but I think it'll be too late for the post ~ so if you haven't had a card from me, sorry it may still arrive or I've just given up.

Now I'm off to lunch with my Daughter, always a highlight.

Note to self ~ must take more photos!

Another New Toy

The last couple of weeks autumn has been trying to get itself done, and in consequence I was spending all too much time clearing leaves up, I think these two magnolias eventually filled five of my big green sacks, at least on this job I didn't run out of day light"

This is two weeks out put from one garden, frustratingly most of those leaves are not from trees in my customer's garden, but from ones in his neighbours'. By the time I had loaded up the van and cleared up it was properly dark. At many of my customers clearing the fallen leaves is the final job of the year and I won't be going back till March to start the late winter/early spring pruning.

I am a little worried that at a couple of my gardens I hadn't finished clearing the leaves before yesterday's snow came.

Last week I was very lucky to be able to meet a good friend at Phil Parker's, London's leading Brass shop. It was good to meet up (tuba players don't often get a chance as so often there's only one of us per band/orchestra. I was particularly keen as I wanted his opinion on an instrument I was buying. To be fair not only did we agree on the instrument, he also helped me negotiate a good deal! So I am now back to three tubas!

I say I was lucky because it's that time of year when all brass players are active, somehow there is a natural affinity between brass and Christmas ~ maybe it's the influence of the Salvation Army, but it seems as though every brass band is out playing carols, and every choir, shopping centre, or Railway station would like one as well. That's great, it's nice to be wanted, but unfortunately there just don't seem to be enough of us to go around, and all too many of those choirs and venues don't want to pay!

Sunday's Office

Last week I had four performances, 1 playing, 2 conducting, and 1 stand up (I was particularly pleased with my stand up as this is only the second time I've done any, I felt a lot more relaxed and less self conscious than the first time, I now think there may well be a third time coming up) This week I've already had 2 rehearsals and a concert and it's only Monday afternoon!

Although I still have a few rehearsals I think I just have some carols to play on Saturday and a concert to conduct on Sunday. While I love all this musical activity, I'm doing most of it either on trombone or conducting, so I haven't yet been able to show off my new toy!

Tubas do not have a gender

 For any brass player this is a busy time of year, this year I seem to have overbooked myself to a ridiculous level, even by my own standards ~ this last weekend alone I have played in three performances, conducted two rehearsals and played in another two rehearsals! I won't say that this was without stress, although there is more stress in getting to the point of the performance with all the necessary players, music, stands etc. than in the actual performance itself.

There is of course also very little time for anything else, over at Cyrsti's Condo JJ has been writing about how transitioning as a trans person is selfish, it dawns on me that being an active musician can also be quite selfish ~ I certainly wouldn't have been able to have weekends like this if I was still married. I often think that I am trying to do too much, but then I reflect on all the things I do and cannot think of any one that I would be happy to stop. This monster is of my own creation! In many ways my biggest concern is that by doing so much, I may be diluting the quality of some of what I do, I may not be giving of my best because of being stretched ~ maybe a problem to be addressed in the new year, I certainly don't have time to think about it now.

But all this is beside the point, after yesterday's concert the band joined the audience for a cup of tea and a mince pie, I had a nice conversation with a lady, maybe just a little older than me. She checked that I was indeed the tuba player and observed how unusual it was to see a lady playing the tuba, or trombone (our first trombone is also female, but a good deal younger than me). This gave me the opportunity to get on to one of my hobby horses about how instruments do not have gender! There is nothing about a tuba, a trombone or indeed a double bass or a drum kit that makes them fundamentally male, yet even now the idea that they may not be ladylike or appropriate seems to persist in some areas.

WOW Greeting the marchers in Parliament Square

I was reminded about how, way back in 2018 when I was playing with WOW Brass for Processions at our first rehearsal we went round the room and were all asked to say what playing for this event meant to us. Not particularly wanting to "out" myself I recounted the story of a contemporary female friend who wanted to play the trombone, but when she told her school that, they more or less patted her on the head and said "never mind dear", what they did do was give her a clarinet and told her that if she got on OK with that then maybe she could learn the trombone later. I was by far the eldest there, and I'm sorry to admit that some of the younger members found it hard to believe me. But this was as recently as the 1970s, and is why it is so unusual to see women of my age playing the trombone or tuba.

Tell me again how unfeminine brass instruments are!
The WOW Orchestra Brass Section 2018

At the next rehearsal we had some extra players, including another trombone player about my age, she recounted how at school she had asked to learn the trombone, but had been given a clarinet and had been told to see how she got on with that. She was only able to learn the trombone properly when she joined the Women's Royal Army Corps as a musician ~ they had to retrain women to play the instruments that schools had refused to teach them.

The other side of this is the many young women who are discovering the joy of playing tubas, trombones etc. I recently played at the National Concert Band Festival at Watford, there was a youth band there with three tubas players, two of them were girls! I miss the WOW Orchestra and meeting these young women. The more women who do things that were traditionally considered male preserved then the more young women will see that these things are available and will pursue them them.

Looking Forward

Spring Bulbs RHS Rosemoor

One of the great things about gardeners is that we are always looking forward, much of our work is about making the gardens look good, or be productive, next season. Over the last few months I have been planting spring bulbs, pruning summer flowering shrubs, as well as clearing up leaves ~ not simply to make things look better now, but to allow the grass to "breath" so it gets off to a good start in the spring, and to make leaf mold for use next year. I suspect that works it's way into the rest of my life as well. At the moment I am planning my retirement, now I am in my mid-sixties I am finding work is becoming a little more arduous. Certainly, too much for me to manage every day and then expect to play music in the evening. So, my plan is to cut right down to just one day per week, I want to spend more time writing and arranging music, I want to go to exhibitions, I want to go to concerts I'm not playing in, I want to keep this blog up to date, maybe try some other writing as well.

