Advent Calendar XXIV

 

It's Christmas eve, in many places I know this is in many ways the bigger day than Christmas day itself. The Germanic ideal of Christmas says that there should be snow, a log fire, a tree and lots of warming treats. Here in Malta we have none of those, as Pooh might have said here it is a blustery day!

It has been far too windy to follow our original plan and visit the old capital of Mdina, it is built on the highest point of the Island, and I fear we might have been blown away.

Being Christmas Eve we wanted to do more than sit in the hotel lobby playing Uno, so we braved the elements and had an excursion into Valletta. A visit to St. John's co-cathedral never disappoints and it was wonderful to be able to introduce somebody who'd never been here before to this baroque masterpiece. As you walk in through the rather austere entrance the sheer shock and awe of the interior hits you. 

I know of nowhere else that treads the boundary between magnificence and gaudy quite so delicately. I don't think there is a single surface that is not decorated, gold leaf is everywhere, polished marble abounds, paintings and sculptures are everywhere. Of course the major art work that brings people is the Caravaggio "Beheading of St. John the Baptist" but there is so much more that is magnificent, I often feel that the "Baptism of Christ" by Melchiorre Cafa is under rated, and maybe if it were anywhere else might get more attention. The only thing missing is stained glass. The only windows are small and set high, a reminder that this was also built as a defensive position.

As Christmas eve draws towards it's close it means tomorrow is Christmas, it also means that my Advent calendar only has one more post to go, it has been fun writing every day, it has of course also been a challenge, but I hope it has been worth it.

A Island of Contrasts

A land of contrast

Regular readers will know that I have a great affection for the small Mediterranean islands state of Malta. Malta actually the largest island in the Maltese archipelago and so gives it's name to the nation. It is a Country of contrast, the ancient capital city of Mdina, Valletta the current capital and World Heritage Site, ancient megalithic "temples", archaeological remains from the Punic and Roman eras ~ alongside ultra modern developments almost obsessive road building programs, and ever more and more tourist developments. There is a history of small scale corruption left over from the British colonial period, but now some observers feel that this has now spread to government and senior members of "the establishment".

From my visit in 2014

I first visited the island back in the 1980s, at that time there were still a lot of signs of the disused British military bases, the EU funded developments had barely started and outside of St Paul's Bay the tourist industry had yet to industrialise. I simply fell in love. I love the food, the culture, the architecture, the people I meet are always open and friendly, and of course the weather helps.

Today I read an article in The Times of Malta about the Maltese Parliament deciding to tighten their laws banning conversion therapy for LGBT+ people, Malta was also one of the first European countries to introduce self ID for recognition of trans people's legal gender. Despite being a culturally profoundly Roman Catholic they are one of the most open and accepting communities I have come across, yet another area of contrast.

The Island is very different now from when I first visited all those years ago, some of the changes are for the better, some are for the worse, but it does strike me that somehow this tiny country (the smallest in the EU!) can enact and act upon really progressive inclusive legislation, while my own United Kingdom seeks to do the exact opposite and restrict the basic rights of Trans people at every opportunity.

I have just been through the laborious process of going back through the many years of this blog to add the "Malta" label to previous posts about, or from the Island ~ looking back I see lots of fabulous photos and lots of fabulous experiences which are now fabulous memories.

And a Happy New Year

 We returned to the UK in time for New Year, with a short chance to reflect before another set of celebrations. One of my reflections is that I'm really not very good at packing. It doesn't seem to matter much whether it's for a long holiday, a short break, or just an overnight at a friends place, I always seem to get it wrong. I will often stay over night at a friend's place to allow me to have a drink, it has become a standing joke that I always leave something behind, a toothbrush, a sock, or a sweater there always seems to be something.

Valletta Christmas Tree
Maltese Parliament building on the right
Burger King on the left 

Last year when we spent Christmas in Malta I took all the wrong clothes, I was expecting it to be much warmer so didn't have enough sweaters or a warm jacket with me, so I spent much of the week either too cold or too warm (in my UK overcoat!). This year I thought I would do better packing lots of sweaters, warm skirts and tights. Of course that meant that this year Malta enjoyed an unseasonable warm Christmas! I could really have done with some shorts and a light weight jacket. But this last trip I managed worse than just not anticipating the weather.

After unpacking I realised that instead of the two pairs of jeans I thought I had packed I had actually brought one pair of jeans and a pair of jeggings, hardly the end of the world, until I put on the jeggings and the zip broke, then when I put the jeans on instead, a small split opened up so neither were wearable. This ended up meaning that at least one of our expeditions to Valletta was spent looking for a new pair of jeans ~ yes Valletta does have a Marks & Spencer and yes I did buy a pair of their jeans. Even this was not the end of my inadequacy though. I also managed to forget to take a pair of proper shoes for Christmas day.

I had packed a nice pair of court shoes, then unpacked them so I could wear them the day before we flew off, but forgot to repack them afterwards ~ so I was faced with either wearing trainers for Christmas lunch or having to buy some more shoes. Once again I opted for the expensive option and bought some new shoes, they are lovely, but being new did manage to run up a small blister on my toe. I find it hard to believe that at the age of 64 I might ever learn to get any better at packing, but maybe that should be my new year's resolution ~ to learn to pack!

In Answer

 In answer to my earlier question "where am I" the answer was quite specific, yes I am at my home from home in Malta, but those photos are from the ancient capital city of Mdina, ~ the silent city. 

While we were there we enjoyed a cup of coffee and some cake on the ramparts.

I will be celebrating tomorrow but probably not with cake. 

Where am I?

 A few photos from "my office today"

Nice knockers! 

For context, they are on this door 
Which is about 10 foot high! 

Advent Calendar XXIV

We have reached Christmas Eve and it suddenly feels as though it has come upon me all too quickly even though by doing this Advent calendar I should be prepared. We have yet to decide whether to attend midnight Mass locally or watch it on the BBC from Croydon Minster, one of my own local Churches.

Malta is a primarily Roman Catholic country, and of course that is reflected in the churches, some of them do have regular services in English, but apparently not midnight Mass. We may choose to go to an English service in the morning and watch from the apartment tonight.

Yesterday I showed photos of the nativity scene from Valletta, after visiting there we went to Lija, where the tradition of living cribs started with their Presepju Haj.

A representation of a whole village is constructed, and then peopled with local volunteer actors as tradespeople, blacksmiths, millers, carpenters etc. Some livestock adds even more colour and reality. At the center, or culmination of your visit you come across the Holy.
Family.

I felt that this was rather moving, and got across the nativity situation so much better than most of our model, rather glamourised crib scenes.

I didn't take any photos myself as it felt intrusive and as they are all volunteers I'm not sure the actors would have wanted me to, so these are stock photos. 

Advent Calendar XXIII

Here in Malta Christmas is still very much a Christian festival, of course as I showed yesterday there are all the lights and decorations. Even in the middle of the Mediterranean we have lots of stalls selling mulled wine and ginger bread, but we are also offered more traditional Maltese celebratory dishes, timpana, imqarets etc.

There is also a reminder of what we are celebrating, it us not just the churches that display a crib scene but all of the towns and villages, and most homes will have a crib next to their Christmas tree. These photos are of the main on in the capital city Valletta. It is in the main square near the prime ministers residence, the Opera House, and the Foreign Office. 

Almost up to date

My last post I wrote about my travels and my adventures last summer. It really was quite a summer lots sun, a lot of music, a lot of time with friends. Maybe not as much time as I would have liked with family but a high point was the weekend in Amsterdam with my Daughter.

At the beginning of the Summer I went on a short tour with the Croydon Symphonic Band and then towards the end of the summer I had my trip to Amsterdam. Last year for the first time in decades I took out an annual travel insurance. Again for the first time in decades I had a fortnights holiday to come in September. Two weeks in Malta was a bit like a dream coming true.

Valletta, capital of Malta and 2018 European City of Culture

I have a sort of time share there for one week a year, I have carried a week forward for a couple of years so last year we had a whole fortnight. I love Malta, the place, the people, the food, and the architecture. having that extra week meant we could take our time, just chill out in a bar or by the pool as well as making our cultural and tourist trips.