Autumn Leaves is also one of my favorite songs 

This was all meant to be happening back in September, but as we now near the end of November I still haven't been able to put my plan fully into action. Certainly, I felt bad about leaving customers, but there have also been some added financial implications. I made all my plans on the basis of how much it cost me to live in 2021 ~ that budget is now well and truly blown out of the water! Just like everybody else my food, my electricity, my fuel, and everything else are costing more, it looks as though I may have to do a bit more than I had hoped ~ simply to keep the wolf from the door!

At the same time I am trying to do everything else as well. I am now regularly conducting three bands, while still playing with CSB and the LGSO, this Saturday afternoon I will be playing with Cross the Line blues band. Around the start of November I realised that I had at least one performance every weekend left this year, it's always busy in the lead up to Christmas but this year feels busier than ever ~ maybe it's just me getting older!

One of my bands has just introduced a new number into our repertoire, the Beatles song "When I'm Sixty Four" ~ for me it's too late I am 64! I won't ask if you still love me.

And I'm Back

I am perfectly prepared to claim that I am back by popular demand!

I recently took part in a young people's on line "Ask me Anything" session, it was a fascinating experience, and even though it was an LGBT+ group many of the questions were not ones I expected, at least one was "Why did I stop Blogging?" the answer was simply time!

Another recent development was an old ~ or should I say long standing? ~ friend found this blog post https://paula-paulasplace.blogspot.com/2015/02/get-with-program.html about my old youth orchestra the Croydon Youth Philharmonic Orchestra or CYPO for short. They shared the post on their own social media and there was a flurry of activity that has put me in touch with some more old friends. I think this might now be the most commented on post here. Given that next year is the 50th anniversary of this our inaugural concert (the subject of this post) and I was one of the very youngest in the orchestra we are all getting pretty old by now.

I have always led a bit of a charmed, or if you prefer blessed, life, first off I was born in September, making me one of the oldest in my school year, so in sport I was always one of the largest and strongest in my year group ~ a major advantage in my chosen sports ~ it also gives a bit of an academic advantage, although with my dyslexia I didn't really milk that particular one very well. I also managed to choose to play an instrument that nobody else in the Borough wanted to play, so I was able to join both the Schools Band and the Youth Orchestra way before I was really good enough. This meant that I had the benefit of sitting  next to to much better players and learning from some great tutors from a very early stage in my musical life.

It is that musical life that I am now hoping to concentrate a bit more on. I have cut my gardening business right back so there will be less pretty posts of the "My Office Today" type but I will carry on meandering through the various aspects of life as it confronts me. I am now MD of three different bands as well as playing to two others plus my Orchestra, so even though I might be cutting down in one area I am still just as busy as ever with everything else.

That's it for now, but I do have at least two other posts I have started and hope to have up soon, so please 

Watch This Space

Fashions

This video is now a few months old, it's of a concert we played towards the end of lock down two in the summer of last year because of the restrictions of the time we used a reduced orchestra which in turn dictates the repertoire. In the LGSO we are very lucky to be able to put on big works. Not many amateur orchestras can put on some the big works we have played recently like the Rite of Spring or the Leningrad Symphony. I was not playing in this concert, because, well Mozart and Beethoven! I did very much enjoy being in the audience, I think it was one of our finest! Sometimes I wonder if we play the "big" works simply because we can and neglect so much great music because we are reluctant to exclude some players. Personally I really don't mind if the result is this good!

As a musician I am one of those animals known as a "Band Tart" ~ basically a reference to the fact that I'll play with anyone! At the moment I'm playing with an Orchestra and one band, regular conductor of two and guesting with another two. As well as keeping me busy this gives me a chance to keep up with different styles and trends within music. One of the joys of being a musician is that even though I have been playing for over 50 years now, there is still so much I haven't yet played. At our last orchestra concert I was actually playing in every movement of every piece ~ that's almost unheard of, indeed I can't remember the last time that happened to me! Not only was I busy but there was not one piece I had played before. On of these pieces was the Florence Price first Symphony. It is a fine piece of music and the writer was a remarkable character over coming so much simply to get her music played. This week I have come across at least two other orchestras that are working on this same piece. The same happened a few years ago with Shostakovich 7 "The Leningrad", not played for years then several performances close together.

The same thing happens with concert bands, for some reason a particular piece or composer will suddenly hit popularity and do the rounds. At the moment Goff Richard's march "Barnard Castle" is particularly popular. In Brass Bands it is often the selection of contest test pieces that will trigger a trend but I suspect that in all cases is it us "Band Tarts" who will say I played so and so with such and such a band that will put the piece in peoples minds.

It seems to be the same in blogs ~ I have just looked at a few of the Trans Blogs I follow and have noticed a number of them are talking about motivations and experience of transition, not the process, but the motivations. I suspect that we all read each others blogs and get inspired by each other. Well I think for now I will resist the temptation to write about my transition yet again ~ as my wife once observed with great enthusiasm "Not every thing is about gender!"

At the moment I choose to look to the future rather than reflect on the past ~ think about the music I want to play next, and the next great adventure in my life.