We made some friends there and generally had a great time, we had some wonderful trips including a round the island cruise and a couple to just spend time in Valletta and Medina. With one thing and another we didn't get to Gozo and Xlendi Bay this time, so the plan is to carry forward another week and have a fortnight again in 2020.

Xlendi Bay in Gozo, one of my all time favorite places

A couple of posts back I wrote about my dealings with the GIC (Gender Identity Clinic) it is was only in the last quarter of the year that everything started to go right. Indeed it was while we were on holiday that I got a phone call from Parkside Hospital to tell me they had received a letter of referral from the Clinic ~ 13 weeks after the appointment where I was told I was being referred. It was very refreshing to deal with people with the time and inclination to be helpful. I had my first appointment with them a few weeks later, the second a couple of weeks after that. Indeed exactly ten weeks after that first phone call I was in Parkside hospital preparing to go into theatre for surgery. Just to reiterate that ~ It took Parkside three weeks less to process, explain, examine and operate than it took the GIC to type and send a letter.

It is now only five weeks since that surgery (it will be another six before I go back to work) I feel as though I am making an excellent recovery, I'm still sore but getting better and feeling very happy with the outcome so far. As far as I can see things are just going to get better!

Next time I shall be looking forward!

Memories and Remembrance

The other day I wrote a post, but when I read it back it seemed so gloomy and sad that I decided not to put it up here.   Enough to say that not everything is rosy at the moment, which is a great shame as I had such a good holiday!

This costume, but not this body!

It really was a great little break, and much needed, we did some sightseeing and some sun bathing, on Sunday I was lying next to the swimming pool in just my swimming costume, then on Tuesday morning I was scrapping ice off the van windscreen.

Although we had a self catering apartment I think I only prepared a couple of meals all week, and they were just sandwiches when we had had a big meal already earlier in the day. We enjoyed some good local food ~ the food in Malta is for me one of the many attractions, lots of fish including one of my favorites, swordfish steaks! ~ Quite a lot of local beer and wine and plenty of sun.

While here in the UK temperatures were well down into single figures in Malta we enjoyed temperatures in the high 20s one of the reasons I like to go in the Spring or Autumn is that in the summer it is just too hot!

Of course even if I am feeling a bit poorly and generally a bit under the weather the pages on the calendar keep on turning and we are rapidly approaching one of the most significant dates in our year. The International Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) is on Sunday the 20th November, but as is traditional in Croydon we hold our event on the nearest Saturday, so that will be this Saturday the 19th November.    Once again I will be leading the event which will be in the Community Section of Bernard Wetherill House in central Croydon at 2:00 p.m.

If at all possible please come and join us, this is the most important thing that we do each year as a group and support from the wider community as well as the Trans community means so much to us all.   This year we will have the Deputy Mayor of Croydon with us, adding a visible sign of civic support for our community.

Holiday ~ Looking back VIII, the final frontier?

Thursday was our last day in Malta, and it rained, pretty solidly all day.   Indeed I think I barely left the hotel all day, we had lunch in the bar downstairs and I cooked again in the evening.   Making use of all he bits and pieces that were left I managed a sort of traditional Maltese Pasta Bake, after that we decided that we really should have bought at least one more bottle of wine, and so were about to go down to the bar, when Bob realised he couldn't find his wallet.

Fabulous Pistachio ice cream complete with pink mini cone

After much frantic searching we went down to the bar and enjoyed a few rather expensive cognacs, back in the apartment I quickly found the wallet in Bob's flight bag, completed my packing and went to bed.

The next morning came all too early, I had arranged an early flight too ensure that I was home in time for a rehearsal in the evening, none the less I would have prefered another few hours in bed.   As I was bringing home a few mementoes for some friends on the way home I wore the hat that I had packed on the way out.   Otherwise I wore the same mauve Bodycon dress and pumps that I wore to fly out.

It was quite a windy day so all to early I made the interesting discovery that I needed one hand for my bag, one hand to keep my hat secure, and one hand to hold down the hem of my dress, I hope I didn't embarrass too many people too much.

Other than my problems with the wind the journey home was totally uneventful, just the way I like it.   After landing at Gatwick and reclaiming our bags the passport control hall was packed, the queues went on and on, but since I now have one of the new isometric passports I could go through the automatic barrier.   I have a natural dislike for automatic anythings, whether it's self service tills in supermarkets or gearboxs in cars.   However on this occasion I did use the automatic option and saved about ten minutes against Bob going through the old fashioned way.   It also saved the possibility of any questions about my presentation.

So this was the longest continuous period I have spent presenting as the woman I now believe myself to be, what have I learnt.

• Not to care what other people might think, most of them don't care.
• The longer I spent the more natural it felt, I wasn't dressing up, I wasn't "Dressing" I was just getting dressed.
• Officialdom really doesn't care.
• I was very sad to have to revert to Him at the end, it now feels more like cross dressing when I have to present male than the other way round.
• Don't wear skater dresses on windy days!

Holiday ~ Looking Back VII

My outfit for dinner on Tuesday

Well, while we had a lot more holiday left and enjoyed every bit of it there are not that many more stories to share.  Tuesday was a pool day, I did manage a little swimming but mostly exhausted myself working very hard on my tan.   At first I felt a little nervous stripping down to my swimming costume to sun bath, but was very comfortable very quickly, that evening we enjoyed a very good fish supper at one of the many local restaurants.   I have something of a weakness for fish and the fish in Malta is always good, one of my favorites is swordfish steak, simply presented with some new potatoes and a salad  lovely!

Wednesday was another day for sightseeing, as the see was rather choppy we couldn't go on the boat trip we really wanted, instead we booked onto a harbour cruise.   For the small time we were outside the protection of the harbour there was enough motion to be glad that we hadn't gone for the round the Islands cruise.    This was a great way to get a bit more of the history of the place and to see the harbour side from the best possible view point.

That evening rather than go out I decided to cook and made a local influenced pasta dish, including olives, capers and anchovies, with a bottle of local wine and the rest of the evening on the balcony, I was a very happy girl.

Holiday ~ Looking Back VI, Valletta

When I first went to Malta, many, many years ago a friend of mine who was an ex Navy Provost who had been posted there observed, "Malta! What do you want to go there for you might as well sit on rockery under a sun lamp with your feet in a bucket of water."

The Upper Barrakka Gardens

I have now been to Malta five times and am still fascinated by the islands.   It has the oldest man made structures known, It is the sight of St Paul's ship wreck. It has marvelous idiosyncratic architecture, It has it's very own cuisine, somewhere between mediterranean Europe and north Africa with a tinge of Barnsley.   And of course it has Valletta.

Inside the Cathedral

Caravaggio's The Beheading of St John the Baptist

The Capital city, Valletta is not only a World Heritage site it is also scheduled to be the European City of Culture in 2018 And as the centre for the Knights of St John has many interesting palaces and the most wonderful baroque Cathedral, complete with a couple of Caravaggios.




One further advantage, Malta has enshrined Trans People's rights in it's constitution!

View from Grand Harbour

Holiday ~ Looking Back V, Sightseers

By Monday morning we had already settled into our apartment and our roles, or to put it another way we were beginning to feel comfortable and at home.   After breakfast we set out by bus to the Maltese Capital, Valletta.  We started with a visit to The Malta Experience, this would put the rest of the experience into some sort of historical perspective.

After that we visited the Old Infirmary, St John's Co-Cathedral and various other sights.



Rather than go through a list of everything we saw, I will just a post a few photos, so you can see for yourselves some thing of the beauty of the place.

Holiday ~ Looking back III, Pastizzi for Breakfast.

Saturday dawned early, around an hour earlier than my body was really expecting it as their clocks are an hour ahead of ours.   Having said that I had enjoyed a decent night's sleep and was already benefiting from being away, so I got up and went for a walk to get breakfast.   I don't know if it is a big thing in Malta but whenever I visit I always like to have Pastizzi for breakfast.

Pastizzi are the traditional Maltese street food.   Sold from small shops or booths around the islands alongside pizza, pies, and pasties a real mixture of the Mediterranean and British cultures that show everywhere from the architecture, the food and even the language.  English is still a joint national language alongside Maltese, until just a few years ago speaking Maltese in public was seen to be a bit uncouth, and something the aspiring middle classes would never do, now I find I am hearing more and more as the Maltese reassert there own identity.

Saturday was a lovely day so we had a walk around and spent a little time by the pool, generally being lazy and just enjoying the locality, and other local specialities.

Holiday ~ Looking back II, a room with a view

I had pre warned the "Hotel" where we had our apartment that despite my official paperwork I would be travelling in the name of Paula so it was no surprise to them when I checked in, and no surprise that they took it in their stride.   The paperwork was quickly processed and we went straight up to the apartment.   These apartments sleep four, there is a bedroom with twin beds, a bathroom, a galley kitchen and a lounge/dining room with a fold down double bed.

The view from our balcony

We shared the bedroom but it soon became clear that I was going to dominate this room, with two jackets, three dresses a couple of pairs of trousers and some tops I used the lion's share bit of the hanging space and my pots, potions, smellies, make up and bling took up nearly all of the surface of the dressing table, while Bob more or less lived out of his (rather capacious) suitcase.

At this point we were planning to eat out each night so we only had a very little shopping to do, just the essentials, milk, tea, coffee, beer, and wine.   After laying in these supplies we were ready for our diner and popped out to La Stalla, a local restaurant where we enjoyed a nice meal with a decent bottle of local wine.   When I first visited Malta back in the 1980s the wine left much to be desired, things like subtlety, taste, and smoothness, in those days the local wine had colour and alcohol,  these days either they are a whole lot better (while still pretty cheap) or my palate is shot to pieces.

We decided that we would return to the apartment for coffee on our balcony, and ended up staying up longer than we had planned talking long into the night.

Holiday ~ Looking Back I; Many Firsts

I can't help but notice that I managed an awful lot of posts about looking forward to my holiday, well you can anticipate at least as many, but probably more looking back.   I have only been back in Blighty for a few hours but already I recognise a couple of themes from the week, the main one being a week of firsts.   I won't go into all of them now but instead will try to start at the beginning, or maybe even slightly before that.

We flew out on Friday morning, that meant most of my preparation and virtually all of my packing had to be completed on Thursday evening.   Not sure what was most amazing, that I managed to pack everything I wanted into one case (and hand luggage) or that I was within the weight limit of 20kg.   While I was packed and ready when my friend (I will call him Bob because he was) arrived to pick me up.   I would have liked to have had more time to clean up before leaving, but at least I had fed the fish and washed up.

The first first of the week was going to be the air travel.   It has to be stated (or maybe it doesn't but I'm going to anyway) that I was "flying pretty" but all the paperwork had to be in my legal (male) name, also that Bob is just a friend.   Check in went fine, with no issues around any difference between my presentation and my paperwork, but that was the first of many times that we were assumed to be "a couple".    Next came security, inevitably I did set off the alarms and had to go through the full body scanner  and get a pat down.   All the way through I was treated with respect, referred to as madam and the pat down was conducted with respect but efficiently by the female officer.

As with everything else the flight when pleasantly enough and was pretty uneventful, arriving at Luqa airport we bought our duty free supplies for the week and passed through passport control to collect our luggage.   A small piece of glee to start the holiday off well when the Malta passport officer looked at my passport and started to say that I had given him  my "husband's passport by mistake", then half way through looked at Bob (six foot five and black hair) looked back at the photo and realised. He had the good grace to look a little sheepish and did the classic "oh, right yes, erm thank you Miss"

Holiday looking forward ~ 1

Regular readers will have noticed that I am more than a little obsessed with the build up to my holiday at the moment.   I will not be going until the end of next month, but I am anticipating, and looking forward to it so much that I find it hard not to be thinking about some aspect or another of it far too much of the time.   This little trip will involve quite a few firsts, for one thing I will be travelling without a safety net, that is I will have no male back up plan hiding in my suitcase, this will be a full week spent female, and at that I will be spending it quite publicly!   This will be the longest time I will have spent continuously presenting as female, and I will be doing it in a foreign country, now I could spend the whole week hiding in my apartment and doing a little sunning myself on the balcony, but I won't.

I want to reacquaint myself with the Caravaggios at St John's Co-Cathedral  I want to visit Mosta and their amazing Rotunda a totally "over the top" Church for what in reality is a small village, I want to walk around the battlements at Valletta, I want to drink some cold Cisk in a local bar, I want to enjoy the warmth of the mediterranean sun in November, I want to enjoy the natural beauty of the islands, I will not be hiding in the apartment.

But all this obsessing is not good for me and can make me forget that I have other things to look forward to before that.   At the end of this month I will be taking a couple of days off and taking a trip down to Cornwall too stay with a friend there.   Again I love Cornwall but have not been able to find the opportunity to get there for a few years now, it will be good to see my friend for a bit longer than a quick chat, it will be good to introduce her to Paula, and again it will be good to spend some continuous Paula time without having to go back to hiding behind the facade of "him".

I will be playing in at least four concerts before my holiday, and going to a least two others, one of which my daughter and wife will both be singing in.   I will also be going on a day out in Brighton with my friends from Trans PALS and hopefully squeezing in a trip to Cardiff, so the I will hardly be getting a chance to get bored.

In the mean time, back to my packing list............

Thank God for Europe (Two for the price of one!)

I had originally planned a  rather weak post for today, as this challenge has gone on I have found some of the days to be very challenging.   T was beginning to look like on of these, so a Ten Things list seemed like a good idea at the time, when you see the ten things at the end of this post I hope you will agree that I was right to change my mind.   It was reading Meg's post here that made me change my mind, as I read this I prayed "Thank you God that I live in Europe"   Where we are protected and allowed to present to ourselves as the  gender we identify.   We do not have legal problems using the appropriate toilets, and can expect protection and respect from the Police.

Even little Malta, (the only country to have been awarded the George Cross so strictly speaking Malta GC) have recently enshrined transgender rights into their constitution.   I hope to be holidaying in Malta for a week later this year, and hope that I may be in a position to take advantage of this tolerance, after all Paula needs a holiday!

---------

Ten things not to say

When asked by your loved one "Does my Bum look Big in This?" do not answer

1. Well it is a small room
2. Which one?
3. I don't think it's the dress
4. Well it distracts attention from your belly
5. Hold on while take a few steps back
6. No, have you gone for a larger size this time?
7. It's better than the dress you wore yesterday
8. mmm maybe you should ask yourself if it makes you feel fat
9. No, but maybe a bit low.
10. Honey your bum would look big in Wyoming

And what you should say is simple "No, you look lovely"

It's different now

I wrote here about the change to the bus service in Malta, that is not the only thing that has changed in the time I have been going there.   The first time I went to Malta was about 25 years ago, I went for a couple of weeks in the middle of summer with a friend.   It was very hot, too hot, everyone spoke English pretty much all the time, (as I remember it I only heard Maltese spoken by some old fishermen in a cheap bar) and there were still many signs of the British military presence and even of the pummelling the Island took during the war.

Each time I have been back the Islands have become a little more developed, the bomb sites are now long gone, the old submarine pens are now a trendy marina, some of the barracks have been turned into apartments or hotels but many demolished.   There are still some of the old forts and other signs of the British connection, they drive on the left, and English is still widely spoken, indeed apart from the buses this was the main change I noticed this year, I heard a lot more Maltese being spoken.  

I remember being told a few years ago that many people looked down on anyone speaking Maltese as being of low status, that seems to have changed, one night we attended a concert starting a festival, all the announcements were in Maltese, and I could hear all the local dignitaries conversing together in Maltese.   I suspect that this is part of an ever growing sense of nationhood, and pride in the nation.   For the visitor it certainly adds to the idea that you are abroad, not just in a sunnier area of England.

 

One day while we were there we took a boat trip around the Islands, these are just a few of the photos I took on that trip I hope it shows some of why I am so keen on the place.